WHEN DOES IT END?

[karen547]

My moms' cancer is back, or it never really left. She will start chemo soon, AGAIN for the 3rd time. I just don't understand why this keeps happening?! I am now going to start seeing a counselor, as well as my mom. I just cannot handle this without talking to someone.

[Joe Paul]

Sorry to hear it, hoping things go well 

[jonn r]

now i know you have heard this all before .....but.....my mom was stage 4 .....TWICE.....that was 10 years ago....just keep that inmind


jonn

[Rerun]

You are not alone.  People lose loved ones everyday.  Even if your Mom was 110 you would still want her around.  The fact is that every one dies.  To be healthy is the longest way to die.  You just have to be there for each other.  Whose to say that you won't get smacked on the freeway tonight.  Hard but true.  Get a grip.  Don't spend the rest of your life worrying about death.  You just need to get through this and hopefully your Mom will be around for many years to come.

[karen547]

I KNOW I CAN DIE AT ANY MOMENT AND DON'T NEED TO BE REMINDED THAT! I'm sorry but my mom has cancer and I need support not be told to get a grip, thanks

[xtrememoosetrax]

Sorry to hear this, Karen -- that sounds awfully hard.  Good for you and your mom that you're seeking out counseling; I hope that will help ease the pain a bit.

[Rerun]

OK FINE.........  GO PAY A COUNSELOR TO TELL YOU THE SAME THING!

I lost my Mom and my sister to cancer!  It is hard, and I hope your Mom makes it through this.  BUT, if not you need to BUCK-UP and be there for her!

[Sluff]

It is hard to watch our loved ones go through any kind of illness that could be painful and eventually lead to there demise. Spend time with each other as much as you can, the best counseling in the world will not replace the time with each other. If counseling is what you need then do it together, there is no right and wrong here Karen.  My thoughts and prayers are with you both at this difficult time.

[rookiegirl]

Hi Karen547,

I lost my Mom last Feb 2007 to lung cancer.  I can't say I know exactly how you feel, because everybody deals with it differently.  I can only imagine the pain, misery and anger you must feel.

When I first found out about my Mom's cancer, I was so angry.  Not at her but the whole situation.  I was angry at God for letting this happen.  I know this may be ridiculous, but that was my feeling at the time.  For a while, I was in denial of the whole situation.  Especially when my Mom went on Chemo and Radiation.  I couldn't bare to go see her because she was in so much pain and I hurt so much inside.  On top of it all my kidney disease was progressing.  I don't know if the stress of the whole thing contributed to my ESRD.

I finally, I came to realize I need help.  I got involve with her Oncology Dr and the nurses.  I went alone to talk to them personally about my Mom.  I wanted to have a better understanding of her situation/options/etc.. because my Mom never really explains the extent of her cancer.  Talking with her Dr really opened my eyes.

The last 2 months of her life, I spent as much time with her as possible.  Even though I was around my Mom, I had a hard time looking her in the eyes.  I couldn't do it without crying.  So, during our conversation, I would look above her head, her mouth, anything to avoid the eyes.  After my visit, I sit in my car and I cry my heart out to the point I almost pass out.

Till today, I'm still angry  .  Angry because she is no longer here.  Angry because she was only 56yrs. old.  Angry because I just want to be.

But at the same time, I'm happy that she is no longer in pain.

Sorry, I took so much time with my sad story.  But back to you.  Do what feels right for you and not what others think you should do.  You know deep inside what you are capable of handling.  If talking to someone help, then go for it.  I know it worked for me.  I joined a recovery group at my church.  This really helped get me through my week.

I will be praying for you and your Mom.

[karen547]

Rerun- wow I'm sorry if I MADE YOU mad, but please do NOT treat  my situation any less painful then yours. I AM there for my mom, INFACT I went with her to every chemo treatment, and helped as much as I could, I am going to a counselor AND I'm actually a bit mad that you said that. This is not a competition so please just lay off the buck up comments!!

[boxman55]

It is very hard to see your loved ones in pain. Specialy when that loved one is your mom. It sounds like she is a very strong person and is trying very hard to be there for you. You both need each other very much and I will pray that this turns out for the best...Boxman

[karen547]

Thanks Boxman and EVERYONE who left me nice comments and not the ones telling me to buck up but I am trying to stay strong

[lola]

 

[karen547]

rerun sorry I went off on you, I just am so frustrated with everything. I know you meant well, and I am sorry.

[Sluff]

Everyone see's and handles these type of things differently, don't take comments personally. There are as many ways to help someone as there are reactions. In open forum we don't always agree with every post and there are no emotions in a key board. Take the positives from each post and apply them to your situation and then deal with your situation the best way you can. 

[boxman55]

Good advice, Sluff and Karen please know that all of us on this board only wish the best for each other. We all have or are dealing with things that effect our lives that wrench our hearts and feelings and when a problem arises like your dear mother has, sometimes when reading about it, it brings out feelings people have had when similar things have happened to them and in a round about way, people just want you to try and muster as much strengh as you can to deal with it ( as hard as that can be) and at the same time, to maintain some sort of focus on your well being also. It is tough to do, but come here and we will try and help...Boxman

[paris]

Good words for all of us Boxman

[Rerun]

rerun sorry I went off on you, I just am so frustrated with everything. I know you meant well, and I am sorry.

I'm sorry too Karen.  When I read your first post about this I heard the "Why oh why me" syndrome, and the OMG I need to run to a counselor.  But, I have read the other posts and realize that people are different.  I really hope your Mom beats this again.  Hang in there.   

Didn't it feel good to rip me though?  See you don't need a counselor          

[BobT1939]

I had a similar experience between 1977 and 1983. Cancer and two recurrences. Three chemo sessions, one for the original problem, two for recurrences, and three operations. That finally got it. When does it end? Hopefully, for your Mom, this time./bobt

[okarol]

It doesn't end... til the end... I suppose.
So keep fighting as long as you can.
Best wishes to you and your mom Karen. 

[Ohio Buckeye]

I will be thinking of your Mom and the family.
Praying for better days ahead.

[Mimi]

Karen, it ain't over till it's over.  In the meantime you have a chance to spend more time with your Mom.
I just went through panic time when they thought my daughters cancer had returned.  Thank God, after many
tests, it hadn't.  I think counseling for you and your Mom is a very good idea.  At least you are doing something.
Now is not the time to panic, now is not the time to give up.  God is in this somewhere. 
Try to have confidence in others around you who are in similar battles, and most important have confidence in yourself, by the grace of God.  Refuse to give into cynicism and doubt.  Hang tough when the going gets rough.
You and your Mom are in my prayers.

All my Love,
Mimi

[kellyt]

When you lose a parent you become a member of a very exclusive club.  It's a club no one wants to be a member of and yet there are members joining daily.  And if you are NOT a member of this club, you really have no idea.

I first joined the club in April of 1997 when my father passed.  If that wasn't hard enough, I lost my dearest mother, my absolute BFF, in March of 2006.  Died right in front of my eyes.  I need her now more than ever!!!!  She would be the one person in this whole world that would totally get what I'm going through now.  She would ask me on a daily, if not hourly, basis how I was doing and what she could do to help.  I miss her terribly.

I hope you don't join this club anytime soon.  But if you do, you will be welcomed with open arms.  It's very painful.  Sometimes more painful for those of us "new" members.  But there is a lot to be learned from the "senior" members.  "Buck up" is something my mother would say to me now (with a huge smile and hug).    Your mother loves you and so does your IHD family!!!!!!