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Author Topic: Parent – Job Description  (Read 978 times)
willieandwinnie
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« on: May 12, 2008, 12:26:54 PM »

             PARENT – JOB DESCRIPTION

POSITION:

• Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma;  Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop.

JOB DESCRIPTION:

• Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
• Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
• Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities.
• Travel expenses not reimbursed.
• Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

• The rest of your life.
• Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
• Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
• Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack of mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
• Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
• Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
• Must have the ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
• Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, and embarrassment the next
• Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
• Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
• Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
• Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

• None.
• Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retaining and updating your skills, so that those in you charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

• None required unfortunately.
• On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

• Get this!  You pay them!
• Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
• A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.
• When you die, you give them what is left.
• The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could do more.

BENEFITS:

• While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and not stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
       
      AND A FOOT NOTE:  THERE IS NO RETIREMENT – EVER!!!



EDITED: Removed all Caps from subject line - Sluff/Admin


« Last Edit: May 12, 2008, 12:29:19 PM by Sluff » Logged

"I know there's nothing to it, but I want to know what it is there's nothing to"
Sluff
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« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2008, 12:28:16 PM »

 :rofl; Oh yea aint it the truth.  ::)
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Sunny
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Sunny

« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2008, 02:33:30 PM »

How can I go about quitting that job?
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Sunny, 49 year old female
 pre-dialysis with GoodPastures
MIbarra
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Stopping to smell the bluebonnets

« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2008, 04:10:27 PM »

I'd given anything to be hired!     ;D
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Cadaver transplant April 29, 2007
Bajanne
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Goofynina and Epoman - Gone But Not Forgotten

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« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2008, 08:33:26 AM »

How can I go about quitting that job?

Sorry, no quitting - EVER!
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"To be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own ...but that which is based on faith"



I LOVE  my IHD family! :grouphug;
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