Feel frustrated and depressed about how my mom's view my illness...

[st789]

Yesterday, I got into a big argument with my mom about how my illness effects her self-esteem in front of her friends.  When I was hooking up to the machine, I was admitted to the hospital several times due to infections, seizure and others, whenever she visited me she always lecturing me on I should take better care of myself and not be a burden to her and etc.,  What happened to the emotional supports?  I understand her traditionally thinking of making your family proud and all other shits. Since I am the youngest sibling among the seven, I am always seem like the one hearing all the craps about her complaints about my other sibling flaws and problems but she rarely says those things to my siblings.  I am tired of hearing it and dealing with her.  I understand that her English is limited but be a little bit more moral supports as well as emotions about your son living with this p*cking kidney disease thing since the age of 17.  She should a least try to have a little bit more understand of her son dealing with this chronic condition and stop compare myself to other of her friend sons with $$$ and etc.,,  Yesterday, she said you should stop or reduce your anti-suppressant meds. because it effects yours mood.  What the hell??  Doesn't she know I must take it as long as my kidney transplant is still work.  I being mean to get this off my chest for a long long time.  Wow, I feel better already.  At the end of the day, she still is my mom but sometimes I just want to scream out loud into her face.  Thanks Epoman!

[RichardMEL]

wow st! Talk about self centred attitude.. that's unbelieveable... and your feelings are VERY understandable... man I can't figure out why someone would be so.. selfish.. like that... like you're sick with a horrible illness just to spite her and make her life a misery??? Yeah right mom.. wow!!

Perhaps when she decides to give you "medical advice" suggest that when she gets her medical degree and specialises in renal medicine and transplants you'll take her "advice" under advisement but until then you're doing the best you can to live a life that is complicated by kidney failure and a transplant.

I'm sorry you have to put up with this because it just adds stress when you don't need it. Perhaps you need to limit your contact with her while her attitude is less than supportive.

good luck!

[st789]

Thanks for the supports RichardMEL. 

[MyssAnne]

Oh honey! I cannot imagine just how frustrated you have been to have kept that inside!! I totally agree with Richard, avoid her as much as possible, she is NOT good for you!! Come on back, and let us know how you're doing! And VENT!!! It's good for you!!!

[paris]

I have found I need to stay away from people who are negative. As a Mom, I can't imagine adding more stress to my child who is dealing with kidney failure. I would do anything to make their life easier and be proud of how they are living their life with such an ugly disease.  I am so sorry she isn't supporting you and helping you.  I don't understand what she must be thinking to treat you this way.   

[angela515]

So sorry your going through this from your mom!!! I am a mom, and I would never do that to my children... my mom never did that to me either... my mom is very supportive and my advocate.

[LightLizard]

sometimes family can be the biggest obstacle to peace that we have in our lives. and some people care far too much about what others think of them, to the point of trying to control how others act so it doesn't reflect on them, somehow.
control issues are hard enough to deal with, but on top of a life-threateneing illness, its enough to make one a hermit!
i guess your mother is really so concerned about your life that she can't help herself and is trying to control you because she can't think of what else to do. compassion does not come easily, for those who have not received it.
wishing you peace in the storm.

love

~LL~

[Romona]

I had some of that too from people in my life. They didn't understand the fatigue ect....One told me that I was sleeping my life away. I had people tell me I would be much healthier if I just exercised. Like exercise is going to rebuild my damaged kidneys. I didn't have the energy. You hang it there. 

[goofynina]

St789, i am sure alot of us can relate.  Remember you are not alone in this battle, although we are not there with you physically, we are there with you in spirit and in your computer (let us out)    Until someone can acutally walk in our shoes, they have no idea what we are going through, even though we dont want to, sometimes its best to just grin and bear it (especially when it's mom).  Take care amigo   

[angela515]

Even though both of my parents are very supportive of me and try to understand every problem I have.. my dad did sometimes say things like "I think your using you "tiredness" and "weakness" as an excuse to not have to do things.." like if I didn't do laundry, or dishes or w/e... he said that sometimes... I simply replied.. sometimes!  j/k But I did reply that I really was just worn out and tired and even though I probably could of got up and did it that day, I chose not to based on how I felt..

Susie is right.. nobody can really know, unless they have walked in your shoes.

[st789]

Until they walk the path, they have no ideas.  Is great that angela has the supports of your mom and dad.  Your children will receive all the love from you as they should be.  I think parents should always supports and give encouragement to their children regardless.  Thanks for hearing me out on this post.

[Lulu]

st - I feel your pain brother. I think our Mom's must be related. My mom has done the same sh*t. Except she doesn't come to the hospital because as she says "it is too stressful for her." I saw that you are in So. Cal. I grew up there, Manhattan Beach and then Hawthorne. Don't know where your mom is but maybe we could get all our IHD friends and get our Moms and have a fricking intervention. I would fly from Florida just to do it!!!!  My husband can't stand how my family handles my medical stuff. He is the only reason I stick around this planet earth. Before I met him I was planning of planning my funeral when it came time for the dialysis and transplant. I still waiver sometimes. Sorry, over sharing. Anyways here's some cuddling and hugs for you bro. 

Lulu

[st789]

Lulu, my mom resides in southern cal. also.  I took a vacation in Waikiki, Hawaii.  Enjoyed every moment there.  Some people just need interventions or lessons on sympathy.  Hang in there Lulu and lean on your husband for all the supports you can get.  Wish you get a transplant soon and share many happy moments with your husband.

[cabarle]

Yesterday, I got into a big argument with my mom about how my illness effects her self-esteem in front of her friends.  When I was hooking up to the machine, I was admitted to the hospital several times due to infections, seizure and others, whenever she visited me she always lecturing me on I should take better care of myself and not be a burden to her and etc.,  What happened to the emotional supports?  I understand her traditionally thinking of making your family proud and all other shits. Since I am the youngest sibling among the seven, I am always seem like the one hearing all the craps about her complaints about my other sibling flaws and problems but she rarely says those things to my siblings.  I am tired of hearing it and dealing with her.  I understand that her English is limited but be a little bit more moral supports as well as emotions about your son living with this p*cking kidney disease thing since the age of 17.  She should a least try to have a little bit more understand of her son dealing with this chronic condition and stop compare myself to other of her friend sons with $$$ and etc.,,  Yesterday, she said you should stop or reduce your anti-suppressant meds. because it effects yours mood.  What the hell??  Doesn't she know I must take it as long as my kidney transplant is still work.  I being mean to get this off my chest for a long long time.  Wow, I feel better already.  At the end of the day, she still is my mom but sometimes I just want to scream out loud into her face.  Thanks Epoman!

st789,

You need a different support system. You mom is simply NOT HELPING YOU. It appears education, research, and understanding are too much for your mom to handle. Telling you to reduce or stop your ant-suppressant meds defies logic - and had your mom been educated, she wouldn't have made such a moronic statement. I know she's your Mom, but you need to find someone else who could help you when things get tough. Mom simply isn't willing to put forth the effort to give you the support you need. By the way, go ahead and scream at your Mom. Then tell her you took her advice

Doug

[KT0930]

It just baffles me how some families treat each other. I'm one of the extremely lucky ones because my family has always been my main support system, and an awesome one at that.

ST, I know some on here have said to reduce your interactions with your mother, but I know that can be nearly impossible, family dynamics being what they are. My advice is let it go in one ear and out the other, then come here and rant every time she makes some other "suggestion" about something which she obviously knows nothing about.

[okarol]

Just because someone is related to us doesn't mean they are good for us. If anyone in your life is not a positive influence then you have a choice about devoting time to the relationship or finding other people to give you what you need.

[kitkatz]

My family pretty much baffles me all of the time!

[Redbomb]

Yesterday, I got into a big argument with my mom about how my illness effects her self-esteem in front of her friends.  When I was hooking up to the machine, I was admitted to the hospital several times due to infections, seizure and others, whenever she visited me she always lecturing me on I should take better care of myself and not be a burden to her and etc., 

St, you may have hit the nail on the head thee.  I don't pretend to know anything about how your family is run and the background that  you Mom came from, but could it be in her family that they measure the success of the parent by the success and how well off financially the children are? Does she come from a background where the Children are expected to take care of the Parents when they get old and cannot work any more?  Perhaps she is seeing her "golden retirement easy living years" being poured down the drain by this damed illness.

What happened to the emotional supports?  I understand her traditionally thinking of making your family proud and all other shits. Since I am the youngest sibling among the seven, I am always seem like the one hearing all the craps about her complaints about my other sibling flaws and problems but she rarely says those things to my siblings.  I am tired of hearing it and dealing with her.  I understand that her English is limited but be a little bit more moral supports as well as emotions about your son living with this p*cking kidney disease thing since the age of 17.  She should a least try to have a little bit more understand of her son dealing with this chronic condition and stop compare myself to other of her friend sons with $$$ and etc.,,

As to the traditional thinking of making your family proud, could it be that she is measuring HER self-worth by your health?  Your health isn't good, so she is feeling that somehow she has failed as a parent and she is mad at herself?  But then, she takes it out on you, rather than the person that she should be taking it out on.  And No, I don't mean herself.  I am thinking more along the lines of a trained professional where you can both go (together and/or appart) to talk with this professional and try to get the feelings sorted out and to lay out a battle plan of what you all need to do next??

Yesterday, she said you should stop or reduce your anti-suppressant meds. because it effects yours mood.  What the hell??  Doesn't she know I must take it as long as my kidney transplant is still work.  I being mean to get this off my chest for a long long time.  Wow, I feel better already.  At the end of the day, she still is my mom but sometimes I just want to scream out loud into her face.  Thanks Epoman!

This part just tells me that maybe she needs to read up on what the Medications you are taking do, and why you are taking them (Heck, I don't know).  Or if reading confuses her even more (like sometimes that stuff put out by the pharmaceutical company confuses me) have someone sit down and explain the high-points to her?

I don't know if any of this would work, but My thoughts and prayers (if you want them) are with  you during your struggle!

[RichardMEL]

lol I love the one about "visiting the hospital is too stressful" - hey honey, try sitting in that bloody chair for 5 hours with the needles in and all the crap that goes with it.. then come talk to me about stress.

sheesh!

[st789]

Sometimes, I just step back and realize is it what is it.  I live my life to the best of my know how and move forward.  I channel my energy and focus on what is important in my life and make self-improvement.  My mom is the type that is not receptive to other inputs.  My siblings and I always joke "Is hard to teach an old dog new tricks".

[cabarle]

Sometimes, I just step back and realize is it what is it.  I live my life to the best of my know how and move forward.  I channel my energy and focus on what is important in my life and make self-improvement.  My mom is the type that is not receptive to other inputs.  My siblings and I always joke "Is hard to teach an old dog new tricks".

Even an old dog would have some understanding of how you feel. At least mine does.

Doug