Has anyone written to donor family

[willieandwinnie]

I know that I'll get some help here. I sent a Christmas card to Len's donor family and they ask me to write a note to them. I don't know what to say. Thank you seems so lame to me.

This is what I received from Donor Family Advocate
Washington Regional Transplant Community

"I just wanted to let you know the card you sent for your donor family has been forwarded to the organ procurement organization in Texas who will forward it to your donor family.  Thank you for writing, I’m sure it will be a comfort to the family.  Hope you are doing well, and can write donor family a more detailed note in the future, they have contacted us about your well being.  Take care and have a wonderful New Year! "
Maureen

Has anyone here that received transplant written to the donor or family? I'm really stumped on this.

[okarol]

Here's a related thread. http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=2512.0
I know Vandie also wrote a letter after her transplant.
Good luck!

[Romona]

I have written to my donor family a few times. They are wonderful. They are very supportive of me and have contacted my coordinator about me if they don't hear from me. The first letter was very formal. The last letter I got from them was very light hearted and fun. The sent me the link to the memorial page for their son. I feel I have another family rooting for me.

Write from your heart. My family has given me so much comfort. Around the anniversary of my transplant I felt really down. The beautiful letter I got really helped get over me feelings of guilt. That is one thing they do tell you about transplants. You never know when feelings are going to hit you. When I get down it really hits hard!


Good Luck to you! 

[oswald]

i'd like to write to my donor family, but i would'nt know what to say.  maybe thank-you.  but like ww said, that sounds to generic and lame.  also i would'nt know how to go about it.  i kind of would like them to know that their son lives on in me, but how do i say that without making them think about their loss.  i think about it often, but just don't know.  do they know about me?  do the coordinators tell them where his kidney went?  what if they don't want to know, how's that going to make me feel?  am i  opening up wounds that are just starting to heal?  i just don't know what to do.       

[willieandwinnie]

owswald
I don't know if you had your transplant in Baltimore or Washington but our coordinator told us on our last visit that the family had indeed asked about Len's well being. From what our coordinator told us, the family contacted the Texas Hospital where their loved one passed away and asked about everyone that received his organs. I'm hoping since I sent a Christmas card that maybe I'll hear from them. Our Centers policy is you can have direct contact after 6 months. So I really do need to come up with something since it has already been 4 MONTHS on the 7th of January. How does time go by so quickly. I am still probably more emotional over his transplant then Len is. I guess because I saw a difference in him immediately. Len is a tuft retired Navy Chief and C-130 Flight Engineer. He is diffidently more strong then I am. When a draft a letter up I'll post it for you guys to give me input. Have a great evening everyone.

[oswald]

on my next visit to the clinic, i think i'll inquire about the donor family.  just to see what happens.  by the way i got my transplant through johns hopkins in baltimore.

[okarol]

I think if I had donated my loved ones organs, I would be pleased to hear that they went to someone who was grateful and prospering from the gift. 

[goofynina]

I think if I had donated my loved ones organs, I would be pleased to hear that they went to someone who was grateful and prospering from the gift. 

What a beautiful and perfect thing to say Okarol, i hope that helps ease the minds of many that are worried about contacting their donors family.  I can only imagine how confusing it would be.  I was in a bad accident that killed a man and often wondered about reaching out to the family but never did, it turns out that the family was related to one of the little girls i was babysitting at the time i had my daycare (that little girl is now one of my Goddaughters)

[angela515]

I wrote to my donor family recently... I hope for a return letter, but don't expect one. 

[oswald]

what did you say, not word for word, but can you give me some ideas.

[Romona]

My friend at work had lost her 22 year old son in a car accident. She said it brings her great comfort to know that her son helped so many people. She got beautiful letters from the recipients.
If I am not mistaken, The letters go through coordinators. If the family doesn't want contact the letter will not be forwarded to the family.
In my transplant book there was a sample letter. It said to focus on the improvement in your life from the gift. Also it said to tell something about yourself and your family.

[angela515]

Me, oswald?

I feel my donor family would like to know how their son has helped me from what I have read about them. On their son's obit. they were proud to be able to donate his organs and help many people, and they wanted no flowers, and they wanted all donations sent to UNOS to help others, not to themselves. So for me, I know it's something that may help ease their pain as they can find some kind of comfort knowing someone was helped.

Another person I know wrote their donor family, and they are great friends now and the family found great comfort knowing their family member has given life to other' on their wy out.

You won't know if you don't write. So I say if *you* want to write, do it.

[oswald]

i think i will.  when i do i'll let everybody know what happened.

[Katonsdad]

Both my wife and I wrote to my donors family , We both thanked them and wished them well .
We told of ourselves and our family , We never received a response back but felt good about sending the
thank you letter anyways .

We hope they received them and do think of my donor often

[vandie]

Here is my donor letter:

08/25/07

Dear Donor Family,

My name is D’Anne.  I received a kidney from your loved one on
August 4th, 2007.   I want to first thank you for giving me this gift.   I was so blessed that you, in your deepest moment of sorrow, thought enough about a fellow human being to graciously donate organs from a loved one taken from you so suddenly.  I cannot imagine how difficult this time must be for you.   

I am 40 years old.   I live in Southern California with my 3 daughters; 19, 15, and 9.  I work as a court reporter in San Diego County. 

I was diagnosed with kidney disease in July, 2005.
I had many friends rally around and was fortunate enough to have several step up to be tested.  Unfortunately, there was an issue with my antibodies and none were a match.

I started therapy to reduce the antibodies in April 2006.  After 15 months of therapy, we were still unable to get a good match. 

Earlier this month, I received a call that was beyond what I could hope for.
A family was thinking of others in their time of grief, and there was a perfectly matched kidney for my transplant.

During the almost two years I was on the transplant list, my health suffered greatly.  I was constantly fatigued, got little sleep and was less of a mom, less productive at work and at home and constantly in pain.

Since August 4th, I have felt better than I have in years.  I hope to go back to work in October.  My children have noticed a difference already.  It’s an amazing feeling to feel well again after so many years of feeling sick.   

I was able to work previous to my transplant, but look forward to getting back to work with a functioning kidney, and some real energy.  A few months before I was diagnosed, I ran the L.A. Marathon.  I haven’t been able to do anything more than go to work for the past two years.  Since I have been home after transplant, I have had the energy to make dinner for the girls and enjoy it.  It used to be such a chore and I would be fatigued afterward.  Now, we all cook together and laugh like we used to. 

Again, I want to thank your family for this gift of life. You have been on my mind every day since my transplant.  I hope that it helps you to know that your choice has dramatically improved my life. I doubt that it was an easy decision, but it is certainly one that will have a wonderful impact on me and my loved ones for years and years to come. 

I would love to keep in touch and learn more about this amazing person that gave my life back. 

Warmly and with great appreciation,
D'Anne




My eight-year old also wrote a letter:

Hi,
My name is Riley  I am D’Anne’s
Daughter  I am so glad that you gave my mom a kidney.  now she can play with me more
Thank you for giving her a kidney
She feels so much better and I do to
Knowing she is OK


THANK YOU



Riley   : o)

I cannot recommend highly enough writing to your donor's family.  It is theraputic and a joy should they choose to write back.

XOXO

[goofynina]

Aww Vandie, your letter was awesome but your daughters brought me to tears (man am i emotional or what)     Thank you for sharing your letter, i hope it helps other transplantees (is that a word)   in their decision on writing their donors.   

[okarol]

  Very nice Vandie - very sincere 

[willieandwinnie]

Thank you Vandie, I am having just the hardest time with this. You letter will help a lot. Thanks again. 

[Romona]

Beautiful Letter!

[paris]

Wonderful letter, Vandie.  It was very sincere and straight from the heart.

[okarol]

Because this thread is regarding writing to the family of a deceased donor, I have split the thread.

For other topic regarding living donor go to:  After the transplant: Donor and financial issue


okarol/moderator

[Lori1851]

Vandie,
What a heartfelt letter. It made me cry. If people only realized how important organ donation is. Even before my son was diagnosed with FSGS I always signed my drivers license and let it be known whatever could help someone on this earth live a better life with my help then take whatever they need. Im sure the donor family appreciated your letter.

  Lori/Indiana