Can getting intimate eliminate stress from your life?

Can getting intimate eliminate stress from your life?

Jennifer Parks , CanWest News Service; Edmonton Journal

EDMONTON - Like an apple a day keeps the doctor away, a roll in the hay can keep stress at bay.

Who knew preventative medicine could be so much fun?

After a nerve-splitting afternoon when traffic, bosses, kids and deadlines conspire to send you into synaptic overload, you could soak in the tub with a good book and a glass of pinot noir, or you could try good old-fashioned prayer, such as: "Oh God. Oh, God. Yes. Yes. YES!"

Sexual affirmation. It works like a charm. So why not multi-task and knock off your penance in the process?

And later, when you emerge from the afterglow of your therapeutic romp, you'll have one less thing to stress about.

While worry and anxiety can kill your libido, sex is an excellent antidote for stress, says Dr. Robin Milhausen, a sex expert from the University of Guelph.

"Having sex releases a hormone called oxytocin which promotes feelings of affection and connection," says Milhausen, who is the former co-host of the Life Network show Sex, Toys & Chocolate.

Sexual intercourse also releases endorphins, which help to regulate the body's response to stress, as well as having a positive impact on mood, she adds.

"Plus, it's a cardiovascular workout - and many people find exercise helps to reduce the negative effects of stress," says Milhausen.

Why hit the gym after work when you can burn off a bad day in the comfort of your own bedroom?

"Many people sleep better after sex, and being well-rested is yet another way to combat stress," she says.

So, forget the barbells or bubble bath and go for the lube, right?

Not necessarily.

"Using sex to relieve stress is not generally a good idea," says Sandra Byers, a sex therapist and head of the department of psychology at the University of New Brunswick.

"If you can do it and be responsive to your partner at the same time, great - but if this is your strategy to reduce stress, then it puts a lot of pressure on your partner."

Better to relieve stress another way - work out, practice breathing techniques, do something fun, or have a heart-to-heart with your spouse, a friend or a therapist - then come to your partner when you're able to give and receive equally, adds Byers.

"He or she is less likely to feel coerced."

Lovemaking - or just plain sexing - can make a couple feel closer and more connected afterwards. That's because a surge of oxytocin is released at orgasm in both men and women, amplifying the feeling of bondedness and relaxation, says Milhausen.

"This is particularly true for women, as oxytocin interacts with estrogen. The more estrogen in the body, the more profound the impact of oxytocin," she says.

While men are more likely to have sex to feel closer to their mate, women want to establish emotional intimacy first, then celebrate the bond with sexual intimacy, says Byers.

"Having sex to relieve stress in a long-term relationship is going to create problems," she says. "But if sex is the byproduct and it works for both people, then that's great."

The last thing you want is for sex to become stressful, says Byers.

"When one partner wants it more and starts sulking, then the less desirous partner often has sex when they don't want to. Then it's a chicken-and-egg. Is stress causing the lack of sex or is lack-of-sex causing the stress?"

Your sex life is a barometer for the health of your relationship overall, says Milhausen.

"If something's wrong in your sex life, it will filter into other aspects of your life. Likewise, if you have troubles in your relationship, it will likely impact your sex life," she says. "The lesson here is to make time to connect; you and your partner will be glad you did."

Then even on life's stormier days, your relationship can be your safe harbour. And, with a little luck - and a willing mate - you can float your boat too, and together keep stress at bay.