Ignorant things people have said to you

[kitkatz]

Sometimes I just let the weird looks go on by me when I order the ice cup or something unusual.  Why bother to explain to someone who does not give a rat's ass about me anyway!

[vandie]

Sometimes I just let the weird looks go on by me when I order the ice cup or something unusual.  Why bother to explain to someone who does not give a rat's ass about me anyway!

I think it's easier to let it go than to explain.  When I first started my low everything diet, my girlfriend felt she needed to explain once why we were being so picky at a fancy shmancy restaurant.  The waiter had this blank look on his face, not only did he not give a crap. he was at a loss as to what to say.  I felt sorry for him.

[Rerun]

I hate it when I'm at a restaurant and I have water......they keep toping it off and then I lose track of how much I've had.  I try to move my water glass WAY out of the way and she still seems to find it.

[sandman]

I hate it when I'm at a restaurant and I have water......they keep toping it off and then I lose track of how much I've had.  I try to move my water glass WAY out of the way and she still seems to find it.

Yeah, I dislike that to.  They never ask if you want a refill or not.  Does anyone ever think that maybe I was DONE drinking that water???

[angieskidney]

I hate it when I'm at a restaurant and I have water......they keep toping it off and then I lose track of how much I've had.  I try to move my water glass WAY out of the way and she still seems to find it.

Yeah, I dislike that to.  They never ask if you want a refill or not.  Does anyone ever think that maybe I was DONE drinking that water???

Well they figure that if you don't want to finish it that you will just leave the rest since water is free.

But they don't realize SOME of us may be MEASURING!

Sometimes it is just easier to call in advance, say that you are coming in and have a special diet and measure your drinks. Then they realize and remember .. usually that is.... 

[Epoman]

I hate it when I'm at a restaurant and I have water......they keep toping it off and then I lose track of how much I've had.  I try to move my water glass WAY out of the way and she still seems to find it.

Yeah, I dislike that to.  They never ask if you want a refill or not.  Does anyone ever think that maybe I was DONE drinking that water???

Well they figure that if you don't want to finish it that you will just leave the rest since water is free.

But they don't realize SOME of us may be MEASURING!

Sometimes it is just easier to call in advance, say that you are coming in and have a special diet and measure your drinks. Then they realize and remember .. usually that is.... 

Want a solution? To stop waiters from filling up your cup/glass without asking, just place a napkin on top of your glass. 

[sandman]

Ohhh, that's a GREAT idea Epoman, 

[kitkatz]

I was drinking iced tea one day and had a fit when the waiter went to top it off. I said "I have the right amount of tea, to ice, to sweetener, please do NOT screw it up."  He never came back again! LOL

[Jill D.]

This might not be ignorant, as I think the people who ask do care, but I hate when I get the "How are you doing?" and I say "fine" (because since I started dialysis, much as I hate it, I do feel so much better) then they look at me and say "No - how are you REALLY?" Are they hoping I feel like crap? Would they really want to listen to my complaints anyway?

Here's another one...a woman at my church is really into this "raw foods" diet. She came up to me a few weeks ago and said "Well, are you ready to try a new diet while you are waiting for your transplant to be rescheduled?" I told her I was on a renal diet, and that I have a dietitian that I see regularly. Wouldn't you think that is all that I needed to say? Nope - she seemed to think she had the right diet for me. I tried to explain some of the basics of the renal diet, but she just kept looking at me like she knew better. Finally I told her that my diet was restricted enough and I didn't really need to add a second diet and restrict it even more. I know she was trying to help, but people don't realize there is not a magic anything to make this disease go away - ever.

[meadowlandsnj]

Here's another one...a woman at my church is really into this "raw foods" diet. She came up to me a few weeks ago and said "Well, are you ready to try a new diet while you are waiting for your transplant to be rescheduled?" I told her I was on a renal diet, and that I have a dietitian that I see regularly. Wouldn't you think that is all that I needed to say? Nope - she seemed to think she had the right diet for me. I tried to explain some of the basics of the renal diet, but she just kept looking at me like she knew better. Finally I told her that my diet was restricted enough and I didn't really need to add a second diet and restrict it even more. I know she was trying to help, but people don't realize there is not a magic anything to make this disease go away - ever.

I have someobne like that who tells me to eat whole wheat products, more vegetables and fruits, a lot of water and no meat.  No matter how hard I try to tell them I HAVE to eat this way they just don't get it.  She actually told me once I don't drink half as much as I should be drinking.  I just smile at her and tell her I will take her advice under consideration, basically yes her to death. 

[Bajanne]

Of course, we all have the friend who 'knows somebody' who treats all manners of diseases with herbs.  I explained just last week that I have End Stage Renal Failure, there ain't no going back!  All I got was a blank look and the insistance that this person has done wonders with people with all kinds of ailments (but he didn't include non-functioning kidneys!).

[jbeany]

One of the people I used to work with was one of those "Herbs cure everything" people.  She insisted that if I ate a cinnamon stick every day, my diabetes would go away.  Now I realize there are a few studies that say cinnamon helps the body effectively use insulin, but hello, I've got juvenile.  I don't make ANY insulin, so all the cinnamon in the world is not going to kick start my pancreas.

Besides, straight cinnamon?  How much tree bark can anyone eat in a day?  Ewwwwww

[KTangel]

I can think of only one time I've been rat-@ssed - at a wedding... I got into a fight with a tree.... I think it was a draw... it lost a branch, I got a scar on my forehead (that is almost impossible to see it now)

as expected, I haven't gotten drunk again... mainly because I can't stand the taste of alcohol...

I am laughing so hard that my sides hurt! That is just too damn funny....

[angieskidney]

It annoyed me when my friend tried to tell me of ways to make my transplanted kidney work again when it now has 0% function (well less than 5% anyway) and the body doesn't accept it .. he doesn't seem to realize that a transplanted kidney is not like an original kidney that the body won't fight off ...

.. another thing that annoys me is no matter how many millions of times  .. this is how every meal goes:

"oh look at the desserts! Oh YOU can't have them because they have sugar."

Excuse me? I think I know my diet better than YOU person who doesn't even know what a kidney is for! Geeze!  I can understand a person not knowing .. but TELLING me I can't have something that I can? It is bad enough the people who tell me to drink more water and that I should eat "healthier" but to tell me I can't have the one thing I can have?? I am not diabetic! It is bad enough I can't have everything else

[Rerun]

I got a call from work (where I use to work) inviting me to the Christmas party.  I asked what day and they said Dec. 14 which is a Thursday......um I have dialyzed on T, Th, Sa for a fricking year...... Then they said well maybe you could come to Sandra's retirement party which is November 14.....a Tuesday......um no I dialyze on Tuesday......Then they say "well if they change your day or time let us know."  Like I was the problem.

Then they asked me to send them the Christmas story I wrote 2 years ago because they wanted to read that again at this year's party.  Sure........no problem.

That is so hurtful to me that nobody can remember that I have dialysis on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday!

[Ken Shelmerdine]

A supposedly good friend demonstrated recently how little he had listened to what I had told him in the past about kidney disease. I always make sure I don't bore friends to death with too many details and  I've only discussed it with him (his name is Ray) when he has broached the subject. I have known this guy for 25 years and for 18 of those years I have been diagnosed with kidney disease and just recently have gone onto dialysis so I assumed that from our occasional conversation on the subject,he was aware of at least the basics. A recent conversation with Ray went like this

Ray< Ken, I saw a piece in my local newspaper to day that may be of interest to you, I'll cut it out and send it.

Me< What would that be then Ray?>

Ray< Well, a recent study into a drug used for the treatment of obesity has been found to hold properties effective in treating.........
....Wait for it  DIABETES!!!

Me < And why would that be of interest to me Ray?>

Ray<Well.......erm....er Isn't that what you have?

Me < I have kidney failure>

Ray< Isn't that the same thing?>

I rest my case

Fixed Bold - Rerun Moderator

[kitkatz]

Oh Geez! Makes you want to scream.  I love it when the medical profession assumes you are diabetic because you have kidney failure.  I think I had to tell every medical professional that came into my room this last surgery that I am NOT diabetic!  One nurse even said well "most of our kidney failure patients ARE diabetics, too."     I just laugh now.  What else are you going to do?
One nurse's assistant even asked me, when I had asked for a cup of tea, "Can you have tea?" You would think I would know what I can and cannot have especially in the hospital where they watch you all of the time.

[stauffenberg]

Because truly serious disease is rare in the human population, particularly since we have been evolving for the last million years in such a way as to weed susceptibility to these problems out of the gene pool, most people simply assume everyone conforms to the same paradigm they do, which is: 1. Get sick; 2. Go to the doctor/hospital; 3. Get treated and become healthy once again; 4. Return home.  They cannot understand how it is possible that someone can have been to the doctor or stayed in the hospital and not come home well.  "Congratulations!  You're out of the hospital now.  You must be feeling a lot better!"  Or, coversely, they assume that if you are not well, it is because you haven't done what every sensible person should do, and that is go to the doctor or the hospital to be treated and get well.  The final possibility is that they assume if you are not well after having been to the doctor it must be because you are not taking your medicine or following the instructions.  And I'm sure we have all heard this one: "Why don't you just get a transplant if dialysis is taking up so much of your time?"

The frightening thing is that the general public, people with this degree of misunderstanding about serious illness, are ultimately the one's who, through their representatives in the legislature, determine health care policy, deciding whether there should be public healthcare or private insurance, whether the existing transplant laws are adequate, how much money should be spent by the government on medical research, how much money the public purse should devote to dialysis care, etc.  What is the legitimacy of a democracy if the majority understands our problems about as well as goldfish understand a bicycle race?

[angieskidney]

I got a call from work (where I use to work) inviting me to the Christmas party.  I asked what day and they said Dec. 14 which is a Thursday......um I have dialyzed on T, Th, Sa for a fricking year...... Then they said well maybe you could come to Sandra's retirement party which is November 14.....a Tuesday......um no I dialyze on Tuesday......Then they say "well if they change your day or time let us know."  Like I was the problem.

Then they asked me to send them the Christmas story I wrote 2 years ago because they wanted to read that again at this year's party.  Sure........no problem.

That is so hurtful to me that nobody can remember that I have dialysis on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday!

Oh I feel for you Rerun! Like we can just change what day we do dialysis? Oh ya let's skip a day or move it a day. Like that will have NO effect on us!! 

When there is a long weekend because of a Holiday on Friday or Monday (I dialysize on M/W/F) the cab driver always says, "Oh it is a long weekend so the dialysis unit isn't open right? Does this mean I take you on Tuesday instead??"

 

One nurse's assistant even asked me, when I had asked for a cup of tea, "Can you have tea?" You would think I would know what I can and cannot have especially in the hospital where they watch you all of the time.

Ya I had the same thing happen to me while i was in the hospital last year for 6 weeks!

[kitkatz]

I got a call from work (where I use to work) inviting me to the Christmas party.  I asked what day and they said Dec. 14 which is a Thursday......um I have dialyzed on T, Th, Sa for a fricking year...... Then they said well maybe you could come to Sandra's retirement party which is November 14.....a Tuesday......um no I dialyze on Tuesday......Then they say "well if they change your day or time let us know."  Like I was the problem.

Then they asked me to send them the Christmas story I wrote 2 years ago because they wanted to read that again at this year's party.  Sure........no problem.

That is so hurtful to me that nobody can remember that I have dialysis on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday!

Oh I feel for you Rerun! Like we can just change what day we do dialysis? Oh ya let's skip a day or move it a day. Like that will have NO effect on us!! 

When there is a long weekend because of a Holiday on Friday or Monday (I dialysize on M/W/F) the cab driver always says, "Oh it is a long weekend so the dialysis unit isn't open right? Does this mean I take you on Tuesday instead??"

 

Yeah only if you want to take me to the cemetary! 

[meadowlandsnj]

Because truly serious disease is rare in the human population, particularly since we have been evolving for the last million years in such a way as to weed susceptibility to these problems out of the gene pool, most people simply assume everyone conforms to the same paradigm they do, which is: 1. Get sick; 2. Go to the doctor/hospital; 3. Get treated and become healthy once again; 4. Return home.  They cannot understand how it is possible that someone can have been to the doctor or stayed in the hospital and not come home well.  "Congratulations!  You're out of the hospital now.  You must be feeling a lot better!"  Or, coversely, they assume that if you are not well, it is because you haven't done what every sensible person should do, and that is go to the doctor or the hospital to be treated and get well.  The final possibility is that they assume if you are not well after having been to the doctor it must be because you are not taking your medicine or following the instructions.  And I'm sure we have all heard this one: "Why don't you just get a transplant if dialysis is taking up so much of your time?"

The frightening thing is that the general public, people with this degree of misunderstanding about serious illness, are ultimately the one's who, through their representatives in the legislature, determine health care policy, deciding whether there should be public healthcare or private insurance, whether the existing transplant laws are adequate, how much money should be spent by the government on medical research, how much money the public purse should devote to dialysis care, etc.  What is the legitimacy of a democracy if the majority understands our problems about as well as goldfish understand a bicycle race?

Sad but true.  I have a cousin who was in the military.  He has the mentality that the people who are sick should get out of the way and make room for the people who in his words "can contribute to society" meaning those of us who are not well should just go off and die somewhere.  I said to him karma is a bitch--one day you'll be all well and fine and BOOM you can get hit by a car and be disabled.  He laughs at me.  Smug little bastard.........

[susie q]

I have met people who do not even know WHERE their kidneys are in their bodies...
Uninformed comments do not surprise me at all... 

[angieskidney]

I have met people who do not even know WHERE their kidneys are in their bodies...
Uninformed comments do not surprise me at all... 

So true! I have met so many people that don't know. Did I ever tell of the University student who had a biology book open so I decided to explain where the Peritoneal dialysis is done? There was a perfect picture of the Peritoneum and he says, "I got a better pic!" and flips the page to a pic of a kidney

 

[Sara]

I will confess to being ignorant (gasp!).    Before all this with Joe, I did not know anything about dialysis, kidney failure, etc.  I don't even remember knowing dialysis existed.  It was just something I had never been exposed to or educated on. 

[Rerun]

I will confess to being ignorant (gasp!).    Before all this with Joe, I did not know anything about dialysis, kidney failure, etc.  I don't even remember knowing dialysis existed.  It was just something I had never been exposed to or educated on. 

Well, I'm sure I say stupid things to liver patients or heart patients.  Why would a normal healthy person know about kidney disease?  But, once you are a patient you just get tired of the dumb questions......