I Hate Dialysis Message Board

Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: Des on October 05, 2009, 08:13:16 AM

Title: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: Des on October 05, 2009, 08:13:16 AM
A month ago I told you's that I was promoted to another position.... well I found out Friday that it is actually a demotion.  It is because of my possible nephrectomy/ transplant in Jan. THIS SUCKS! I know the company must make alternative plans but I DON'T WANT THIS. I have worked hard to get where I am today. The other position is definately a lower post ... they are not dropping my salary but they want me to vacate my office and that was when I smelt the rat!

Life is just not fair.... I don't want this disease any more.... I Just don't... I just want to jump up and down like a 2 year old.... no ! no!no! I wish I never new I had it....

RM you can tell me that it is just a start of something new..... it is not..... something is dying. And I can do nothing but watch it going down down down and down .
I really thought I can handle this ... but I can't.  I am crying so badly now that I can hardly see the screen........
I will continue later.....   
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: okarol on October 05, 2009, 08:14:40 AM
 :grouphug; Des, I am sorry, take care.
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: willowtreewren on October 05, 2009, 08:16:09 AM
Oh, Des,
Arms reaching way across the ocean to hold you....

 :cuddle; :cuddle;

Let the tears out. Then lift you head high and SHOW THEM!  :boxing; :boxing;

With much caring,

Aleta
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: peleroja on October 05, 2009, 10:13:54 AM
I understand; it is tough to realize you are no longer the same.  That is, however, not to say you're no longer normal.  You are still you, just tweaked a little bit.  Rather than dwelling on who you "no longer are," try concentrating on who you are becoming.  Every night I recount to myself what I accomplished that day.  Some days I get out of bed and veg on the couch all day, with occasional potty and food breaks.  Other days I wash dishes, do laundry, buy groceries, dine out, whatever.  It's easy to find the not so good stuff in your life, and kinda tough to find the good stuff.  I don't use the word bad any more, just good and not so good.  Now that the pep talk is over, I'm sending you tons of warm fuzzies to help get you out of your funk!   :cheer:  :yahoo; :cuddle;
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: billybags on October 05, 2009, 10:31:44 AM
Des oh Des what a shitter, is there no one at work you can talk to about this. OK you have a kidney disease, you are sorting it, you are staying a live with help, surely they should try to accommodate you. What sort of company do you work for? It must be really frustrating working so hard for a particular job and then they do that. Please try and talk to someone, explain your position. Let them know how you feel .Let them know you are having a transplant but you will not be away from work longer than it takes. I send you lots of hugs, I will be thinking about you. Dry your eyes, things could be worse, none of us on here like what we have to do to stay alive, but stay alive we do. Look around and see all the  children that have the disease, think what future they will have.
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: Goofy on October 05, 2009, 10:44:35 AM
I'm sorry to hear about your job.  I can't even imagine how you feel.  You're right, this disease really stinks.

We all want to be productive human beings.  We want to live normal lives but with what happened to you makes us realize we have more obstacles in life then others.  Sometimes I look at it from the perspective that if I had a choice to pick an organ to replace, I'd pick the kidney.  At least we have more of a chance to survive that someone needing a heart or a liver.

I'll say a prayer for you that things turn out well.  I truly believe things happen for a reason and hopefully in time, you'll find out what that reason is for your job change.

Hang in there!
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: Goofy on October 05, 2009, 11:00:44 AM
I forgot to mention.........perhaps they need some "education" on people with kidney disease.  Maybe they have never dealt with this before.  If they haven't, its up to you to let them know exactly what its all about.

Maybe there is some way to give them information regarding your situation.  There should be plenty of articles that would support that people with kidney disease can still live a "normal" life. (there I go again with doing research). 

Stick up for yourself.  You said the only thing you can do is watch everything go down, down, down.  THAT'S NOT TRUE.  You can try and help your situation.  Education, education, education.  I can't say it enough!   Prove to them you can handle whatever they ask.  Ask them to give you a chance!
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: KICKSTART on October 05, 2009, 11:08:38 AM
Des , you jump up and down and why the hell not , if i could i would jump up and down every dam day. You have every right to be angry , this bloody disease brings nothing but frustration and never lets up. The only thing i can say that might make you feel a bit better is ..do they have tribunals out there? Isnt it discrimination ? Maybe you can do some research that will re direct your anger. Hugs n kisses arent going to sort this out , you know i would be the first to send them , maybe some positive action against your employers will !!
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: kristina on October 05, 2009, 11:33:23 AM
A few days ago I listened to a Radio program
and they reported about the changes
taking place in South Africa.
I do hope you find your way through this
and I send you my best wishes.
Take care, Kristina.
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: dwcrawford on October 05, 2009, 02:53:34 PM
Des, I'm not nearly so elegant with words nor as inspiring as RM, but I do think this is beginning of something big and better for you.  It may feel like pure s**t right now but the truth is you have a strong spirit and I believe that the world has something waiting for you out there.  Keep ranting for now though.  Get it all out.  Thank goodness for your beautiful family there to support you.
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: RichardMEL on October 05, 2009, 04:42:30 PM
Actually I was kind of bemused to see the comment specifically directed at me - I'm not sure if that means I have reached a scary level of infamy or not (but this is NOT about me anyway!!).

However I'd just like to say I *wouldn't* say "this is the start of something new" in this case because I believe it is poor treatment. I don't remember how the new position was couched to you in the first place (and I don't have time just now to search for the earlier thread on it) but it seems to me that an employer should work *with* you in such a situation, and not shaft you sideways or downwards like some kind of liability.

In my own situation - even before I started dialysis I was up front with my bosses about what that would entail, and they were (and continue to be) very supportive of the whole thing. They know I work as much as I am able, and I don't leave before 12 on D days to go home and put my feet up :) They understand I'd rather be at work but I have no choice. With respect to possible transplant they've said to me for a number of years now "don't YOU worry about work or that. YOU get the transplant! That's what we want. Whatever time you need to deal with that is OK - we'll manage - you just concentrate on that when it happens" - and I know I am VERY lucky to have such an understanding employer in these tough economic times.

It seems almost insulting to have to give up your office now?!! Oh yes, they are keeping your pay level which is *something* but it DOES seem unfair to me, and I do not blame you one bit for feeling angry and depressed about it.

I wonder to try and be constructive (but it seems a bit late, specially if you formally accepted your "new" position) if it is possible to go to your managers and discuss the situation with them. Explain how you're not an invalid and feel like you've been unfairly treated. It may also be a possible grounds for a discrimination hearing? I am not certain but here in Australia at least there are various avenues you can take in that regard (though their argument almost certainly will be that your pay is the same and you have not suffered a lowering of your circumstance in that regard). It might be worth looking into though. Perhaps your unit social worker might also have some ideas as to how to help.

I think it's shitty and I'm not surprised you're upset - I would be too!! I hope something positive can be resolved out of this (and specially IF you get a transplant that works out you'd be able to do your job again full time!!!)  :cuddle; :cuddle;

infamously yours,
RichardMEL :)
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: lizabee on October 05, 2009, 05:41:45 PM
Sorry to hear about your job, I hope everything works out and good luck to you in Jan!  I just had a Nephrectomy 2 weeks ago...
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: Jean on October 05, 2009, 06:21:02 PM
Oh, Des, I am so sorry to hear that. My first thought was, oh no, no transplant. This is just as shitty tho. The thing that is hurting you the most right now is your pride. I can really understand that. Maybe I am thinking if you went to your boss and cleared the air with him ( or her ). A lot of people dont understand what is going on with you. I am so sorry this happened to you, and I hope you overcome it and show them just who is the more qualified person for the job you want.
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: rookiegirl on October 05, 2009, 07:17:10 PM
Des - sorry this is happening to you.  It's bad enough we have to live with this disease and have to battle the rest of the world too.  Hang in there and don't let this get you down.  Just know that you are not alone.
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: Des on October 05, 2009, 09:47:25 PM
THANKS ALL for your encouriging words....

I have spoken to my boss and educated him on the kidney disease and I have explained to him how I feel. His reply was: " It is just a chair , I can't see why you are so upset"

Well I am not taking this lying down.... I contacted the CCMA (workers protection) and they agree that it was discrimination. The company is allowed to move me if my work quality drops or if I cannot perform but it has to be in writing and it has to be temporary.

Luckily for me I have not signed anything- as they have not given me anything in writing... so I requested my boss to give me the proposal and reason in writing so that I can send it to the CCMA and they will now fight on my behalf.
I am still crying and upset..... but I am now angry as hell! Now they better watch out !!!!!

I don't know how I would have gotton through this kidney disease without you guys and gals!!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING THERE!!
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: RichardMEL on October 06, 2009, 01:23:24 AM
oh that is awesome you could get some support from the CCMA folks - that's exactly the sort of thing I was thinking of!! See they are on your side, and that is very good for you i think. I hope your boss sees sense on this!!!

 :2thumbsup; :yahoo; :2thumbsup;
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: tamara on October 06, 2009, 02:42:32 AM
Hey I know what this is like. Being made "redundant" 4 weeks after my kidney transplant. About to go back to work, hey don't bother we dont need you.
Be careful, what I foundd with some workplaces through my kidney failure journey is that you may have "workers protection" on board but watch your back some companies make it awkward in other ways.

Here's to taking them on as long as it suits you and makes it an enjoyable place for you to work in............. :boxing;


Tamara xxx ooo
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: billybags on October 06, 2009, 06:02:12 AM
Des, good for you, dont take a back seat, give them "hell" See this through. :bandance;
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: willowtreewren on October 06, 2009, 01:10:22 PM
 :clap; :clap;

Angry is GOOD! And good for you for taking the bull (boss) by the horns! You can do this!!!!

Rooting for you all the way, Des.

Aleta
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: draven on October 06, 2009, 01:20:09 PM
Just caught this post!!

Sorry to hear about the work situation Des :(

When i was able to go back to work in july, i got hold of my work. and they sent me a email stateing that if i am unable to keep up and
work the required 12 hours a day. they wont be needing my services!!!!! no sympathy or anything.

in 2007 I was also attacked and mugged going to work. i was reprimanded for being late for work. told them what happend.
there response was "its not there problem". ( i was attacked a further 2 times)

Joys of living in South Africa i guess.
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: Chris on October 06, 2009, 02:14:26 PM
Sorry to hear Des  :cuddle;
I just have any words of encouragement or something positive and funny to say right now. I hope you feel better soon by playing darts andd thrown the darts at people from work who are the rats.
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: Sunny on October 06, 2009, 02:23:07 PM
Des, they aren't treating you fairly at all. I'm glad you followed up on this with your boss and we'll see what he has to say about the whole thing. Employers can be so sneaky about how they go about dealing with people with disabilities.
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: Des on October 06, 2009, 11:21:43 PM
Thanks for all the posts......

the angry is subsiding .... and now I am just dissapointed that people don't really care about other people (not IHD) They don't care what you are going through or how you feel. They just think about "how is this affecting me"

I also heard that the rest of the ladies in the office don't even think I am really sick......

That's life.:(
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: RichardMEL on October 06, 2009, 11:37:23 PM
oh don't you love that? You're not sniffing, don't have a cast on your leg and your head isn't shaved so clearly you're "not sick" - in a way that's why i sometimes deliberately wear short sleeve shirts to work and show off my fistula so they can SEE the needle marks and the whole funky thing going on. They might think I'm a druggie, but I don't really care. It is frustrating to have people think you're not sick.. It's like when I go out and see people I haven't seen for awhile - the first thing they always say is "Oh you're looking so WELL!!" grrrr
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: willowtreewren on October 07, 2009, 08:30:07 AM
Kidney failure is an invisible disease! ARGH!

Thinking of you, Des.
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: KICKSTART on October 07, 2009, 11:37:37 AM
Hey Des , hows it going ? Did you find out if you can complain to anyone ? Dont you just love those people that dont think youre ill ! Yet let them have a cold and they are in bed for 3 days , poor souls. Dont do your hair and dont put any makeup on  , it works for me ! I  look like death warmed up without it !   :rofl;
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: Des on October 07, 2009, 12:57:04 PM
heheheh

I tried too hard to look healthy..... no more! When I feel sick I am going to look sick and not hide it anymore. It was my own fault I suppose. OR I am going to get me some crutches.. (just joking, not taking a jab at anyone on crutches)

KS... my boss seems a bit chicken to put any of it in writing... he wants to talk... hehehehhe

 
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: willowtreewren on October 07, 2009, 01:05:13 PM
Quote
my boss seems a bit chicken to put any of it in writing

He he. I'm having trouble understanding exactly what you mean! Perhaps you could write it down so I could read over in order to understand better.  :rofl; :rofl;
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: KICKSTART on October 07, 2009, 01:06:21 PM
Ah, get him to put anything in writing , then if you can make a complaint you have proof , without it , its just his word against yours. I'd get the crutches or maybe a walking stick and id be very clumsy with it , leave it sticking out or wave it about , you are sure to catch one of your co workers sooner or later ! :rofl;
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: Des on October 07, 2009, 01:11:09 PM
you both are so funny!

wtw   do you want him to think that I am an idiot to? Not just sick.... but I am going to try that. :rofl; "Please.. I really don't understand, please write it down for me." 

ks  duck people here comes the lady with the cane. :rofl; :rofl; !!!!!
(I just pictured it... so funny)
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: murf on October 07, 2009, 02:41:40 PM
Don't you find that people you work with and even those you know quite well, have a great deal of sympathy but so little empathy? I hate the "o you poor boy" comment when they haven't got a clue what happens to your body during and after dialysis. Only a person who has been on dialysis really knows and that's why this site is a god-send.
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: Falkenbach on October 08, 2009, 04:13:40 AM
You keep standing up for yourself Des. How dare they?!  I could go on, but it's best I don't.

 :rant;
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: KICKSTART on October 08, 2009, 12:58:53 PM
Des . no no no , i didnt mean you dont understand him . Its just proof that he is sending you backwards as opposed to a promo and if you have nothing in writing , you have no proof (he could say you didnt feel up to the job you are doing right now , because of health issues) If you have something in writing giving his reasons for doing this to you , then its so much easier to prove.  :thumbup;  Got the stick yet ?  :Kit n Stik;    :rofl;
Title: Re: I am really sad and depressed today!
Post by: dwcrawford on October 08, 2009, 01:42:19 PM
Des, of course I know nothing of S Africa of the UK where KS is, but if you were in the US Kickstarts advice would be right on the money.   I use to be on the other end of this situation and when people wanted things documented managment watched their Ps and Qs afterward.  Here they could not refuse to give you documentation.  I do realize that the legal ramifications could be different where you are but sure is worth going for.