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UkrainianTracksuit
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« on: November 12, 2020, 05:11:11 PM »

My husband has been waiting for shoulder surgery for 14 months. In all honesty, it feels like forever that we went down for his assessment/met the surgeon over a year ago and we got into a lull that it wouldn't even happen at this point. It was supposed to be a 6 month wait but with the pandemic, it got even more protracted. (Athletes in the relevant sports leagues are priority. :P)

Today, he finally got the call, and it is scheduled for 3 weeks from today. Suffice to say, it was still unexpected and it kinda/sorta had a bit of the same feeling as getting the transplant call. Running around with our heads off figuring out logistics and all that. My husband is a veteran and former athlete that can't sit still so I bet he has further damaged his shoulder by not taking it easy, besides the saga with his back. He has put his body through the mill.  :waiting;

The issue is that he has to travel to have it done where the corona cases are through the roof and expected to be worse when he goes. So, I won't be going with him though he needs a companion which is an odd scenario for me. It makes me feel uncomfortable that I won't be there or giving him a pat before they knock him out.

Anyway, when he comes back, because he is traveling to a red zone, he has to quarantine for 14 days before he can come back into the home. (Obviously he has to leave the hospital with his companion.) I'm wondering how that will work out for home care for him? I'm not exactly sure how I feel about him hopped up on morphine stuck alone. Naturally, his mother (yes, he rang her right away) is wondering how he will eat as food order apps are alien to her.

I was so prepared to go down with him and take care of him. That would have been the case had the pandemic not dropped like a bomb or even if he got called in the summer time (when numbers were very low). Oh well, can't plan life.

Anyone still get home care or wound care services? How does it work? I won't push it and ask about physiotherapy.
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UkrainianTracksuit
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« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2020, 06:40:52 AM »

New question:

My husband's travel companion dropped out of the deal. No one wants to travel with him down south with higher corona rates. That's understandable: people need to think about their families first.

After shoulder labrum reconstruction surgery, with general anesthetic, what are the odds the hospital would let someone leave without a companion? Obviously I know "not likely" but I am reaching here before I have to book travel to a covid lockdown zone.
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kristina
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« Reply #2 on: November 21, 2020, 08:59:18 AM »

Hello,
My husband also needed urgent surgery and he had his operation done just between the two lock-downs and our motto was from the start : preparation, preparation and again preparation ...

When, after recovering enough from the operation, he was ready to come home, I went along and we came home together. At home I even gave him his daily special after-surgery-injections for the next two weeks and I surprised myself by being able to do so. Then I cooked and just helped with everything as much as was possible and he is slowly recovering and getting better.

In the past it was always him who helped and assisted me and I am so happy to be of help to him right now when he needs it most. I am sure you can help your husband as well as much as is possible after his surgery and perhaps it is just a question of working together and being understanding... Perhaps, with lots of preparation and making sure you yourself are as safe as is possible, perhaps you could travel home after hospital together with him? I am not sure the hospital would let him travel home alone after his operation and heavy anaesthetics etc.? And anyway, if he would have to travel home alone after his operation/anaesthetics etc. perhaps he would not be able to look after himself as well as he should on his way home? Better make sure he is not alone and better look after him as much as is possible and I wish you both the best of luck for a good outcome ...
Take great care and best wishes from Kristina. :grouphug;
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Bach was no pioneer; his style was not influenced by any past or contemporary century.
  He was completion and fulfillment in itself, like a meteor which follows its own path.
                                        -   Robert Schumann  -

                                          ...  Oportet Vivere ...
MooseMom
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« Reply #3 on: November 21, 2020, 04:02:19 PM »

UT, the hospital can't force you or your husband to do anything.  They can't hold him prisoner.  They can't legally hold him against his will.  He can do whatever he wants.  If he would feel comfortable enough to travel home by himself (airport and airline staff are really good at assisting the millions of passengers that pass through each year, not all of them strong and healthy!), then you would not put yourself at greater risk for catching covid from travelling yourself to a "hot spot".  How awful would it be if you got sick and couldn't care for him once arriving back at home???  That would be disastrous!

What does your husband think?  Is he really going to still be that sedated that he won't know which way is up once he leaves the hospital?  What exactly is the role of a "companion" in a hospital setting (I've never heard of such a thing.)?  Do you not expect the hospital to take care of him while he is there? 

Sorry...as usual, I have more questions than answers!



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"Eggs are so inadequate, don't you think?  I mean, they ought to be able to become anything, but instead you always get a chicken.  Or a duck.  Or whatever they're programmed to be.  You never get anything interesting, like regret, or the middle of last week."
UkrainianTracksuit
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« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2020, 04:28:31 AM »

Hi, kristina. I hope that your husband has completely recovered and is doing well after his ordeal!  :cuddle; The UK has endured a much tougher situation than us on the other side of the Atlantic (although this second wave is doing a number on us) so it would be interesting to hear your insight about being personal caregiver to your husband. Did anyone from the outside have to come into your home? Did he have follow-up appointments? I commend you on doing injections for your husband! After the majority of my life with needles, I can't seem to inject another person!

It was in our plans that I would look after my husband once home: cooking, bathing, dressing, helping him get adjusted sleeping. He needs someone to pull up his pants for him for 6 weeks! However, this whole quarantine situation did not enter into our planning. He has to fly to and fro his surgery and we knew that would happen no matter what. Knowing how quiet the two airports (that he would traverse through) are, they don't particularly cause me concern, but it is just all the other small contacts.

Hi MooseMom, your line about me getting sick and not being able to care for him hit the nail on the head and why it is not up for negotiation that I go with him. He won't hear one word about it. He said he'd cancel the surgery. Naturally, I had to ask if he had gone mad because he needs it and probably have to wait even longer. Then he said he would go alone and just shrug when they need to know his companion info.

A companion is simply a "responsible" person that can ensure the patient will not drive home (and thus get in an accident) and monitor (or just check in) on the patient forr 24 hours after anesthesia. Pretty much just to ensure the patient doesn't do anything stupid, gets sick, or has a wound issue. This is obviously not an issue if the surgery could be done locally.

We have no connections to the city for the surgery. Actually, I have just one, and asked her. She said no. It's like just pick him up, drive him to the hospital for follow-up, buy him fast food, and watch him sleep. Hell, if I was a single woman like her, and someone offered me $ to bathe and dress a good looking guy, I'd do it!  ???

In regard to your questions (I don't mind, haha, questions are sometimes better than some of the answers), I do expect him to know his whereabouts once discharged. Just sleepy based off my last anesthetic experience with him. (Worst part of that experience was the fact it made him vomit  :o and he missed a few times.) The surgeon has been quite open about the fact that strong narcotics will be prescribed for pain relief. So, again, sleepy.

Totally expect the hospital to care for him while admitted. It's just once he gets out.
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iolaire
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« Reply #5 on: November 22, 2020, 06:47:16 AM »

UkrainianTracksuit here in the US there are a lot of Facebook groups with names like "Arlington Neighbors Helping Each Other Through COVID-19."  Maybe you could find such a group in the hospital's city and post a request to hire someone as a companion there.  There are a lot of people trying to help each other during these trying times. I'd hope you could find someone to step up and help, especially as a paid role. 

Here is a Canadian new story highlighting how people are coming together to help.
https://www.ctvnews.ca/health/coronavirus/really-heartening-canadians-coming-together-during-covid-19-pandemic-1.4856108

Alternatively in the US the Hospitals have social workers that would help scope out a solution - there are lots of elderly hospital patients who need assistance the first few days home.
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Transplant July 2017 from out of state deceased donor, waited three weeks the creatine to fall into expected range, dialysis December 2013 - July 2017.

Well on dialysis I traveled a lot and posted about international trips in the Dialysis: Traveling Tips and Stories section.
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« Reply #6 on: November 22, 2020, 10:06:14 AM »

Hi, kristina. I hope that your husband has completely recovered and is doing well after his ordeal!  :cuddle; The UK has endured a much tougher situation than us on the other side of the Atlantic (although this second wave is doing a number on us) so it would be interesting to hear your insight about being personal caregiver to your husband. Did anyone from the outside have to come into your home? Did he have follow-up appointments? I commend you on doing injections for your husband! After the majority of my life with needles, I can't seem to inject another person!

It was in our plans that I would look after my husband once home: cooking, bathing, dressing, helping him get adjusted sleeping. He needs someone to pull up his pants for him for 6 weeks! However, this whole quarantine situation did not enter into our planning. He has to fly to and fro his surgery and we knew that would happen no matter what. Knowing how quiet the two airports (that he would traverse through) are, they don't particularly cause me concern, but it is just all the other small contacts.

Totally expect the hospital to care for him while admitted. It's just once he gets out.

Hello again and yes, it is true, we had to endure a very tough time but fortunately my husband was very lucky to have his most important cancer-operation “done” just in time...

When he was ready to be discharged, I travelled to the hospital by taxi (face-mask & plastic gloves etc.), met my husband at the entrance door of the ward (I was not allowed to enter because of quarantine etc.) and then we walked very slowly together to the waiting taxi.

... In the weeks before we had already prepared and bought (in anticipation) enough fresh food, tins of vegetables and fruit, fresh vegetables etc. to be able and cook some soups etc. and other meals and our bread is anyway “done” by our bread-making-machine.

As you can see, as much as is possible was sorted & prepared beforehand, so at least we did not have to bother too much about our food.

Every evening he needed his anti-blood-clot-injection, but of course, we never mentioned “that”, but instead reminded each other that it was “football time”  8). Then we sat down and I first disinfected the "spot" on his arm and then gave him the injection straight away.  I would not have been able to “do it” if we would have discussed anything about it or the word “needle” would ever have been mentioned, because the thought alone gives me wobbly knees straight away.

I helped him generally with everything as much as I could, helped him to get to the bathroom, but he made sure to carefully washing/showering every day all by himself. Mind you, we put into  our bathroom an old little piano-seat so he could sit whilst brushing his teeth and for the bath/shower itself we made sure beforehand, that there was a little shower-plastic-seat to sit on...

He also had all his favourite books to read and think about and I just made sure that he felt as alright as much as was possible. He is now much better and I am so glad that we both “made it” through this terrible lock-down-time.

I do hope it goes alright with you both as well and I keep my fingers crossed and wish you all the best and take great care !!!!!!

Best good-luck-wishes to you both from Kristina. :grouphug;

P.S. During all that time there was no-one else ever entering our place, we both isolated ourselves completely and we both felt much too vulnerable to take any risks in these corona-virus-times ...



« Last Edit: November 22, 2020, 10:15:59 AM by kristina » Logged

Bach was no pioneer; his style was not influenced by any past or contemporary century.
  He was completion and fulfillment in itself, like a meteor which follows its own path.
                                        -   Robert Schumann  -

                                          ...  Oportet Vivere ...
MooseMom
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« Reply #7 on: November 22, 2020, 01:31:08 PM »


A companion is simply a "responsible" person that can ensure the patient will not drive home (and thus get in an accident) and monitor (or just check in) on the patient forr 24 hours after anesthesia. Pretty much just to ensure the patient doesn't do anything stupid, gets sick, or has a wound issue. This is obviously not an issue if the surgery could be done locally.

We have no connections to the city for the surgery. Actually, I have just one, and asked her. She said no. It's like just pick him up, drive him to the hospital for follow-up, buy him fast food, and watch him sleep. Hell, if I was a single woman like her, and someone offered me $ to bathe and dress a good looking guy, I'd do it!  ???


I apologize for being thick, but this is the bit I don't understand, so please be patient with me!  I'm trying to get a picture in my head of what is supposed to happen.

If I understand correctly, your husband will have to fly through two airports and then get himself to the hospital.  So, is this "companion" tasked with getting him safely from the hospital after surgery to the airport(s) and then home?  Since there doesn't seem to be any driving by your husband involved, that doesn't seem to be a concern, is that right?  And, why would a companion be tasked with checking in/monitoring your husband for 24 hours after surgery?  Won't he still be in the hospital, and so wouldn't this be the job of the doctors?   Or, is the hospital planning to release him when they deem it to be OK but then have him return for a follow-up so soon thereafter that he has to spend an extra day or two in the city where he's getting his surgery?

Again, sorry for not being able to follow what's going on here.  That being said, we would all be interested to know what is finally decided.  It sounds like the operation itself is going to be the easy part!
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"Eggs are so inadequate, don't you think?  I mean, they ought to be able to become anything, but instead you always get a chicken.  Or a duck.  Or whatever they're programmed to be.  You never get anything interesting, like regret, or the middle of last week."
UkrainianTracksuit
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« Reply #8 on: November 22, 2020, 03:10:22 PM »

Iolaire: Thank you! That is actually a great idea and I will start to poke around for such communities and reach out. It could be fun cause my husband could be presented as a very short term exchange student.

It will be worth a call tomorrow to see what services are available and if a social worker is available/could help.

kristina: Thank you for that in depth answer. I like that you called injection time “football time.”  ;D

Thank you for the reminder to get groceries ahead of time too. Our area does not have a lockdown (our cases are low) but preparing with food has been on the to-do list simply because I want to make the process simpler once my husband is under my care. As well, I never really considered the element of having books and such to keep my husband occupied. Audiobooks since he can’t technically hold a book after.

Hi MooseMom: No problem in regard to the questions. You are anything but thick so if you need to ask questions, it is needed.

The companion is simply needed to get him to the hotel from the hospital post-surgery. “Monitor him” post-surgery overnight and then take him for follow-up the next day.

The travel component is only involved cause we are so far from the hospital. If we had a local person there, there would be no travel involved. My husband could come home by himself. I do have a travel concern for him but it is unrelated to any companion issue!

It is a day surgery so my husband will be released from hospital on the same day as the surgery. It is on average a 2 hour surgery. There will not be doctors to monitor him — they will bring him round from anesthesia, check his vitals for a bit, give him juice and a muffin, and send him home. So, the companion will be the one to ensure my husband is “doing okay.” Besides the general anesthesia, he will be given a nerve block in the surgical arm, that lasts 12 hours too, so I guess there is concern about that too.

And yes, you are correct that after release, there is a follow-up shortly after, so my husband is booked for 4 days away from home. (Fly there/meeting with surgeon again the day before/surgery/follow - up (just to look at the wound since it is an open surgery not done arthroscopically) Technically, he could take a taxi at that point.

Surgery is indeed the easy part!  :rofl; It’s the weeks of aftercare that looks daunting!  :pray;
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MooseMom
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« Reply #9 on: November 22, 2020, 03:25:13 PM »

Ah, it's day surgery.  Well, that explains a lot; that was the missing part of the puzzle for me!  Thanks very much for explaining that.

Iolaire and kristina both have some great ideas for "the aftermath", and I hope you'll be able to find some assistance.  Do you think the hospital might have some sort of scheme in place for instances just like this?

Again, do let us know what you come up with.  I really hope you don't end up having to expose yourself to covid cooties.  And again, thanks for the explanation.  His surgery is coming up pretty quickly, so we will all be hoping you both get the assistance you need!
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"Eggs are so inadequate, don't you think?  I mean, they ought to be able to become anything, but instead you always get a chicken.  Or a duck.  Or whatever they're programmed to be.  You never get anything interesting, like regret, or the middle of last week."
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« Reply #10 on: November 23, 2020, 08:46:37 PM »

Wow, what a day.

Got on the phone early in the morning - - well, the husband and I.

He spoke with the surgeon’s secretary. She advised him that if he didn’t have a companion, they’d have to postpone the surgery.

With advice from here to me to him, he asked if he could be directed to patient services or anyone that might be able to help in his predicament. He was directed to the postoperative care nurse and team. They are the ones in charge of setting up his home care and physiotherapy anyway.

They directed him to another care coordinator, and most definitely, provided a list of services that act as recognized short-term caregivers. Perhaps not exactly for a surgical companion, but I’m sure that could be done.

My husband got flustered at the list. So, I called around. Bad news: for many, a person has to be 55 and over or have some sort of disability to qualify.

I explained well, okay, he doesn’t have a textbook disability, but he will be short-term disabled. Nice try, eh?

There was one that catered specifically to veterans. I knew it wouldn’t pan out but I asked if it mattered from which country the person is a veteran? That just got a bit of silence on the line.

I’ll finish the rest of the list tomorrow. As well, there were some good community suggestions that came up because people really do what to help.

Good news is that through the patient coordinator at the hospital, I managed to book my husband a translator. I didn’t think such services would still be running during covid restrictions. I’m sure he’d be fine without but who knows what will pop out of his mouth with anesthesia and drugs.

I am hopeful that we will get a solution and I will not have to fly. Like 80% sure of it.
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MooseMom
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« Reply #11 on: November 23, 2020, 08:54:22 PM »

Oh, good!  That's SOME progress!  Thanks very much for letting us know!  I'm feeling a bit more hopeful for you!
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"Eggs are so inadequate, don't you think?  I mean, they ought to be able to become anything, but instead you always get a chicken.  Or a duck.  Or whatever they're programmed to be.  You never get anything interesting, like regret, or the middle of last week."
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« Reply #12 on: November 25, 2020, 11:43:11 AM »

Still no companion, but working on it. Working on some great suggestions. Just waiting for replies. I really would like the companion and husband to do a Zoom call or Skype ahead of time so they figure each other out.

But starting to get a bit anxious. Like, he will be in the air this time next week.  :stressed; It's okay: It will work out I tell myself. Still options.

Today was the day a surgical nurse and anesthesiologist called for the pre-surgical questionnaire and medication list. It's always refreshing to hear that be zilch and some vitamins when I typically ramble off this and that.

Anyway, back to the original topic of the thread, they reminded him how he has to be 14 days self-isolation PRIOR to the surgery too! This is dumb because he is transiting through airports. He hasn't been doing that. So, I asked him, "were you aware of this?" He shrugged. Now he's doing it.

That means I have to go to the pharmacy to pick up supplies for him. Not exactly a prescription item, but they called in SoluPrep chlorhexidine sponges and swabs. This blows my mind! I've had a handful of scheduled surgeries but never had to shower with chlorhexidine sponges before! As dialysis patients and with past surgeries behind us, us here are no strangers to chlorhexidine, but I am just a little what the hell right now.

But this adds yet another layer of complications. He has to bathe with them 2 nights before his surgery, the night before, and then the morning of the surgery. He needs someone to help wash his back for 30 seconds. He needs help.  ??? 

I feel as though this complicates things immensely because now there is the responsibility involving male nudity. Yes, it's just a back and buns (he can wash his own of those) but come on!

My husband also has a strange paranoia of people approaching him from behind. Imagine a stranger: a home care worker, PSW, companion, whatever... and he punches them in the head. Obviously I am worrying about something that probably wouldn't happen but little ol' me has made him jump a few times.
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enginist
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« Reply #13 on: November 25, 2020, 03:10:43 PM »

The hospital I use for outpatient surgery has the same rule about transportation home.  If a friend or relative can't pick me up, I have to use a medi-cab, which is not medically equipped, but the driver has phone numbers he can call if something goes wrong.  A taxi cab can't be used, and I'm not allowed to drive myself, because of liability issues.  The problem with the medi-cab is that there is usually a wait, sometimes for hours.  And by that time the patient is tired and hungry, having fasted for the surgery.  It's no fun.

"UT, the hospital can't force you or your husband to do anything.  They can't hold him prisoner.  They can't legally hold him against his will.  He can do whatever he wants."

Not true.  Once, when I got tired of waiting, I got up and took a taxi home.  The nurses and doctors called me immediately, asking where I was.  I told them what I did, and they told me if I did it again, they would inform the insurance company, which could refuse to pay for the procedure.  So they have you coming and going.

UT, your husband can buy a long-handled brush to scrub his back.  You can get one on Amazon if not locally.  Also, I've learned to pack a few sandwiches to satisfy my post-op hunger. 
« Last Edit: November 25, 2020, 03:19:02 PM by enginist » Logged
MooseMom
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« Reply #14 on: November 25, 2020, 03:57:22 PM »


"UT, the hospital can't force you or your husband to do anything.  They can't hold him prisoner.  They can't legally hold him against his will.  He can do whatever he wants."

Not true.  Once, when I got tired of waiting, I got up and took a taxi home.  The nurses and doctors called me immediately, asking where I was.  I told them what I did, and they told me if I did it again, they would inform the insurance company, which could refuse to pay for the procedure.  So they have you coming and going.


That's a different issue, though.  You are talking about financial liability  You could easily have told your doctors and nurses, "Fine.  I don't care if the insurance company pays or not, but I am still leaving."  You, the patient, have the right to refuse treatment, and you have the legal right to leave the hospital whenever you want.  Now, you'll probably have to sign documents that would relieve the hospital of all liability should your early exit result in further injury or illness, but that would still be your choice to make.

UT, I hope things work out for you and your husband!
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"Eggs are so inadequate, don't you think?  I mean, they ought to be able to become anything, but instead you always get a chicken.  Or a duck.  Or whatever they're programmed to be.  You never get anything interesting, like regret, or the middle of last week."
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« Reply #15 on: November 25, 2020, 06:17:27 PM »

Maybe you can tell the doctors you don't care if you have to pay, but to me a $15,000 bill is the same as being handcuffed to a hospital bed.
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« Reply #16 on: November 26, 2020, 07:37:24 AM »

This morning we got a call that he needs a COVID test. Okay, great, totally understandable, but couldn’t they have told him yesterday? Anyway, booking at the assessment centre was friendly and a breeze. Appointment made for results in time.

He asked if it matters that he has to travel afterwards, as in, what’s the point? It pretty much just came down to that it’s a hoop that has to be jumped to get the prize at the end.

Rambo is now  :o  :'( :embarassed: at the thought of the swab up his nose.

Surgery in the time of corona is even more a pain in the sass.
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UkrainianTracksuit
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« Reply #17 on: November 29, 2020, 06:17:20 PM »

Can I have keyboard diarrhea for a bit? I need to just let this anxiety demon out.

I am so anxious that it is nauseating me and I feel as though my heart is in a vice.

We found a “companion” for my husband through a secondary source. Meaning, a woman with whom I’m an acquaintance (I knew her though a church group when I first lived in the country — and replied to my plea) has a husband that is friends/student of guy that “would probably get along” with my husband and since his business is closed due to restrictions (a gym) is doing nothing, so has the time. They made first contact with this “possible companion.”

He didn’t give a strong yes to the whole deal until he “met” my husband through FaceTime. They do indeed have a lot in common (same sports) and their minds met over understanding the injury. Same ethnicity. Both immigrants the difference being this guy has been here longer (like 20 years) and has a bigger social circle. Naturally offering payment helped too. Guy said yes.

Someone (probably wife) put a bug in his ear that this wasn’t a good idea.

The guy called after dinner tonight with corona-related questions, like he wants to back out.

Trust me, I REALLY DO understand this. The government has really expressed the message to only hang out with those in your household. It really is dumb to have a stranger come into your bubble.

My husband said that he just had his covid test (and that on its own was a heart attack!!), is isolating, and has no symptoms. Always pays attention to masks and sanitizing because of having a high risk wife.

But, but, but...the airport.

He explained that I had just been through the short flight domestic terminal not too long ago and it was dead. Less flights now so???

“Are you sure your surgery isn’t cancelled?” One - husband just spoke with members of the surgical team last week and they gave no hint of such. Two - hospital states procedures are running despite the lockdown.

Obviously my husband said if ANYTHING changes, they would hopefully let him know by takeoff on Wednesday. As well, he will call the office in the morning just to ask.

Like what else does one need to know?

My husband reiterated that his hotel suite is a 7 minute drive from the hospital. And to be honest, since he booked the executive suite at a really nice hotel, take the damn lockdown vacation even if it all goes to pot!

And hey, to make things safer, don’t even bother checking in on him in person, just FaceTime. As for the bathing, just a wish and a prayer he thoroughly chlorhexidine sponges his back himself!

Pretty much, dude would get paid for like 20 minutes driving for the bare minimum. Yeah, I know, you can’t put a price on health, but it is MY HUSBAND going into a lockdown zone from a green zone, not vice versa.

Anyway, I hate relying on people. This is odd because more than once I put my life in the hands of others and am an organ transplant recipient.

But, anything that we have had to do we have done it ourselves, but this is just an odd unexpected situation in a pandemic. It’s a lesson that we need to be more open in our connections here, but how?

The other thing is that I have anxiety of my husband doing this trek alone. People call us co-dependent for a reason. Hahaha, not really funny, but...

My husband is a grown ass man. He is a retired military officer that had responsibility in his decisions. He travels for work, so why am I so concerned about him just not understanding the logistics of this whole time away? Yes, I have been told on and on not to mother a man, and I don’t, but in this one occasion, something is not sitting right. I SHOULD be there, but I won’t be.

At the same time, I feel like two village drunks in this situation.

This surgeon operates on pro-athletes and this is a great opportunity to get my husband patched up for his next stage in life/new hobby sport. We are blessed. Why do we have to be the idiots that can’t get our ducks in a row? It is freaking embarrassing at this point.
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Simon Dog
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« Reply #18 on: November 29, 2020, 07:12:53 PM »

Maybe you can tell the doctors you don't care if you have to pay, but to me a $15,000 bill is the same as being handcuffed to a hospital bed.
There are countries in Africa that do indeed lock up patients until the bill is paid and have been known to handcuff escape risks to their bed.
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Now, you'll probably have to sign documents that would relieve the hospital of all liability should your early exit result in further injury or illness, but that would still be your choice to make.
The hospital can demand you sign, but cannot hold you prisoner if you refuse.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2020, 07:14:37 PM by Simon Dog » Logged
MooseMom
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« Reply #19 on: November 29, 2020, 08:44:44 PM »

Well, You Tea, I would be surprised if things WERE "sitting right". 

Your husband needs day surgery and a "companion" to see him through it.

That companion would normally be you, but on this occasion, it can't be you.

That means the situation is out of your control, but as "wife" aka "primary caregiver", you are expected by yourself and by family/culture to have control, anyway.

So, you have to rely on and trust the competency of other people, which is never easy.  I despise having to rely on other people.

So, yeah, things aren't sitting right.

What would happen if there was no covid and you were planning to be the "companion", but, say, you had an accident and broke your leg or some such thing that would disqualify you as easily as covid has done?  What would happen then?  I'm just curious.  Would the surgery be cancelled if at the last minute, there was suddenly no companion?

My husband looks at the big picture while I look at the details because that's where the devil resides.  I am at the point where I just let him get on with it.  So I understand your frustration with how your husband doesn't look at the logistics.

And while you put your life in the hands of others, being an organ recipient and all, well, that was only for a matter of hours.  You're doing all the hard work, the daily grind, the boring but necessary bits that will never end.  Attending appointments, getting labs, remembering to not only take your meds but also to order them.  You have a lot of control when it comes to managing your own health, but you can't have control over this particular situation with your husband's surgery.

I can't offer any solutions because again, the problem lies with having to rely on someone to assume the role that is "normally" reserved for you.  The reason you can't get all your ducks in a row is because most of the ducks are not yours.

Keep us posted.  I am very curious to see what happens next because I know surgery is coming up shortly.
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kristina
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« Reply #20 on: November 30, 2020, 01:58:08 AM »

Can I have keyboard diarrhea for a bit? I need to just let this anxiety demon out.

I am so anxious that it is nauseating me and I feel as though my heart is in a vice.

We found a “companion” for my husband through a secondary source. Meaning, a woman with whom I’m an acquaintance (I knew her though a church group when I first lived in the country — and replied to my plea) has a husband that is friends/student of guy that “would probably get along” with my husband and since his business is closed due to restrictions (a gym) is doing nothing, so has the time. They made first contact with this “possible companion.”

He didn’t give a strong yes to the whole deal until he “met” my husband through FaceTime. They do indeed have a lot in common (same sports) and their minds met over understanding the injury. Same ethnicity. Both immigrants the difference being this guy has been here longer (like 20 years) and has a bigger social circle. Naturally offering payment helped too. Guy said yes.

Someone (probably wife) put a bug in his ear that this wasn’t a good idea.

The guy called after dinner tonight with corona-related questions, like he wants to back out.

Trust me, I REALLY DO understand this. The government has really expressed the message to only hang out with those in your household. It really is dumb to have a stranger come into your bubble.

My husband said that he just had his covid test (and that on its own was a heart attack!!), is isolating, and has no symptoms. Always pays attention to masks and sanitizing because of having a high risk wife.

But, but, but...the airport.

He explained that I had just been through the short flight domestic terminal not too long ago and it was dead. Less flights now so???

“Are you sure your surgery isn’t cancelled?” One - husband just spoke with members of the surgical team last week and they gave no hint of such. Two - hospital states procedures are running despite the lockdown.

Obviously my husband said if ANYTHING changes, they would hopefully let him know by takeoff on Wednesday. As well, he will call the office in the morning just to ask.

Like what else does one need to know?

My husband reiterated that his hotel suite is a 7 minute drive from the hospital. And to be honest, since he booked the executive suite at a really nice hotel, take the damn lockdown vacation even if it all goes to pot!

And hey, to make things safer, don’t even bother checking in on him in person, just FaceTime. As for the bathing, just a wish and a prayer he thoroughly chlorhexidine sponges his back himself!

Pretty much, dude would get paid for like 20 minutes driving for the bare minimum. Yeah, I know, you can’t put a price on health, but it is MY HUSBAND going into a lockdown zone from a green zone, not vice versa.

Anyway, I hate relying on people. This is odd because more than once I put my life in the hands of others and am an organ transplant recipient.

But, anything that we have had to do we have done it ourselves, but this is just an odd unexpected situation in a pandemic. It’s a lesson that we need to be more open in our connections here, but how?

The other thing is that I have anxiety of my husband doing this trek alone. People call us co-dependent for a reason. Hahaha, not really funny, but...

My husband is a grown ass man. He is a retired military officer that had responsibility in his decisions. He travels for work, so why am I so concerned about him just not understanding the logistics of this whole time away? Yes, I have been told on and on not to mother a man, and I don’t, but in this one occasion, something is not sitting right. I SHOULD be there, but I won’t be.

At the same time, I feel like two village drunks in this situation.

This surgeon operates on pro-athletes and this is a great opportunity to get my husband patched up for his next stage in life/new hobby sport. We are blessed. Why do we have to be the idiots that can’t get our ducks in a row? It is freaking embarrassing at this point.

Hello again and I do understand your situation very well and feel very sorry for your predicaments.

I can well understand the total stress you both are under right now. Especially the long journey to the hospital and return home again makes it extremely complicated for you both and I do send you both my best wishes for a good result in this very difficult situation...

Take great care and best wishes from Kristina. :grouphug;

P.S. Sorry to add this on, but I have just been medically informed, that as a kidney-transplant-patient I should avoid going out at all times (except medical appointments etc), because of my vulnerability as a kidney-transplant-patient. That was the first time that the medical team involved itself, whereas in the months before I was always just "generally" informed as a vulnerable transplant-patient. This medical recommendation I have received just this moment, seems to confirm, that this Corona-Virus seems to get much more serious these days and I do keep my fingers crossed and do hope, you keep yourselves as well as is possible and hopefully you find the very best way forward for a good result !!!!!! Good luck !!!!!!!
« Last Edit: November 30, 2020, 05:10:49 AM by kristina » Logged

Bach was no pioneer; his style was not influenced by any past or contemporary century.
  He was completion and fulfillment in itself, like a meteor which follows its own path.
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                                          ...  Oportet Vivere ...
UkrainianTracksuit
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« Reply #21 on: November 30, 2020, 07:10:01 AM »

What would happen if there was no covid and you were planning to be the "companion", but, say, you had an accident and broke your leg or some such thing that would disqualify you as easily as covid has done?  What would happen then?  I'm just curious.  Would the surgery be cancelled if at the last minute, there was suddenly no companion?

I'm curious too. There would be no other companion, but would they cancel last minute? That I don't know. To me, it sounds really dumb to go through all the prep and then get to the point of not having a companion, with the surgical room booked, and a team ready to go. While I know hospital beds are a valuable commodity, couldn't they just admit him overnight, monitor for 24 hours and then discharge him? (I know someone will say, but oh, with tx, someone has had a surgical cap on and it got called off. Yeah, but, this is scheduled orthopaedic surgery, nothing time-sensitive or with matching, etc.)

Anyway, it doesn't matter at this point. I learned my lesson: we need more reliable contacts. I booked the flight this morning. And to add to the histrionics, I told my husband to bury me in Valentino and Gucci  — here is the dress and here are the shoes. At least now, I am relaxed.

We had a huge row at 4 AM that the neighbors probably heard. Probably thought, "We should have never let those crazy Slavs on our quiet street." He said he would just go down for surgery without anyone and that just ushered in 50 million questions about the details. And what will you do if they say nope, no surgery? What happens after that and after that and after that and after that? Do you really want to look an idiot and waste the time of a surgeon that deals with pros? I told him he might as well just postpone or cancel. Blah blah blah he's been waiting over a year. Blah blah blah.

Obviously now I feel like a total selfish idiot because I dragged this poor man away from his myriad of connections. Yes, he has free will and he could have said no I'm not moving with you, but alas, this is why everyone needs reliable people in their lives. And it's only going to get worse because we have no kids.

All I can really do is protect myself, in my power, from corona. Since the city is on lockdown, I'll be stuck in the hotel, which is top notch cleanliness. Food is covered by 24 hour room service. I won't be allowed entrance into the hospital (good) and my only concern is getting in/out of cars. Airport doesn't concern me too much. It's the locals I need to avoid.

I should add I am PMSing and it is a full moon so I am this close to going all praying mantis.  :urcrazy;  Now the joy of unprepared packing. Even with transplant, my bags were packed ahead of time.

Now we'll be eating fresh produce for until we leave because I thought I would have quiet salad filled days until he got back. Fed up.
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MooseMom
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« Reply #22 on: November 30, 2020, 08:23:49 AM »

But, we all knew it would come down to this, right?  I am fairly sure that the innermost workings of your brain already knew exactly what was gong to happen and was preparing the rest of your head for exactly this scenario.  If I could see it coming, I know you could, too.  Getting other people involved was just too dodgy.

You both could have a wide circle of close friends, but that would not guarantee that any of them would risk covid for you.

At least this way, you will feel no guilt, and you will have "done your wifely duty".  That's one load lifted.

Transplant patients are well equipped to avoiding infections.  We know what to do.  You've obviously already thought ahead, so you are probably much better prepared than some guy your husband spoke with on FaceTime.  You will be OK.

I hope that one day you'll be able to get over the whole "I dragged my husband here, so any and everything that happens is my fault, and I am in his debt forever and ever." mindset.  Those kinds of feelings are just too psychologically burdensome.

Be sure to let us know how things are going!
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"Eggs are so inadequate, don't you think?  I mean, they ought to be able to become anything, but instead you always get a chicken.  Or a duck.  Or whatever they're programmed to be.  You never get anything interesting, like regret, or the middle of last week."
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« Reply #23 on: November 30, 2020, 10:47:27 AM »

I knew in the back of my mind it was always a possibility, most definitely. Especially when his "closest local-friend" backed out first. At least the first guy had the balls to say it. Oh well. I honestly did look forward to being quiet at home until the pulling up his pants and propping him up with pillows starts. C'est la vie!

To be honest, I didn't feel any real wifely duty to do it.  :lol; Whomever that could take him to get that damn shoulder fixed would have been preferred. He's angry now that I'm going because he wanted to avoid unnecessary risk so I just had to ask, who in the actual bleep would be your companion then? Mac Tonight? The Hamburglar? Luntik? I see no one here so deal with it.

But oh well, it is what it is.
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kristina
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« Reply #24 on: Today at 12:22:20 AM »

Today is the day and I wish you both the best of luck for a good outcome !!!
Best wishes from Kristina. :grouphug;
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Bach was no pioneer; his style was not influenced by any past or contemporary century.
  He was completion and fulfillment in itself, like a meteor which follows its own path.
                                        -   Robert Schumann  -

                                          ...  Oportet Vivere ...
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