What's the dumbest non-medical thing someone said to you?

[Deanne]

Take-off on another old thread. What's the dumbest or funniest non-medical thing you can remember someone telling you?

My mom is known for some doozies. On every holiday, every Thanksgiving, every Christmas, every Easter, etc, she tells me how awful it must be for me to spend the day alone. If I was a lonely person who didn't appreciate having the day to myself, I can imagine how awful her comments would make me feel.

Another one: I went to visit my family in June. My mom knows I HATE, HATE, HATE it when she gathers all of her relatives together, suppssedly in my honor when I'm home because they all want to see me so badly. I don't even know most of their names. She uses me as an excuse to gather her relatives. This year I almost canceled my visit home when my mom told me a couple days before my flight that I was really going to hate what she had planned, but she refused to tell me what she was scheming. My younger sister spilled the beans for me to quell my panic attack. When I got there, my older sister picked me up at the airport. I  ranting about all of this to her on our way to meet up with my parents. We met my parents at a restaurant so they could drive me to the rest of the way to their house, a couple hours from the airport. At the restaurant, my sister was sitting directly in front of my, my mom was right next to me. My sister whispered to my mom, "She knows about the party." My mom whispered back, "How'd she find out?" My sister: "Denise (my other sister) told her." Me: "I can hear you!" For cryin' out loud, they had to practically whisper *through* me to talk to each other. Do they think I'm deaf? 

[Deanne]

One more! Same vacation, next day......

My parents suggested we go out for dinner at the one and only restaurant in town. It's a town of 600. Between the time they suggested it and dinnertime, it started to storm. Wind, rain, thunder, lightening. Great storm! Mom was very worried about going out in it. She went on about it for a few minutes, talking about how stupid it was to even think about going out in that kind of weather and how she wished she'd taken something out of the freezer so we didn't need to go out, and did Dad and I think we should really still go? Um....... The restaurant is across the street from their house and they don't even walk over to it. They get in the car in the garage and Dad dropped us off right at the door, so Mom & I were outside for maybe 10 feet. Dad was probably outside for 20 feet. You don't need to park very far away in a small town. I'm going to laugh about that one for many, many years!

[mcjane]

Deanne, your Mom sounds like she's a lot of fun to be around.

Dumbest thing anyone ever said to me, have to think about that. There are so many & I'm drawing a blank right now.  Duh.

[Chris]

I have to work on my memory. I am sure I have at least one

[twirl]

I was having miscarriages during the time I was teaching at a junior high.
A teacher told me God knows who will make good natural parents.
right, lady, ever listen to the news
I went to the right doctor and found out what was wrong and now have three children but there for awhile it was horrible.

[jbeany]

My mother died at 58 after a very long, debilitating struggle with liver failure, caused by a medical error when she was young.  She had been sick for several years, had turned that awful jaundiced yellow, had lost enough weight that she looked skeletal, and was bloated from fluid retention in odd places.  No amount of effort by the mortician could hide this, but we ended up with an open casket anyhow, because of my grandmother's insistence on it.

And yet, several people came up to me at the funeral and told me she looked good.

No, she looks dead.  There's no good about it.

[Chris]

Cop ask me a few years ago "Do you know why I stopped you?"
I wanted to say "Can I use a life line for an answer and I'll use the poll the audience"
Why do they ask you that when you usually know what you did, like do I get no ticket if I say the correct answer? Or do I go to a bonus round.

[Deanne]

One more! My mom cracks me up. The favorite daughter story. Same vacation (it's a good thing I don't go back to MN very often!). My younger sister and I went out for happy hour and were laughing about the fact that she's Mom's favorite and the rest of us are very glad she's the favorite!  A day or two later, my sister was at my parents' house and said something jokingly about being Mom's favorite. Later, Mom, Dad, and I were sitting at the kitchen table and Mom said "What's this about Denise being my favorite?" I said everyone knows Denise is her favorite. It's no big deal. Mom said, "I don't have favorites." pause, then "Besides (pointing at my Dad) someone else has his favoriite, too!" 

[KT0930]

I was shopping one day several years ago, and one of those really annoying utterly happy-to-be-there salesgirls comes up and asks what she can help me find. I very politely tell her that I'm "Just looking", which is my nice way of saying, "Leave me the f* alone, and let me shop in peace." So instead of going away, she begins to tell me about this sale they're having...everything is half-off. Yep, I gathered that from all the signs around me, thanks. THEN she feels the need to explain that the way it works, is "you take the price and you divide it by two, and..." That's when I simply rolled my eyes and walked away.    

[Chris]

Years ago, I locked my keys in my car, rushing to get ready for my high school graduation. Luckily I was at a shopping center and went into the grocery store and bought a package of wire coat hangers. I was bending and twisting the wire trying to snag the door lock and a guy comes up and ask if I locked my keys in my the car. I said no, just cleaning my windows. He walks away mad and going geesh. Well you asked an obvious stupid question, you deserve a stupid answer is my thought and you get mad about that, get a life! I miss that car though, didn't really need an ignition key, just a key to open the door and trunk, a typical GM old car problem

[MyRenalRomance]

My answers:  "What in the world do you eat?"  and "So, what do you eat""

Years ago, I was a vegetarian (of the lacto-ovo variety - I still ate dairy products, eggs, and honey).  My mom thinks being "vegetarian" is the equivalent to being an "alien".

Me:  Yeah, I'm a vegetarian.
Mom:  WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU EAT?
Me:  Everything, except meat, fish, poutry, and game.
Mom: SO . . .  WHAT DO YOU EAT?
 

[Chris]

My answers:  "What in the world do you eat?"  and "So, what do you eat""

Years ago, I was a vegetarian (of the lacto-ovo variety - I still ate dairy products, eggs, and honey).  My mom thinks being "vegetarian" is the equivalent to being an "alien".

Me:  Yeah, I'm a vegetarian.
Mom:  WHAT IN THE WORLD DO YOU EAT?
Me:  Everything, except meat, fish, poutry, and game.
Mom: SO . . .  WHAT DO YOU EAT?
 

And from that, the movie Back to the Future comes to mind. "Helllooo McFly anyone home in there?"

[MyRenalRomance]

^  I love my mom - she's the sweetest woman on the planet, bless her heart - but you've summed it up, PERFECTLY, Chris!

[Chris]

I am certain my moter has said something too that probably just rolled off my shoulders or I wasn't there.

[Deanne]

Ok, tell me to quit whenever you get tired of these! :-)

My sister said she suggested to my Mom that they all come out to Oregon to see me for one of the holidays. Mom said "We can't do that. She doesn't cook!"  Mom hates to travel. Knowing that, I soooooo appreciate it that she came out to help me move last fall. She did a lot of the unpacking at my new place while Dad & I hauled stuff over from my old place.

[MyRenalRomance]

Ok, tell me to quit whenever you get tired of these! :-)

NEVER!  We're all here to listen to each other and support each other! 

[twirl]

I taught special education in Conroe -  everytime someone called for the "retarded teacher" the phone call was put thru to me.......

my son went to a rival junior high - we call him Bubba- go to one of his games and everyone knows who Bubba is -- Peet, his school played my school, Moorhead and we are a country school - I yelled "Go, Bubba" and all the players from Moorhead turned around and looked - every family had a "Bubba" and what is even better is my huband was my son's coach

we have t-shirts with the name of our school Moorhead on them
I wore it to a party and everyone thought I got it from a gag shop in the mall
not to be vulgar but get it   ----- Moorhead -  named after a person not an activity
our junior high students had fun with that and at the time the principal was Mr. Funk

[Chris]

Darn it, I had one today, but it is more medical when I went to Physical Therapy today. Glad it was only a tech and not the theapist asking the dumb question.

[twirl]

so what was it Chris

[kitkatz]

I was pushing my 1974 Pinto (yes, I actually owned one) home one day in the rain, no less, and two guys asked me from their porch if I was having car trouble.  "No!" I replied, "I always take my car out for a push every day when it rains."

Assholes!

[Chris]

so what was it Chris

As I was hobbling to the pool and stepping up the steps to get in, she ask if I was having trouble with my leg. Nope just just giving my knee a rest from bending on one side is all!

 And just replies "OK"

[Chris]

I was pushing my 1974 Pinto (yes, I actually owned one) home one day in the rain, no less, and two guys asked me from their porch if I was having car trouble.  "No!" I replied, "I always take my car out for a push every day when it rains."

Assholes!

Nope, Just taking my car for a walk
Nope just giving my car some exercise......
Morons! Morons I say!

My dad had a pinto at one time also, a baby blue one with dark blue interior.

[twirl]

non-medical

nice butt, Chris

[MyRenalRomance]

I was pushing my 1974 Pinto (yes, I actually owned one) home one day in the rain, no less, and two guys asked me from their porch if I was having car trouble.  "No!" I replied, "I always take my car out for a push every day when it rains."

Assholes!

   As the comedian, Bill Engvall would say (to the guys on the porch), "Here's your card!"

[Chris]

No no no, "It's here's your sign" That quote I know for sure more than my movie quotes.
Comedy Central plays their stand up tour a lot.