I Hate Dialysis Message Board
Dialysis Discussion => Dialysis: General Discussion => Topic started by: kitkatz on September 09, 2006, 09:32:57 PM
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The former thread was locked because the discussion got off topic. So I am bringing it back! Please stay on topic.
Put IHD.com up on your computer and read the jokes and funny things to the techs, nurses and patients.
Suck your thumb.
Whistle a tune slightly off key throughout the four hours.
Pretend you are sleeping.
Make up a fantasy life while your eyes are closed. Live there while you dialyze each day. Call techs and nurses by names you gave them in your fantasy ( I would not put ANY of them in my fantasy personally, but...)
Make the doctor sit down and really talk to you face to face.
Invent something.
Fill out your tax forms.
Ask a local teacher if you can grade papers for them while you are on dialysis. You got three or four hours to kill.
Be difficult.
Smile. It will drive them nuts.
Put the volume up through your headphones so loud everyone else can hear it. Then complain about the noise level.
Be a superhero. Act like one when you come in. Wear your blanket on your shoulders as a cape. Speak in bold terms. Then assume your mild mannered self as you sit down in your chair. As you leave the center assume your superhero identity with your cape thrown behind you. Storm out of the center through the door (No windows. Remember you are only a superhero in your own mind now).
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Sneak over to a patients machine that you do not like and turn the UF from 2kg to 22kg. :2thumbsup;
Keep clamping your lines so the machine keep alarming, the Techs have no idea what is happening ;D
Play darts with the fistula needles. Then put the needles back in the packets ::)
Sit in Reruns Chair :o might be something to do, but you will end up in ICU for a couple of weeks :clap;
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Take off your shoes and ask the tech for a pedicure. ;)
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Tell Kevno that he has to use 12 gage needles today and forever! :clap;
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:thumbdown; Got one needle in today. Sister Shirley warned me when she got back off holiday she would try. I did think she would forget, I have been very quiet, but it did not work :-\ The Needle worked Ok, a red needle 17 gage! With a bit of luck on Thursday I will grab another nurse to put me on, so my lines will be used :) Thats one thing to do when on the unit HIDE FROM SISTER SHIRLEY :2thumbsup; Thing is I am so unlucky she would always find me >:(
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Play hide and seek with the nurses before you go an dialysis. What fun Kevno!
Play peekaboo with the patient across the way from you.
Learn sign language and pretend the patient across from you understand what you are signing.
Announce everytime you arrive in the unit (wearing sunglasses makes this even better.): "Well here I am! Where is my paparazzi?" Throw kisses to the crowd as you head for your chair.
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Kitkatz, sounds like they would be soon giving us dialysis in a padded room!
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Some days all I want to do is bounce off of the walls! Hey another thing to do while on dialysis!
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I will be playing hide and seek on Thursday. Only trouble is I was never any good at it >:(
Knitting, Sudoku if you are one of Epomans old 45's like Rerun :2thumbsup;
Right I'm off will get in trouble for that my friend, mate, buddy Rerun :grouphug; creep! creep!
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When I go in-centre, which is the 5 bed home training unit, I find talking to the staff makes time go quicker. One of them usually comes over for a chat for a good bit of time. I have also taken up making greeting cards, which you could probably do on the machine. Just take a few things along that are easy to do, even if its just cutting them or putting stickers on.
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Blink wildly and then close your eyes for an interesting light show.
Learn how to use your secret mind power to make things happen.
While watching TV, repeat everything said in an Italian accent.
Throw a foam Frisbee to another awake patient
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Close your eyes and pretend to sleep. Whenever someone comes by your chair yell: "Boo!"
Eat a banana, or an orange, or drink orange juice, or eat a tomato. (Not recommended. Bad renal diet ideas.) It will drive the dietitian crazy!
Call the local pizza shop and order up a pizza. (One guy in our unit did this and got in sooo much trouble for it.)
Bring donuts or sweets for the patients. Do not share with staff.
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Complain, complain, complain. Oh did I say complain. About the place, the chair, the weather, your life, whatever.
Tell the tech putting you on they look terrible today, tell the next one they look great. Keep this up for four hours and change it for everyone who comes over.
Make the doctor sit down and have a conversation with you. (I have not figured out how to do this one yet...)
Wear a halloween mask to dialysis and act the part. A vampire might be fun.
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Make the doctor sit down and have a conversation with you. (I have not figured out how to do this one yet...)
A face to face encounter. That's a novel idea! ::)
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Fart machine http://www.fartmart.com/fartmachine.asp
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drink beer
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toss a beach ball back and forth with the patient across from you.
organize "the wave" with all the patients (and the resulting access movement would set off a lot of alarms and drive the staff crazy, too).
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:bump; :bump;
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Complain LOUDLY about all the things you COULD be doing with these twelve hours a week.
Figure out how much you would get paid per day/week/month/year in your old job for the time you now spend on dialysis.
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HA, I now do home dialysis on NXSTAGE. SOOOOO. I play XBOX 360 games. I play pac man with my wife. I watch the NFL Channel on DirecTV. I talk on the phne to my Friends and Parents in New England(I am in NC) amd like to grab a nap! For me doing this at home has made a difference. I was going to cut dialysis and that would have been it.
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Make the doctor sit down and have a conversation with you. (I have not figured out how to do this one yet...)
A face to face encounter. That's a novel idea! ::)
both of my doctors do that.
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I'm a NxStage user so I like to go to IHD, check the forums and chat. It's a great way to pass the time and enjoy the company of other members of our community.
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I ususally do at least 2 crossword puzzles while I'm on...some studies say puzzles like that help your brain and I figure, with all that's happened, I should try to keep THAT organ functioning.
I do some online stuff, but typing one-handed is a drag. I do read IHD a lot while I'm on.
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;D
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Carol, that's the nicest (and most family-friendly) one-handed activity that's been suggested to me!!! :rofl;
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Flirt with redheaded nurse who is stunning and I only see at the clinic every three months.
Flirt with raven haired tech who's very giggly.
Wonder if the blonde-haired tech will go out with me Saturday.
The above usually takes about thirty minutes.
The rest of the time is spent with DVD's. They're my bestest friend ever.
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Carol, that's the nicest (and most family-friendly) one-handed activity that's been suggested to me!!! :rofl;
:o :lol; Here's another one-handed thing to learn http://www.aboutonehandtyping.com/
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Cool thing to learn!
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Interesting. I may have to learn that skill.
Oh....stare at the old ornery guy across from you who does nothing but sit there and stare (usually at you!) while he's dialyzing. Try to make him as uncomfortable as he makes you.
Flash the staff
Bring your pet Great Dane and allow her to roam.
Bring a gun and shoot the stupid prarie dogs that live just outside the building. (Not really, but sounds temporarily entertaining)
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The Martian Popping Thing is soft and pliable orange rubber and stands 4 1/2 inches tall. It is a fact that Martians use similar devices known as "human popping things" to relieve stress on their planet, hence the very low crime rate and lack of hypertension on Mars.
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I always wondered how Martians stayed so healthy and calm! :rofl;
And SheilaW...how does flashing the staff work out for you? More ice? A warmer, less stained blanket? Double washing the kidney? heheehe ;D
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i usually read the newspaper,do puzzles, keep 1 part of the body functioning,give the nurses grief,watch the nightly news services. :thumbup;
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I need to start doing crosswords and sudoku while I'm hooked up so my memory gets better...oh wait, I use a cycler so I'm asleep, I fogot!! :urcrazy;
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I always wondered how Martians stayed so healthy and calm! :rofl;
And SheilaW...how does flashing the staff work out for you? More ice? A warmer, less stained blanket? Double washing the kidney? heheehe ;D
Nah, it's just for sheer entertainment purposes. To watch everyone's reaction. :p
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Well, that's MY kind of entertainment!! I hope they appreciate the effort!!
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:)
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:2thumbsup; Start practicing for the one-handed Rubik's Cube speedcubing championship http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJz02Nh99Cs
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:)
Do you think the boomerang would get the tech to come over to me sooner? :yahoo;
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A couple more one-handed activities:
Practice one handed juggling.
Learn morse code.
Learn to Sign the Alphabet http://www.funbrain.com/signs/index.html
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Use you cell phone to call the techs at the desk (doing nothing) and ask for a cup of ice.
Flop from side to side to the beat of the blood pump. I actually sat by someone who did this. Drove me nuts. Then he shit his pants too. Not a good run!
Take a pair of binoculars so you can watch the TV on the ceiling. (Whose bright idea was it to put them up there?) :sir ken;
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Maybe Zach could do a documentary on Life on Dialysis and show the public the dark side of dialysis. Then again is there a light side? :-\
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Mysty got me an mp3 player, so when she was here I put some of my favorite tunes on it. Otherwise me and the boys(there are four of us in the corner) usually start some kind of trouble.
EDITED: Removed all caps - Sluff/Admin
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Do you think the boomerang would get the tech to come over to me sooner? :yahoo;
As long as you don't hit them so hard you knock them out.
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Kidney Stress Reliever Ball - Can you believe their sales pitch?? -
We've got kidneys to spare here at Quality Logo Products, and one of these organs could have your name on it. The custom Kidney Stress Ball is great for waiting rooms and other medical settings.
Support your local organ donor program or raise money for medical research by using these great Kidney Stress Balls to advertise. Each kidney is handmade, so no two are exactly the same!
When it comes to marketing ideas, these custom Kidney Stress Balls could become just as important as the real things. Don't be too squeamish to invest in this fantastic promotional product today.
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Kidney Stress Reliever Ball - Can you believe their sales pitch?? -
We've got kidneys to spare here at Quality Logo Products, and one of these organs could have your name on it. The custom Kidney Stress Ball is great for waiting rooms and other medical settings.
Support your local organ donor program or raise money for medical research by using these great Kidney Stress Balls to advertise. Each kidney is handmade, so no two are exactly the same!
When it comes to marketing ideas, these custom Kidney Stress Balls could become just as important as the real things. Don't be too squeamish to invest in this fantastic promotional product today.
Can they implant that in me and get it to work? Otherwise they can take it and stuff it! :Kit n Stik;
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Use you cell phone to call the techs at the desk (doing nothing) and ask for a cup of ice.
Oh my gosh! I had the early schedule at dialysis (4:30 am). I chose to sit in the room that they put the sick ppl in..... it had a huge window in front of the chair and I could see the tech and nurse station. I would alllllways use my cell phone to call them.... infact, everytime the phone rang... they would look to see if it was me. Many times I would just call to tell a joke. I really liked my techs and nurses (except for one guy... he was a jerk). When he was the one to answer the phone I would ask for a blanket, a cup of water... whatever.... then I wouldn't even use the blanket and I wouldn't drink the water... just to spite the jerk!
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we would be laughed at for asking for a blanket and a glass of water
and we would not get either one
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I get a blanket when it's cold and always my cup of ice for my Sprite.
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They would always bring me what I asked for..... they were REAL quick to bring me the benedryl! Guess they got tired of my jokes oh well... :sir ken; on them if they didn't like my jokes
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WOW!!! Tough crowd!!
Here's a fun game I always encouraged.
Gather as many blue line clamps as you can get your hands on and keep them hid until after you are on....
See how may clamps you can attach to the staff's lab coats without them knowing or while their back is turned...
The record at my old clinic was 13...MuHahahah
JDBnomad
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:rofl;
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When I was on hemo for 3 months, my center allowed us to bring videos, so I would always bring videos from my extensive collection, and it was funny to see the tv's turning one by one to the video channel just because it was something different!
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My center allows videos and DVDs too. Sometimes I get to see first run movies while they are still in theaters. Shhh! Don't tell. They get peaved at my old sci fi movies I bring in to watch. Hehehe!
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Hey Kitkatz, I know you not in the same hemo unit as I am, unless you are driving 80 miles
to get to Long Beach, but I have the same "only in theaters" DVDs in my unit. Some of these bootlegs
have such poor quality I can't watch, others are movies I want to see on the big screen so I don't watch.
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Things to do While on Dialysis :bandance;
- Practice dribbling a basketball
- Polish your fingernails on your access arm
- Dice
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are you kidding
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are you kidding
Yep ;D
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TV gives you a sense of time--probably one of the last things I want a sense of during treatment... I read a book, then zonk out for the rest of the run. I'll do homework if I don't need a full desktop-sized area for the assignment.
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This thread seriously had me laughing out loud. You guys are hilarious!!!
Gather as many blue line clamps as you can get your hands on and keep them hid until after you are on....
See how may clamps you can attach to the staff's lab coats without them knowing or while their back is turned...
That's great - it almost makes me want to go back to the clinic to try that. Also, the other post that stated doing sign language to the guy across from you and pretend they understand what you are sayiing - it still has me chuckling.
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Nocturnal dialysis things to do:
I figure yelling in the middle of the night would be fun!
Fake snore really loudly.
Whenever the tech walks by be sure to ask for something.
Tell the tech a joke every time they come by.
Toss and turn in the chair.
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I guess sleep walking would not be smart, huh? lol
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More ideas here http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=1160.0 - probably best for home hemo or PD ;D :lol;
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Nocturnal.....
Wait until the tech is comfortable and then tell him you have to go to the bathroom.
When you hand him your temperature strip hang on to the bottom really tight so his hand slips up to your spit. Really pisses them off!
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I just got this idea from the 4 month old puppy I'm watching (can you tell I've been busy?)
Bring something to dialyisis, and everytime the tech is busy doing something else, make the thing you brought go out of your reach (the floor, the next machine.. :rofl;) and have a FIT until they put the object back in your arm's lengh. Repeat constantly.
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Nocturnal.....
Wait until the tech is comfortable and then tell him you have to go to the bathroom.
When you hand him your temperature strip hang on to the bottom really tight so his hand slips up to your spit. Really pisses them off!
Don't forget to suck on an ice cube just before they take your temp so the thermo strip won't register anything. Then they have to come back with another in 15 minutes. . .
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count how many employees should have the lap band surgery
do not include patients
we have enough to worry about
:cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
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count how many employees should have the lap band surgery
do not include patients
we have enough to worry about
:cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
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Dude, that's cold.
Accurate, but cold.
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Also- if you have an internet connection-
www.tinywarz.com
Yeah baby.
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love that but we get no internet connection
lucky to get a 6 ounce cup of ice
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One-Handed, Blind-Folded Cotton Ball Transfer
Spoons and steady hands required.
To set up the game, you need a bowl filled with cotton balls, a plate, a spoon, and a blindfold for each player.
Players blindfold themselves and using a spoon, try to transfer the most cotton balls in 30 seconds from the bowl to the plate.
Since this is one-handed, players can't use their other hand to keep their cotton balls on their spoons.
Whichever player transfers the most cotton balls wins.
Sounds like torture to me - maybe twirl could win some more bone bucks. :rofl;
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Bone Bucks
1 buck per bleeding before leaving
2 bucks for patient who makes the biggest mess for tech to clean up------ can come out of any part of your body
1 buck per getting off to go to the restroom----- no need to void----- what you do in the restroom is private-- sometimes, it's nice to just stand up
3 bucks for making the neph doc yell the loudest during his visits---- especially Dr. Ne------d
BONUS BUCKS- only for the brave hearted---- ask for more ice after you have had your one allowed cup----- if you get it--- ask for another one-
whine if you have to, cry even every extra cup is worth 2 bonus points
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Speaking of dogs . . . mine jumps up and down and throws a fit when I don't get up . . . this morning soiled on my bed . . . I wonder how they would react to that?
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dkerr :yahoo;
I think that is so funny but glad it is your dog and not mine
you know it has almost happened
when I had diarrhea and had to go and the tech was mad and did not want to take me off
I would have been so humiliated
someone on this post once posted that is was a rule at their clinic that you can not get off to go to the restroom
wish I could remember the member's name
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I've never seen anyone at my clinic disconnect to go to the bathroom. No idea why. I don't pee much any more but I've never ever had to go while hooked up, even when I used to do 5 hours way back when.
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Redneck Playstation http://majman.net/fly_loader.html :rofl;
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maybe it is b/c you do not stay for over 4 hours
and sometimes it is do do
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maybe it is b/c you do not stay for over 4 hours
and sometimes it is do do
:rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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Our unit disconnects people to go to the toilet. I do realise that it's hard for some people but can't you go beforehand since you know you'll be on for 4-5 hours??
Unfortunately I've also witnessed(and smelled) those that didn't make it. not fun.
As for sleepwalking which someone mentioned way up above... I've SEEN this... more than once... luckily the person in question had been disconnected when he went for his walkies. The even more scary part was when he walked out of the hospital and across the road... totally disregarding traffic (being asleep and all). They had to send security after him to get him back to try and wake him up. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes I don't think I would have ever believed it.
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Our unit disconnects people to go to the toilet. I do realise that it's hard for some people but can't you go beforehand since you know you'll be on for 4-5 hours??
Hey Darling, you are being a bit tough. What about those who still need to go for a pee? There is no way that I could go five hours without going to the bathroom!! At the moment I get up about six times a night with an average of six hours sleep!
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when I first started D I had to go two hours into the treatment
and I would pee alot
then gradually, I did not pee much
I wish I still had to go
it was so much easier with fluid restrictions
actually, at that time I had no restrictions
the longer on D; the less you P
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Well Lucinda & I discussed this issue in person yesterday :) The issue about peeing less when on dialysis definitely was raised.. specially in relation to Lucinda's having to go through the night - which is something Charee and I both had prior to starting and when we started on D that situation dried right up (pun intended) and was no longer a bother. Even I still pee a bit and can go the 5 hours plus without bother.. I guess everyone's different though. I have though seen people come in, get hooked up and 30 mins later want off to go pee... that just seems like a thoughtless lack of planning more than anything else. IMHO
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I have a colostomy and a urostomy. I produce a little less urine since I've been on dialysis this past year. I've never had to ask to be taken off to empty my urine bag. :) Now my colostomy is a different story. I'm on for 3 hours and one session I had to ask to be taken off 3 times. I was embarrassed asking to use the restroom so many times but I couldn't help it. I have no control over when or how many times my bag will fill. None of the techs have ever complained about having to take me off. :)
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:bump;
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I've been taking my daughters nintindo ds and playing video games. It really makes the time go fast. I guess I'm just a big kid.
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after the no eating rule -
I have been counting the number of patients I see "sneak" eating
I am in a very large unit
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after the no eating rule -
I have been counting the number of patients I see "sneak" eating
I am in a very large unit
I think you should organize - everyone bring in a complete meal, synchronize your watches at at the exact same moment whip 'em out and eat! Also, set up a hidden camera so I can see what happens! I think the no eating is nuts, personally!
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frak me! It seems that "sneak eating" is more bloody dangerous than the unit just allowing people to eat. In people's eagnerness to sneak a snack in you can just see it causing problems in one way or another.. and let's say someone does have some sort of reaction or choke or something with what they're eating I think it would be better than staff KNEW they were doing it than NOT (not to mention the act of secreting food, then reaching in to places to dig it out etc could also cause it's own kind of issue).
My brain screams out BAD KARMA at the whole idea !
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I have permission to sneak eat ---- I have told no patients at dialysis --- Benedict Arnold (me)
as I understand from one of the nurses on ihd -- I am a "hipper" -- no, it is not hip size -- it is someone with good insurance -- they were afraid I might go to another clinic --- I "sneak" eat but do not worry about getting caught -- yes, I am a :sir ken; for doing this ----- I sneak eat easy foods to sneak which are unhealthy -- other patients do the same thing --- I tried going without eating but I got so sick at my stomach -- there may be other hippers who have been given permission to eat --- but the patients I know and talk to do not have permission --- I know, I am ashamed of this -- I bring two string cheeses -
crackers and hot tea -- I used to bring fruits and baked chicken or tuna and fruit - one patient used to bring chicken her husband grilled -- now she brings little pieces of candy or grapes and candy
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Wow, I used to eat on dialysis all of the time. Both at the hospital unit and the out patient unit. In fact at the hospital my Grandma would come about two hours in with a whole meal. She would go to Friendly's and get me chicken fingers and a milkshake. Then an hour later she would bring me candy to eat because my mouth always got that bad taste after being on the machine for a while. Oh, I HATED that taste.
Why don't they allow you to eat?
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To yank this thread a bit back onto topic...
This one is more of a pre-dialysis entertainment...Just before you walk into your unit, call the front desk and tell them you decided to skip dialysis today. As they try to argue with you to come, walk inside while still talking on your phone to them.
~Tell everyone, "It's good for you to see me today", "I don't care what everybody else here says...you're all right", or "Exactly when did this job suck the soul out of you?"
~When they give you a thermometer (we use the ear ones), palm it away from view. When the tech turns back to you wondering where it is, pretend to pull it out of the back of your pants and hand it to them.
~Continually ask, "When will the dessert tray be rolled around?"
~When the in-house nephs or medical directors show visitors around, begin bawling and wailing about how awful this is, and please, don't beat me again!
~Try to get a chorus of "Row, row, row your boat" going.
~When a nurse makes a phone call (you have to have a seat close to the nurse's station for this one...which I do) yell really loudly, "Get off the phone and come back to bed, darling!"
~I've tried convincing the staff to wear Lazer Tag sensors and give us patients the guns...no luck so far.
On a personal note, I used to have this machine that would do this rhythmic, extremely high-pitched squeak which would give me a horrible headache. I asked repeatedly for weeks for them to move this machine elsewhere (or to fix it...pshyeah, right) to no avail. So one day, for my entire treatment, I yelled "SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK" in perfect rhythm to the machine. Needless to say, my next treatment, the machine was moved far away, and they make sure never to put a squeaky one next to me.
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lol Jason!!! I feel your squeak pain!!! For the past 3 or 4 sessions in a row I've been given "squeaky!" I did the squeak thing too but it annoyed me almost as much as it annoyed them so I quit. Now I just tell them it's the "Evil" machine and I'm bringing a hammer in next time to fix it permanently!!!! OMG it's so irritating!!
I like the desert trolley suggestion - that's a good one. Sometimes when they ask if I want a cup of tea or coffee I make this whole convoluted order like "Yeah I'd like a low fat soy decaf macciato with 2 marshmallows and a dash of hazelnut"
Sometimes when they refill the bicarb I ask them if they're refilling my vodka supply....
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You made me laugh with those suggestions.
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HA HA! So funny Jason! LOVE it! :rofl;
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Jason, I love your "Squeak, Squeak, Squeak" technique.
Sometimes, as they say, the squeaky wheel gets the oil! :2thumbsup;
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i actually had a tech tell me she was getting tired when working with my arm. well she did have to move my needle every like 2 mins or the machine beeped. I wasn't doing anything, my arm was just being annoying that day, but it was fun to make em work for their money! :rofl; well, of course it wasn't fun when another tech came at me with sharps to get the machine to shut up. buuut the tech still had to keep moving the needle.
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Flirt with Giggly Princess Tech for fifteen minutes.
Flirt with Raven Haired Tech for twenty minutes.
Flirt with Smiley Blond Tech for twenty-five minutes.
Flirt with Hot LIbrarian Nurse for ten minutes.
Be seen by doctor for twelve seconds.
Be talked down to by Nurtritionist for two minutes.
Stare at Petite Neckish Patient on and off for twenty minutes.
After all of that fine Dialysis entertainment, since I'm a two hour run, treatment over.
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two hours but how many times a week do you run
did Richard Mel tell you about your first 4 things to do :2thumbsup;
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The machines where I go have all sorts of alarms on them. I am bringing in my alarm clock that has similar sounds. Set off one of my alarms when the tech goes by.
Any NCIS watchers out there? Abby's farting hippo.
To yank this thread a bit back onto topic...
This one is more of a pre-dialysis entertainment...Just before you walk into your unit, call the front desk and tell them you decided to skip dialysis today. As they try to argue with you to come, walk inside while still talking on your phone to them.
~Tell everyone, "It's good for you to see me today", "I don't care what everybody else here says...you're all right", or "Exactly when did this job suck the soul out of you?"
~When they give you a thermometer (we use the ear ones), palm it away from view. When the tech turns back to you wondering where it is, pretend to pull it out of the back of your pants and hand it to them.
~Continually ask, "When will the dessert tray be rolled around?"
~When the in-house nephs or medical directors show visitors around, begin bawling and wailing about how awful this is, and please, don't beat me again!
~Try to get a chorus of "Row, row, row your boat" going.
~When a nurse makes a phone call (you have to have a seat close to the nurse's station for this one...which I do) yell really loudly, "Get off the phone and come back to bed, darling!"
~I've tried convincing the staff to wear Lazer Tag sensors and give us patients the guns...no luck so far.
On a personal note, I used to have this machine that would do this rhythmic, extremely high-pitched squeak which would give me a horrible headache. I asked repeatedly for weeks for them to move this machine elsewhere (or to fix it...pshyeah, right) to no avail. So one day, for my entire treatment, I yelled "SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK" in perfect rhythm to the machine. Needless to say, my next treatment, the machine was moved far away, and they make sure never to put a squeaky one next to me.
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two hours but how many times a week do you run
did Richard Mel tell you about your first 4 things to do :2thumbsup;
wow I got to this one late!! All I can say we don't have cute nurses to perve at or flirt with!!! Unfortunately they moved the only hot patient to a satellite unit about two years ago. d'oh!!!!
Stacy doesn't need me to cramp his style anyway!!! :)
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How about punching the tech everytime they stick you and ask if it hurts... Let's see if this hurts.
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:rofl; This is the funniest thread I've read in a long time, thanks all for the laughs!
I will have to request my unit get some hot guy techs for me to flirt with!
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note to self: once transplant is secured apply to be a tech at Maker's unit.... >:D
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HA, I now do home dialysis on NXSTAGE. SOOOOO. I play XBOX 360 games. I play pac man with my wife. I watch the NFL Channel on DirecTV. I talk on the phne to my Friends and Parents in New England(I am in NC) amd like to grab a nap! For me doing this at home has made a difference. I was going to cut dialysis and that would have been it.
Don't you need both hands to play xbox360 games? Can you do that? Or do you play 1 handed?
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Slingshots and jelly beans!
:clap;
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i sleep
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I bought a pre-owned TI NSpire CAS calculator, and I amuse myself by doing math problems on it. It sure passes the time. Amazing how much power they packed into that little calculator.
I plan to buy an HP Slate pad computer when it starts shipping, and fiddle with that during dialysis.
http://tinyurl.com/yc5hvun
My dialysis center offers us patients WiFi connectivity. So I should be able to connect my HP Slate to the Internet and surf away.
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HA, I now do home dialysis on NXSTAGE. SOOOOO. I play XBOX 360 games. I play pac man with my wife. I watch the NFL Channel on DirecTV. I talk on the phne to my Friends and Parents in New England(I am in NC) amd like to grab a nap! For me doing this at home has made a difference. I was going to cut dialysis and that would have been it.
Don't you need both hands to play xbox360 games? Can you do that? Or do you play 1 handed?
Might come in handy:
One-Handed Ergonomic Palm Game Controller
PS3, Xbox 360, PC Computer, Xbox, & GameCube, with optional adapters
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My son won. My daughter has an Ipod Touch and thought I should get an Ipad to keep me occupied. My oldest son thought that was crazy as you could get 10 times the memory for half to two thirds the price if I bought a netbook. I picked up one yesterday.
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Things to do While on Dialysis:
Write an essay, limerick, t-shirt slogan, recipe or enter the drawing for IHD's 5 YEAR ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION!!
:yahoo;
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Flirt with Giggly Princess Tech for fifteen minutes.
Flirt with Raven Haired Tech for twenty minutes.
Flirt with Smiley Blond Tech for twenty-five minutes.
Flirt with Hot LIbrarian Nurse for ten minutes.
Be seen by doctor for twelve seconds.
Be talked down to by Nurtritionist for two minutes.
Stare at Petite Neckish Patient on and off for twenty minutes.
After all of that fine Dialysis entertainment, since I'm a two hour run, treatment over.
Still cracks me up :rofl;
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I tried knitting, I resembled a pasient with two broken arms straight ahead of me... funny. Because the one arm needs to go where the other goes. I couldn't keep that up for very long.hehehehhe.
I was accidentally squirted with water from the next machine,, so my next visit I stole a syringe and filled it with water in the bathroom. As that tech passes me I squirted him with water .... I was laughing my butt off but he didn't think it was that funny.
I drop stuff......
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Karol's quote reminds me that how come Stacy (without and E) manages to get all the hotness in his unit? I mean what's with that? The only good looking women that come to my unit are the dieticians, and their visits aren't usually much fun (no matter how good my labs are they always like to make me feel bad for not eating enough fruit or eggs or something). I think Stacy should spend 10 minutes a shift trying convince at least some of those hotties to spread out to other units.. share the love man.. share the love!!! :rofl; :rofl; :rofl;
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Here are more cool things I came across at thinkgeek.com
TV-B-Gone, a small television remote that hangs on your keychain, turns off virtually any television with the press of button. http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/755e/
Tiny universal remote: In seconds (just hold the mute button until the TV target mutes), you can take control of almost any television set. Control volume, channel, mute, off/on. http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/9a06/
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OKarol — you are wicked!
I must admin being intrigued by the DIY colonoscope... http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/d2bf/ (http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/d2bf/)
:)
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OKarol — you are wicked!
I must admin being intrigued by the DIY colonoscope... http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/d2bf/ (http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/d2bf/)
:)
:rofl; You made me look!!
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OKarol — you are wicked!
I must admin being intrigued by the DIY colonoscope... http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/d2bf/ (http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/d2bf/)
:)
:rofl; You made me look!!
yeah.. I looked too...
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I know at my center we have to use the same chair so how about when you come in go to a different chair and let them look for you lol musical chairs :rofl;
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Stoday that is hilarious. :rofl; :rofl; :rofl; :sir ken;
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Stress relief squeeze ball
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Call the center on your cell phone, from your chair, while the nurse is trying to talk to their friends instead of working. It is also fun to call them to bring you a pillow. And did you know if you bring in a flask you will get lots of looks while you are drinking out of it!
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If I tried some of the things I do on home hemo in a centre, I'd probably get kicked out. I play my guitar, play computer games with the volume up REALLY loud, watch movies, again with the volume up loud, and sometimes I'll even roll my machine outside on the front porch on nice days. and dialyze in the sun :) It's also not uncommon for me to stand up (VERY carefully) to get or adjust things when I'm dialyzing. One time, I was drawing my monthly labs and I forgot to get my insulated bag to put them in during the tx (I dialyze alone >:D), so I CAREFULLY got up, and rolled my whole machine behind me so I could reach the freezer to get my bag. I sure would get booted out on my arse If I did any of that at a centre!
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... sometimes I'll even roll my machine outside on the front porch on nice days. and dialyze in the sun...
Nice! :2thumbsup;
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Here are more cool things I came across at thinkgeek.com
TV-B-Gone, a small television remote that hangs on your keychain, turns off virtually any television with the press of button. http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/755e/
Tiny universal remote: In seconds (just hold the mute button until the TV target mutes), you can take control of almost any television set. Control volume, channel, mute, off/on. http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/electronic/9a06/
That might be worth getting for my unit, since most times the controllers for them don't work.. I'm hoping we're getting new tvs and controller thingies in the new unit that opens in the spring
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We get different techs and different chairs every time we come in. There is one tech that I'm always messing with. I pinch the lines and when my machine starts beeping, I call her over and ask her "why does this only happen with you. We also had the state inspectors in on Monday and I asked my nurse if we are still having Pizza and Wine on Friday if we pass inspection. I also said (in front of the inspectors) to the head nurse "Its good to see you sober today :oops;. I love messing with people.
Iwannabean
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I also said (in front of the inspectors) to the head nurse "Its good to see you sober today :oops;. I love messing with people.
Ohhh.. that is NASTY... *LMAO*
The nurses in my unit tend to keep things rather light, and if you pay attention to what they're saying, it can be rather comical. Case in point: anyone who uses the Gambro Phoenix machines know that they can be set to a single needle setup, but you also have to attach 2 additional chambers, which are called balls. When going on or coming off, the fluid levels must be changed to certain levels, and to do that, you push air in or pull air out with syringes. The nurses always say that they're playing with their balls when doing this. I think it's hilarious.
Anyone who has me on facebook or follows me on twitter knows that I talk about "the crazy people" all the time. The latest thing I posted about them is that 2 of them serenaded me with a rendition of "That's What Friends Are For," and they did a pretty good job
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Not as creative as you guys, I mostly watch TV while in the chair. At least it's DirecTV.
During the commercials, I whip out the iPhone, click on Foursquare, and check into all the doctors' offices nearby. I can rack up 100 points in a single evening!
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During the commercials, I whip out the iPhone, click on Foursquare, and check into all the doctors' offices nearby. I can rack up 100 points in a single evening!
*LOL* I never thought of doing that... I should do that to all the Tim Horton's that show up in the area... I"m the mayor at one of them, so I could really rack up the points
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I watch the Red Foxx and Bonanza reruns on TV Land, and I read books during the commercials. If the patients near me aren't asleep I like to strike up conversations with them, but most of them are in the twilight zone. I like to joke around with the nurses too.
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*LOL* I never thought of doing that... I should do that to all the Tim Horton's that show up in the area... I"m the mayor at one of them, so I could really rack up the points
OMG! During the 3 1/2 hours I'm there, 3 days a week, I get to check in every 15 minutes, and at 3 places each time. Any more, and you get timed out. I'm the mayor of every doctors office, physical therapy place, dentists office, etc, in a 3 mile radius. My point score is rarely below 500 :)
Edited: Fixed quote tag error - okarol/admin
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Seriously, though, can you do work on your laptop? Could I write magazine articles or a book and make mad money while getting my blood cleaned out? Are you allowed to use your fistula arm while dialyzing? Do centers often have WiFi? I was searching and found a WiFi thread. Can you watch movies, really? I have tons of DVDs.
I want to be useful (or at least, entertained).
Do you feel like using your laptop, or feel too sick to do much?
I have no definite plans, perhaps I'll write a blog and earn fame and fortune, Lemons to lemonade!
I'm serious, what limitations are there, in general? I'm still pre-d.
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I just started reading on my IPAD. Sometimes I wish I was still on a catheter instead of a fistula so I could type.
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My husband is the one on dialysis. He takes his 7-inch Samsung tablet as well as his iPhone with him when he goes. He checks e-mail, posts on Facebook, and watches videos and TV shows sometimes, too. Get this -- they have WIFI at the center, but no one knows what the password is! This is what they told him Friday. WTF? So he's using our Verizon 3G connection. He tries to sleep, but never has a lot of luck with that.
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Got an iphone to play with now at dialysis. But when they hit me with the Benadryl I am toast.
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Poop, Whamo, if you have a fistula you can't use that arm?
iwannabean, too funny.
I probably will just goof around on my touchpad, it kills time at work!
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I was using the iphone the other day, put in a new password, got the meds at dialysis, and had one hell of a time remembering the password I used. Sigh!~
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Great thread! I like to bring some bubbles and blow them at people as they walk by. Or bring one of those sponge dart guns and fire them off at people. I like to call the nurses station on the phone and ask for reservations and get upset when they say this isn't Roscoe's Waffle House I'm calling. ThinkGeek.com has this annoying thing that you hide under someone's desk that makes all these annoying noises, like a young girl whispers and these rustling noises. It will drive them crazy! I'm thinking of bringing a remote controlled helicopter to fly around the room. Anything to pass the time!
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Great thread! I like to bring some bubbles and blow them at people as they walk by. Or bring one of those sponge dart guns and fire them off at people. I like to call the nurses station on the phone and ask for reservations and get upset when they say this isn't Roscoe's Waffle House I'm calling. ThinkGeek.com has this annoying thing that you hide under someone's desk that makes all these annoying noises, like a young girl whispers and these rustling noises. It will drive them crazy! I'm thinking of bringing a remote controlled helicopter to fly around the room. Anything to pass the time!
:rofl; Roscoe's lol
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My husband is the one on dialysis. He takes his 7-inch Samsung tablet as well as his iPhone with him when he goes. He checks e-mail, posts on Facebook, and watches videos and TV shows sometimes, too. Get this -- they have WIFI at the center, but no one knows what the password is! This is what they told him Friday. WTF? So he's using our Verizon 3G connection. He tries to sleep, but never has a lot of luck with that.
They just tell everyone they offer it, but never get it connected. I remember my center saying the same thing!
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Here's a good blog post about things to do :2thumbsup;
http://bigdandme.wordpress.com/2012/11/24/ten-1-things-to-do-on-dialysis/
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My Dentest just told me that I should get the sonacare electric tooth brush and sit at dialysis and brush my teeth.
No, I need to post this in "Ignorant Things People say to you".
Let's see should I sit there and brush my teeth before or after my snack!!
I've got to give the guy credit.... he is focused on his occupation!
:banghead; No! The answer is No I'm not doing that. :stressed;
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My center has a secret WIFI for use by employees and not by patients. So the computer is useless. And no connection for my Kindle, either. But I do download books at home and read them on the Kindle (only needs one hand to operate) at the center during treatment. Learned right away to store in the device, not in the "cloud" wherever that is as I can't reach the cloud while at the center.
My phone works for email, but typing one handed is a pain in the ..... hand. So I do read what I get, rarely reply. Too bad I couldn't respond that official notice from Nigeria that I'd won the lottery there....
Lots of patients watch TV, but I don't have the patience for morning basic cable TV as even the local news gets too repetitive. And we have to ask to have the channel changed for us since we're not trusted to control the TV set, I guess. Thankfully, the patients must listen through earphones so I don't have to listen to what they're watching.
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I download shows and watch them on my netbook. Right now, I'm getting through Dark Shadows, a soap opera from the late 1960s-early 1970s.. I also have the 3rd season of Downton Abbey and a good selection of movies
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I download shows and watch them on my netbook. Right now, I'm getting through Dark Shadows, a soap opera from the late 1960s-early 1970s.. I also have the 3rd season of Downton Abbey and a good selection of movies
I would watch that and I was only 6 and my older sisters would have it on. I would sleep with the covers wrapped around my neck. Wow they should have a movie where the vampires break into a dialysis center and kill the staff and have dinner. Ewwwwuuuu
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my centre offers wifi. and i take my work laptop and do some work while listening to some nice music in the background on youtube. i am placed in an isolation room so i don't get to speak to anyone or any nurses or techs. i am by myself 90% of the time except when they come in once in a while to take down the bp and stuff. i can't work everyday because it depends on how i feel. so sometimes i watch basic cable tv they offer. if their wifi is not working, i have hotspot from my mobile phone that i use to get online. so i basically try to waste time doing work.
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I download shows and watch them on my netbook. Right now, I'm getting through Dark Shadows, a soap opera from the late 1960s-early 1970s.. I also have the 3rd season of Downton Abbey and a good selection of movies
I would watch that and I was only 6 and my older sisters would have it on. I would sleep with the covers wrapped around my neck. Wow they should have a movie where the vampires break into a dialysis center and kill the staff and have dinner. Ewwwwuuuu
hehe.. When I was a kid in the hospital, there was one labworker that used to come around in the morning to take blood.. we called her the vampire lady.. *L*