I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: sandyHD on May 09, 2012, 10:52:32 PM
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Over the years on HD i developed an insensitive heart. In a way that I don't get affected when patients pass away. I used to be greatly affected by their passing, but not as much I used to. Instead, I honor their lives with a renewed inspiration to live my remaining years to the fullest, as their passing is a huge reminder, that one day soon, I too would perish and follow their paths.
I have to admit, I became close to some of my 'classmates'. I do miss them, their SOs, long after they are gone. But they moved on, so I also had to.
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I've only been on dialysis for a year but it always bothers me when someone stops showing up. I always ask the techs if anyone died today. The other day someone replied that one of the older patients had died. Like two weeks earlier we had talked about him going to Colorado to visit his son and stuff. Really bugs me even though I don't know them that well.
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I think it is just a reminder that .... yes,.... anyone could get run over by a buss tomorrow.... but "we" live 3 days at a time. And if our access quits we are in desperate mode.
People don't like me to preach, but I have accepted Jesus as my savior and His promise is a better place. I have hope in that.
:pray;
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I suspect that a certain amount of numbness is necessary to keep one's sanity.
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As Pink Floyd sang "Comfortably Numb",, when I was on dialysis never cared or gave t much thought of other paitents passing. There was such an age difference there and all I usually heard was complaining/moaning and groaning because they didn't take their meds, they over drank fluids and I just didn't care to watch or talk about talk shows or soap operas. Maybe I'm cold, but it worked for me and never talked about it at school with people I knew.
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I am a big baby, I suppose. I feel deep sadness at the loss of the people at the dialysis center, or a transplant patient I met while doing volunteer work, or losing friends from this forum.
I don't seem to get numb. I cry, I mourn, I don't forget them. Yes, I recover, keep the sadness at bay.
I was driving a few days ago and heard "What a Wonderful Life" on the radio, cried a few tears and said a little prayer to let our dear Goofynina know how much I miss her.
I remember the sweet grandmother at the dialysis center who was so pleased to hear that Jenna was singing in a gospel chorus class. She told us all about her church's "negro choir." (Jenna was shocked at the n-word.) On the day her chair was empty after she had undergone back surgery, I knew what it meant. Wish I could have held her hand for just a few minutes more.
I worry when our members don't post for awhile.
I can't help it, I just care.
I would never make a good nurse. I would want to bring every patient home.
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Amen! I'm with you Rerun! My belief in an afterlife with Jesus and loved ones gone before me is the ONLY thing that keeps me sane.
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okarol, you would make a wonderful nurse! A nurse is her patient's advocate, sometimes her patient's only advocate. the best, most effective advocates are the ones who care. I have cried for everdy patient I've ever lost and I remember them all.
MJ