Bit of a self inflicted bad day

[cassandra]

Now I feel a bit sick of myself. First I mess up some moderator things which had to be sorted by Kitkatz, but I thought most of the day that I had deleted some thread which made me feel sick and useless. And after visiting MIL in hospital who had a heart attack I decided to happily connect myself to the machine like normal. Needles went in fine. But after turning the machine on my venous pressure didn't go below 250 with a speed of 200. I tried with the syringe and couldn't get blood 'in' at all, and only 'out' with difficulty. Venous pressure rose to 350 so I left my blood in the machine and feel scared stiffles that I've clotted my fistula.
It still feels fine (pulsing and buzzing) but I've never had it before and now I'm contemplating trying again tonight or waiting till tomorrow morning.
Dialysis ward in hosp closed for the night, and hubby sound a sleep after exhausting day with work and MIL and FIL of cause so I'm not going to bother him.
So should I finish my thermos of espresso and take a Diazepam, try to sleep and try again tomorrow or try again in a few minutes?
Thanx for reading.

Love, Cas

[Vt Big Rig]

I vote for tomorrow. Good Luck.

[kickingandscreaming]

I'm on PD and know nothing about your situation, but I wish you the best.  I'm sure you'll figure it out.

[PrimeTimer]

So very sorry about the day you had and it sounds like it was QUITE the day! Please don't be too hard on yourself tho. The work you do as a moderator is much appreciated. You're probably like me, I tend to beat myself up if I at all think I've let anyone down and well, you have NOT let anyone here down I am sure of that!

Wish I knew what to tell you about your dialysis tonite (altho by now you've probably already made a decision). I think if it were my husband and I had to leave blood in the circuit, I would wait and try again tomorrow. Maybe you just had a "bad stick". Glad you can still feel the thrill/buzzing and bruit. Will send good thoughts your way. Don't worry about anybody but yourself tomorrow!

[Sibella]

Sending good thoughts. Let us know how things turn out.

[cassandra]

O thank you Vt, thank you kickingandscreaming, thank you PT and thank you Sibella

     

So I tried again this morning and the pressures were even worse so I got myself off again, but this time got my blood back. Rang the hosp, they rang my HHD nurse who didn't answer my call  .
By that time I had dissuaded my darling hubby to bring me to hosp for a scan so that I could try it one more time with a sharp somewhere in the fistula.
Hhd nurse calls back to tell me to come in to hosp so they can try, I said I'm not having anyone in there touching my BH's. No they would connect me with sharps, so I replied that I'll do that myself at home.

So I did, and I'm okay. Pressures settling down nicely. I asked for some bloodwork done this week to check if I caused myself an infection. And I will have an appointment with neph arranged soon (apparently some new docs in hosp thought it irresponsible (?) that they'd never seen me. And I was just so happy I agreed to see them once a year. It is nearly a year now do fair enough.

Once again thank you all for your sweet and thoughtful words.

Love you all an awful lot, Cas

[Michael Murphy]

No matter how any times you done something if you had a bad day, tired, irritable, cranky there comes a time when the best thing to do is punt and start over the next day.  Clearly you were having one of those days.  The problem is you seem super competent and you probably rarely have one of those days.  Don't beat yourself up, sunrise signals a new day and it won't be one of those days.  Personally I believe in going to bed and staying there on one of those days.

[cassandra]

Thanx Michael, yeah I wished I had stayed in bed lol.

Love, Cas

[PrimeTimer]

Glad your venous pressure is back down today, Cas. I agree, I wouldn't have let them mess with your BH's either. I think it's great that you used a sharp on your own and got things going again. Seems your "take charge" attitude overcame the hurdle in the way. Hopefully the pressure problem was just due to a bad stick, sometimes happens to my husband. It's harder to adjust the venous during treatment than the arterial but sometimes we have to or "pillow it" once we find the right spot. You know what they say S-it Happens! If you continue having pressure problems hopefully you can have a vascular surgeon check your fistula and do a fistulagram, maybe it needs a little ballooning (my husband often does). And try not to worry too much (we know you are but try not to) about infection. Please let us know how labs turn out.

You rock, Girl!   

[Sibella]

Glad things improved. I am still learning the language so I don't understand all the details. Still cheering you on.

[cassandra]

Thank you PT and Sibella. And I'm curious for my labs too. My fistula is not that big so the new BH is just 2 fingers above the arterial.
I'll keep y'all informed

         

Lots of love, Cas

[PrimeTimer]

Thank you PT and Sibella. And I'm curious for my labs too. My fistula is not that big so the new BH is just 2 fingers above the arterial.
I'll keep y'all informed

         

Lots of love, Cas

Great things come in small packages or in this case, tight spaces! Husband's new arterial buttonhole is also about 2 fingers from his venous. Makes needling and taping more fun and dialysis people wouldn't want it any other way! BTW, I vote for not doing any laundry on Sunday!