Ponderisms

Ponderisms

Can you cry under water?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What disease did cured ham actually have?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your
e-mail address in the first place ?

Bet all of you did the 4th one up – LOL.

Thanks Mimi. I enjoyed these.

Who closes the bus doors when the bus driver gets off the bus?

When I use to eat pizza, I hated the square cut. So next time I called I orderedit to be cut in triangles. Id didn't happen. Called and complained, yet next pizza still came with squares. Pizza should come in triangles, not squares! Individual pizzas are cut in triangles, why can't large pizzas be done that way!

Quote from: kellyt on March 25, 2008, 02:25:12 PM

Who closes the bus doors when the bus driver gets off the bus?

the bus driver, theres a switch under the door or the front of the bus.

The title of this thread made me think "Ponderosa." Where is Hoss anyway??

The one I've always wondered about...

Someone who doesn't eat much, is said to "Eat like a bird", but birds eat like their own body weight every day; someone who eats a lot "Eats like a pig", but a pig eats a very little bit; just enough til he feels full.

Mimi..
I loved these.. makes me want to go get a few DVD's of George Carlin!!!

I always request my pizza to be cut Pie not Cake.

Love that hat Sluff!

Mimi, I love all those little pictures and sayings you often
have on your posts. So pretty and colorful. Where do you
find them all?

OB, they are graphics I get off the internet. Been collecting them about 10 years now.

OKarol, Hoss is dead. Been dead for years.

Sluff, did you see the motorcyle man with your name on it?

Mimi

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Quote from: KT0930 on March 25, 2008, 06:27:46 PM

The one I've always wondered about...

Someone who doesn't eat much, is said to "Eat like a bird", but birds eat like their own body weight every day; someone who eats a lot "Eats like a pig", but a pig eats a very little bit; just enough til he feels full.

I think that saying might refer to how sloppily someone eats. Pigs are very messy when they eat!

Birds are extremely messy eaters! OMG! Have you ever watched them eat? Like pigs!!!!

Here's some more...

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Thanks Paddbear. Funny Funny Funny!

Mikey

Oh have i had a good laugh at all those , sorry guys but i got to pass some of them on

Excellent questions, Padd!

I can't take credit for them! My brain just doesn't function that well anymore! $:-\$

I have some answer for these questions!
Here's some more...

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are dead? Because I just put batteries in the damn thing and it should be working!

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? But I have to have money, I still have checks.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? I just got to touch it! Just got to!

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? To make an example of itself.

What is the speed of darkness? The same as the speed of light only darker, much darker.

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? Pretty damn cold, I'd say.

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer? Seems longer.

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" That would be Farmer Smith from down the road. The cows were just hanging out one day and Farmer Smith decided to make it worth his while.

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum." That was Framer Brown up the river a bit. The chicken was just standing there and plop came the egg.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? The freezer does not lead a light to find its way out of the darkness.

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Testticals (I had to do it!)

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? No, but Alphabet Cereal really gets them going!

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? No, it aggravates the little girl who controls these things. Push once only or face severe consequences!