Four fun things to do at the dialysis center

[okarol]

This is copied from a post by Stu at http://www.therenalunit.com/



Four fun things to do at the dialysis center

Dialysis is as boring as bat-shit - right?

We spend far too much time at the dialysis center as it is, so it might be a bit of fun to try to think of some things to do which might brighten it up a bit.

(You might want to make sure you get along pretty well with your fellow patients and dialysis center staff before you try some of these!)

1) A couple of hours before you go to dialysis, eat a big block of cheese. When you get there, tell the staff you don’t feel well. Ask for a set of blood tests to be done. When the results come back, you will have a sky high phosphate. The staff will ask you what you ate. Tell them you ate nothing for the 24 or-so hours before dialysis, because you had an upset stomach. Sit back and watch them scratch their heads.

2) Turn up at the dialysis center on one of your “off” days. (A day when you’re not supposed to be there), go to a chair, unpack your bag as you normally would, and sit down waiting to be put on the machine.

3) When you get off the machine at the end of dialysis, walk over to the scales and stand on them. Stand there on the scales, and swear loudly. When the staff ask what’s wrong, tell them that you weigh a kilogram (or two pounds for our American friends) more than you did before dialysis.

4) Take a Penthouse / Playboy in to the dialysis center, leave it on your lap (closed, of course), and pretend to be alseep. Keep an eye out for the staff’s reaction.

Actually, don’t do these things, you’re likely to either damage yourself, or get kicked out of the dialysis center

Anybody else got any ideas for fun things to do to brighten up your time at the dialysis center?

[LightLizard]

Since I've been on home dialysis, I kind of miss the social interaction of the dialysis center, to tell the truth.
I used to like telling jokes to the staff and some patients and just connecting was nice.
Thanks for the giggles!
love

~LL~

[Stacy Without An E]

1) From the moment you enter Dialysis, talk in nothing but a jibberish language.  Any question they ask, just respond with emotion as you anunciate each jibberish phrase.  This will most likely drive them completely insane and entertain you to no end.

2) Bring a Universal Remote and mess with the TV of the patient next to you.  This is especially fun if they seat you next to an obnoxious person who is unable to control their TV or personal volume. 

3) Every time a tech or nurse speaks to you, end every sentence referring to them as Fillbert.

4) Wear a Speedo and nothing else.  Since most of us are pretty puffy when we enter Dialysis, this will be kind gross, but hilarious.

5) Bring in a 40 ounce of your favorite malt beverage and drink it in front of them the entire treatment.

6) Dress as your favorite Star Wars character and refuse to take off the mask when you sit down.  Also, make sure they address you as the character you are and refuse to respond if they don't.

7) Bring in a large umbrella and place it over the back of the chair.  Explain that the flourescent lighting is stealing your soul so to protect yourself you've brought this space age umbrella to protect your inner most thoughts.

Thank you and good night.

[kianhu]

LOL. I once brought a fart machine and hid it at the scale.  We laughed all day.    The area manager didnt think it was as funny as we did.  One day I brought a "shock" ink pen.  Man, I had a ball.  This one male nurse who was very feminine in his mannerisms was helping me with the pen because I could get it to "click"  It shocked the hell out of him, he screamed and threw it down the hall.  It broke into many pieces. We were crying, we were laughing so hard.   He was so apologetic but I told him no problem because his reaction was well worth what I paid for it.  One more thing then i will stop, for our medication closet we had set of keys.  I bought a key ring that looked like the tip of a penis.   It looked very realistic.   I was the charge nurse at the time (I know scary) and I hung the keys on a hook in my office.  When the nurses came to get the keys, you wouldnt believe how funny the facial expressions were.  Wow, I used to have a ball at work.  It has been many years since one of my pranks.  I think they are long over due for a new one.  If anyone has any ideas, let me know. 

[keefer51]

I try and have as much fun as i can. My center has mostly elderly people. After an hour or so they are asleep. I was able to talk to a few of the nurses into pole dancing on the IV pole. We never have the same chair. I do however like to wear t-shirts that make them think. I have a t-shirt that says "Spank The Monkey" when the doctor saw it he didn't know what to say. I did see him smerk. For the four hours i sit there i usually listen to music. Sometimes there are patients that have uncontrolable gas. So i wear a mask over my face. The machine sometimes beeps. But after listening to it for a while the first couple of beeps sounds like the i dream of jeanie song. So i will whistle that a while. I also like to call them on my cell phone. That really makes them mad. Anything i can do to keep them on their feet i will do.

[Sara]

I try and have as much fun as i can. My center has mostly elderly people. After an hour or so they are asleep. I was able to talk to a few of the nurses into pole dancing on the IV pole. We never have the same chair. I do however like to wear t-shirts that make them think. I have a t-shirt that says "Spank The Monkey" when the doctor saw it he didn't know what to say. I did see him smerk. For the four hours i sit there i usually listen to music. Sometimes there are patients that have uncontrolable gas. So i wear a mask over my face. The machine sometimes beeps. But after listening to it for a while the first couple of beeps sounds like the i dream of jeanie song. So i will whistle that a while. I also like to call them on my cell phone. That really makes them mad. Anything i can do to keep them on their feet i will do.

You sound a lot like my husband.  He's always joking around with the techs and a few of them invite him to go out on weekends (like he doesn't see them enough    )  He has a "Rub My Belly" tshirt with a pic of a fat Buddha that makes them laugh (my husband has brown skin, shaved head, buddha-belly, so it works  )

[livecam]

2) Turn up at the dialysis center on one of your “off” days. (A day when you’re not supposed to be there), go to a chair, unpack your bag as you normally would, and sit down waiting to be put on the machine.

Ain't nobody dumb enough to try that one!

[kidney4traci]

Ha!  Good ones!  I have called the nurses on my cell phone too.  One does get bored sometimes!

[Adam_W]

2) Turn up at the dialysis center on one of your “off” days. (A day when you’re not supposed to be there), go to a chair, unpack your bag as you normally would, and sit down waiting to be put on the machine.

Or, if you can do self-care, show up, unpack your stuff, and start setting up the machine and putting yourself on and see how long it takes for them to notice.

Adam

[RichardMEL]

I am so tempted to take in some sort of alcoholic beverage in and drink it before/during going on....

Indeed a few months ago I came in a bit early and as usual some early shifter was late so my machine wasn't ready for 20 minutes... so I said well what can I do? The nurse joked and said go to the pub and have a vodka and red bull... so I did! LOL. Should have seen the BP when I arrived back quite buzzy... the nurse couldn't believe I'd ACTUALLy done it!! LOL

Hey, we're supposed to obey them or we become non compliant right?