Child Custody/Child Support

[angela515]

Anyone going through child custody/support? I have some questions, and need some advice... I am sure anyone could offer the advice, but I first wanted to see if anyone is going through it also?

[Joe Paul]

Not going through it now, but have been through the ringer for sure what questions do you have?

[angela515]

OK. To make a long story short:

Our agreement we had made through the courts in 2006 states that I am primary caregiver and he is allowed visitations during the summer (to return them 2 weeks prior to school starting), during winter break, and every other spring break. So basically anytime they are not in school, he is allowed to have them if he wants them or is able to afford to bring them and support them while he has them.

Also, he is $13,000+ behind in child support, and I have not been going to court demanding it as I understand his situation right now (at least from what he tells me) and I know he don't make enough to barely pay his rent let alone pay child support, so I sit back and let the courts do their own thing with it and I am trying not to be the bad guy.

As for our agreement with the transportation costs for the children to get to him, we are to split that 50/50. Again, I have been trying to be the good guy and not be a bitch. In June 2006 we split the cost 50/50 for them to get to Vegas, then in Aug when it was time for them to return, he didn't have his half yet he said he was waiting for a paycheck... so of course I am going to pay the 100% to get them home in time for school, so I did. Then in June this year, we split the ost for our daughter to go, again, in Aug, he didn't have his half and again I paid 100% for her to get home in time for school. SO now he owes $400.00 in transportation costs.

The problem. He starts a job at Allegiant today, training, for a customer service position. He has informed me that he gets to fly free on stand-by flights, and so does immediate family, meaning the kids. So, he wants to fly them that way, on stand-by flights, so he don't have to pay. The issue I have with this, is there will be no guaranteed dates on when the kids will return, and I will not allow this.. they have school and such to attend and can't just not attend because there waiting in Vegas for a stand-by flight or *I* have to pay 100% to fly them back on a last minute notice where it costs more than I can afford. Now I can't just say "no, I will not send the kids unless you split round-trip tickets with me" because he could take that as me not allowing him to see the kids, and take me back to court. However if he did, the court would see why and agree with me, but I do not have the money to fly to Vegas to attend court... which is why I can't just oppose in court right now before this problem even happens.

What can or should I do?

(I hope that all made sense)

[okarol]

Perhaps he could have the kids fly TO him on standby and you can pay for the return flight. It won't cost you any more than before and you have total control over when and how they return to you.

[angela515]

Perhaps he could have the kids fly TO him on standby and you can pay for the return flight. It won't cost you any more than before and you have total control over when and how they return to you.

You mean for us to pay 50/50 on the return flight? 'Cause that's how it's supposed to be, and like him, I can't afford to pay the tickets by myself...  which is why it infuriates me that I have had to twice already.

[Joe Paul]

I'm no attorney, but if I were you I would have to have set dates for the children's return. As you said, stand by is no guarantee of when they will be coming home. You are not being a bitch if he cant do this, it sounds like you've gone out of your way to let him see his children. I would get in touch with the court and let them know of the stand-by flight situation & let them know you cant keep footing the bill to get them home  

[goofynina]

Him being late with child support will catch up to him, dont they hold his driver license if he needs to renew it?  Or if he gets pulled over dont they take him in?  (i think that is if you have reported it to the D.A.)   

[okarol]

Perhaps he could have the kids fly TO him on standby and you can pay for the return flight. It won't cost you any more than before and you have total control over when and how they return to you.

You mean for us to pay 50/50 on the return flight? 'Cause that's how it's supposed to be, and like him, I can't afford to pay the tickets by myself...  which is why it infuriates me that I have had to twice already.

No, he covers his 50% by having them fly for free on stand-by, and you cover what would have been your cost anyway, which is 50% - a one way trip.

I don't blame you for being mad - it's not fair, he owes you money. But that's unfortunately a separate issue from visitation in the courts.

[angela515]

Well he recieved a letter from the child support division last month stating he had 30 days to either A) Pay in full or B) write a response to the courts for a court date and he had 30 days to do it or his DL would of been suspended and a warrant for his arrest put out. I know he responded, so I guess now it's just he's waiting for a court date. I know his employer just receieved a letter from the courts saying they are going to garnish his paychecks, but he just quit that job now and got a new one with the airlines, so it will be months before they find out and send a letter to his new employer.

Karol- Uhhh.. no. Him flying them for free isnt paying 1 penny. How is that paying for them? It isnt. He gets that free with his job...

[okarol]

Karol- Uhhh.. no. Him flying them for free isnt paying 1 penny. How is that paying for them? It isnt. He gets that free with his job...

You are both required to pay one way - if he has a job that has a benefit of free flights then it's a perk for working. He is providing half their travel, doesn't matter how he provides it.

[glitter]

we went through a lot when my husband kids were little- it sounds like you are being really nice.

Maybe if you forced him to pay what he owes he would stop trying to take advantage of you. He may not make much money, but frankly he should have two jobs if thats what it takes to both see his kids,return them AND pay child support. He will never be able to 'afford' child support if he isn't forced to pay-otherwise he would have already been paying because he was responsible. Your trying not to be the  'bad guy' which is commendable, but YOU can't pay your bills and be self-sufficent if he doesn't do his part. He has already demonstrated he is not willing to be responsible getting them home. I would tell him too bad- either the tickets are pre-paid before they come- or they do not come. save your money now knowing he may take you back to court.you will prevail, you can prove you had to get them home yourself twice already, and you can ask the court why he can pay to drag you back to court, yet cannot get his kids home per the agreement.

[angela515]

Thanks glitter. That's exactly how I feel.

Karol, sorry, I guess I didn't clarify the 50/50 thing better, and that's my fault. We are supposed to be paying 50/50 on EACH trip, like if we bought round trip tickets, then we split it 50/50 upfront, but neither of can afford to do that, so the agreement states when we buy the one-way ticket, we split it 50/50 so its affordable for both of us. So if he's going to fly them free, then he needs to do it both ways, which he can't do and have a return flight date.

[tamara]

The way it looks in my opinion, you should get it all sorted. The amount he owes you for child support is only going to grow, therefore be harder for him to pay. I say hit it on the head now  . I know how hard it can be from both sides of the fence, one of my friends is struggling due to paying child support. But hey it's a responsibilty that must be paid, and while it's not I see it as the kids suffering when they shouldn't be. It's their money they are missing out on, maybe if he had been paying it all this time,these travel problems you have been experiencing would be insignificant, afterall look at the money he owes you, that could make a difference in your kid's lives.

My     

[glitter]

Thanks glitter. That's exactly how I feel.

Karol, sorry, I guess I didn't clarify the 50/50 thing better, and that's my fault. We are supposed to be paying 50/50 on EACH trip, like if we bought round trip tickets, then we split it 50/50 upfront, but neither of can afford to do that, so the agreement states when we buy the one-way ticket, we split it 50/50 so its affordable for both of us. So if he's going to fly them free, then he needs to do it both ways, which he can't do and have a return flight date.

i dont get this- if you pay 50/50- and he flys them there-thats 50%. And if he gets that free- that is a perk for him-not you. Your 50% would be flying them home.
Unless your divorce degree awards YOU the perks from his new job.
  you are saying its 50-50 both ways...so could he charge you the dollar amount of 50% of his benefit?
Don't get me wrong- he is already wrong just because he has been a deadbeat in paying child support, I hope you help child support enforcement find his new job.

[angela515]

Well  umber 1, we were never married, this is just an agreement we made with the courts, not a divorce thingie.

Example:  Let's say we fly the kids out tomorrow, and the one-way ticket is $350.00, we each pay $175.00 as soon as the ticket is bought.  This is how our agreement is wrriten, b/c neither him, nor I, can afford to come up with $350.00 to pay for the whole thing 100% and make the other person pay the whole thing 100%. So were supposed to split it 50/50 like this, until we are financially able to do otherwise and change the agreement.

Make sense?

Actually, after speaking to him yesterday, I am calling my case worker today to find out how to not let them go thsi winter break. He told me yesterday on the food he was very hungry b/c he hasn't eaten in 2 days, I asked him why, he said he didn't have any food in the house nor money to buy food. I then made a comment like "do you plan to have food for the kids when they come" and he hung up on me. I will not send my kids if this is how I think it will be.. Ugh.

As for his job, he didn't go to his first day of training.. he said they didn't have his drug results back yet.

Tamara: As far as the child support he owes, the ourt see's oweing child support (no matter the amount) and visitations, 2 different things and therefore you can't use them together in court.

[KT0930]

Angela, I don't have any advice for you, just wanted to let you know I'm sorry you're going through this. I have the exact opposite problem from you - my ex pays child support (he's in the military and it's taken out of his pay before he sees it), but hasn't seen my son in over two and a half years. The ex has been in Iraq for about six months, and my son has tried writing to him at least twice, but there has not been a single letter in return. I tried for years not to be the bad guy, but I finally figured out that it's not being the bad guy, it's protecting my child. I don't blame you at all for not sending them to a home where there's no food and no money to buy food, and possibly no job.

[glitter]

yeah thats tough situation. I wouldn't want them to go to a situation that wasn't stable-hopefully you do not have to. You could deny him visitation and make him take you back to court. (which can he do without money?

[paddbear0000]

My suggestion is to find yourself a pro bono lawyer. It will save your sanity. Based on experience from when my parents divorced, I see this getting ugly, real fast.

[angela515]

So far from the legal advice I have received the past few months, I need to just sit still and document everything since everything is already in the court and put to a court order. So I shall sit and write and wait.

[brenda]

Sorry your having to deal with this Angela. I am sure laws in the US are different than in Canada. My youngest is almost 24 and it was only just 2 years ago that my ex finished paying his arrears. In 20 years of dealing with Maintenance Enforcement he lost his license 3 times. And each time he did the money magically appeared. He got really cleaver the last 10 years and got a Holding Company license which allowed his employer to pay the company instead of him. Made it real hard to garnishee anything. I say he puts the airfare ticket money upfront before the kids go. Your not being mean, it's just your insurance that he will hold up his end of the bargain. To many non-custodial parents forget how much it does cost to raise kids and that it would be costing them a whole hell of a lot more money each month if you were still together and he was helping raise them. Unfortunately it's always the kids that suffer. Money comes and goes but the memories he will be missing with the kids and them with him can never come again. Be assertive with him, there is nothing wrong with that. Keeping in mind there is a difference with between being assertive and being a bitch. 

[angela515]

We have a court date tomorrow, which I will not be attending, neither in person nor over the phone. Only reason I would need to attend is to cancel the order, which I won't be doing. My ex sent me a txt message earlier today saying he called the child support office and they told him they will be suspending his DL in court tomorrow, among other things maybe jail. Unless he pays 1300 tomorrow, or 700 a month for 4 months, because he has not paid 1 penny since the order went rhough on 11/2006.

I don't really agree with the suspending the DL, some people need it to actually get to work, however in my ex's case, he don't own a vehicle, he takes the bus to work.

I don't know if he will attend the court hearing, as he hasn't been to the last 4 so I guess I shall find out more tomorrow.

[paddbear0000]

Good luck! I hope this gets worked out!

[Patton]

Good luck! I hope this gets worked out!

Same from me...good luck.   

[paris]

I will be thinking of you tomorrow. My daughter goes through this same routine.  He does pay his child support, begrudgingly, always complains it is too much while he lives in the house they bought and drives the car they bought. My daughter lives in a 2 bedroom apt. with a 6 and 4 year old and stretches ever penny she has.  He is a police officer and you would think he would understand what his responsibilities are. She pays for everything for the kids--all school expenses, child care, doctor visits and he thinks his little child support covers all that with lots left over.   He never pays on time--his response "do you want me to pay my bills late?"  YES ! Pay the stupid bills late,your kids need food on the table!!!!  Grrrrrrr.     Sorry, got a little carried away!   So I will be sending lots of good vibes for your court date.

[angela515]

Thanks everyone.

Aww, paris.. at least I know you know what I feel like and going through.. it sucks anyone has to go through it though!