New Joke

[boxman55]

First Time Sex   A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday  night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.  Since this is such a big event, the girl announces  to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like  to go out and make love for the first time .  The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex  before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to  get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his  first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an  hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about  condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks  the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or  family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he  thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.  That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents  house and meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so  excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!'  The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner  table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy  quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.    A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in  prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still  no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes  with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'    The boy turns, and whispers back, 'And I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'  ....Boxam

[xtrememoosetrax]

  Good one, Box!  Thanks for the laugh!  

[Ang]

wouldn't  you  love  to  find  yourself  in  that  predicament.

[twirl]

 

a redneck has a date
he goes to the pharmacy
he asks for condons
"What size pack asked 
the pharmacist,                                       
small, medium or large?"
the red neck says the large pack
the red neck asks how much does it cost?
The pharmacist says $6.99 with tax
The redneck says, Tacks, I thought they stayed on by themselves.

[paris]

Boxman--very funny

[willieandwinnie]

Good one boxman 

[Mimi]

LOL, Boxman!!!!!

[thegrammalady]

   good one

[Katonsdad]

There are four sizes

Small , medium . large and "O My GOD"

Katonsdad

[twirl]

There are four sizes

Small , medium . large and "O My GOD"

Katonsdad

 

[kellyt]

Seriously, has anyone ever purchased a box of "small" condoms?  I doubt it...   Dustiest boxes on the shelf, I say.   

[twirl]

Seriously, has anyone ever purchased a box of "small" condoms?  I doubt it...   Dustiest boxes on the shelf, I say.   

     the comments are funnier than the jokes

[kellyt]

I think you get a free can of Soup for One when you purchase a box of small condoms.   

[twirl]

I think you get a free can of Soup for One when you purchase a box of small condoms.   

 

[okarol]

BWAHAHAHAH!! 

[twirl]

Those of you who spend time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicans are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said,'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said,'Shingles.' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had, Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor said,where?'

Bubba said,'Outside on the truck, Where do you want me to unload 'em?'

[mikey07840]

 

[twirl]

two recent real life funnies:

go to What's for Supper

ILOVEFLUID  page 88
twirl             page 89                                                                           

[Romona]

 
Funny thread!

[twirl]

Things I learned living in Texas

 A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
 There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Texas.
 If it grows, it'll stick ya, if is crawls, it'll bite cha
 "Jaw P?" means "Did ya'll go to the bathroom.
 People actually grow and eat okra.
"fixinto" is one word
The word "jeet" is a phrase meaning,"Did you eat?"
"No Jew," is a common response to the question,"Did you bring any beer?"
You measure distance in minutes.
You switch from heat to A/C in the same day.
You know what a "dawg" is.
You carry jumper cables in your car---for your own car.
You only know 5 spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and ketchup.
You think the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
Fried catfish is the other white meat.
You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a bit warm".

[mikey07840]

You might be from New Jersey if...

-you've been seriously injured at Action Park.
-you know that the only people who call it "Joisey" are from New York(usually The Bronx)or Texas.
-you don't think of citrus when people mention "The Oranges."
-you know that it's called "Great Adventure," not "Six Flags."
-you've ordered a hard roll with butter for breakfast.
-you've known the way to Seaside Heights since you were seven.
-you've eaten at a diner, when you were stoned or drunk, at 3 am.
-whenever you park, there's a Camaro within three spots of you.
-you remember that the "Two Guys" were from Harrison.
-you know that the state isn't one big oil refinery.
-at least three people in your family still love Bruce Springsteen, and you know what town Jon Bon Jovi is from.
-you know what a "jug handle" is.
-you know that a WaWa is a convenience store.
-you know that the state isn't all farmland.
-you know that it isnt "The Beach" in New Jersey - it's the shore, and you know that the road to the shore is "The Parkway" not "The Garden State Highway."
-you know that "Piney" isn't referring to a tree.
-even your school cafeteria made good Italian subs, and, you call it a "sub" not a "submarine sandwich" or worse yet, a "hoagie" or a "hero."
-you remember the song from the Palisades Park commercials.
-you know how to properly negotiate a Circle.
-you knew that the last question had to do with driving.
-you know that "Acme" is an actual store, not just a Warner Bros. creation.
-you know that this is the only "New..." state that doesn't require "New" to identify it (like, try ...Mexico, ...York, ...Hampshire (doesn't work, does it?).
-you only go to New York City for day trips, and you only call it "The City."
-you consider a corned beef sandwich with lettuce and mayo a sacrilege.
-in the 80's you wore your hair REALLY high. (wait, didn't everybody??)
-you don't think "What exit" (do you live near?) is very funny.
-you know that the real first "strip shopping center" in the country is Route 22.
-you know that people from 609 area code are "a little different."
-you know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton - that's for out-of-staters.
-the Jets-Giants game has started fights at your school or local bar.
-you live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.
-you can see the Manhattan skyline from some part of your town.
-you refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers.
-every year, you had at least one kid in your class named Tony.
-you know where every "clip" shown in the Sopranos opening credits is.
-you've gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of Willowbrook Mall.
-you've eaten a Boardwalk cheesesteak with vinegar fries.
-you have a favorite Atlantic City casino.
-you start planning for Memorial Day weekend in February.
-you've never pumped your own gas. 

[twirl]

Mikey07840


it was so much funny reading about people in NJ

hard roll with breakfast WaWa      negotiate a circle

[Sluff]

 

[twirl]

I think you're the father of one of my kids

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello.
He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from, So he says,"Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father on one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says
"My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I had sex with on the pool table and all my buddies watched?"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No. I'm your son's teacher."

[monrein]