Mentor, donor save each other - Both lives were at stake

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Mentor, donor save each other
Both lives were at stake
Friday, September 05, 2008
BY JO MATHIS
The Ann Arbor News

Dale Ensor was desperate when he walked into a 12-step addiction recovery program five years ago.

That's when he met a man named Dexter McElrath, who offered to help Ensor along the path to sobriety.

"Dexter took me under his wings and showed me the ropes,'' said Ensor, a 52-year-old self-employed painter who lives just north of Jackson. "I couldn't get it in my brain that there are people who care of me. The guy helped save my life. I would have died out there; I really would have.''

At the time, neither could have known that this summer, Ensor would return the favor.

McElrath's kidneys began to fail in May 2007. The Ypsilanti Township resident went on dialysis for 14 months, expecting to wait the average three to five years for a transplant if he couldn't get a kidney from a friend or relative.

Two people offered a kidney, but one wasn't a match and McElrath wouldn't take the other because it would have meant postponing the donating woman's education.

McElrath was forced to cut way back on his hours as a construction worker because dialysis wore him out. Ensor watched his friend's health deteriorate and agreed to be tested.

"It was either that, or watch my friend die,'' he said. "All the cards were on the table. When it came to it, what kind of man am I? What am I going to do?''

On July 16, surgeons removed one of Ensor's kidneys and placed it in McElrath's body.

"So I'm standing here using his kidney,'' said McElrath, 57, who said his energy has returned, and he's feeling better than ever. "Now he's hounding me about taking care of myself. I was riding a motorcycle yesterday, and he didn't like that.''

Before the transplant, McElrath had the same concerns, kidding Ensor that he better look both ways before crossing the street. If Ensor went fishing? "Wear your life jacket!'' McElrath ordered.

Their story is a refreshing example of good will, said social worker Rose Martin, the former director of Peace Neighborhood Center in Ann Arbor and now a full-time volunteer there.

Martin said she had a cousin who wouldn't give his father a kidney, lest his other one fail. When McElrath asked people at Peace Neighborhood Center if someone would consider being a donor, Martin told him not to get up much hope.

"But then Dale said: 'I'll go get tested. Someone has to be a match!''' recalled Martin, who is a friend to both men. "He didn't say, 'I'm going to be out of work six to eight weeks. Never, I might not be able to feed myself.' Dale wasn't looking for anything in return, other than he was happy to save Dexter's life. Nobody paid him anything. Here was an act of sheer love.''

Are they friends forever?

"Well, I'm carrying his kidney forever,'' said McElrath, who talks on the phone with Ensor every day. "That takes a special person. What's the chance of someone giving you a kidney?''

Ensor returned to work this week, after taking about six weeks to recover.

"Dexter will always be my mentor,'' said Ensor, who attends 12-step meetings four or five times a week and has been sober nearly five years. "I feel like he's my big brother, my quieter big brother.

"It wasn't a cake walk, but I have absolutely no regrets.''

For information on becoming an organ or tissue donor, contact Gift of Life Michigan at 1-800-482-4881 or giftoflifemichigan.org.

Jo Mathis can be reached at jmathis@annarbornews.com or 734-994-6849.

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