I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: News Articles => Topic started by: okarol on December 30, 2006, 12:26:47 AM
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A test of faith in strangers
Jenna Franks needs a new kidney but is too far down the transplant list. Her mother’s Internet plea brings frustration, disappointment, hope.
By Alan Zarembo
Los Angeles Times Staff Writer
December 30, 2006
THERE are a billion people on the Internet, and perhaps someone, somewhere, had a kidney to spare.
"19 yr. old daughter needs O kidney," Karol Franks typed, specifying the proper blood type.
Her eldest child, Jenna, had a rare defect that destroyed her kidneys. She had been undergoing dialysis for more than a year, tethered to a machine three days a week, three hours a day, to filter toxins from her blood.
Exhausted after each session, Jenna usually retreated to her bedroom. "I'm fine," she would tell her mother before climbing the curving staircase of their spacious home.
Her daughter's youth was slipping away, Karol thought.
No friends or relatives were found to be acceptable matches for a transplant. Kidneys from cadavers are allocated primarily to those who have waited the longest, and Jenna was at least five years from the top of the regional transplant waiting list. Karol thought of getting an organ from one of her other children, but at 16, 14 and 9, they were deemed too young to donate.
With no alternatives, Karol last year turned to the Internet, though she couldn't imagine why someone would want to give a kidney to a stranger.
Money, guilt, salvation?
Karol continued typing: "Please consider donating a kidney so she can get off dialysis."
Her husband, Ed, was skeptical. He didn't place much hope in the Internet, full of scammers and kooks.
Disabled by a back injury, Ed was often resting in his room. Down the hall, Jenna was quiet in hers.
Karol remained alone downstairs at her computer.
"We are in Pasadena, CA. Thank you from a very grateful mom," she concluded and posted her message on the website http://www.livingdonorsonline.org . The return address: kidney4jenna@yahoo.com.
She said nothing about it to Jenna.
Being on dialysis is like someone hitting the "pause" button on your life, Jenna said.
She was 15 when doctors determined that her kidneys were failing, the result of pressure in her urinary system from an inability to sense when her bladder was full.
At first, Jenna refused to accept that she was sick, stashing her medicine in her dresser until the housekeeper found it and told her mother. As Jenna grew more lethargic, her defiance waned.
At the dialysis clinic, Jenna was always the youngest patient. Flopped in a padded recliner, she usually placed a pillow over her face and fell asleep.
All around her were patients who had been on dialysis for years. That was her future, she imagined.
Karol, now 52, urged her to meet other teenage kidney patients. Jenna didn't see the point.
"That is my way of dealing with it — not dealing with it," Jenna said.
Karol gave up trying to talk to her daughter about a transplant.
In an office next to the dining room, she searched the Internet for a donor, advice or just somebody to talk to.
The statistics were depressing: more than 60,000 people in the U.S. waiting for kidney transplants. The list grows by nearly 5,000 patients a year.
Fewer than 17,000 kidneys are transplanted annually. Most come from accident and stroke victims or living relatives.
About 1,500 a year come from other unrelated donors, mostly family friends.
A tiny portion — no one knows how many — come from strangers, increasingly found on the Internet.
Many doctors feel queasy about such donors. Selling organs is illegal in the United States, and they worry that patients and families will buy organs from people desperate to sell — especially from abroad — or accept them from crackpots desperate to give.
In recent years, it has become easier to find donors through websites set up for people looking for organs.
Once a deal is struck, it is not uncommon for people to pose as old friends to avoid raising suspicions from the hospital.
Karol asked herself: Was she willing to lie? Would she pay for an organ? What would she be willing to do to persuade someone to give away a kidney?
Subject: i can donate
It can be some dificulties but i can donate to your daughter one of my kidneys, i'm 44 o+ good health, living in mexico
The e-mails — some in faulty English — began trickling in the day after Karol posted her plea.
Subject: We need money to cure my kid $ 30 000! I am ready to become a kidney donor.
Dear, Sir/Madam!
I will send my kidney! Kidney on sale! … My age is 22, weight — 68 kg., height 175. Absolutely healthy. I live in Ukraine.
another...
Subject: POTENTIAL DONOR AVAILABLE
Hi! I am 28 years old, a single mother of an 7 year old boy named Josh…. We are called Jesus Christians. We try to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ and practice these teachings in our everyday lives, which is why I am writing to you now.
Karol pondered each message, forwarding some to her husband. Ed, now 54, had a doctorate in public policy and had been a financial analyst — the family pragmatist.
He knew about hope and disappointment. In the seven years since injuring his back in a skiing accident, he had seen dozens of doctors and undergone four surgeries to relieve the constant pain. Nothing worked.
The e-mails seemed only to confirm everything he believed about the world. "I was very worried that some con man would take advantage of the situation," he said.
He responded to his wife from a laptop in bed: "No." "No way." "Wacko."
Karol knew he was probably right. But she still thought of each new e-mail as a possible kidney for Jenna.
One message stood out. It was longer than most and exuded a sincere desire to help. In fact, the sender said that he had already started testing in hopes of donating in his hometown, Salt Lake City — through a program in which the hospital chooses a recipient from its waiting list.
Subject: Possible Donor
The reason I'm pursuing other possible recipients is because while my act is totally of an altruistic nature I still have the need in some small way to know that someone very deserving and most importantly very in need will receive my kidney. I am 39 years old, blood type O- and in good health.
The message, which arrived May 1, 2005, was unsigned, but Karol could see from the e-mail address that the sender's name was Steven.
She responded an hour later: "I am grateful that you wrote and I admire what you are doing."
It seemed Karol was always on the Internet, searching.
Ed worried that she was becoming addicted. After years of trying to heal his back, he understood the obsession to find a cure.
But he feared his wife's quest was straining their marriage.
Karol felt alone. She began to confide in Steven, a medical courier and practicing Mormon with two children.
"I am fine most days, I have an optimistic nature, but it is just a very frustrating path and I stumble sometimes," she wrote.
Subject: Friend from Salt Lake
Karol, I realize the ups and downs of this whole process for you. You will have your hopes as high as a kite one minute and down in the dumps the next. I can assure you that I will do everything I can to help your daughter.
Karol didn't know what to make of people who seemed to genuinely want nothing in return.
"Are they missing something?" she wondered.
Mostly, she came to realize that everybody wanted something, tangible or not.
One Kentucky woman was hoping to move to California with her daughter and, it turned out, was offering her kidney to anybody who could set her up with a job and a house — preferably near the beach.
Many of the messages came from people overseas seeking money.
Subject: kidney
"30 years old male from israel in perfect health condition, blood type o+ is willing to sell a kidney…. my availability to arrive anywhere in the world is allmost immidiatly [I have 2 passports, one of them is german-it means that i dont need any visa to most of the countries].
Karol asked Steven what he would make of some of the e-mails offering organs for sale. It was a way of letting him know that if it was money he wanted, she wasn't interested.
Subject: Friend from Salt Lake
I can't even imagine the frustration and disgust you must experience in reading a posting trying to negotiate the price for kidney to save your daughter. The sad truth is it is becoming more and more common. Human greed knows no boundaries and I think that is the main reason behind what I am trying to do.
Karol offered to tell Steven anything he wanted to know about Jenna.
He wrote back: "I would never put you as a parent in the position of trying to sell me on why your daughter is more deserving than another individual."
Still, Karol worried about how to present Jenna to the world.
She set up a Web page for potential donors — http://www.xanga.com/i_korn — and posted a photograph of Jenna as a toddler wearing Mickey Mouse ears. She also included a recent shot of her at a charity debutante ball.
Pretty and slight, Jenna was a bright face among the older patients advertising online.
Some of Karol's friends said Jenna appeared too happy, leading Karol to add a picture of Jenna hooked up to a dialysis machine, an empty look in her eyes.
Jenna had only an inkling of what her mother was doing — and Karol didn't tell her about Steven, who was quickly becoming her biggest hope.
Jenna hated that her mother wanted everyone to know she was sick. All the sympathy didn't bring her any closer to a kidney.
She had always been something of a loner. Now, she spent hours each day in her room playing an Internet adventure game incorporating Japanese anime. She took the character of a cute schoolgirl with a hulking sword strapped to her back.
Jenna never mentioned kidneys to her virtual friends.
Sometimes, she said, she thought about what she would do if she finally got a transplant. Maybe she would go back to school, get a driver's license, rent an apartment, even visit New York.
But she feared that a surgery could not solve all her problems. She had never done well in school. She'd never had to work or known what she wanted to do in life.
"I've just been worried that I've been using this whole kidney thing as an excuse for not doing anything with my life," she said.
After many e-mails, Karol and Steven took the next step: contacting the transplant coordinator at USC, where Jenna was on the waiting list. They knew he had the right blood type, but they needed to see if Jenna's immune system was compatible with his.
Karol had been warned that some hospitals might turn down transplant candidates who advertised for kidneys.
She and Steven agreed to tell USC the truth about meeting on the Internet.
"I hope that we can become friends and there will be no question as to the 'how and why' of it all," Karol wrote.
"Karol, there is no need for us to be 'strangers' even though we have never met," he replied. "We are both human beings, loving parents and looking to help someone else other than ourselves. I think that makes us closer in some ways than individuals I have known my whole life."
USC eventually asked him to send his complete medical records.
He promised to do it, despite his complaints to Karol about the suspicions that hospitals had of donations from strangers.
"If I consciously and willingly make the informed decision to donate a kidney to save the life of a person I'm required to jump through hoops without end," he wrote.
Getting Steven's kidney for Jenna seemed so close now. Karol worried each time a few days would pass without a new message from him.
After one brief lapse, she dashed off an e-mail: "I am running out now — driving kids to school. Just thought of you, wondering how you are doing."
Six weeks after their first e-mail exchange, Steven sent a note saying he had to put his plans on hold for six months. His doctor in Salt Lake City, he said, wanted to monitor a mild liver condition.
Karol kept searching for donors as she began counting down six months.
She could wait if she had to. She had no choice.
Steven had been thinking about donating a kidney for a decade, ever since seeing a brochure during one of his frequent appointments to donate blood.
Over time, it became "a compulsion inside of me," he said in an interview in Salt Lake City.
He could not explain his motivation easily. It just seemed that if he had the power to help somebody, he should.
He spent months exercising — walking about five miles a day — to lose 60 pounds and resolve his liver problem, a fatty inflammation related to his metabolism. With 178 pounds on his 6-foot-4-inch frame, he thought he looked too thin in the mirror, but he hadn't felt better in years.
Finally, he got clearance to donate. He arranged for time off from work.
His wife, Nora, a school cafeteria worker, supported his decision. He told her it was something he had to do — to give his right kidney to a young woman he had never laid eyes on.
He waited for her in a hospital conference room for their first meeting. He introduced himself: Steven Paul Crump. They hugged awkwardly, and he kept thanking her for the chance to donate.
The surgery took place the next day.
The recipient was not Jenna Franks. It was a woman from Utah.
Nine days later, Steven was recovering at home when he got an e-mail from Karol. "I just thought I would write and say hello," it said.
He replied the next day: "I'm hoping that Jenna is still doing as well as can be expected."
It had been just a month since he had told Karol — falsely — that his donation plans were on hold. He knew the truth would be difficult for Karol and could not bring himself to tell her.
"I had been as honest as I needed to be," he said later in an interview. "Anything else was to spare her pain."
Four months passed before Karol found out. She had held off on contacting him, not wanting to be a bother. When she did, he finally told her.
"I hesitated in letting you know for some still unknown reason," he wrote. "Maybe I felt guilty because I wasn't able to help your daughter or maybe I thought you might think 'fantastic Steve, but what does that do for Jenna?' I wouldn't blame you for feeling that way."
Karol felt betrayed. She pored over all their messages. There were dozens of them. Maybe she had misread them.
The e-mails seemed clear. "I am in this for the long haul," Steven had written. "No second thoughts whatsoever and if I could do it this afternoon I would."
For the first time, Karol mentioned Steven to Jenna, who didn't know what to think.
To Ed, the news seemed inevitable. "I didn't really think it was going to work out anyway," he said.
In an interview, Steven said he understood Karol's desperation but not the wrong she felt. He never promised anything, he said. He was simply paving the way to donate to somebody.
"It is my organ," he said. "I do think I have some obligation to myself that if I am going to give that gift, I have some say in who it goes to."
Jenna was just one possibility.
Steven also had been corresponding with a young man whose girlfriend in Sacramento needed a kidney.
Steven had contacted her transplant program as well.
But he made no headway with either hospital. He said he felt he was being treated as if he were doing something wrong.
He wanted USC to arrange a blood test to see if he was genetically compatible with Jenna.
Frustrated that the hospital wanted medical records first, he never sent anything.
Then, LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City, where he had originally expressed interest in donating, called to say there was a match for his kidney — a 33-year-old mother of four who had been waiting for five years.
Her immune system was highly sensitive, making her an extremely difficult match. Steven's kidney was perfect.
He was moved by her story.
Steven "is a hero not only to me but also to my children," said Wendy McDonald as her boys ran through the house in the small town of Enoch, in southern Utah, where she is finishing a degree in education.
"He thinks about other people before himself," she said. "He is very Christlike."
She has stayed in touch with Steven and his family — though she said he sometimes seems distant and reserved.
When they talk, he always asks how the kidney is doing.
It took months before Karol could bring herself to begin trading messages with potential donors again.
Strangely, she felt herself drawn back to Steven. She realized that she had never learned his last name or heard his voice.
But, she told him in an e-mail, she didn't want to repeat her mistakes with a new potential donor, a woman from Houston.
She and Steven hadn't corresponded in four months, but he answered the next day.
Subject: Re: Salt Lake City
Karol, there is nothing that you said or did that made me decide to donate in Utah. You are a well spoken and considerate human being. Your interaction with this individual from Texas will relay the same feelings and sincerity I was so taken by.
Karol switched transplant programs — Scripps Green Hospital in La Jolla seemed more receptive to Internet matches.
The woman from Houston, a devout Christian, flew out to undergo final tests. Jenna refused to meet with her, saying she'd wait until the donation was certain.
When the woman turned out to have a rare kidney defect, Jenna wondered if she had jinxed the deal: "Maybe God was saying, 'If you're not even interested in meeting her why should you get her kidney?' "
In September, Karol began corresponding with Patrice Smith, a 44-year-old secretary from Wooster, Ohio, who said she was inspired to donate after reading an article in her local newspaper about a man who needed a kidney.
She was scheduled to donate to him, but it turned out that their immune systems were incompatible.
Patrice figured she could help somebody else.
She was a mother of four, a marathon runner and long-distance swimmer. In some ways, she said, donating a kidney might simply be another test of her physical and mental strength.
Mail-in blood tests showed she was a match.
But the transplant team wanted to meet her to quell any skepticism that she was being coerced and to make sure she understood the risks.
Jenna and Karol met Patrice last month in the lobby of the Radisson Hotel in La Jolla.
Jenna worried that it would be an audition, that she would say the wrong thing. But at dinner, Patrice's easy manner erased her fear.
"I feel like this is actually happening — this transplant thing," 21-year-old Jenna said after dinner. "I've been worried about getting my hopes up."
Ed had come around too: "If [Karol] had listened to everything I said, we probably would not have made contact with Patrice."
The transplant is scheduled for Jan. 16. Karol posted the good news on the website.
But she still checks her e-mail, just in case. There have been more than 75 messages from more than a dozen countries since she first posted her appeal.
They keep arriving.
Subject: hi!
HI! My name is mario! i am 23 years old! i am in very good health! I am O+! i lost my mother 4 months ago! i really wanna help you! All i ask in return is to have a familly again!
alan.zarembo@latimes.com
http://articles.latimes.com/2006/dec/30/local/me-kidney30
COLUMN ONE
(http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f358/okarol/karol-1.jpg)
Unpleasant pause: Jenna Franks, with mother Karol sitting, undergoes three hours of dialysis. It’s like someone hitting the “pause” button on your life, Jenna said. (Mark Boster / LAT)
(http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f358/okarol/jenna-2.jpg)
Solititude: Jenna Franks spends a lot of time at home in Pasadena in her bedroom. She sometimes thinks about what she would do if she finally got a new kidney. (Mark Boster / LAT)
(http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f358/okarol/steven.jpg)
Possible donor: Steven Crump had for a decade wanted to give a kidney. (Mark Boster / LAT)
...........................
~Karol
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With all the news today I admire the editors of the LA Times for thinking this story newsworthy enough for the front page.
Alan Zarembo, the journalist, really listened to us and did a great job.
(http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f358/okarol/jenna-3.jpg)
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:2thumbsup; I'm happy your story got the front page.
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AWESOME, okarol. The writer wrote a very nice article. :thumbup; Maybe you can do me a favor and see if he wants to do a story on IHD. ;) or the IHD family of sites. Also I love the picture of you sitting next to your daughter while she is on dialysis, I know it is a sad picture but it's really dramatic and makes the point get across.
- Epoman
P.S. I am giving this thread a "STICKY" :thumbup;
P.S.S You could have given us a "Shout Out" :(
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my heart goes out to you both-I wish the best of luck for you!!
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Very impressive, karol! :grouphug;
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Thanks for the good thoughts.
I actually did not know what the article would say, I put my faith in this
reporter as he spent the last 7 months with us, working on this story.
He spent time with Jenna at dialysis and he mentioned wanting to write a
story about dialysis. I have told him all about this site and what it has
meant to so many people. I also told him about you Epo, and your story.
He is very knowledgeable and a very good researcher, and I hope he
actually follows through and develops a story.
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She did a great job. :thumbup;
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This is an awesome story! I am so happy that you got this kind of coverage. I will keep you in my prayers that everything goes wonderfully.
While reading the article, the mention of dialysis being a pause button on your life is probably the most accurate sentiment I've seen yet.
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Karol - I applaud you for being such an advocate for Jenna. It sometimes can be such a weird thing, appealing to people to donate one of their kidneys. It doesn't matter whether it's a stranger, friend or family member. However, as you found with Patrice and Steven, amongst those who may want to give a kidney for questionable reasons there are many who truly want to donate to help another person. As I said to Paris, God opens doors for us, but sometimes we need to knock (and knock and knock...!)
I know you are counting the days, and are experiencing a lot of emotions right now. I pray for calmness and peace of mind for you in the upcoming days, and will pray for Jenna and the surgeons on the 16th.
Keep Jenna away from sick people and crowds so she is nice and healthy on the 16th!
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God opens doors for us, but sometimes we need to knock (and knock and knock...!)
KICK!!
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Absolutely Sluff!! :2thumbsup;
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Kicking, screaming, knocking and hollering all seem to be needed sometimes!
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I agree that this is a wonderful story but.......
I find the statement that dialysis is like putting a pause on life very hard to swallow. I myself have been on dialysis for the past 12 years (give or take a few) and I have a very nice life. I still work full time have a partner and make dialysis fit into my life rather than life fitting round dialysis. I myself am on the list but the likeliness of me getting a kidney is minimal due to the fact that I am O+ with antibodies to 90% of the worlds population so You have to make do the best you can with what you have.
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Hi 15,
That's what Jenna said, she felt like going to dialysis was stopping her from doing things she really wanted to do. She was 18 when she started. It's obviously not the same for everyone. Some people amaze me with their energy and activity level. That was not the case with Jenna. She was very fatigued and often her low fluid level after dialysis (they often took too much off as she still urinated and was not over) well, it knocked her out for the rest of the night.
Take care,
Karol
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I agree with you Karol... I personally think the age of a person on dialysis also affects how they think of their life as well... not just fatigue and such. I was first on dialysis when I was 19... and I totally agree with Jenna... I felt the same. Anyways, everyone has different views and how it affects someone life varies from person to person just as everyones life varies wether on dialysis or not.
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From what I've learned most of the people on dialysis get that washed out fatigue feeling after their run.
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From what I've learned most of the people on dialysis get that washed out fatigue feeling after their run.
On hemo, i had that feeling upon entering the clinic, after my run, it was just twice as bad, Hemo sucked for me. :-\
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I am so happy for you that your daughter got a kidney from someone who sincerely wanted to help and did help.....
How has your daughter been feeling now?
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Thanks tweetykiss!
She's doing great!
More updates here: http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=1721.0
:)
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From what I've learned most of the people on dialysis get that washed out fatigue feeling after their run.
On hemo, i had that feeling upon entering the clinic, after my run, it was just twice as bad, Hemo sucked for me. :-\
I am sure I must have posted somewhere that the reason Jenna was started on hemo rather than peritonal dialyis was due to her abdominal surgery. They had to make her bladder larger to reduce the pressure, and that made her eligible for a transplant. But the urologist did not want any other surgery to be done in her stomach cavity so as to minimize infection risk to her new bladder.
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This is the story that was included in the book "Giving Life" by Tom Falsey.
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I absolutely LOVE this story! All of the family and close friends that were tested for my daughter, Jaclyn, did not match. We currently have a couple of altruistic donors being tested. We were supposed to have the test results back today, but no results yet. The transplant coordinator will be on vacation next week and therefore we won't find out anything until July 7th. It is very frustrating getting our hopes up just to have them crushed. We had two donors that were very close to being accepted. I was packed and ready to go, but it didn't work out. I am still hopeful as several people are being tested and I had Stanford pencil us in for surgery on August 10th.....No donor, but we have a surgery date. Plan the surgery and the donor will come :2thumbsup;
Jaclyn is currently 15 years old and eventhough she has only been on dialysis for 1 1/2 years, she has been sick for more than 6 years. It took the doctors a very long time to find out what was making her so sick. When I look back, I can't believe that they couldn't determine she was sick due to failing kidneys and toxins in the blood ??? She has good days on Tuesday, Thursday, Sat and Sun, but beginning at 12:30pm every M, W and Friday, it is like she is ran over by a truck. Dialysis beats her up and sucks the life out of her. We used to vacation several times a year, but she hasn't been on a vacation in 2 years. Although dialysis centers are available everywhere for adults, they are very rare for kids. Adult dialysis centers won't treat kids. Childrens Hospital in Colorado is the only pediatric dialysis unit in an 8 state region. We tried to travel to southern California last summer, but our efforts to reserve dialysis appointments at several hospitals were botched.
Thank you, Karol. You have inspired me and give me hope that Jaclyn will get the perfect kidney soon. :cuddle;
I understand Karol's obsession with finding Jenna a kidney. I googled constantly trying to find a cure for my daughter. I have received emails from many foreigners offering kidneys for cash. Stanford only tests US citizens so foreigners are out of the question. I live with the fear that Stanford will chose one of our altruistic donors and they will meet us and change their mind about donating a kidney.
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How's it going Teenhatesdialysis? Any news?
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No results back yet, but there are several promising potential donors. The Transplant Coordinator will be on vacation all week, but I know they are planning to schedule the top potential donor to go to Stanford for a final medical evaluation. If that person is accepted then Jaclyn's kidney transplant could happen very soon. If not, then they move onto the next potential donor, fly them out to Stanford, and perform all of the tests, etc. We have gone through several donors that have been rejected based on medical reasons, but this is the first time they have tested more than one at a time. I think 5 potential donors are still being evaluated so I am hopeful.
I have been tested for my other daughter, 18 yrs old, and I am a match for her so my kidney is already spoken for. She still has 20% kidney function so she doesn't need it quite yet. Just hoping to get Jaclyn a new kidney and healthy soon. I will update her website as soon as we get a definite donor and date. www.cotaforjaclynp.com
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Hi 15,
That's what Jenna said, she felt like going to dialysis was stopping her from doing things she really wanted to do. She was 18 when she started. It's obviously not the same for everyone. Some people amaze me with their energy and activity level. That was not the case with Jenna. She was very fatigued and often her low fluid level after dialysis (they often took too much off as she still urinated and was not over) well, it knocked her out for the rest of the night.
Take care,
Karol
I think when you are a young person it is hard to think, "hey dialysis is keeping me alive and I should be thankful!" it is hard being on dialysis and watching your friends party and have fun, while you are glued to a machine 3 days a week. Many times you feel like you are missing out on being a kid and experiencing life's milestones....I get how Jenna feels...this disease has change my life perspective and priorities that I feel out of touch with my friends now...
Okarol this is such a touching story. I have always thought that parents should do whatever it takes for their children...it makes me very sad for myself because my mother wasn't willing to do whatever it takes...I'm not sure if I will ever forgive her...
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Hi 15,
That's what Jenna said, she felt like going to dialysis was stopping her from doing things she really wanted to do. She was 18 when she started. It's obviously not the same for everyone. Some people amaze me with their energy and activity level. That was not the case with Jenna. She was very fatigued and often her low fluid level after dialysis (they often took too much off as she still urinated and was not over) well, it knocked her out for the rest of the night.
Take care,
Karol
I think when you are a young person it is hard to think, "hey dialysis is keeping me alive and I should be thankful!" it is hard being on dialysis and watching your friends party and have fun, while you are glued to a machine 3 days a week. Many times you feel like you are missing out on being a kid and experiencing life's milestones....I get how Jenna feels...this disease has change my life perspective and priorities that I feel out of touch with my friends now...
Okarol this is such a touching story. I have always thought that parents should do whatever it takes for their children...it makes me very sad for myself because my mother wasn't willing to do whatever it takes...I'm not sure if I will ever forgive her...
Sorry to hear that you didn't get the support you needed from your mom. I had a similar mom, she just did not put her kids first. I came to terms with that when I stopped expecting anything from her. We have a relationship now, but it's because I decided to make it work. I'll bet Jenna would say I am a pain in the ass, lol, always searching for answers, nagging her, pushing her. I guess it's never perfect!
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As a follow up from this news article, Jenna received a guestbook message on her caringbridge page from a woman (I am leaving off her last name; and also altering Steven's last name, although it is in the article.) We don't know her, but she felt compelled to write, 4 years after the story was published. I am sad to hear about the recipient. We just never know what the future will bring.
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 2011 12:58 PM, CST
Hi Jenna. So glad you found a sincere person to give you life again...that's amazing! I did want you and your mother to know that I know Steven C****. He did donate his kidney to a woman in Utah, who passed away in a car accident two years later...very sad. But, I know how hard it must have been for your mom to put so much faith and trust in a total stranger, in regards to donating his kidney. I read your her article with interest, because the words he used in emails to your mom were so familiar to me! Steve is a borderline sociopath who has a need to feel as if he is "rescuing" people from severe physical or emotional distress. He wants to feel as if he is their 'savior', and I will say that is a genuine feeling he has. However, he can never follow through. The immediate high he gets from those he is supposedly 'helping' is soon changed to panic and fear that he has to get out of the situation. He does this by completely cutting off the individual he is promising to help. Your story, thank goodness, ended up wonderfully in spite of Steve, which I am so thankful for. I remember when he was going through this, how appalled I was that he had done this to you, but he assured me that your mom had read too much into their conversations and he was merely exploring his options. It didn't sit right then with me and I almost contacted you at that point, but didn't. I've known Steve for 10 years, and you are not the only people he has hurt or disappointed. I am so sorry he put you t hrough that, but am so happy that you found a successful donor! Best wishes to you and your family, Jean
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Oh Dear!...
How very sad from every point of view...
May Steve get the help he SO obviously needs....
Love to Jenna...
Darth...
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Wow, things so often aren't as they seem to be. It was good of her to let you know this.
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WOW, how would you know......
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This is the woman mentioned in the LATimes news article, who got a transplant in Salt Lake City. Sad ending to her story.
Obituary
Wendy Louise McDonald
(November 26, 1971 - November 10, 2007)
Our beloved wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend, age 35, passed away from an automobile accident on November 10, 2007. She was born in Murray, Utah on November 26, 1971 to Norman L and Nancy Adamson Forbush. She married her high school sweetheart Jason Allen McDonald on October 13, 1990 in New Harmony, Utah. The marriage was solemnized November 29, 1991 in the St. George Temple. Wendy graduated from Cedar City High School in 1990. She graduated in May 2007 from SUU receiving high honors from both schools. Wendy taught 1st grade at Enoch Elementary. She loved and adored her 25 children and the staff with all her heart. Wendy was an active member of the Enoch Homestead 2nd LDS Ward serving in Relief Society , Young Women’s, and cub scouts organizations. Wendy had a long 6 year battle with kidney failure and dialysis until a good Samaritan named Steve Crump of Salt Lake City, Utah donated a kidney. Wendy and her family would like to give thanks and prayers to the Crump family. Through all her trials she never complained and was always busy doing service for others. She is survived by her loving husband Jason, and their four children...
http://boards.ancestry.com/topics.obits/102865/mb.ashx