My worst emotional breakdown since dialysis started

[kitkatz]

Hey, I told you that story in confidence!

[Sluff]

Well, I would just wait for the NxStage, but my emotions are so unstable right now because of the stuff in the centre, if I waited, I might not be around in four to six months. I want to get going on home hemo as soon as possible, and maybe in a year or two, I can switch to the NxStage. I think, for now at least, the 2008K will be a better machine for me anyway. I know it's more labour intensive, but that doesn't bother me at all.

I don't know what the right answer is but You need to do what ever it takes to ease your emotions immediately. Nxstage will be around awhile when your ready plus by the time you are ready they may improve it even more than they have. Good Luck Adam.

[Duane]

Adam, I'm new to this forum and know very little about dialysis, i'm learning something every day.

I like to take charge and be in control of me and my health, etc.

In the beginning of dialysis at a center, it's designed for you to have as little to worry yourself about as possible. They tell us to work on our diet and take our med's, things like that.

Later on in time you will be trained for home hemo.

i look at it like this; my best control of my life got me there, so now that i'm there i let them do there job to keep me alive.

Home Hemo is not for me at this time and the reason i say that is i don't trust enough on that level like some do and i want a nurse there Now if something goes wrong. That's just me.

Maybe i'm wrong but i don't think so.  Dialysis Center is the right place for you at this moment in your life.

[Adam_W]

Well, I'm getting the NxStage after all (through a different centre that just opened). I should start training next week . I've also been doing my own dressing change for my permacath at home with my own supplies. Most of the clinic staff have stopped asking to change it. As for dealing with being so helpless at the centre, I've started working on a scale model kit while I'm on the machine, and that helps me keep my mind off of my frustrations. It also generates lots of conversation from the staff and fellow patients. Right now I'm building a very intricate and detailed model of the S.S. Jeremiah O'Brien, a WWII cargo ship, and most of it has been completed at the dialysis centre while I'm on the machine. Sometimes when I'm working on it, I almost forget I'm even hooked to a machine, ALMOST . I think things are starting to really improve for me, and I thank you all for your support, it means a lot to me.

Adam

p.s. If anyone would like to see photos of the O'Brien as I'm building it, I'd be more than happy to post some.

[Sluff]

Congratulations Adam i hope it is right for you. 

[Amanda From OZ]

Great to hear Adam..       i hope all goes well.

Amanda
xxoo

[jbeany]

Adam, I'd like to see the model.  Why don't you add them to the "Hobbies" thread we have going in off topic?

[CW]

Right after I was taken off the machine, the depression just hit me all at once, and I ACTUALLY COLLAPSED ON THE FLOOR NEXT TO MY MACHINE! Adam

I totally feel like doing this! Dialysis can make you feel emotionally drained and frustrated sometimes

[rose1999]

Hi Adam, glad things are looking up.    Yes please post  photos.

[cabarle]

Well, I'm getting the NxStage after all (through a different centre that just opened). I should start training next week . I've also been doing my own dressing change for my permacath at home with my own supplies. Most of the clinic staff have stopped asking to change it. As for dealing with being so helpless at the centre, I've started working on a scale model kit while I'm on the machine, and that helps me keep my mind off of my frustrations. It also generates lots of conversation from the staff and fellow patients. Right now I'm building a very intricate and detailed model of the S.S. Jeremiah O'Brien, a WWII cargo ship, and most of it has been completed at the dialysis centre while I'm on the machine. Sometimes when I'm working on it, I almost forget I'm even hooked to a machine, ALMOST . I think things are starting to really improve for me, and I thank you all for your support, it means a lot to me.

Adam

p.s. If anyone would like to see photos of the O'Brien as I'm building it, I'd be more than happy to post some.

Adam,

Because I'm a member of the U.S. Navy League, I have a keen interest in ships. PLEASE POST! I want to see.

[Adam_W]

Some of my ship models are posted in the "hobbies and stuff" thread in off-topic, but I've since improved some of them, and added a couple new ones. As soon as I dig my camera out, I'll post some new pics of them. As for the original subject of this thread, I sometimes look back on that time when I felt so betrayed and helpless as a new (and young) dialysis patient, and reflect on how far I've come in the last year. I felt like a totally new man that day when I stopped being a "passenger" in my dialysis, and became the "pilot". I hated that time in-centre, but I also learned a hell of a lot. Oh, well. I'm where I need to be right now.

Adam

[Adam_W]

Well, I'm getting the NxStage after all (through a different centre that just opened). I should start training next week . I've also been doing my own dressing change for my permacath at home with my own supplies. Most of the clinic staff have stopped asking to change it. As for dealing with being so helpless at the centre, I've started working on a scale model kit while I'm on the machine, and that helps me keep my mind off of my frustrations. It also generates lots of conversation from the staff and fellow patients. Right now I'm building a very intricate and detailed model of the S.S. Jeremiah O'Brien, a WWII cargo ship, and most of it has been completed at the dialysis centre while I'm on the machine. Sometimes when I'm working on it, I almost forget I'm even hooked to a machine, ALMOST . I think things are starting to really improve for me, and I thank you all for your support, it means a lot to me.

Adam

p.s. If anyone would like to see photos of the O'Brien as I'm building it, I'd be more than happy to post some.

Adam,

Because I'm a member of the U.S. Navy League, I have a keen interest in ships. PLEASE POST! I want to see.

I've posted my latest ship models in "hobbies and stuff" in OT.

Adam

[spacezombie]

I'm so sorry, Adam. I passed out cold the first time my nurse changed my permacath dressing. I can't stand to have other people change my dressing either. I went to CVS and bought all the supplies (expensive! but worth it!) and now I change my own dressing and won't let any nurses touch it. :/ I hope you are able to come up with a solution that makes you feel better. Don't give up. <3

[keith]

yo  adam  i understand how u feel cause i felt da same way but i guess dat my wife and my kids were da reason dat i had a chance of heart i guess dat u have to find sumthing dat can or will take ur mind off of dailysis if u have a hobby or try 2 get da dressing change ur self