Child Custody/Child Support

[okarol]

I hope things go in your favor - I know you don't want to be the "bad guy" but the court has a process to get the attention of parent's that aren't taking care of their responsibilities.

[angela515]

I talked to m y case worker, and he told me what happened in court last week.

My ex did attend court for once. He told the judge he did not have any money to pay towards child support. The judge told him he needed to provide his employers info or go to jail. He gave his employer's info to the judge, and the judge will send out the garnishment info to his employer to start the income garnishment process.

I asked what employer he gave to the judge, my case worker said he is not allowed to tell me, but if I say the name he would say yes or no. So I said the name, and he said yes, so at least he didn't lie to the court and give the wrong info.

Now hopefully his employer will pay to garnish his checks and not fire him. (NV's law states the employer must pay to garnish the employee's check, however, most companys dont like to pay to garnish checks so they find other reasons to fire the person.. so, hopefully they'll keep him!)

[glitter]

wow thats a dumb law- hopefully he won't get fired and you will get some of that child support he owes- it sucks raising kids without help. I was a single mom with a non-paying father when my girls were little, the excuses just killed me...'you don't know how hard it is to give up ALL you extra money'  was one--like as a single mom with two kids I ever HAD any extra money..lol  Good luck- your kids deserve it.

[angela515]

  glitter.. their excuses are amazing... thanks hun!

[aharris2]

(alene writing)

Angela,

BE THE BAD GUY!!! you and your children are entitled to and need child support. Perhaps their dad is a sympathetic figure and makes you inclined to be nice, but you are being burned in other ways - he comes up with half of the airfare to get the kids to him (proving that he can, if necessary) BUT, he can't do it when it's time to get them home - KNOWING that you will pay whatever to get your kids back. This is TRANSPARENT!

Go after that child support. The fact that you don't will come back to haunt you. If it is an option, have him send child support directly to the courts and let them then pass it on to you. That way, they know immediately if he is slacking on his responsibility and can proceed against him. Is the man healthy? If so, why is he having trouble working? Is he too picky? NOT ACCEPTABLE, he has kids to support! Let the courts force him to work or face the consequences.

As far as the flight to and from their dad, be prepared to pay for one flight (easy to say, but when you insist upon receiving child support, that will help to pay for that ticket.) You already have to pay 50% going and 50% coming back and you have already had to do far worse than that at 50% going and 100% return. What you need is a confirmed return and that means buying a ticket - purge it from your mind that the flight to their dad is free. When you do the math, factor in what the flight is worth, not what the dad had to pay and look at what you will be saving relative to the previous years when you've paid 75% of the value of the flights. (Hopefully that, along with child support money, will make it easier to bear.)

(15 years ago, my sister was the nice guy and wrote protections for him into the divorce decree, back when he (the X) was being a responsible father. Things changed in his attitude and every nicety was used against my sister creating significant financial hardship for her.)

[Sluff]

(alene writing)

Angela,

BE THE BAD GUY!!! you and your children are entitled to and need child support. Perhaps their dad is a sympathetic figure and makes you inclined to be nice, but you are being burned in other ways - he comes up with half of the airfare to get the kids to him (proving that he can, if necessary) BUT, he can't do it when it's time to get them home - KNOWING that you will pay whatever to get your kids back. This is TRANSPARENT!

Go after that child support. The fact that you don't will come back to haunt you. If it is an option, have him send child support directly to the courts and let them then pass it on to you. That way, they know immediately if he is slacking on his responsibility and can proceed against him. Is the man healthy? If so, why is he having trouble working? Is he too picky? NOT ACCEPTABLE, he has kids to support! Let the courts force him to work or face the consequences.

As far as the flight to and from their dad, be prepared to pay for one flight (easy to say, but when you insist upon receiving child support, that will help to pay for that ticket.) You already have to pay 50% going and 50% coming back and you have already had to do far worse than that at 50% going and 100% return. What you need is a confirmed return and that means buying a ticket - purge it from your mind that the flight to their dad is free. When you do the math, factor in what the flight is worth, not what the dad had to pay and look at what you will be saving relative to the previous years when you've paid 75% of the value of the flights. (Hopefully that, along with child support money, will make it easier to bear.)

(15 years ago, my sister was the nice guy and wrote protections for him into the divorce decree, back when he (the X) was being a responsible father. Things changed in his attitude and every nicety was used against my sister creating significant financial hardship for her.)

Alene is 1000% correct, yes that is 1000%. I have been on the other side of this and I never once complained about paying my support, I worked til it hurt I had two jobs at times but I made it happen even though I went years unable to see my boys. Now I have placement of one of them because her ways caught up with her, so push for that support it is your Children's right. You say how hard your financial situation is, well maybe it would improve if the Father paid support. You have been way to kind to him and as long as you are he will not change.

[glitter]

you are getting some good advice here !! My husband always paid his child support to his two kids from a previous marriage, she made seeing them extraordinarily difficult however- no matter he still always paid. She got paid FIRST out of his check, and even though I may have, at times, wished she didn't, I was always grateful he loved those kids enough to put them first. (My ex really never paid, and couldn't sign the kids over to be adopted by my husband fast enough to keep from paying)
  You DESERVE help. Your kids DESREVE help. Tell him to get two jobs if he has to- maybe he will care enough to keep his own butt out of jail.

[angela515]

Thank you Alene, and Sluff. However, I am already going after the child support.. and there is nothing left for me to do but wait. I went to the courts, did my part, requested child support AND back child support... got awarded $7,819.00 back child support and $630.00/mo child support, even got an order for income garnishment, which went into affect on 11/2006. However, I have not received one single penny as of yet. He is now $13,000-$14,000 behind in child support which includes his back child support. I cannot do anything else at this point except wait.... since he attended the review in court last week, and gave his employer's info, the court let him leave without putting him in jail or suspending his DL, so that he may go to his job and work, while they send them the order for them to garnish his paycheck. So, *I* am doing my part with the courts, he is not... he just works somewhere for so long (or little) and quits and works somewhere else... for whatever reason, however I personally think it's so he won't get garnished and have his money go to his children.

He has another review in May, which if at that time he is still doing this, they will actually do something because he would be $18,000 behind by then.

As for the visitations, I have decided to be the bad guy finally, and I will NOT send the children to him until he has paid the $400.00 he owes in back transportation costs AND upfront round-trip tickets for the current visitation he would want. Which I can do legally and it's not going against our court agreement.

I just hope the courts will push him harder and threaten him more because if not.. I don't see him paying the child support he owes anytime soon. 

[kitkatz]

My hubby always paid his child support to the ex every month no matter what, even when he got taken back to court he paid the increase.  Every little bit helps.

[Sluff]

Well thats a good move on your part Angela. He is being a fool because he can only ignore it for so long and they will put out a National warrant and pick him up eventually.

[angela515]

I have to send my kids to my ex for winter break (dec 25th-jan 2nd) Makes me very sad... and what hurts worse is my kids do NOT want to go. Breaks my heart.

I found out all this tonight, from his WIFE, b/c he couldn't call himself... which pissed me off, b/c I told her, she is not involved in this, they aren't her kids, and she needs to just tell him to call me himself.. but no.. she wants to play little games and say they are her step kids now, and she is involved... sorry for her, but she is NOT involved... they are my kids, not hers.. and this agreement was before she was ever married to him... ugh!!!

All in all.... the only thing i'm pissed about... is MY KIDS DONT WANT TO GO, THEY DO NOT WANT TO SEE THEIR DAD... why does he feel the need to do this to them?? 

[pinkrose]

If I were you I would try to enjoy Christmas with your kids and make the best of it. Poor kids, they don't get to choose.

[angela515]

Thank you pinkrose, your right, I need to enjoy Christmas with my babies.

[Sluff]

I found out all this tonight, from his WIFE, b/c he couldn't call himself... which pissed me off, b/c I told her, she is not involved in this, they aren't her kids, and she needs to just tell him to call me himself..

His wife has absolutely no rights at all. 

[angela515]

Yes, I know this, try telling that to her Sluff. 

I told my kids this morning about going to their dad's for winter break, and sat down and explained all the fun things, like flying on the airplane and getting to see daddy and his new baby, and that they would only be there 7 days and then come back to mommy. They took that pretty well since they will be going together instead of one without the other like during this last summer visit, so I am feeling a little better about them going.

[Sluff]

Yes, I know this, try telling that to her Sluff. 

Oh I know exactly where you are coming from, been there. However I would just tell her that her calls mean nothing to you or your kids and if he wants contact then it needs to be him on the other end of the phone. Hang up. I learned from experience Angela and I'm not chastising you in fact I think you are doing a pretty good job.

[angela515]

Thanks Sluff

[glitter]

Can your lawyer notify him all communication is between the two of you- not you and his next wife?

[paddbear0000]

I have to send my kids to my ex for winter break (dec 25th-jan 2nd) Makes me very sad... and what hurts worse is my kids do NOT want to go. Breaks my heart.

I found out all this tonight, from his WIFE, b/c he couldn't call himself... which pissed me off, b/c I told her, she is not involved in this, they aren't her kids, and she needs to just tell him to call me himself.. but no.. she wants to play little games and say they are her step kids now, and she is involved... sorry for her, but she is NOT involved... they are my kids, not hers.. and this agreement was before she was ever married to him... ugh!!!

All in all.... the only thing i'm pissed about... is MY KIDS DONT WANT TO GO, THEY DO NOT WANT TO SEE THEIR DAD... why does he feel the need to do this to them?? 

I thought you had decided not to send them to see their Dad and that legally you didn't have to--

As for the visitations, I have decided to be the bad guy finally, and I will NOT send the children to him until he has paid the $400.00 he owes in back transportation costs AND upfront round-trip tickets for the current visitation he would want. Which I can do legally and it's not going against our court agreement.

I would stand your ground on this one. If she keeps pushing, threaten to take HER to court!

[paris]

Angela, as I have said before, my daughter is going through similar things.  It is easy to say "take him to court' but she has to pay a lawyer and everytime ends up still waiting for the money due her.  And her ex is a police officer.  If you don't comply with the agreement, then he can withhold monies from her. It is so compliated and the courts are so slow.  My daughter is still waiting for thousands of dollars that is due. In the meantime, she continues to struggle and he is  married again and living no differently than before.   It is a very hard situation to be in and you have to walk a fine line.  I cringe everytime I hear her little ones talk about their "stepmom"----I have a few other names for her! But, I never let them know my anger.     You are doing a terrific job. You have so much to handle right now. You will get through the holidays and your babies will be back again.  Don't think too far ahead--just get through one week at a time.  Your babies will always know where home truly is that Mom is the one they can always count on.  I was raised by a single Mom and knew she was who I owed everything to.  Hang in there.

[angela515]

I thought you had decided not to send them to see their Dad and that legally you didn't have to--

Correct. However, I found out the one thing I forgot to put in the agreement, and therefore, legally, I cannot withhold the children from his visitation or he can take me back to court and go for Primary custody, and I will not have that so I need to follow the book. 

As for the visitations, I have decided to be the bad guy finally, and I will NOT send the children to him until he has paid the $400.00 he owes in back transportation costs AND upfront round-trip tickets for the current visitation he would want. Which I can do legally and it's not going against our court agreement.

I would stand your ground on this one. If she keeps pushing, threaten to take HER to court!

This is where the flaw comes in to play. It seems that the part about being behind on transportation costs and being able to withhold visitations until that is paid, was not put into our agreement, and therefore cannot be done. However, since he is behind, that shows he has not paid his half the last 2 times they went, and I can file contempt on that, and when I do we will have a court date sometime in the next 6 months, so they still have to go to their scheduled visitations until the court date and if anything is changed at that time.

He is going to be paying their trip out there this time, and I am paying nothing, so since it's not even costing me a penny this time, I have to send them. Now, if he was wanting to buy round-trip tickets and us both pay 50/50 and he couldn't get his half, then I wouldn't have to send them unless he came up with his half.


Sucks.

Yes,

[angela515]

Well I got a call from my ex last night. He called to inform me that he put the children on his insurance through his employer, so when they are in NV with him, they will be under his insurance and while here in Iowa, they will remain under their current insurance, which is how I want it.

I do have a concern though. I emailed him instructions on how to give Jonathan his medications, and I already knew from previous discussion's about it over 6 months ago that he does not want our son on medicines, and he reply email was "What are these medicines for?", so I told him, and his reply to that was "Well, I don't know how I feel about that, we'll talk about that later". I'm just concerned he won't give Jonathan his meds while he is there, and even though it's only 6 days, your not supposed to just stop taking the medication, your supposed to step it down, so he could have bad side effects if his dad don't give him his meds while there, plus not giving him his meds for 6 days will allow it to all come out of his system and when I start to give it to him again at home it can take up to a week to 2 weeks for it to have full effect again.

I don't know what I can or can't do legally, but I do know that if I find out from Jonathan when he returns that he didn't get his medications, I sure am going to file something with the courts, I have NO idea what, because that's not right.

I also don't know how to explain it to my ex the importance of his meds to try and make him understand he needs them. I was going to explain it like this:
                                        If your son needed a life substaining medication, you wouldn't deny him it, b/c the alternative would be death. This medication he is on is not life substaining, but it's just as important in other ways. Without it, he cannot function at school, and he cannot learn. I am not just saying this to say it, I'm saying it from experience and times he went to school with no medication. He cannot concentrate and learn his math, he can't learn to read, he was unable to sit still and even do the simplest of tasks such as coloring. He was falling literally a grade behind all because he could not concentrate enough to comprehend what was being taught. With the medicine, he can conncentrate, and he excels in math and reading, and is able to participate in every class activity now. So to deny him his medication, he like denying him a normal life and education. I am totally on your side about getting him off the medicine when possible, but at this age and at this time, he cannot. Once he's a little older and understands how to block things out to better concentrate on the one thing he's supposed to be doing, we can then ween him off the medication.

What do you think? Is that a good explanation to give my ex to where he should understand the importance of it but yet I don't sound as thought I'm not taking his thoughts into consideration? I would like your opinions.

[thegrammalady]

angela, what airline is he working for. my ex worked for united for years, we flew all over the place, lovely perk. heres how it works. (most airlings are the same) you decide you want to go somewhere, you look for a flight, book an employee reservation, you fill out a voucher, show up at the airport, if there is room on the plane you use the voucher as a ticket, fly to your destination and they take the fee out of your paycheck.  if the flight you want is full they list you on the next flight that day, you keep waiting at the airport till you get on a flight or need to return the next day. no flight benefits are free, but they are exceptionally cheap. (example, i used to fly between denver and san francisco, round trip, first class for $18.00) its really not that difficult, in all the years my kids were growing up we only didn't make 1 flight and had to stay in chicago till the next day. there are ways to insure a flight. book direct flights, travel mid week, travel on the holiday not prior, avoid spring break etc. flying standby is not all that hard, you just have to work it a little bit. quite frankly if he has flight benefits, he can fly the kids both ways!!! you can reimburse him the fees for one leg of the trip. i doubt the courts would find any fault with that.

[okarol]

Perhaps a letter from your doctor, explaining the importance of your son's meds, and the correct dosage information, would be better than you trying to explain it. He may think because your son is going to be on vacation he won't need to concentrate on school tasks, but if your doctor says that interrupting the prescription will set him back, maybe he will understand. It would be helpful too, if you do have to go to court, to show that you gave the kid's father all the info directly from the prescribing physician, and that he chose to ignore it.

[Sluff]

Perhaps a letter from your doctor, explaining the importance of your son's meds, and the correct dosage information, would be better than you trying to explain it. He may think because your son is going to be on vacation he won't need to concentrate on school tasks, but if your doctor says that interrupting the prescription will set him back, maybe he will understand. It would be helpful too, if you do have to go to court, to show that you gave the kid's father all the info directly from the prescribing physician, and that he chose to ignore it.

What she said.