It's a love thing

[Icare]

Caring for my wife is stressful and a big job but we did say for better or worse!    I work, and have most of the domestic duties now. I have many of the feelings I have read in other post. Resentment self pity and very tired at times. It will be nice to have people to share with and in courage.





Fixed smiler error ---- paris, Moderator

[paris]

After waiting years for a transplant, I finally received one and my husband and I were so thrilled that our life could be somewhat normal again.  At my 20 months post transplant date, my husband wasn't feeling good and was diagnosed with a rare type of terminal cancer which has no medicines that can help.  Suddenly, I became the caregiver.  He was very sick, couldn't stand or walk, his muscles were detererating, no self control, saddest time of my life.  Within 3 months, he was gone.  My life has been shattered.   But, I have so much compassion for all caregivers.  It is a hard job, especially watching your spouse get sicker each day.  I understand all your feelings---1st you are so very tired. There is never time to get it all done.  My resentment was more "why didn't I die?"  I was already sick, why was it him?   I feel like I can understand both sides now.   I hope your days are going well.  It is ok to be mad and resentful.  We all feel those feelings at times.   

[Poppylicious]

"In sickness and in health ..." 

I work and have all the domestic duties ... but we were stuck in that rut long before my Blokey was diagnosed! *grin*

Feel free to share the bad times AND the good!

[Grumpy-1]

I give a BIG    to all care givers.  My wife is now the one that takes most of the load of chores around the house as well as the yard.  While I can ride the rider mower, she usually does that while I'm at work. But for all the other yard duties, she has to handle those.  She has always taken care of the inside of the house stuff.  Not that I couldn't do it before, but I just didn't do it to her satisfaction.  Now, she does it all.  And then on top of all that, she watches our 5 grand kids while their parents (our kids) work.  Way TOOOOOOO much work on her now and it shows.  She is sometimes very short in patience - with me and the grand kids.  Grumpy

[boswife]

oh man oh man....... this IS the place to come where others understand......    It's so gosh awful hard sometimes, and nightmareish at others. (heartbreaking   )  Latly, it seems *our* biggest battle is to keep spirits up.  Once he goes down/sad, it throws that much more awful heart wrenching pain on me and , well,  and zaps any energy i have left to carry on.  Yes, we are in a very low here, mentally,  physically, and medically.  I just wish i could gather more strength somewhere .. anyone got some to spare    I just want him to know i love doing for him,(wearing or not) and not feel BAD for it.  Having our loved ones fee 'bad' is  not the point my or any of our efforts.  Thats in fact, a part( to those 'patients' on here) of what hurts our hearts. Dont feel guilty! its not your fault!     Though we may fuss HERE about the exhaustion and all, we are so 'that way' (exhausted)  because we give our all, and then some to make ya all happy    We do it with love, and want more than anything for you to know YOUR worth it.  Its just hard when ya dont get better for us... lol

love and blessings to all... 

[Icare]

  Thank you all so much!  I would like you all to know my wife Connie better. She has put up with me for 35 years. Had four children for us and did an excellent job raising them. Has been very strong through all the pain and procedures. She is one tough woman who loves the Lord!  Well thank you all again!

[boswife]

Bless your heart for sharing     I am greatful to hear of her love for the Lord   I hope it brings you some peace.  It's so hard on our everlovenhearts.. I wanna be strong, but im kinda failing in that dept these days.  Ya just gave me another boost   I too am not alone.. 

[christijo]

My Dear Boswife and Icare,
God Bless you both. Yes, it is our Maker and God who gives us the strength. I am into this for 5 years now. My Mike doesn't care if I am tired. He wakes me up in the middle of the night knowing I have to wake up and open the local Newspaper company by 7:30. There is no mercy from him to me. I have to sneak and sleep in the bathroom on the pot. He hates me sleeping. I sneak into another bedroom when he is watching TV. He has extreme brain damage, the result of 7 strokes, dementia from cardio-vascular problems, and 20 pounds of fluid off him weekly that are toxic. There seems no end. Yes, this is a nightmare. But like the book, UNBROKEN, this man endured horrible suffering in Japanese prison camps. He refused to let his Spirit break.  Yes, I am ashamed, I have prayed to die many times and then asked God to forgive me. I want so very much to live but it is sooo hard putting up with physical and mental torture to my Soul. Name calling hurts me the most. And a heart that has no gratitude for what I sacrifice. Lets pull together my friends. I pray for ICAre and Boswife right now. Dear Jesus, Lift their Spirits. Get them thru this. Give them great joy tonight. Give them peace that passeth all understanding from our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen

[boswife]

oh christijo,,,,,,,, thank you for your understanding AND prayer    We are lifted today... why?? well, mabie your prayers have helped us if for only this day.  We have seen a couple of changes each day and today the best.  I have to say, (since you are being so honest about your pains) that the mental is the worse..  Things have changed in bos head some, and towards eve, he gets 'different', and it hurts!!  I pray for comfort for you as i KNOW now what name calling can do     Bless his heart, he's mostly still here, but no matter what anyone else can say to comfort,, it still hurts real bad when badmouth is  happening  Im truly sorry, and something i try to remind my self is this.........  I commit my work to the Lord (not always joyfully), and that is ALWAYS good    

[Icare]

Chistijo and Boswife

That is the hardest part of caregiving, having to be torn down by the person you love and care for. Connie isn't  mean but can get very demanding and say thing that hurt and it is usually while being help with a not so pleasant task. But as we keep praying for one another and our loved ones we will make it.
"Dispite all outward apperiences God is in control" this is what gets me through many a day.
God bless you both