Newbie from Toronto, Canada

[jamescfs]

Hi to everyone. My name is James, and I'm from Toronto, Canada. I'm 34 years old and have been on home nocturnal hemodialysis since October 2004.

I was diagnosed with IGA nephritis in June of 2004. So it wasn't much of a wait from getting bulldozed over by the diagnosis to having to go on dialysis. The only in-center dialysis I've done is during my training at the hospital to administer my own treatments for home hemo. It's been a rough few years, but I'm sure many of you have had the same or worse.

I lost my best friend in a car accident less than a couple of months after starting my nocturnal dialysis treatments at home. My best friend's mom had told me after he passed away, 11 days after the accident in hospital, that he had wanted to get tested to see if he was a compatible donor. Considering he absolutely hated hospitals, doctors, nurses, and anyone else in the medical profession, it must have been a difficult decision for him to make. His internal injuries were too severe to be of any use for transplantation. (I'm getting all choked up just typing this, and I do everytime I mention this.) In many ways, I'm still not over the loss of my best friend. It just wasn't fair that healthy person like him wouldn't live past his 30th birthday, yet an ill person such as me gets to struggle on. I easily would have traded my life for his.

The hardship of the illness and not having a truly great friend around, and having my heart broken badly...over and over and over again, all came to a hilt a year ago when I fell into a deep depression and made a few feeble attempts to take my own life over a 3 month span. It was at that point I finally sought psychiatric help. I am happy to say that I am no longer in therapy and have been weened off the anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, but the sadness still hits me hard at times. I wish I had found this forum much sooner, as I can see that this is such a supportive community, almost like a family.

During the time I was in therapy, I reconnected with many old friends who I had lost touch with 15 years ago after high school, through Facebook.com. So I now have a new inner circle of friends, many of whom were very instrumental in helping me get through my depression. I don't know how I could have gotten through this without them. I now feel closer to them than most of the friends I've known for the past 10 years. But no matter how great my friends are, they'll never fully understand what it is I'm going through, and I would never expect them to. Being a home dialysis patient, I don't get much interaction with others who are also on dialysis, so I hope hanging out here can fill that little void.

[Bill Peckham]

Welcome Jamie.
 

[goofynina]

Hello James, welcome to ihatedialysis.com.  I am soooo happy you found us, we are not just an awesome website, we are an even more awesome support group (we are actually more like family now)  We welcome any new newcomer into the "family" and we offer support, encouragement, advice, humor (if needed) you name it, it is here.     I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your friend and i know exactly what you are going through,  i lost my best friend to a car accident also, she was hit by a drunk driver.  She was only 21 when it happend, i was 20, and here i am, 20 years later, on dialysis, struggling to survive so i know exactly what you are going through my friend and i know the pain (it does it easier with time)      I look forward to hearing more from you, you hang in there and stick with us ok, i am sure you will find yourself fitting right in.  Take care 


Goofynina/Admin.

[oswald]

 

[willieandwinnie]

James

You have found the greatest support group you could possibly want. Hang in there and know that we are only a keyboard away. I did my husband's home-hemo until 9/7 when he got his transplant and it hasn't been an easy road. Come often, read past post, ask questions and by all means, RANT.

Take Care

willieandwinnie

[KR Cincy]

 
You found a great source of information and support James. Thanks for sharing your story.

[Sunny]

Wow, you have been through a lot. I am sorry about the loss of your close friend. Something like that along with kidney disease must be very difficult. You will like this site. There is plenty of support here and much you can learn. It sounds like you have a handle on your depression, which can be difficult. Don't forget to ask those around you for help again should the depression become unbarable. I too struggle with depression at times regarding my kidney disease. I wish you well.

[boxman55]

Hey James, Welcome to IHD...Boxman

[Aldente]

Welcome James.

[lola]

 

[Sluff]

Welcome to ihatedialysis.com James,

It's great that you found us because we have a closeness built by many experiences. many of us have met each other in person and by phone, but the important thing is that we care about each other regardless of the stage of esrd. I am predialysis with FSGS but right from the beginning when I joined the site I was excepted. That meant so much to me I can't explain how I felt. I have lost many friends from accidents to the Iraq war and even one from PTSD( post traumatic stress disorder) so I really understand what you are feeling, with the loss of your friend.

I hope you feel acceptance here and I hope you find it easier to accept your losses as friendships grow here on IHD.


Sluff/ Admin

[Romona]

 

[brenda]

Welcome fellow Canadian 

[jamescfs]

Thanks for all the warm welcomes everyone! I have already found it very comforting, going through the older posts and saying to myself, YES, I've gone through that too, or I know exactly what that's like, or so everybody DOES goes through that and feels that way, JUST LIKE I DO! It's very much an isolated, and often lonely, feeling being on home dialysis, with no other peers to interact with. It's great to be here, in such a large and friendly group, people who know EXACTLY what I am going through, and can identify with one another.

[Bajanne]

Welcome to our community!  I am so glad you found us, and that you decided to join us.  I just have to correct one statement you made at the beginning - "as I can see that this is such a supportive community, almost like a family".  This IS a family, a real family and we have the experiences to prove.  We have been through deep sorrow here (the loss of our founder Epoman) and members of IHD were there at his homegoing.  We have been through tremendous happiness (the renewal of the vows of Sluff and Christy in Vegas) and members of IHD were there upfront.  This is a family.  Just keep posting and let us know what is happening to you.  Feel free to vent, rant, rage.  This is just the place for it.  As you noted, here people really understand what you are going through and there are lots of caring people ready to go through whatever challenges you face with you.  Welcome again. Looking forward to hearing lots from you.   

Bajanne, Moderator

[Joe Paul]

Welcome James, good to have you aboard.

[Ken Shelmerdine]

 

[Hawkeye]

Hello and 

[okarol]

  Hi James,
Great you could join IHD - please tell more about your nocturnal hemo and anything you else you feel like sharing.
I hope you find a safe place here - welcome!
 


okarol/moderator

[Razman]

Welcome aboard from another  Toronto member ( actually a  suburb )  but close enough.  You'll find that this site is full of all kinds of information and there are others that can share their experience and give advise.  Let stay in touch.  Send me a private email sometime.

[Laurie]

 

[keefer51]

 

[paddbear0000]

 

[tamara]

  James

Great to see you here !

Hope you have as much fun here as I do !

See you around

Tamara xxx ooo     

[Psim]

Welcome, James, from yet another Canadian. Sounds like you've really been through the wringer, but have found the strength to get through. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend -- that must have been so hard. I'm glad this site can help with some of the isolation.