Prostate Cancer

[Deanne]

I watch a lot of geek / nerd shows on TV. Last night there was a Stanford Medical Center lecture on prostate cancer. It's also streamed online. I'm debating whether I should send the link to my family or if I should never mention it. My dad is a prostate cancer survivor & might find it interesting. My brother has prostate cancer now. The lecture points out that the 5-year survival rate is something like 17% when the cancer gets outside of the prostate. My brother's cancer is in one of his lymph nodes.

What's your opinion? Should I send the link to my parents or never mention it? Knowledge won't change facts. I'm torn. I would hate it if one of my siblings sent my parents a link about kidney disease because I'd be afraid they'd start to ask me a lot of questions & I'd feel intruded upon. But that's just me. I don't think my brother shares my "don't question me" attitude. I don't have my brother's email address so I can't send him the link to have him do with it as he wants, and I don't know if I would send it to him anyway. I know he knows he's in some serious doo-doo and he's getting treatment, but don't know for sure if he knows just how deep his doo-doo is. I don't think I should be the one to point them out to him if he doesn't know it already. Help?

[paris]

When my husband's sister was first diagnosed with breast cancer, she would not talk to anyone about how advanced it was or what prognosis the doctor gave her. They never did surgery and after doing some searching on my own, I thought she was in much worse shape than she was letting on.  She never told her children that the doctor gave her x amount of time.  Like her, your brother may be all too aware of what his chances are.  It is a touchy subject.  Hers was also in her nymph nodes and then to her organs.   I hope your brother will be the survivor.  Let us know what you decide to do.   How is he feeling and what type of treatments is he receiving?   

[Deanne]

I think my brother knows it's kind of bad. He suggested this when he called me. I think he said that on a scale of 1 - 10 where 10 is the worst, his Dr put him at 7. To me, 7 sounds only medium-bad, not "plan your funeral" awful, but the Stanford lecture made it sound closer to awful, or maybe it just woke me up to reality. I haven't talked to my brother about it since he first called me in October.

Our family has some odd communication patterns. I email my younger sister regularly, but almost all other family communication is routed through my Mom. I have a scheduled time to check in with my parents on Sunday evenings (my family all lives in a different state) when she gives me any updates on my siblings. I had to ask Mom for my brother's phone number to call to wish him a Merry Christmas (at Mom's nagging -- none of us call each other). When I did call him, he didn't bring up the cancer, so I only made a brief joke about the appropriateness of his receiving a pill box for a whiite elephant exchange. When he didn't respond to that, I didn't ask him anything more, not wanting to intrude.

I know from my Mom that he's getting hormone therapy now, which will be followed by radiation. That meshes very well with what the Stanford lecture said. I think he's feeling fine, but Mom said he's growing boobs. The cancer was only found because my parents and my brother's wife kept bugging him to be tested after my Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I don't think he had any symptoms and he didn't have a Dr before then.

I don't want to scare my family needlessly by sending them the link to the lecture. If my brother is going to die of cancer, it'll happen whether they're informed or not. Would they rather be informed? That's my dilema -- trying to read their minds. Maybe I should just quit watching TV myself and I wouldn't have these dilemas! Maybe I'll email my brother-in-law (husband of the sister who I email most often) to get his reading.

[paris]

Deanne,  this is all so hard.  My husband would never call his sister because he said he didn't want to bring up the subject if she wasn't thinking about it.  I explained that she was probably always thinking about it.  His family says they are very close, but they don't talk about real issues, only about sports and things. I understand the stange family communication situation.   I don't know what the best thing is to do. Life sure gets complicated as we go along, doesn't it?   I am sorry he is going through this and for all of you.  Maybe the treatments will help and give him lots of time.  I also watch all those medical shows. I don't know why they fascinate me so much.  Maybe it reminds me that people are in much worse spots than I am.     I hope you can figure this out.  Maybe we need some of the men here to help with your dilemma.    Sending good thoughts your way

[rose1999]

Deanne, I am so sorry to hear this.  If you want my opinion I would say don't send the link.  My husband died of PC (at 52), he hated people keep telling him about his disease, he KNEW he would die from it and didn't want to be constantly reminded.  He understood that people only did it because they thought they were helping but it just made him feel like a disease not a person - I'm sure many of you here can relate to that.  He wanted to live what life he had left as normally as possible.  Of course he wanted to be cured  and he took part in trials at the Christie Hospital, Manchester (UK) but nothing worked for him.  People who treated him as 'normal' were the best tonic for him.  He had hormone, radiotherapy and chemo as well as the trials but nothing worked although it did give him 7 years.  I hope your brother has a better outcome, I will pray for him and all your family.
Rose