I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: BobN on June 06, 2009, 07:33:40 AM
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Bob Here
After careful consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that it sucks getting old.
And, it seems that dialysis does its part to age you before your time.
Now, there are all kinds of old age jokes around, but I’m not going to hit you with any here today.
Well ok, maybe a couple.
Here are the top ten ways to know if you’re over the hill:
10. In cafeterias, you complain that the jello is too tough.
9. One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.
8. The waiter asks how you’d like your steak, and you answer, “pureed.”
7. At parties you attend, the prime topic of choice is “regularity.”
6. You can live without sex, but not your glasses.
5. You’re proud of your lawnmower.
4. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
3. Your ears have more hair than your head.
2. Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.
1. You define “consciousness” as that annoying time between naps.
How about some others from all of you, I’m sure you have some good ones??
Sorry, I’ve been thinking a lot about age lately.
Probably because being on dialysis makes us feel like our get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went.
I think the old age bug really started hitting me when I turned 40 (I’m 53 now.)
It seems like changes happened to my body that day.
No, I’m not talking about around that time, the changes happened that day, my 40th birthday.
The day before that, I was a really good athlete.
I was fast as the wind. I actually ran a 4.4 second forty-yard dash in college.
But starting that day, you could clock my sprints with a sun dial.
I took great joy in lifting weights, and had a rigorous three-day-per-week routine.
But starting that day, my muscles started heading in the same direction as profit at General Motors.
I always considered myself to have above average agility as well.
Now, it’s all I can do to keep from getting run down by the mail cart in the office.
I used to be a bad tennis player, who made up for his lack of skill with above-average physical ability.
Now, I’m just a bad tennis player.
I think some of my paranoia about age has something to do with the fact that I work with a lot of people who are much younger.
The other day, I was participating in a United Way event at the office. Some of the other senior people and I were serving pancakes in exchange for donations to the United Way.
I came across a youngster who I hadn’t seen in a while, and I just casually said, “So, how’s it been going?”
I’m paraphrasing here, but her response was something like,
“Oh, the other night, I was like on my Facebook and my boyfriend tweeked me, so I had to text him back, and he was like, ‘LOL LOL’, and he wanted me to catch this tricked-up video on ‘You Tube’ I sent him a new string, and then…”
I was getting dizzy, so I interrupted, and said, “Well that’s great, but the line is building up behind you here.”
She, said, “No worries, I’ll catch up with you later.”
I thought, more like me catching up to you, since you left me so far in the dust back there.
After I got “off duty,” I was chatting with a few people, and I saw the kid making a beeline for me and I had this horrible thought that she actually wanted to continue that earlier conversation, so I handed this one person my coffee, and said, “Sorry, gotta go,” and I high-tailed it outta there.
Most mornings when I go to work, I make a point of climbing the stairs, instead of taking the elevator. My office is on the third floor of a three-story building.
Now, I go up the stairs at what I consider to be a pretty good pace, but last week, some kid who looked like he was about twelve, went buzzing by me at about double the speed, and made it look effortless.
And, to add insult to injury, as he sped past me, he said, “Oh, excuse me, sir.”
The next day, I was walking up again, and I heard someone coming up fast behind me. I glanced back and realized it was the same kid.
I had to fight off the urge to stick my foot out and send him hurdling over the rail.
Another thing that affected me is that there was a young person on dialysis in my last center.
She was in her early 20’s and had inherited kidney disease, bless her heart.
When she was done with her treatments, she used to bound up out of her chair and practically run over to the scale.
One time I asked her, what was the rush?
She told me that she and her boyfriend were going out on the town, and she didn’t want to be late.
I was like, “After Dialysis?”
She said, “Yeah, c’mon Bob. It’s only 9 o’clock. The night is still young.”
I said, “Right. Good point.”
And after she left and my treatment was over, I looked like Slim Pickens with a hernia, stumbling over to the scale, while my legs were cramping and I had no energy.
I managed to drive myself home, and my wife half-carried me to our room where I promptly proceeded to collapse on the bed and didn’t move again until the next day.
My wife came in to look at me and said I looked so bad that she was about ready to order an autopsy.
But before I lost consciousness, I thought about the dialysis youngster out boogying the night away, and I thought, that’s it, I’m officially ancient.
The other thing is, you know how we live through our children?
I have a son and a daughter, and next year, in 2010, my son will turn 30.
I’m ordering up a walker for that occasion.
For me.
Not sure I’m mentally prepared for that milestone.
The one good thing about getting older, though, is it beats the hell out of the alternative.
How do you all deal with aging and dialysis issues?
I’d really like to know.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
I hope everyone has a good week of treatments.
Remember to stay active. And take care.
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:rofl;
I just make sure all my doctors are older than me. It makes me feel young. If a young buck walks in I walk out! That method will not last forever but I hope I die before then.
:waving;
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Keep it up Bob, your blog that is! I enjoy reading them at least until I forget to.
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I lied a lot until I started getting senior citizen discounts.....
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:rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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:rofl; :rofl; I enjoy your blog's Bob. Keep 'em coming!!!
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Where's Bob?? :waiting;
I miss his weekly blog!