Ex son in law

[paris]

He is a police officer and last night while he was on an off duty job, he shot someone.  He works in a very high crime area--Durham, NC home of Mike Nifong/Duke Lacross team.  Anyway, he has been put on 90 day administrative leave and cannot work any off duty jobs. The SBI is investigating. I am sure it will all be fine, but this cuts his salary almost in half. He really works alot of off duty jobs.  He called my daughter at midnight to tell her this and to say he will only beable to pay HALF of the child support and day care during this 90 period. She is scared because she needs the support to keep her life together. She works full time, needs the 4 yr old to be in day care and the 6 yr old to be in after school care.   If child support is written in a legal and binding contract, signed by all proper parties and lawyers, why can he decide to pay just whatever fits his budget? In the meantime, he has remarried and doesn't struggle like my daughter does.      I am just ranting--it seems like everytime things are going good, he does one more thing.  Her apartment lease is up in a month and she was hoping to get a townhouse with more room.  I have a feeling I could have 3 more people in my house because of this.   I know there aren't any answers, I just needed to vent for a moment.  You never stop worrying about your kids, even when they are grown. The worries just get bigger and harder to solve.

[Romona]

 

[kitkatz]

Those worries do get bigger and badder.  I hope it all goes okay for her.

[KT0930]

Paris, I'm so sorry to hear your daughter is going through that. Unfortunately, the 90 days probation from any off-duty jobs (though I'm surprised not his regular job, as well) is probably standard procedure. Hopefully you'll all make it through without having to put three more people in your home.

[BobT1939]

I think your daughter should see a lawyer (perhaps too expensive) or a social worker re the unilateral decision of the ex to cut payments in half. I am not at all sure he can get around a court order in this manner./bobt

[kimcanada]

You never stop worrying about your kids, even when they are grown. The worries just get bigger and harder to solve.

I remember when my 3 kids were little, and very close in age, and people used to tell me just that... You never stop worrying about your kids, even when they are grown.
And I couldn't imagine that being true, but now, they are grown and I do still worry.

Your daughter seems to have her stuff together, two small kiddies and works, she will be ok, tough people just get tougher when put to the test 

Kim

[Sluff]

It depends if he is paying a percentage or a mandatory amount per month. If it is mandatory all she has to do is contact Child support agency and they will handle the rest.

[paris]

He is on administrative leave from the police force and can't do any off duty because when you are put on leave, you can't carry your gun.    Melissa is a very strong woman.  She is an admin. manager for the Aids Alliance and spents her days helping  the homeless, dying,and extremely sick. She arranges for doctors appointments, transportation, food, shelter,etc for those who are almost forgotten.  She hates having to depend on her ex for anything and he has always made her feel stupid and lazy.  I think she is amazing; of course!   His child support is mandatory, based on three years of tax forms.    He is the one with the problem. How can a father not realize that his children need that money?  He just is very controlling.   I will do anything they need, and she knows she can always count on me.  Thanks for listening--I just needed to let it out before I talked to her again. 

[goofynina]

I am not too familiar with the family court and stuff, i just wanted to send my good wish and prayers to you and your daughter Paris.   I hope there is a happy medium and they come to some sort of agreement.  I would definetly consider going back to court, especially if the court has a set amount that he has to pay, i think the courts need to know that he isnt living up to his agreement regardless of what has happend.  Good luck and God Bless you all 

[Sluff]

He is on administrative leave from the police force and can't do any off duty because when you are put on leave, you can't carry your gun.    Melissa is a very strong woman.  She is an admin. manager for the Aids Alliance and spents her days helping  the homeless, dying,and extremely sick. She arranges for doctors appointments, transportation, food, shelter,etc for those who are almost forgotten.  She hates having to depend on her ex for anything and he has always made her feel stupid and lazy.  I think she is amazing; of course!   His child support is mandatory, based on three years of tax forms.    He is the one with the problem. How can a father not realize that his children need that money?  He just is very controlling.   I will do anything they need, and she knows she can always count on me.  Thanks for listening--I just needed to let it out before I talked to her again. 

You are right, it is his problem, administrative leave or not ,kids still need food and clothes.

[boxman55]

ya the guys a cop. Hold his feet to the fire...Boxman

[MyssAnne]

Man, Paris. I hope it ends well for your daughter.

[2_DallasCowboys]

Does he pay thru Probation Dept, as it
is done in NJ?  I would contact whatever
dept he has to pay thru, (I know all states are
different) and let them know of this.
In NJ, the payee is not allowed to
determine how much or when payments are
made-it is taken right out of the payyee's
paycheck at the payroll dept of their job

Anne
I wish your daughter the best!!!!

[Ken Shelmerdine]

Paris, sorry to hear this. If he's not struggling in his new life it sounds to me that he's using his job suspension as an excuse. Hope you are your daughter get it all sorted.

[rose1999]

Wishing your daughter and her children all the best, hope it is soon sorted.
Rose

[Ohio Buckeye]

I'm sorry to hear about this Paris and hope it gets resolved soon.
You are right, when we have children, we are hooked for life, and
the worries never end.
Will be praying about the situation.  God bless!

[Mimi]

Awww gee Paris, if it's not one thing, it is 25. If I were your daughter I would contact the Child Support Agency, if for nothing
else to let the ex know he just can't call up and cut the support in half just because his extra money has been cut
for awhile.  If anyone needs to suffer, it is him, not his children.
I'll be praying for you all.

Lov, Mimi