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Author Topic: My pain  (Read 9764 times)
obsidianom
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« on: August 18, 2015, 09:32:14 PM »
Tonight I lost my wife. To all who have known me for these past years I devoted my life to taking care of her. I don't know what I am going to do now. We were ALWAYS together. 35 years. Kidney disease took another life. She was special.  She died in her sleep this evening in bed.
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My wife is the most important person in my life. Dialysis is an honor to do for her.
NxStage since June 2012 .
When not doing dialysis I am a physician ,for over 25 years now(not a nephrologist)

Any posting here should be used for informational purposes only . Talk to your own doctor about treatment decisions.
Athena
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« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2015, 04:12:23 AM »
My sincere deep felt condolences to you dear Dr Obsidianom. I am truly sorry and saddened to hear the news. We have all admired you so much for your love, dedication and commitment to your wife. I am so sorry.
 
:grouphug;
« Last Edit: August 20, 2015, 05:16:13 AM by Athena » Logged
Find Cure for CKD now! Please like my facebook page of the same name. Thank you.
Simon Dog
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« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2015, 04:21:36 AM »
My sympathies to you.    She was fortunate to have died at home, but too early.    You did well for her taking care of her at home.
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Zach
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"Still crazy after all these years."
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2015, 04:49:44 AM »
Dear Dr. O,

You were a wonderful husband and a great friend to your wife.
My heartfelt sympathies go out to you at this time of loss.

--Zach
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Uninterrupted in-center (self-care) hemodialysis since 1982 -- 34 YEARS on March 3, 2016 !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No transplant.  Not yet, anyway.  Only decided to be listed on 11/9/06. Inactive at the moment.  ;)
I make films.

Just the facts: 70.0 kgs. (about 154 lbs.)
Treatment: Tue-Thur-Sat   5.5 hours, 2x/wk, 6 hours, 1x/wk
Dialysate flow (Qd)=600;  Blood pump speed(Qb)=315
Fresenius Optiflux-180 filter--without reuse
Fresenius 2008T dialysis machine
My KDOQI Nutrition (+/ -):  2,450 Calories, 84 grams Protein/day.

"Living a life, not an apology."
Hootie
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« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2015, 05:06:47 AM »
Our thoughts and prayers are with you in these difficult times. May you keep the great memories alive forever!

Joe
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Caregiver for wife with ESRD and type Type 1 diabetes (almost 50 years).  HHD with NxStage machine January 2015.
Transplanted  December 7, 2016
kristina
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« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2015, 05:50:23 AM »
Dear obsidianom,
I am very sorry for your terrible loss
and I can understand how difficult this must be for you
after 35 years of such a wonderful and very rare relationship ...
I send you my heartfelt condolences and if I can be of any help,
please do not hesitate to let me know...
My thoughts are with you,
Kristina. :grouphug;
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Bach was no pioneer; his style was not influenced by any past or contemporary century.
  He was completion and fulfillment in itself, like a meteor which follows its own path.
                                        -   Robert Schumann  -

                                          ...  Oportet Vivere ...
iolaire
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« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2015, 05:54:56 AM »
Sorry for your loss.
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Transplant July 2017 from out of state deceased donor, waited three weeks the creatine to fall into expected range, dialysis December 2013 - July 2017.

Well on dialysis I traveled a lot and posted about international trips in the Dialysis: Traveling Tips and Stories section.
Michael Murphy
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« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2015, 05:59:13 AM »
So sorry for your loss clearly you both were a special couple your words about your wife always seemed so warm and loving. 
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SooMK
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« Reply #8 on: August 19, 2015, 06:18:17 AM »
I'm so sorry Dr O.
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SooMK
Diagnosed with Uromodulin Kidney Disease (ADTKD/UMOD) 2009
Transplant from my wonderful friend, April 2014
Volunteering with Rare Kidney Disease Foundation 2022. rarekidney.org
Focused on treatment and cure for ADTKD/UMOD and MUC1 mutations.
christined
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« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2015, 06:54:54 AM »
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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1/8/2008 Biopsy - Chronic MGN and FSGS Perihilar variant
10/2010 Clinical Remission
monrein
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Might as well smile
« Reply #10 on: August 19, 2015, 06:59:08 AM »
So very sorry to hear of your loss and hope that you can take comfort in knowing that you did your best and that you had a great partnership for all those years.
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Pyelonephritis (began at 8 mos old)
Home haemo 1980-1985 (self-cannulated with 15 gauge sharps)
Cadaveric transplant 1985
New upper-arm fistula April 2008
Uldall-Cook catheter inserted May 2008
Haemo-dialysis, self care unit June 2008
(2 1/2 hours X 5 weekly)
Self-cannulated, 15 gauge blunts, buttonholes.
Living donor transplant (sister-in law Kathy) Feb. 2009
First failed kidney transplant removed Apr.  2009
Second trx doing great so far...all lab values in normal ranges
Deanne
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« Reply #11 on: August 19, 2015, 08:36:27 AM »
I'm sorry for your heartbreak.
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Deanne

1972: Diagnosed with "chronic kidney disease" (no specific diagnosis)
1994: Diagnosed with FSGS
September 2011: On transplant list with 15 - 20% function
September 2013: ~7% function. Started PD dialysis
February 11, 2014: Transplant from deceased donor. Creatinine 0.57 on 2/13/2014
noahvale
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« Reply #12 on: August 19, 2015, 10:04:26 AM »
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« Last Edit: September 23, 2015, 08:58:13 AM by noahvale » Logged
lainiepop
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« Reply #13 on: August 19, 2015, 10:12:00 AM »
I am saddened to read this, I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you at this difficult time xxx
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1982 - born with one imperfect kidney and no bladder, parents told i would not survive
1984 - urostomy op
1990 - bladder built out of colon
2007 - birth of son, gfr fall from 3O to 26
July2011 - birth of prem daughter, gfr 17%
August2011 - gfr drop to 10%
29th May2012 - RECEIVED KIDNEY 4/6 match from my wonderful dad !
racko
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« Reply #14 on: August 19, 2015, 11:30:26 AM »
Life ends but memories and love never die.
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PrimeTimer
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« Reply #15 on: August 19, 2015, 12:29:54 PM »
Obsidianom, I am so very sorry for your loss. Thirty five years is a success. Thanks for having shared part of that (and her) with all of us. Hope you find solace in knowing she's arrived...   
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Husband had ESRD with Type I Diabetes -Insulin Dependent.
I was his care-partner for home hemodialysis using Nxstage December 2013-July 2016.
He went back to doing in-center July 2016.
After more than 150 days of being hospitalized with complications from Diabetes, my beloved husband's heart stopped and he passed away 06-08-21. He was only 63.
talker
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Talkers oil painting

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« Reply #16 on: August 19, 2015, 03:25:31 PM »
Quote from: obsidianom on August 18, 2015, 09:32:14 PM
Tonight I lost my wife. To all who have known me for these past years I devoted my life to taking care of her. I don't know what I am going to do now. We were ALWAYS together. 35 years. Kidney disease took another life. She was special.  She died in her sleep this evening in bed.

The Song of Love
 Loving and loved, intertwined,
 deeply felt, within the mind,
 no right, no wrong,
 the wordless song,
 that soundless music,
 wordless words,
 the glance, the dance,
 it vibrates ones being,
 all take flight,
 soul felt,
 belong, belonging,
 this moment,
 eternity,
 and back 

http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=30963.0
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Be Well

"Wabi-sabi nurtures the authentic by acknowledging three simple realities: nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect."

Don't ever give up hope, expect a miracle, pray as if you were going to die the next moment in time, but live life as if you were going to live forever."

A wise man once said, "Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present."
Angiepkd
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« Reply #17 on: August 19, 2015, 04:19:50 PM »
So sorry to hear this Dr. O.  She was lucky to have you.  Prayers sent.
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PKD diagnosis at 17
Cancer May 2011, surgery and no further treatment but placed on 2 year wait for transplant
October 2011 first fistula in left wrist
April 2012 second fistula in upper arm, disconnect of wrist
January 2013, stage 5 ESRD
March 2013 training with NxStage home hemo
April 2013 at home with NxStage
April 2013 fistula revision to reduce flow
May 2013 advised to have double nephrectomy, liver cyst ablation and hernia repair. Awaiting insurance approval to begin transplant testing. Surgery in June.
June 2013 bilateral nephrectomy.
August 2013 finishing testing for transplant, 4 potential donors being tissue typed.
January 2014 husband approved to donate kidney for me
March 4th 2014 received transplant from awesome hubby. Named the new bean FK (fat kidney) lol!  So far we are doing great!
kitkatz
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« Reply #18 on: August 19, 2015, 04:31:37 PM »
Our sympathies and prayers are with you in this very difficult time.
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lifenotonthelist.com

Ivanova: "Old Egyptian blessing: May God stand between you and harm in all the empty places you must walk." Babylon 5

Remember your present situation is not your final destination.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.

"If we don't find a way out of this soon, I'm gonna lose it. Lose it... It means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of ones faculties, three fries short of a Happy Meal, wacko!" Jack O'Neill - SG-1
cassandra
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When all else fails run in circles, shout loudly
« Reply #19 on: August 20, 2015, 05:14:30 AM »
I'm so sorry Obsi, you were both lucky to have, and love each other. Further words fail me.

        :grouphug;



Lots of love and strength, Cas
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I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left

1983 high proteinloss in urine, chemo, stroke,coma, dialysis
1984 double nephrectomy
1985 transplant from dad
1998 lost dads kidney, start PD
2003 peritineum burst, back to hemo
2012 start Nxstage home hemo
2020 start Gambro AK96

       still on waitinglist, still ok I think
justagirl2325
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« Reply #20 on: August 20, 2015, 06:59:16 AM »
I am deeply sorry for your loss.  I echo everyone else here, she was very lucky to have you care for her. 
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del
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del and willowtreewren meet
« Reply #21 on: August 20, 2015, 08:57:14 AM »
So sorry for your loss. 
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Don't take your organs to heaven.  Heaven knows we need them here.
obsidianom
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« Reply #22 on: August 20, 2015, 11:16:15 AM »
Thanks to everyone for all the caring thoughts. I thought we would have more time , but time ran out. 
To all you on dialysis , please keep fighting this awful illness. Your loved ones would miss you terribly if you lose the battle. I am so lost I cant think of going on. I hope I can .
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My wife is the most important person in my life. Dialysis is an honor to do for her.
NxStage since June 2012 .
When not doing dialysis I am a physician ,for over 25 years now(not a nephrologist)

Any posting here should be used for informational purposes only . Talk to your own doctor about treatment decisions.
AnnieB
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« Reply #23 on: August 20, 2015, 08:12:59 PM »
Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. I will be keeping you in my prayers.
 :cuddle;
Anne
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PrimeTimer
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« Reply #24 on: August 20, 2015, 11:26:17 PM »
Quote from: obsidianom on August 20, 2015, 11:16:15 AM
Thanks to everyone for all the caring thoughts. I thought we would have more time , but time ran out. 
To all you on dialysis , please keep fighting this awful illness. Your loved ones would miss you terribly if you lose the battle. I am so lost I cant think of going on. I hope I can .
Sorry you are facing such a difficult time and such terrible pain. Your posts have always been so helpful and positive, sure has helped me to keep going. As for losses, I've dealt with a lot of death in my life; suicide, murder, illness and accidents, a lot of death, a lot of grief, a lot of pain. Could never really quite move on without letting myself grieve, often feeling like an eternity and then sometimes, no matter what, the grief stays, lingering. But then I realized that rather than try to push it away, perhaps it's okay to take it with me as I move on through this thing called "life". Hope you find your own way to do that, I think you will. No doubt that so many on here want you to.   
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Husband had ESRD with Type I Diabetes -Insulin Dependent.
I was his care-partner for home hemodialysis using Nxstage December 2013-July 2016.
He went back to doing in-center July 2016.
After more than 150 days of being hospitalized with complications from Diabetes, my beloved husband's heart stopped and he passed away 06-08-21. He was only 63.
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