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| | |-+  ----- A Dialysis poem by "Epoman" ------
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Author Topic: ----- A Dialysis poem by "Epoman" ------  (Read 18472 times)
Epoman
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« on: July 15, 2006, 02:05:06 PM »

Here is a poem I wrote while at in-center hemo at a Duh-vita.

A Place
[/b][/size]

There is a place that I know where people go to save their life,
a place where normal people have no idea of the turmoil that
goes inside this place. Sadness, despair,lonelyness, severe emotional
trauma. The kind of trauma that makes you wonder when will it
be my time and knowing it's only a matter of time until you're in
the same deathline as the person next to you. There is no cure,
there is no hope, we just need to try to cope. Everyday is a battle
wondering why this happened to me, I live because a machine keeps
me alive. Hooked to a machine is no way to live, even if it's only 3
times a week you may say. I dare you you to sit in my place for just
one of those days. New patients make me sad, I see in their eyes
confusion and fear. I want to tell them don't worry it will be alright
but it won't be they will have many sleepless nights. They try to act
strong and did I, but you know they to wonder why? why them?
why me? What did I do to deserve such a fate. And you wonder
why I am always late to this place where people are saved by a
machine, would you be in a rush to be flushed? I think not. Oh did
I mention I might clot? this place allows me to urinate through my
blood, it takes out the bad, to bad it can't take out the sad. Am I
bitter am I mad more than you could ever understand. You can try
to understand but just pray you are never forced to understand.
I will have no choice but to come to this place until the day they roll
me out in a crate. That is the day my suffering ends once and for all.
Will I miss this place? not at all.

Bill "Epoman" Halcomb
[/b] [/size]
« Last Edit: July 24, 2006, 12:22:41 AM by Epoman » Logged

- Epoman
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goofynina
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He is the love of my life......

« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2006, 02:29:35 PM »

THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME CRY epoMAN!!!!  THAT HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD,  CANT SAY IT ANY BETTER THAN THAT, THATS FOR SURE.....  NICELY SAID BIG GUY........


damn dude, is there ANYTHING that you DONT do???  crazy man, crrrraaaaaaazy
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....and i think to myself, what a wonderful world....

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kitkatz
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« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2006, 05:50:47 PM »

Niiiice poem!  Epoman has talent!
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lifenotonthelist.com

Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
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« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2006, 09:33:31 PM »

wow that is a deep and insightful poem :) Can I send that one to my mom too (in email?)
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Rerun
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Going through life tied to a chair!

« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2006, 09:44:25 PM »

I liked the part about "it takes out the bad why can't it take out the sad."
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Sluff
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« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2006, 10:10:26 AM »

 8) Nice Epoman
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kitkatz
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« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2006, 11:39:49 PM »

Wow! Epoman I read your poem again. How many thoughts you just put into words I cannot say!
Makes me tear up knowing I gotta go back there tomorrow.  Oh well...
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lifenotonthelist.com

Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
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« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2007, 05:12:15 PM »

BUMP  :bump; for the NEW members.  :popcorn;

- Epoman
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- Epoman
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« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2007, 05:35:33 PM »


... too sad ... breaks my heart
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« Reply #9 on: February 03, 2007, 03:24:43 PM »

 :bump;
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anja
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« Reply #10 on: March 05, 2007, 09:15:00 PM »

Well said, Epoman!
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Miss you so much Susie. Will always <3 you!

« Reply #11 on: March 07, 2007, 01:02:20 AM »

 :'(
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"To be happy is the choice I wish to make in spite of the circumstances that are strewn in my path."

1996 - started incenter hemo
a few months later, started PD
2005 - started incenter hemo
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  - on transplant list as of August 7, 2009.
2011/June - 15 years on "D"
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goofynina
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He is the love of my life......

« Reply #12 on: March 15, 2007, 09:16:49 PM »

 :bump;  I MISS YOU SUCKA FISH.....
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....and i think to myself, what a wonderful world....

www.kidneyoogle.com
okarol
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« Reply #13 on: March 15, 2007, 09:26:23 PM »

I read his poem again the other day. Reminds me how much he struggled. And that now his
"suffering ends once and for all." I miss him too.
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Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
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« Reply #14 on: March 15, 2007, 10:03:22 PM »

I see his posts amd miss him.
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lifenotonthelist.com

Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
okarol
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« Reply #15 on: March 22, 2007, 06:49:25 PM »

I read some of the PM's he sent me today.
Wish I could thank him again.
 :waving; Thanks Epoman.
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Admin for IHateDialysis 2008 - 2014, retired.
Jenna is our daughter, bad bladder damaged her kidneys.
Was on in-center hemodialysis 2003-2007.
7 yr transplant lost due to rejection.
She did PD Sept. 2013 - July 2017
Found a swap living donor using social media, friends, family.
New kidney in a paired donation swap July 26, 2017.
Her story ---> https://www.facebook.com/WantedKidneyDonor
Please watch her video: http://youtu.be/D9ZuVJ_s80Y
Living Donors Rock! http://www.livingdonorsonline.org -
News video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-7KvgQDWpU
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Me with Baron von Fresenius

« Reply #16 on: November 28, 2007, 05:55:00 PM »

I just read this again, and it brings a tear to my eye every time I read it. I really wish I'd gotten to know Epoman. RIP, Bill  :angel;

Adam
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-Diagnosed with ESRD (born with one kidney, hypertension killed it) Jan 21st, 2007
-Started dialysis four days later in hospital (Baxter 1550-I think, then Gambro Phoenix)
-Started in-centre dialysis Feb 6th 2007 (Fres. 2008H)
-Started home hemo June 5th 2007 (NxStage/Pureflow)
-PD catheter placed June 6th 2008 (Bye bye NxStage, at least for now)
-Started CAPD July 4th, 2008
-PD catheter removed Dec 2, 2008-PD just wouldn't work, so I'm back on NxStage
-Kidney function improved enough to go off dialysis, Feb. 2011!!!!!
-Back on dialysis (still NxStage) July 2011 :(
-In-centre self-care dialysis March 2012 (Fresenius 2008K)
-Not on transplant list yet.


"Don't live for dialysis, use dialysis to LIVE"
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« Reply #17 on: August 12, 2008, 11:34:49 PM »

I never got to know Epoman personally, but even though I am not in the boat of not being healthy enough to get a kidney transplant this poem made me cry. I still have hope, as I am eligible for a kidney, but you never know what might happen later on. I hope I never am in a situation like Epoman's where there is no hope for a kidney and the only way I can leave this seemingly unending misery is through death. I am sad for Epoman's family that he passed, but am happy he no longer has to suffer. Rest In Peace Epoman, you suffered long enough.
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"Run your mouth when I'm not around
It's easy to achieve
You cry to weak friends that sympathize
Can you hear the violins playing your song?
Those same friends tell me your every word"- Pantera "Walk" (1991)
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« Reply #18 on: August 16, 2008, 12:17:45 AM »

      You said it man.  You spoke the words I can't get out cause I'm too mad to!!!!!!  Thank you
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« Reply #19 on: February 22, 2010, 08:46:46 AM »

 :bump;

bump for the new people!
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Jack A Adams July 2, 1957--Feb. 28, 2009
I will miss him- FOREVER

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RCC
nephrectomy april13,2006
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tyefly
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This will be me...... Next spring.... I earned it.

« Reply #20 on: February 22, 2010, 09:05:44 AM »

Kind of negative.....   He seems to be angry.........  I hope later in his life that he had more postive thoughts about Dialysis and CKD......   
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  Hello from the Oregon Coast.....

I am learning to live close to the lives of my friends without ever seeing them. No miles of any measurement can separate your soul from mine.
- John Muir

The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.
- John Muir
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« Reply #21 on: February 22, 2010, 10:14:13 AM »

He did actually- he was an NXStage user and was thrilled with it- however he did pass away at a very young age.

and as far as it being negative- it was just sad to me- the rawness of his struggle and the frankness of his emotions are layed bare for all to see....Epoman had the balls to be who he really was-like him or not.
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Jack A Adams July 2, 1957--Feb. 28, 2009
I will miss him- FOREVER

caregiver to Jack (he was on dialysis)
RCC
nephrectomy april13,2006
dialysis april 14,2006
paris
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« Reply #22 on: February 22, 2010, 10:23:14 AM »

Thanks for bumping this Glitter.   He was extremely honest with his emotions.  He helped others to be honest.  But, he had joy in his life - read his posts about his son and you can see the huge love and pride he had for Epokid.   
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It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.
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This will be me...... Next spring.... I earned it.

« Reply #23 on: February 22, 2010, 10:29:25 AM »

 I agree  he did die young...... I hate to see that....   Like your hubby.....  I have read your story too....  When I first came to IHD  learning everything that  I could about this CKD  and dialysis stuff..... ( I had not even heard of dialysis before this )  I was very surprised and scared when I read that people die so young because of this....  I feel sorry for these people...  and for the people who die of cancer....( my mother died in 2005 at 65 of cancer )  All of this make a person feel pretty humble....and it does make you think differently about life..... Now with Karol  and her daugher Jenna......  Well  It makes you want to enjoy life today  and  not worry about tomorrow.... and for sure done even worry about yesterday.....   
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IgA Nephropathy   April 2009
CKD    May 2009
AV Fistula  June 2009
In-Center Dialysis   Sept 2009
Nxstage    Feb 2010
Extended Nxstage March 2011

Transplant Sept 2, 2011

  Hello from the Oregon Coast.....

I am learning to live close to the lives of my friends without ever seeing them. No miles of any measurement can separate your soul from mine.
- John Muir

The clearest way into the Universe is through a forest wilderness.
- John Muir
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« Reply #24 on: August 15, 2010, 05:48:11 PM »

wow you spoke my feelings thanks for just keeping it real
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" Always pray and take one day at a time"
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