I Hate Dialysis Message Board
TRIBUTES FOR MEMBERS LOST => Rememberance For Past Members => Tributes for Inara (Michelle) => Topic started by: willowtreewren on November 09, 2009, 09:25:09 AM
-
Many of you remember Inara as Leslie's caregiver. And you may also remember that she posted about her brush with suicide. Inara and Leslie need us.
Inara is in the hospital. If I am able to get the address of the hospital I will pass it on to you via PM if you are interested and want to send her a personal card.
Right now she has given up the will to live. She thinks she is not worthy of life. I am hoping that all of us who care about her will respond to this post. She will not be able to read the posts, but I will print them out, one by one and get them to her through Leslie.
I want there to be so many posts of caring and support that she will KNOW that we care and care deeply that she lives with the hope that she continues to fight for life.
Please help. I don't want to lose this friend.
With great sadness,
Aleta
EDITED: Thread moved to new section - Sluff/Admin
-
Irana...
Wishing you a speedy recovery...
Also wishing you peace, joy, health and happiness now and always...
Will be thinking of, and praying for you...
May God bless and protect you....
Love... :grouphug;
Darth...
-
My loving thoughts and prayers are with her. She has shown the world she is a loving, caring person by devoting her life to be a caregiver; a very hard job and sometimes overlooked. She has touched the hearts of many people here. I hope the clouds can part just enough to let a little sun shine down on her and she knows she is loved. :cuddle;
-
My thoughts are with them both- I know how hard and thankless being a care giver can be- I know you are appreciated and loved by so many people,including here at IHD. :grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug;
-
Oh sweetheart, whats brought you to this ? :cuddle; I hope that knowing so many people out there from all around the world are thinking of you , will help raise your spirits. I really dont know what else to say ,except we want you back here with your IHD Family :grouphug; God Bless xxx
-
all of us at ihd need you. hurry up and get better. god bless you.
-
I am sorry it's been so difficult Inara. I don't have any words of wisdom but I do know that people genuinely care about you and want to see you get through this. Please take care and come back to us when you can. :grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug;
-
I do hope you get through this alright
and I wish you a speedy recovery.
My thoughts are with both of you
and I send you my kind wishes, Kristina :grouphug;
-
Inara, please get better and some back to us. You would be sorely missed on IHD. You are such a wonderful, warm and caring person, and we all love you. :pray; :pray; :pray;
for you.
-
All of us friends are still here. Come back and join us.
-
Hoping you are feeling better soon!
-
Inara, I want you to know how very many people here have been touched by your struggle and also by your willingness to bravely share some of it with us. Sadness and depression can be such dark shadows that lay in wait for us and steal away the pleasure that we can normally find in our lives. I'm glad you're in hospital and hope that you will get some help to begin to find once again the value that we see in you so clearly but that you have lost sight of right now.
Please stay the course and use all the resources available to you. I want and need to see you posting again.
Sending my strongest and most positive thoughts your way and a bunch of hugs as well......Monrein
-
Sending positive thoughts. :flower; Please know thet the people you care for do really and truly care for you as well. Hope you get the help you need in hospital. Depression can be a very difficult thing for everyone involved. take care. :flower; :cuddle;
-
Chronic kidney disease is such a difficult thing to deal with for all of those involved. Know that we are here for you and I hope you can get through this difficult stage in your life. Hang in there. With proper treatment, things will get better.
-
Thank you, everyone. I have copied and printed all your posts so far. Each is on a separate page. If you did not include your "signature" in your post, I added who sent it.
Please keep these coming. I want to inundate Inara with well wishes to help bring her back to the land of light, love and laughter.
Aleta
-
Please get well for yourself and for your loved ones. :flower;
-
Hello Inara. I am new here and I do not know you personally, but I do know what severe chronic depression is and how it tears a person up. The good thing is that you are in a hospital where good caring people can help you. You don't have to put on a show and tell everyone you are ok when they ask anymore. You can be and you can now reach out and take the love and help all these people here are wanting you to have so badly. This can be the beginning of a new chapter in your life. With the right antidepressant and treatment, the world takes on a new wonderful feeling. It is a feeling that something is missing. It feels strange at first. It is the depression lifting. I can tell you it is a great feeling as I have felt it. It can happen. Please grab on to all the people who love you and care for you. They will give you strength and the love to come back to the world. You are a good person. You deserve and so much more. Please get well.
-
Inara,
Please know that we all believe that this world is a much better place with people like you in it. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope that you will get better and come to realize this truth.
signed with a big, huge hug,
Marc
YLGuy
-
Inara,
You are such a caring person that you carry the troubles of everyone else on your shoulders. This would be overwhelming for anyone. I am relieved you are in a place where you can receive help and guidance in your time of need. Please accept the help that is being offered. It will be a new chapter in your life...a wonderful new beginning.
I will keep you in my thoughts.
Pam
-
aleta, please check your email.
-
I hope you can see light at the end of the tunnel Inara. Take every bit of help they can give you. Thinking of you.
Bernadette
-
You are special!!!!!!
In the world you might be just someone but to someone you are the world.
Hugs
Des
-
I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time. You are a wonderful, caring person and there is a place for you. I am sending you love and prayers. :grouphug; :grouphug; :grouphug;
-
Inara, No one knows how you feel, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Please look for it, and :grouphug; get well soon.
Edited: Fixed smiley error - paris, Moderator
-
Dear Ones,
hi, this is leslie.
our precious Inara is gone. I don't know how else to say it. her heart stopped while she was in the hospital and they couldn't get her back. autopsy was done this morning. god, i hate the thought of them cutting her up.
PLEASE respect her privacy. She never gave out her real name online, but her name was Michelle. she lived a very quiet, private life. i don't think she ever fully recovered from the violent incident that happened to her when she was just 18.
she was the most beautiful person I've ever known, inside and out. i'd love to share my memories of her sometime. she was only 38. she leaves behind me and my daughter, her gorgeous baby girl, her parents, her brother, and her husband. we're all ....we just can't stop crying.
please pray for us. she'll be buried tomorrow. and it's raining. dear god....
-
Oh Leslie, i'm so sorry. Please know our thoughts are with you and Michelle's family
-
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
-
I don't know what to say, I am very shocked.
I was waiting to receive the address of the Hospital
to send a card with my best wishes.
My thoughts are with you and both your families.
Kind regards from Kristina. :grouphug;
Thank you Aleta to let us know.
-
So sad to hear this. Know others are thinking of you. :grouphug;
-
Leslie,
I am so very sorry. I truly hope she at peace now with our lord. She as well as you and her family are in my thoughts and prayers. I will light a candle for her at church tonight.
Marc
-
Dear Leslie, I am so very sorry. Such a sad day for all of you. I pray she is surrounded by angels and free from all the pains she endured on this earth. She will leave a lasting impressions on IHD. My prayers will be with you, your family and her familly as you go through the process of letting go. Take care of yourself and please post sometime so we know how you are doing. My heart is very sad for you tonight. :cuddle;
-
This is so sad... I am so sorry for her friends and family, poor dear girl :'( :grouphug;
-
:'( Such a tragic loss. My deepest condolences to you Leslie, and your families.
:grouphug;
-
I am so very sorry for your loss. :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
-
Like Billybags said {Inara, No one knows how you feel, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Please look for it, and :grouphug; get well soon.}
I think she is now safely in the LIGHT at the end of the dark tunnel.
God bless her family.... she is now safe and cannot be hurt, worried or sad anymore.
hugs
-
My deepest sympathies...
May Michelle rest in peace...
An Irish Blessing
May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sunshine warm upon your face.
May the rains fall upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.
God bless you Michelle.....:grouphug;
To Leslie and family....
I'll be thinking of and praying for you all at this dreadful time...
May God bless and protect you....
God bless... :grouphug;
Darth...
-
R.I.P and my deepest sympathy . I have just read everyone of Inara's posts and can see she was a vivacious , warm caring lady , with a heart of gold. God Bless KS xxx
-
I am so sorry for your loss. My deepest sympathies to all who held her dear.
I think we can all understand to some extent what Michelle must have gone through, though we can never really understand another's difficulties.
-
Hey, ya'll. I'm Inara's daughter (Meghan). I'm almost 18. Leslie is here, too.
They buried my sweet little Mama this morning. It is a cold, rainy day here. TONS of tears.....I can't believe how many people showed up.
PLEASE, please don't delete her account. I hope to read all she wrote.
I miss my mom. I've never had to say that in my life. now I do....and I hate it. i miss her with all my heart.
But thank you all....We all appreciate it. Not quite sure what to do next.
-
Meghan and Leslie...
I'm truly sorry about your loss... What a dreadful time for you!...
Please stay in touch with us... Visit us frequently, and post often... We'd love to hear how you're doing... You'll get a lot of support here, and we'll always provide a shoulder to cry on...
May God bless and protect you...
Darth....
-
I am so, so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers
-
To Michelle's family,
I am so sorry for your loss...You have my deepest sympathy.
Pam
-
Keeping Inara's family and friends in my thoughts. Sorry for your loss. :grouphug;
-
Dear Meghan and Leslie - I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. I know this terribly hard for all of you. I just know in my heart that Angels led her in.
"Calling All Angels" Lyrics for both of you.
A man is placed upon the steps, a baby cries
and high above the church bells start to ring.
And as the heaviness settles in,
somewhere you can hear a mother sing.
Then it’s one foot, then the other
as you step out onto the road.
How much weight? How much weight?
Then it’s how long? And how far?
And how many times before it’s too late?
Calling all angels
Calling all angels
Walk me through this one,
don’t leave me alone.
Calling all angels
Calling all angels,
We’re crying and we’re hurting
and we’re not sure why.
Every day you gaze upon the sunset
with such love and intensity, it’s almost...
It’s almost as if you could only crack the code,
then you’d finally understand what this all means.
But if you could, do you think you would trade in
all the pain and suffering?
Ah, but then you’d miss the beauty of the light upon this earth,
and the sweetness of the leaving.
Calling all angels
Calling all angels
Walk me through this one,
don’t leave me alone.
Calling all angels
Calling all angels,
We’re trying,
we’re hoping,
we’re hurting,
we’re loving,
we’re crying,
we’re calling. . .
cuz we’re not sure how this goes.....
-
My deepest condolences to family and friends of Inara.
-
I am so sorry for your loss, and so sad for Inara. I hope she is in Heaven now, as she should be, and in peace. God Bless Her.
-
My condolences to all of Inara's family and friends. May she now be at peace.
-
I'm hurting really bad here.
PLEASE TELL ME ....How do I deal with losing my mother? HOW!!!!!!! Please????????
If only it wasn't so rainy and cold at her funeral this morning!!!!!!! God, it feels like the end of the world.
If you knew her, I wish ya'll could have....it kills my soul to use a past tense with her......but I slept with her all the time as a special treat growing up. we'd cuddle up and watch movies when it was it chilly and now, she's in the ground. I'm so scared she's cold.
But we'll be okay, I hope. My dad and grandparents have arranged for me to see a therapist tomorrow. I think that's best. Sorry if this post sounds a little crazy, but I need someone to lean on and be totally honest. I know how much she loved this site...(again with having to use the past tense....god, I hate it).
Autopsy results should be in tomorrow morning, but I know it doesn't really matter at this point. She's gone and there's no bring my little mother back. If anyone's interested, I'll post it.
Meghan
PROUD daughter of Inara
-
Meghan, my dear , I am so heartbrakingly sorry for you.
I have to tell you sadly this awfull emptiness will take a very long time to go away. You will learn to live with it though.....
May you be calm and peacefull in knowing that she is no longer hungry,cold, worried, stressed and that she loved you dearly....
lots of hugs and love
Des
-
she loved you dearly....
Thank you, Des.
She did, I know she did. I'm just now starting to read her private journals. And their all about ME! She loved me so much!!!!!! I'll carry that with me forever.
If I may, I'd like to quote her, "Such a hard labor and deliver, but my baby is just beautiful. I can't stop kissing her beautiful tiny face. I finally feel fulfilled"
Not looking for sympathy on this forum, btw, just some comfort.
-
This is the place to get it.....
Glad I can be there for you.
hugs
-
Amillion times we've thought of you, and a million times we've cried.
If our love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly. In death we love you still.
In our hearts you hold a special place no one else can fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn't go alone,
A part of us went with you, the day that you went home.
My condolences to Inara's Family
-
Meghan and Leslie, I am so sorry for your loss. My father and mother both passed away within a few months of each other in 2006. Though it has been 3 years, it is still hard. You will always miss her but thinking of her will get less painful as time goes by. Soon the good memories will take the lead from the raw memory of losing her. My heart goes out to you.
:grouphug;
-
Meghan,
I know your mom would want you to live a full an happy life. Hold her memory dear. Keep her close to your heart. She will live forever within YOU and your memories of her!
This sadness will pass. It will take time. But there will come a time that you will find yourself forgetting to feel the pain. Let that happen without any guilt. Let the sunlight pour back into your soul and thrive as a tribute to your wonderful mom.
The road to recovery will sometimes be rocky. When it gets too difficult to walk alone, get help. Get help here, from Leslie, your dad or grandparents or any other trusted adult. But get help. No one should have to bear any burden alone.
We care, Meghan. We send you love and support. Wrap yourself in this protective blanket of caring thoughts.
Aleta
-
Dear Meghan,
Your Mother is in the loving protective hands of the Lord now, she no longer feels cold. As she was when you were growing up she will be your special guardian angel but now her presence will be felt in the gentle breeze, a twinkling star, a newborns smile and yes the rain.
On the day my daughter Sarah was born it was raining and for days after her funeral it was rainy. Maybe it was the Lord and Sarah trying to tell me as she made it safely on the day she was born she arrived in heaven also. I just wasn't catching on so the rain continued until I understood. ( I have become symbolic since her passing, my way of coping with my loss)
That's one reason I use the motto: Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
Treasure the wonderful memories of your Mother. Grieve , cry ..whatever you need to do. Post here as often as you need to. This group is very supportive as they have helped me through the grief of my daughter passing away.
Just know your Mother loved you dearly and she would want you to take care of yourself.
-
I'm hurting really bad here.
PLEASE TELL ME ....How do I deal with losing my mother? HOW!!!!!!! Please????????
If only it wasn't so rainy and cold at her funeral this morning!!!!!!! God, it feels like the end of the world.
If you knew her, I wish ya'll could have....it kills my soul to use a past tense with her......but I slept with her all the time as a special treat growing up. we'd cuddle up and watch movies when it was it chilly and now, she's in the ground. I'm so scared she's cold.
But we'll be okay, I hope. My dad and grandparents have arranged for me to see a therapist tomorrow. I think that's best. Sorry if this post sounds a little crazy, but I need someone to lean on and be totally honest. I know how much she loved this site...(again with having to use the past tense....god, I hate it).
Autopsy results should be in tomorrow morning, but I know it doesn't really matter at this point. She's gone and there's no bring my little mother back. If anyone's interested, I'll post it.
Meghan
PROUD daughter of Inara
Meaghan, we are interested in anything and everything that you want/need/feel like posting about your mother here. I know that we were very interested in her and her struggles and that interest now reaches over to you, Leslie and to your family as well.
I know that your pain is huge and overwhelming right now and that won't ease overnight but Meaghan, sweet girl, by posting here and also by your resolve to find a therapist to talk to you ARE dealing with losing your precious mother. There is no HOW to deal with a great loss...no one really knows how...we all must muddle through and it isn't easy. Please know as an absolute certainty that we care very much about YOU and that you have a community of people here always ready to lend you support and to listen carefully when and if you need to come here and talk about your struggle and your grief. I'm so very very sad that you must face all this so young...time will help but that may feel quite impossible for you to believe right now.
Gail
-
Meghan,
You will always be welcome to come here and talk with us. Your Mom really did think the world of you, sometimes it is hard to understand the whys of things and in all honesty no one will ever know why. The best you can do is to live your life as your mom would have wanted, she wants the best for you and will watch over you. Your mom accomplished in her 38 years of life what some can't do in 80 years, and that is to be a wonderful mom and friend to so many and to spend her time helping others. She may be physically absent but never very from the heart of all who knew her. Please take care of yourself.
Sluff
-
Meghan,
My sincerest sympathies to you and your family for the loss of your Mom. My heart hurts for you and the tears have come. I fel for you so. The best I can say to get through your loss is to hang onto your good memories and don't be afraid to remember them. read her journals and her posts. They will bring you even closer to her. Don't curse the rain. The rain falling was the world and God mourning the loss of a bright star, your Mom. Always remember, while we don't like the rain all the time, it nourishes the earth and brings flowers and trees. Just like tears bring forth wonderful memories of those we love. Your Mom is warm and toasty in heaven.
Hugs.
-
Sorry to hear of your loss.
I do not do well with serious writing, but I send my condolenses.
-
This is a poem the Pastor read to the family at my daughter's funeral. It gave comfort.
I'm Free
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God laid for me.
I took his hand when I heard him call:
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day,
To laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way;
I've now found peace at the end of the day.
If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joys,
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow
Look for the sunshine of tomarrow.
My life's been full, I savored much;
Good friends, good times, a loved ones touch.
Perhaps my time seems to brief;
Don't lengthen it with undo grief.
Lift up your heart and peace to thee,
God wanted me now
He set me free!
-
Meghan (and Leslie), I'm so sorry for your loss. Treasure each and every memory that you have. *hugs*
-
Thanks to all of you for being so kind. I've printed out all of your replies to show to my friends and family.
I'm in the process of moving in with my grandparents. They're going to send me to college when I get out of high school. My step-father and father are going to help, too. My step-father is going to keep my room as it is as long as I want. And he wants me to have all her jewelry, journals, etc. He's a good man.
We got the official cause of death the other day: low potassium causing acute MI. How could she be in the hospital and no one noticed her not eating? That REALLY pisses me off!!!!!!! She was just skin and bones.
I recently found out that she had started hallucinating. I didn't know that, but it makes a lot of sense now. I can't even imagine what was going on in her head. But it must have been terrible. I also just found out that something very horrible happened to her before I was born. My grandparents will tell me about it one day. She never said a word. I had no idea.
I hope to be able to help Leslie as much as possible. She's like a second mom to me and her daughter is my best friend. I actually know quite a bit about dialysis!
I'm still crying a LOT. I'm still worried she's cold. I go back to a therapist Monday.
Leslie says to tell everyone thanks.
Meghan
-
Dear, dear Meghan,
I'm so glad that you are seeing someone for help. Grief is hard. Just hard. And each of us experiences it differently. It helps so much to have someone who can guide us through the journey.
There will come a time that the crying trickles to a stop. But I have found that I am sometimes blind-sided by something that triggers a memory and a wall of grief hits me out of nowhere. That may happen to you, too. Ride that wave and let it wash over you.
Keep the love of you wonderful mom and her memory close to your heart.
Rely on all the family and friends that are there to help you.
And Meghan, live life to the fullest as a tribute to what your mom gave you.
As always,
Aleta
-
I'm very sorry Leslie and Meghan for your loss. My dad died in 2008, so I understand what you are going through Meghan. If you need to talk to me, you can email me anytime at:: cheeseylicious@yahoo.com
-
Sending you a hug today Meaghan. :cuddle;
-
i'm sorry for your loss. i know it can't be easy for you. i'm glad ihd can help.
-
Mehgan, I'm so sorry for you. This will hurt forever, though not as much as today. Each day a little less. Some days, as Aleta says, you will be bowled over with grief, even years down the road. My mom died 10 years ago. I still miss her, and sometimes "forget" that she is gone, if just for a minute. My kids were young when she died, 10,14,and 18. I knew they wouldn't be prepared, and I had them write to her. OVer and over. They wrote her letters before she dies, and after her death. We read them to her before she died, and it helped them both. You are doing what you need to do. Talk to people, write stuff down, (this is a great place for you to be) and jsut remember your Mom. Don't be afraid to talk to her, laugh about her, tell stories about her. TELL STORIES ABOUT HER... It will help a lot. :flower;
-
To Meghan and Leslie,
Nothing, nothing that can be said will make you feel better at this point in time. I say grieve, cry, be angry, whatever emotion you need to express. But let me disagree with Nurse just a little. It will not hurt forever. The Nurse is right on about everything else. Oh yea, you will remember forever, but if your experience was for love and appreciation for each other when she was living, if you said I love You in either actions or words (in other words, the more intense your love for each other) the more it is going to hurt now. The more grief. But at the same time, I will promise you (and I hope your therapist will back me up on this) that it will not hurt forever because soon all the memories will turn into happy memories, memories of fun, good times and whatever positive experience you had. I believe with all my being that the degree to which and when this happens depends upon your life relationship. I expect it will be very soon for you when you start laughing and appreciating the times you had.
-
Dear Jesus! The things she went though. I'm completely floored at this point.
I'm hoping Nurse Wratchet is right. I'd like to tell ya'll about her.
Tiny little woman. But so beautiful. I wish I looked more like her. Long, dark, naturally curly hair. A figure to die for, gorgeous face!!!! (Odd I've chosen to use that word "die").
She was a true Southern belle.
She gave her all to help others. She was so sweet, so kind, so giving.
Forgive me for venting here.....I'm just so proud of her for hanging on as long as she did. She did it for me and Leslie.
But at the same time, I'm very angry at her for leaving me. Not sure where to turn. And so sad.....I miss her so much it hurts...it hurts me physically...I never knew you could cry until your very bones hurt. I'm okay, I'm with my grandparents.
Meghan
-
Guess I should explain....she was hurt, very badly, shortly after she turned 18. Two men hurt her while she was at a stoplight...they took her and did, well, I think you can fill in the blanks. Yes, a police report was filed, but they weren't very kind to her either...acted like she was lying.
My mother never, EVER, spoke of this incident. She was a great mom to me and it's just so wrong that someone hurt her. She deserved better.
-
I just got Home Today. I was out of Town for the last Nine Days, visiting, someone, who does not have Internet Access, so I have not been checking, the IHD site. I am Shocked and Saddened, to Read this News. May the Peace of God, be with the Family, at this time.
-
I am so sorry your Mom was hurt in such a way, Meghan. It took a great deal of strength for her not to speak of it to you. She was a very brave woman and from everything I have heard a great Mom.
-
I want you to know I am thinking of you. A death in the immediate family is overwhelming and it takes time for the immerse sadness to go away. You will always miss your Mother but you will always have the memories to cherish. I still miss my daughter, Sarah and she has been in heaven for two years.I just know I will be reunited with her when it comes my time to go. She would want me to live my life now with knowing we will be see each other later.
-
I am a slow responder....I never even realized Inara died until I read a post on a different topic and it referred to Inara's death. My dear sweet Mother passed away on Sept 24, 09. She struggled with Altzimers. When one of her very young Granddaughters was given the news she said "oh good, Grandma Esther has her memories back". So that is how I think of her now. Whole, happy, memories in tact. I think that is how Inara must be, in that same place where the fear and pain is gone and her soul is healed.
There is so much wonderful insight from all the usual folks here on IHD. Time does heal (cliche, sorry). Then I see something, or walk by the perfume counter in a store and smell her perfume and I can't get to the door fast enough. Sometimes, just driving down the highway and I get a flash of something and I tear up. But, those are wonderful reminders. Your family will heal and you are clearly leaning on one another and this is a very good thing.
My sincerest thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
-
Hi Inara,
I just got here, but i do hope you are well. Just read these other posts and the love and the light will come out to hold you up and carry you through. This is family love. Get better... please.
I say a little prayer for you...
Julie