Feeling Very Guilty

[brenda]

I guess this is kinda an off topic story although it is related to transplant. Just not kidney transplant, my good friends lung transplant. We were both young single mom's that lived in Calgary, met through our daughters who are best friends to this day. Our families bonded, you were never sure which house those 3 girls were staying at each night. Dawn had a lung disease and I had kidney disease so we helped support each other with the ups and down of that as well as the 7 of us all really supported each other in general. I eventually moved away to Lethbridge and Dawn and her new husband Rob with now grown kids moved off to Edmonton because it was time Dawn could no longer go without a lung transplant. ( In Alberta that is where they do them). Dawn got her transplant, but during surgery they nicked her intestine. It was infection after infection, she eventually ended up with a colostomy. That was 2 years ago. Most of her time has been spent in hospital with complications to do with her intestine. The past 9 months have been in complete isolation because she has tested positive for VRE, MRSA and CMV. He lungs work great! Her daughter had called a week ago to let us know they were ready to reattach her intestine and what not. Good news. Well actually it was very short lived, she is once again full of infection and just had her third surgery 4 days ago. She is now on life support so they called me to Edmonton on Thursday. My one daughter , granddaughter and myself left Friday. I got there, Lacey went first into ICU and the state she came out in I just couldn't do it. I couldn't go in and see my friend that way. I feel so bad. I am glad I got to see the family that was awesome. Both our families got together last night for supper and had a great visit, I am so sorry it took that for me to finally get my ass up there that the situation had to get so bleak. I just hope that she knows some how that I was there. Her daughter Tara thanked me for being a part of her growing up cause she had two strong women to influence her life. Thanks Tara. The very saddest part for me, Tara is 4 months pregnant, being a grandma, I can't imagine never being able to hold little Lauralie.


EDITED:  Moved post to proper thread - Goofynina/Admin.

[kitkatz]

That is sad news. Prayers are being said for you and your friend.

[Sluff]

  May God give you peace.

[Bajanne]

This was a hard one.  My prayers go out to you, Dawn and Tara.  You will just have to be Dawn's substitute grandmother and hold Tara's new baby for her.

[keefer51]

I am so sorry Brenda. I know that is a very hard thing to deal with.

[okarol]

Awww Brenda, she knew you were there, and that's worth a lot.
So sad to hear what you're going through. Love you my friend.
 

[brenda]

Thank you for your support and prayers, Dawn and her family will need them. That's what is so great about this site. The people here are always so caring. Thanks again.

[Falkenbach]

You went, Brenda, that's the first and most important step. Maybe you can try again another day, but in the meantime, don't beat yourself up.

[pandabear]

That's so hard... 

I'm sending good thoughts your way Brenda!

[jbeany]

 

Hang in there, Bren.

[brenda]

Well they took Dawn off life support yesterday and for now is breathing on her own. Hard to say what will happen. Even with all the other problems going on the infection is starting to respond to treatment. Tara said she had a few "awake" moments in the past few days. Also, Tara had an ultrasound on Tuesday and the baby looks great. Thanks again for all you kind thoughts. 

[Rerun]

They "nicked" her intestine?  This was a "Lung Transplant" and they nicked her intestine?  WTF?  This poor woman had all the hopes and dreams of a Transplant survivor and she is fighting an intestinal infection from some stupid surgeon.  I will be so pissed if I die of a nicked intestine or nicked lung during my KIDNEY transplant! 

I'm so sorry for you, your family, her and her family.   

[brenda]

Just an update I got today. Dawn is still holding her own, she is not very well but. Her incision is healing and on purpose from the inside out. There is apparently so much dead tissue on the outside that they are talking about using maggots to clean it up. Weird! but I guess if it does the job so be it. Tara found out yesterday that she is CMV positive. I guess the risk now to her baby is calcification of the brain and liver, they will do another ultrasound on the 27th at a special clinic in Calgary. They (doctors) told her it is better if she contracted it before she was pregnant than during but there is no way to tell that. I guess I really don't understand CMV very well. Thanks for all your thought and prayers.   

[brenda]

Just another update. Dawn is starting to do a little better. She is alert and eating. Her intestine has started working better. She will be in isolation until the end of time.

Tara had to terminate her pregnancy today. She has active CMV and the ultrasound showed the baby's brain was not developing correctly. Along with one of the major organs was not correct, not sure exactly what.

These couple of weeks have seemed a little over whelming for me. First of all I am positive for West Nile Virus, that's would be why I was so sick. This thing with Tara, never mind the constant worry about Dawn. My dad is very sick and has been in the hospital, and on top of that he sold his house and has to be out by the 24th of this month to move to the Seniors Center (which we all already know he is not going to be happy with). Trying to do the "good daughter" thing. The worry about Amanda. And trying to train while working. I need a holiday!!!

[charee]

 

[Roxy]

 I'm so sorry it's been so rough for you. I hope there's a light shining at the end of this tunnel soon! 

[Falkenbach]

It's a darn rough road you're travelling brenda. Here's to things getting better 

[okarol]

Brenda,
I am sorry you have all this worry going on. Take care of yourself (while you're caring for everyone else!) and know that I love you!!
What do they do for West Nile Virus?
xoxoxox

[brenda]

Another update. Tara was in labour off and on for a few days. Mandrick (daddy's last name) Rothermal (Tara'a family name) was born 10:40pm thurday Sept 13th, weighed in at 375 grams and was held by his mommy until he passed a short time later. A grave side service was held for him earlier this week.

[Falkenbach]

So sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and all your family and friends.

[Amanda From OZ]

I just caught onto this thread now. I'm so sorry Brenda to hear all of this has been happening to you. My thoughts are with you, your family and friends. 

Amanda
xxoo

[paddbear0000]

Somehow I missed this thread! I'm SOOO sorry about everything! My thoughts and prayers are with you!   

[MyssAnne]

Oh Brenda. I just found this posting. I am so sorry you have had to go through all that. You've had such an emotional rollercoaster every where yoiu turn. I'll be thinking of you, and praying for you. Yes, you need a vacation! 

[goofynina]

Brenda, please pass my sympathy to the family, i am so sorry you all are having to go through this   

[paris]

Brenda, I am so sorry. This is so very sad. Prayers for comfort and healing to all of you.