Intro

[Bluebutterfly]

How you do this?   Had fistula surgery 3 days ago. My arm bleeding yesterday
No help from husband.  Have 2 boys. 8, and 10.
Feel so alone.   I'm in pain and he wants sex!  Back off and help

[Michael Murphy]

When you had the fitula installed did they give you care instructions, if they did there should be a list of things to watch out for and what not to do.  In any case if you are that frightened go to a emergency room.  While most of us think of fistula surgery as minor, the reality is that they are making connections in your arms plumbing and there is some discomfort involved.  You are not alone, ESRD is very popular these days, you have almost a half million brothers and sisters who suffer the same things you do.  You are in the worst part of the disease, you feel like crap and you really have know idea what's coming.  In my case I was absolutely terrorized.  After my first treatment not only did I feel better but I found out all the fears I had were useless.  It's going to get better, your husband needs to know you are starting treatment for a chronic debilitating disease. 

[Bluebutterfly]

Thanks.  Supposed to have another surgery on fistula in 6 weeks to move it to middle of arm. Is this common?

[Michael Murphy]

Most fistulas require a occasional angioplasty compared to the creation surgury this is minor. A dye is introduced to the fistula and X-rays are taken if needed a ballon is inserted and any problem corrected. I had a angioplasty 6 weeks after the original fistula surgery.  This is a minor out patient procedure.  However if you still have residual kidney function (you still urinate) ask that they use minimum dye since this dye is not good for kidneys. 

[DayaraLee]

Hi, Bluebutterfly. I'm so sorry your husband isn't a help to you right now, especially since this is such a stressful and traumatic time! I hope that everything will improve for you, and that he learns to be a more positive partner. IHD is a fabulous place to find information and support, and it also gives you an avenue to vent your anger and frustration.   

[Charlie B53]

Welcome to IHD!   You have made a very positive step coming here to learn all you can about what is happening to you.   Unfortunately there is a lot to learn, but you will find out it really isn't as scary as you may have imagined.   Slow and steady.   Read, there is a lot of information available here.  And if you have any problem understanding, post your questions.   We try hard to make sure it comes clear.

Your Husband is like many men, thinking with the wrong head.  But we be 'Guys', we're like that, a lot.  It takes a very long time for some of us to become more 'tender' and caring.   When it comes time to go to Clinic and get plugged in, take him with you.  But take along the smelling salts.   A lot of us have a problem just watching.  He will learn.

[Michael Murphy]

It's a matter of exceptance your husband seems to be in denial, if he ignores the problem it will go away.  One of the less bright things about men is until we get older we believe we are going to live for ever so we ignore things like illness and hope if ignored they will go away.  Dialysis is a reality you and he are going to have to live with.  Large research projects are ongoing and making good progress in changes that will reduce the burden of ESRD.  Until they come to fruition  hubby needs to understand the reality of dialysis.  You have to deal with the fear a major life change brings.  When I started I was absolutely terrorized, it was a waste of time, eventually I realized the most terrorizing aspect was the fear of the unknown as I became use to the regime I became increasingly more comfortable with my life as a dialysis patient.  Right now you are in the most stressful part of the process facing new challenges daily as time goes by the stress goes away.  You are not alone, in the US there is a half million fellow patients.  Support groups abound.  Hang on it gets better.