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Author Topic: Irked And Hurt At The Same Time  (Read 1016 times)
Xplantdad
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Health is not valued till sickness comes. T.Fuller

« Reply #25 on: April 06, 2017, 01:14:20 PM »

Xplantdad it sounds like your sister may be asbergers syndrome person.  These are very smart people who actually are mildly autistic and have absolutely no ability to deal with people.  They are blind to any nonverbal signals from other people  so would not know they were being offensive.  I firmly believe that if some one is nasty and miserable I won't have anything to do with them.  But generally I believe never blame malice as the motive for behavior. When stupidity vcovers it.

Hi There Michael...my best friends son has Asperger's syndrome and I taught in a special needs classroom for a few years...So I know about Asperger's. :)

Unfortunately, my eldest sister is just mean and ignorant and tries to be controlling...towards my wife and her side of the family for whatever reason. That's okay-when judgment day comes, she will have to answer for her actions. I have no time for her or her drama....but I will NOT deny my daughter the ability to visit with her aunt....so I tolerate her.

Karma has already kinda reared it's ugly head towards her...as my eldest brother (also a doctor of Pharmacy from USC)...who got involved with "recreational" use of medications while still a practicing pharmacist (lost his ability to practice due to and embarrassed my sister, too) is now currently living with her-as he has nothing left to his name.

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My name is Bruce and I am the caregiver for my daughter Holly who is 26 years old and received her kidney transplant on December 22, 2016 :)
Holly's Facebook Kidney  page: https://www.facebook.com/Hollys.transplantpage/

Holly had a heart transplant at the age of 5 1/2 months in 1990. Heart is still doing GREAT!  :thumbup;
Holly was on hemodialysis for 2.5 years-We did NXStage home hemo from January 2016 to December 22, 2016
Holly's best Christmas ever occurred on December 22, 2016 when a compassionate family in their time of grief gave Holly the ultimate gift...a kidney!
Charlie B53
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« Reply #26 on: April 06, 2017, 01:40:36 PM »


I have a SIL, the 'Baby' of Wife's family, that tries to dominate everyone related.  Her and her husband wont so much as talk with me if we all are at the same family function. They make me laugh.
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Michael Murphy
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« Reply #27 on: April 06, 2017, 08:22:43 PM »

I have a very annoying brother in law who I think has Asperger's so I put up with him cause he don't know better. On the other hand some people are just born bad.






sp mod Cas
« Last Edit: April 08, 2017, 11:39:19 PM by cassandra » Logged
PrimeTimer
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« Reply #28 on: April 08, 2017, 10:48:17 PM »

I can't be for certain, at least not for another couple of days but I think the members of the stash house above me moved out under the cloak of darkness. I watched them pack up tonite and leave. Hopefully ALL 8 of them left. Gee, I wonder if it had anything to do with my 4am air drum performance on their walls. I also put in a call to ICE. Next thing I know, they were packing up.  :angel;
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Husband has ESRD with Type I Diabetes -Insulin Dependent.
I was his carepartner for home hemodialysis using Nxstage December 2013-July 2016.
He went back to doing in-center July 2016.
cassandra
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When all else fails run in circles, shout loudly

« Reply #29 on: April 08, 2017, 11:41:54 PM »

Wow PT just wow. Enjoy your peace for now

   :cuddle;


Love, Cas
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I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left

1983 high proteinloss in urine, chemo, stroke,coma, dialysis
1984 double nephrectomy
1985 transplant from dad
1998 lost dads kidney, start PD
2003 peritineum burst, back to hemo
2012 start Nxstage home hemo
       still on waitinglist, still ok I think
Charlie B53
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« Reply #30 on: April 09, 2017, 04:22:10 AM »


Take a peaceful Nap, any time you want now.   Yea!

Ain't those WalMart disposable phones just great?

On the other hand, they may be just going to spend Easter with the other half of the Family, and will return late next week.   Oh NO!

Enjoy your break while it lasts.   We never know how long the good times will last.
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PrimeTimer
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« Reply #31 on: April 10, 2017, 01:25:06 PM »

Charlie:  Unless people like to travel with their clothes washer/dryer and all their furniture, they've moved out. Vamoosed! GONE!! Ahh...It is blissfully quiet here.

Meanwhile, don't know if this is karma but my mother inlaw was just told by her primary that she needs to see a nephrologist. She's the one who told my hubby that "dialysis will be good for you, it cleans your blood!" and when shown a picture of a fistula, said "Oh! That person must have a BAD case of it!". Now, never mind the fact that she's also personally insulted me in the past but the next phase ought to be interesting.
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Husband has ESRD with Type I Diabetes -Insulin Dependent.
I was his carepartner for home hemodialysis using Nxstage December 2013-July 2016.
He went back to doing in-center July 2016.
Michael Murphy
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« Reply #32 on: April 10, 2017, 08:35:29 PM »

Karma is well you know.  A mean person would fill your mil head with a list of the bad effects of dialysis.  Now I wouldn't do that but would enjoy fantasizing about it.  The shame is for your mil is that she had the opportunity  of gaining a understanding of the world she may be entering but choose not to.  I use to work with a woman whose hubby was on dialysis and when it got to her I would listen to her for however long she needed to vent, at the time I had no idea that dialysis was in my future now looking back we both gained she had someone to vent to and I was educated about my future.
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Charlie B53
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« Reply #33 on: April 11, 2017, 06:10:07 AM »


Karma can indeed be a Bitch some times.  Regarless of your past relationship with MIL she will need your help as she is in for a tremendous awakening.  She will soon learn how she has failed you both for so long and the guilt will be emmense.  While it will be great to enjoy some of her suffering, forgiveness and understanding may be your better path.  This may not be easy for either of you.
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PrimeTimer
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« Reply #34 on: April 20, 2017, 10:40:13 PM »

Out of the blue earlier this week I got a long voice mail from an in-law apologizing to me and begging that I call. Wow. I am not use to people apologizing to me. But it sat right with me. I said "fine, I am going to call him" and I did. He said it made his day. Made my day too. Like a burden being lifted from my shoulders. Perhaps now we can move on and have a normal relationship. I was touched. This feels good. Finally.

The morning didn't start out too good tho...had to do battle again with the insurance company. They are a real piece of work. Insidious sneaky devils but in this case today, I dealt with an ignoramus. She gave me conflicting information and I told her that was not what the office said. She said "Well, you can have them call me". Uh-oh...wrong person to tell that to because that is exactly what I had them do. I had her company office call her. In fact, they put me on-hold while they called HER and straightened her out. By afternoon, the mess was no more and I had won a small battle! That felt goood!  :P
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Husband has ESRD with Type I Diabetes -Insulin Dependent.
I was his carepartner for home hemodialysis using Nxstage December 2013-July 2016.
He went back to doing in-center July 2016.
Charlie B53
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« Reply #35 on: April 21, 2017, 05:54:05 AM »


TWO notable successes in the same week!   Things are looking up.

Some small celebration may be in order.  Keep it to a low roar and stay out of jail.
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smartcookie
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LMSW

« Reply #36 on: April 21, 2017, 06:49:54 AM »

I am so glad things are looking up, PrimeTimer! 
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I am a renal social worker.  I am happy to help answer questions, but please talk to your clinic social worker for specifics on your particular situation.
MooseMom
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« Reply #37 on: April 21, 2017, 08:39:27 AM »

I am so happy that your in-law called and that the two of you were able to talk.  Could you tell us more about what exactly this person apologized to you for?  Could you tell us more about your conversation?  If you want to keep that private, I'd certainly understand!  Anyway, I am very glad that you are feeling a bit better! 
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"Empathy is the soul of democracy."  Jeremy Rifkin
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« Reply #38 on: April 21, 2017, 01:17:03 PM »

I am so happy that your in-law called and that the two of you were able to talk.  Could you tell us more about what exactly this person apologized to you for?  Could you tell us more about your conversation?  If you want to keep that private, I'd certainly understand!  Anyway, I am very glad that you are feeling a bit better!

My father in-law had no idea what he had done/said to offend me but apologized for "whatever it was". I decided not to go into details with him because after spending the last few years already trying to explain to him, I figured he'd still probably not "get it". Nonetheless, hearing his apology meant a lot to me. Even tho he didn't know what it was that he had done/said. That's okay tho, I let it go. No one else has bothered to apologize so I give him a lot of credit for that.
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Husband has ESRD with Type I Diabetes -Insulin Dependent.
I was his carepartner for home hemodialysis using Nxstage December 2013-July 2016.
He went back to doing in-center July 2016.
cassandra
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When all else fails run in circles, shout loudly

« Reply #39 on: April 23, 2017, 04:19:56 PM »

That's good news PT, so glad for you

   :cuddle;

Love, Cas
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I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left

1983 high proteinloss in urine, chemo, stroke,coma, dialysis
1984 double nephrectomy
1985 transplant from dad
1998 lost dads kidney, start PD
2003 peritineum burst, back to hemo
2012 start Nxstage home hemo
       still on waitinglist, still ok I think
Michael Murphy
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« Reply #40 on: April 24, 2017, 02:12:33 AM »

The win with the insurance company rep was outstanding but succeeding in improving relations with the in law was even more impressive.
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JVT90
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« Reply #41 on: May 18, 2017, 05:25:08 PM »

Glad the FIL said he was sorry AND the insurance company squared away.  :yahoo;
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Husband started in clinic dialysis 2015
PrimeTimer
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« Reply #42 on: June 04, 2017, 07:45:35 PM »

Some men are into fixing and building things. My husband is not. I found that out back when we still had the house. We had to sell it after we both were laid off from our jobs but have found apartment life to be easier. Sometimes. They don't always fix things around here so we plan to find a better place when our lease is up. Hubby says to me, "we should get a house". I say, "Are you @#$% kidding me?!"  >:(  No kidding, I remember wanting some shelves put up at the house and him telling me to go pick some out and he'd put them up. Three years went by. Another time...I kept telling him of a water leak from the ceiling. A good year went by. Contractors found a hole big enough to crawl thru. I've got a few of these stories but to make it short, I do not want another house!   
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Husband has ESRD with Type I Diabetes -Insulin Dependent.
I was his carepartner for home hemodialysis using Nxstage December 2013-July 2016.
He went back to doing in-center July 2016.
Vt Big Rig
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« Reply #43 on: June 18, 2017, 12:34:41 PM »

I have 3 sisters.Two of them do not know how to deal with my kidney failure. The third is a nurse and is fascinated by it and has said she would learn the process. We do home hemo.

I call each of them every week just to keep lines open (I have lots of time connected to the machine). The nurse spent 30 years in Europe and has not yet gotten used to the fact that it is so easy to call in the states.

I think I do this more becasue I think my mother would be pleased.
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VT Big Rig
Diagnosed - October 2012
Started with NxStage - April 2015
6 Fistula grams in 5 months,  New upper fistula Oct 2015, But now old one working fine, until August 2016 and it stopped, tried an angio, still no good
Started on new fistula .
God Bless my wife and care partner for her help
Simon Dog
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« Reply #44 on: June 18, 2017, 01:43:42 PM »

Quote
Some men are into fixing and building things.
And many of us are into fixing and building, but don't clean anything (except the dialysis equipment).
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