Dar's Guide To Dialysis Nurses

[Zach]

For many patients, sometimes we see the the Nurses and Technitions more often than our own family.     

[angieskidney]

For many patients, sometimes we see the the Nurses and Technitions more often than our own family.     

Hell ya!!

[number1nephnurse]

Very cute..and somewhat accurate. I am of course the #3 nurse.  I was given this site by a patient, who is also a good friend...although he didnt warn me about the bashing.  A bit biased to. My first post was met with a snide remark from the moderator/owner/creater/patient/whatever  This post however was very cute. I know and have worked with every example of nurse. Cute very cute.  You should see the patient guide the staff makes.

[Rerun]

We would Love to see the patient guide the staff makes.  We do have a sence of humor ya know.   

[Bajanne]

Number1nephnurse, I noticed that you haven't officially introduced yourself as yet.  Please go to the section Introduce Yourself, and tell us about you.
I would love you to do a take on the various types of patients that you meet.  Please do it for us!

[kianhu]

I think that is absolutely hilarious.  (Hemo RN)  I am trying to figure out which one I am?  LOLOLOL 

[goofy1]

I've been in dialysis for over 20 yrs, as a tech and now an RN and I thought this was a humorous observation.  We do come in different shapes and sizes as well as different levels of skill, talent, and most importantly, the ability to empathize.  I have come to the conclusion that there is a definite connection between heart and hands, and that those "here just to collect a paycheck" workers are also the ones that patients complain about the most, "when he/she sticks me it really hurts". 
Having a 15g. needle inserted into your arm can never be comfortable, but if administered by a pair of caring hands, it may be more tolerable.  The source of "angel hands" is truly the heart. 

[Black]

Thanks for bringing this thread back.  I had forgotten how funny it is.   

Dar was wonderful.  She and Bill are probably enjoying each others company immensely, and I miss Sara too.   

[glitter]

re-reading this post does high-light the purpose of this site.... a place where anyone is 'free' to hate dialysis!!! plus its funny!

[okarol]

  This is a great thread - well worth reading!

[Adam_W]

I've read the initial post in this thread, but I hadn't read through the whole thing until now. First of all, Lifeonhold's post was very funny, and I had nurses and techs at my old centre that fit one of those. As for all the flaming and accusations of dialysis patients being "whiny little brats", I agree with what everyone else said, that we have every right to rant and complain. As I'm typing this, I've been tethered to my dialysis machine for the last hour and a half, and I'm not upset or complaining now, but sometimes I do, and I'm glad Epoman gave us this site to rant and rave when we have problems. I know it's an old thread, but I thought I'd throw in my 

Adam






EDITED: Fixed smiley tag error-kitkatz,moderator

[CW]

Excellent post, this was hilarious R.I.P LifeOnHold and thankyou !

[Kitsune]

We can too poke fun at ourselves!

Katherine's Guide to Dialysis Patients

Grumpy Patient- the patient that comes in to the center grumpy.  Dialysis has interrupted their day and they are looking for the first tech or nurse to take it out on.  Beware: Talking to Grumpy can get your feelings hurt. Let Grumpy get on the machine in a timely manner and get a Benadryl and Tylenol cocktail and they will be fine.

I am So Happy to Be Here Patient: This patient makes everyone crazy. "Hi how are you? I am doing fine. Everything is great." They wander the unit looking for people to say hello to and then talk for half an hour to them.  Or they are talking to the nurse or tech in other area of the unit than where they will be sitting. They can be fairly loud.  They are usually the ones techs and nurses are looking for to put them on the machine on time.  They will often stay after treatment and talk to the nurses and techs.

Late Great Patient:  Arrives late to dialysis every treatment.  Complains about their time being cut short to the clinic director, so their time is not cut, even though they were late.  Backs up the entire unit because they are late. Blames everyone but themselves for being late.  They need to buy a watch that works.

The Burpers and Farters: These people get on the machine and their bodily functions go nuts.  Burping loudly without an excuse me or anything.  Farts are not covered up to dissapate into their own noses. Smells are left to run free around the unit. Just what is that smell?

Loud old People: Old people who cannot hear what is being said to them. They answer in a very loud voice all of the time.  Their TV is so loud you can hear it even if they are using headphones. Nurse and techs have to yell loudly while they are treating them. They do not bring their hearing aides because they think they center is too loud anyway.

Criers and Screamers:  These are the patients who cry or whine through the entire treatment. They are not happy and everyone knows it. Sitting next to a 4 hour crier will drive any sane person crazy!  The screamer are the ones who scream they want off now five minutes into the treatment.  Or they are senile and yell out they want a peanut butter sandwich. Or yell a tech's name over and over.  Bring on the sedatives!

Okay that is all I can think of tonight....Feel free to add to it. ( This is posted in fun, just like Dar's was.)

We have a couple of these at our unit. Our "I am So Happy to Be Here Patient" is a 48 year old woman named Angie. She walks around,  looking for people to bend their ear, and she actually stays after treatment to jabber at the nurses and techs who have other things to do. Her nicknames around our unit are "Queen of The Nile" (because she demands special treatment as well) and The Princess. She also sneezes and laughs obnoxiously so people will look at her.

Our "screamer" is an older woman named Joyce, who will sit there for a hour and then start screaming to be taken off like she's being killed. Complains of her back always hurting. Screams techs' names over and over. "Come on, ------ I want to come off! ---------! ----------!" for the entire four hours she is on.

No one is allowed to complain about these wackos or get their butt chewed like gum.

God, I hate it there, and not just because of the needles.

[nursewratchet]

I thought it was funny!!!  I have been working in Dialysis a LONG time, and I could name every one of those people.  Not offended in any way.  I have been a boss now for a long time, so now I just fire the "bad apples".  I am going to print off that poem to post in my clinic, I think my patients, and staff will thinks it's a hoot. 

[Constantcrave40]

The nurses deal with all kinds of patients,and some are far from nice and the nurse still has to mantain a professional and courteous attitude. And if they get alittle grouchy,as patients do alot. I kmw I do,give her/him a break,they are people to!

[roryboryalice]

As a dialysis nurse, I thought it HILARIOUS! I think I'm #3. My motto: Treat Em & Street Em. (of course as safely & painlessly as possible.
BOO to the nurse who didn't think it funny.

[justkevin]

wow, I must be the luckiest dialysis paintent, my nurses are kind, courteous, I'll never be able to thank them for all they have done for me. I do believe your post is hilarious though, I'll print it off for my nurses, thell get a kick out of it. I still hate dialysis, but my nurses make it tolerable

[justkevin]

Upland Hills Dialysis Center, Dodgeville WI, that is where im at 3 days a week, 4 hours every other day, where do I start, 4 doctors all friendly, helpfull, Im a mechnic so they even ask me questions, social worker, she wonderful I even tried to teach her ucher, diatishion, helpful,she only had to get on my case a few times but its for the best, when I got all goods on my labs, I got a smily face, now my nurses, what can I say, THE BEST, its simple if I have a bad day they make it better, if I dont feel good they try to fix it, they can take it and dish it out,  and when we walk in they smile and its a real smile there happy to see us, thats why there THE BEST, my nurse had to leave for family reasons, trust me its for the best, we all miss her but hope for the best for her and her family always, she will always be my dialysis nurse, just a phone call away, thanks to everyone at Upland Hills Dialysis Center for keeping me healthy and able to work, keeping my hopes and spirit up, just for being THE BEST they can be, thank you, kevin

[tattooscott]

Very nice guide, thanks for sharing. What I wouldn't give to be able to stick some of the techs/nurses I've known.

:)boy do I agree with you