Banning Words?

[iKAZ3D]

So today, I was having a conversation with my friend, Bree. I don't remember how the conversation led to this, but I ended up saying "retarded seal". Another, we'll call him a friend, Jessie, decides to perk his ears up at this. He suddenly gets offended and says "Don't use that word". This is happened before. He has a brother with a mental challenge and he gets offended by the word "retarded".

      Me, being the freedom fighting independent child I am, counteracted by saying:

"Why should I have to change my vocabulary to suit your needs? I am aware of your brother's condition, but the fact that you thought it your business to enter the conversation uninvited simply to express your great offense with something that has no correlation to your reason FOR offense? That's rude."

Of course, my friends got mad at me for not "respecting his feelings". They say "We don't want you to stop saying the word, but when Jessie's around, don't say it."

My response would naturally be: "Well, ok, but if he gets offended by that, and you get offended by 'gay' and that person gets offended by so and so, how in the hell am I, by your logic, supposed to keep track of what offends whom?"

They respond with: "Those are strangers, this is your friend."

I respond: "Oh, so stranger's feelings should not be respected?"

My dad had a great way of putting it: The Constitution protects your Right to Free Speech, NOT your right to getting offended.


How would YOU have handled the situation? Would you have just given in? Do you disagree with me entirely? If so, tell me why! If you do, consider this: When does it end?


This applies to words, books, movies, music, art, etc...
(Pardon the color change, it's highlighting an important statement)

You have EVERY RIGHT NOT TO EXPERIENCE SUCH THINGS...

But what gives you the right to tell me I can't?






EDIT; Removed red color from content-Sluff/Admin


EDITED: THREAD LOCKED - jbeany, Moderator

[gothiclovemonkey]

i actually somewhat agree with most of this.
i try to know my audience though, just out of human decency. (i love the F word, but i wouldnt say it in front of, say, and older person... ) but your right, you cant remember what offends who, but you can certainly try for the friend at least...

[papacat]

I do understand what you are saying. I would have just ignored his statement "Don't use that word" and said "Oh, sorry I offended you" and continue talking about whatever it was we were talking about.

My brother was born with a number of handicaps and recently died at 69 yrs. When we were kids, the term "retarded" was frequently used. Sometime ago it was determinded that "retarded" was politically incorrect, primarily to prevent offending the person being referred to. In my brother's case, he wouldn't have even understood that "retarded" was offensive!

I now avoid using "retarded" in my vocabulary, just to keep it simple. As you pointed out, I could never keep track of who I should use a particular word with either.

papacat

[iKAZ3D]

I do understand what you are saying. I would have just ignored his statement "Don't use that word" and said "Oh, sorry I offended you" and continue talking about whatever it was we were talking about.

My brother was born with a number of handicaps and recently died at 69 yrs. When we were kids, the term "retarded" was frequently used. Sometime ago it was determinded that "retarded" was politically incorrect, primarily to prevent offending the person being referred to. In my brother's case, he wouldn't have even understood that "retarded" was offensive!

I now avoid using "retarded" in my vocabulary, just to keep it simple. As you pointed out, I could never keep track of who I should use a particular word with either.

papacat

My dad is right, in this sense, political correctness is going to destroy us.

[WishIKnew]

I guess I don't understand why anyone would use words they know are offensive unless they just enjoy being contrary or difficult.  I don't see my word choices as being controlled by others.  I control my word choices and I choose not to knowingly offend.  Why would anyone purposely offend?  I don't get it...

[Rerun]

I have to agree with the kid.  It is refreshing that the public screwlls haven't brain washed you.  Oh, yah, YOU aren't going to public Screwools.  When I was a kid "retarded" was used on everyone who messed up. If I tripped it was (what a tard).  Then they got offended and so changed it to "Special" (if I tripped it was "oh, that was special"). Now I have noticed that the proper word is "Delayed". 

When you use a word to describe something that is  hard to describe .... sooner or later the word to describe something gets offensive.  Let say the word DEAD  he is DEAD  oh, that is too harsh.... he is deceased oooh that doesn't sound good how about "passed away".   You just learn to roll your eyes and roll with it.

   

[MooseMom]

I didn't even know that anyone used the word "retarded" anymore.  Flashback to the 80s!

You have the freedom to use whichever word you want.  But be aware that other people have the freedom to shun you and think you're a creep.

I've told you that I have a son who is autistic.  He attended a school in the UK for kids who had normal IQs but still had some sort of language impairment, whether it was a physical impairment or perhaps a lack of social language.  Every class was set up to be a speech and language therapy session.  Learning how to choose words that were socially acceptable is extremely difficult for someone on the autistic spectrum.

My son was provided transportation to school by the local council.  He had the same driver for years (he went to and from school with 3 other boys in a taxi), and I got to know the driver and his wife quite well.  One day, the driver had a quiet word with me and explained that my son (who was 7 at the time) had remarked that another kid in the cab was black.  He was a bit concerned that maybe my son was learning racist attitudes or something like that.  He went to school with kids of all colors and ethnicities, so anything was possible.

So I quizzed my son later about this exchange.  That wasn't easy to do because he didn't communicate well.  I finally asked him what color he was, and he piped up, "Well, I'm pink," which was actually true.  He's not albino.  I wanted to understand what he was thinking without introducing the whole nasty concept of racism.

To this day, he will call me and ask me about certain words and what they mean.  He doesn't just want the definition, rather, he wants to know how they affect people.  So if my autistic kid wants to know how what he says makes people feel, then I truly wonder about those who don't.

It's all about how you want others to think about you, what kind of image you want to portray.  You're still young, so maybe you are still exploring what kind of image you want to project.  If you do not care what anyone thinks, or if you want to be thought of as that bad-ass, independent minded kid, then you don't have to give your words a second thought.

[MooseMom]

I have to agree with the kid.  It is refreshing that the public screwlls haven't brain washed you.  Oh, yah, YOU aren't going to public Screwools.  When I was a kid "retarded" was used on everyone who messed up. If I tripped it was (what a tard).  Then they got offended and so changed it to "Special" (if I tripped it was "oh, that was special"). Now I have noticed that the proper word is "Delayed". 

When you use a word to describe something that is  hard to describe .... sooner or later the word to describe something gets offensive.  Let say the word DEAD  he is DEAD  oh, that is too harsh.... he is deceased oooh that doesn't sound good how about "passed away".   You just learn to roll your eyes and roll with it.

   

I am going to be kind and will give you fair warning.  Do not use the word "retarded" within my sight.  If you do, I will call you on it.  That word is offensive to me.  I hope this has cleared up any confusion.

[iKAZ3D]

I have to agree with the kid.  It is refreshing that the public screwlls haven't brain washed you.  Oh, yah, YOU aren't going to public Screwools.  When I was a kid "retarded" was used on everyone who messed up. If I tripped it was (what a tard).  Then they got offended and so changed it to "Special" (if I tripped it was "oh, that was special"). Now I have noticed that the proper word is "Delayed". 

When you use a word to describe something that is  hard to describe .... sooner or later the word to describe something gets offensive.  Let say the word DEAD  he is DEAD  oh, that is too harsh.... he is deceased oooh that doesn't sound good how about "passed away".   You just learn to roll your eyes and roll with it.

   

I am going to be kind and will give you fair warning.  Do not use the word "retarded" within my sight.  If you do, I will call you on it.  That word is offensive to me.  I hope this has cleared up any confusion.

Why not rephrase it like this?:

Although the word 'retarded' offends me, I will suck it up and let you be you because your mind is your mind and my mind is my mind and I have no power to control yours.

I just don't understand why people think they have the audacity to change the fate of others lives to benefit their own. That's narcissistic and arrogant.

[Rerun]

Pink.  I like that.  I'm spotted because I have freckles and I've had them BAD since my face saw the sun.  Oh, I got teased and old people use to call them "Angel Kisses".  OMG Really?  Now they are called "Pre Cancer"!!

I am a volunteer for a first grade class.  At the end of the year the teacher MAKES them write me a thank you letter.  This one little girl wrote "you are so nice to us and I like the color of your skin"     I'm still noticed.  It has not gone away in 52 years.  I know people must look at me and ... not say anything because .... well, it might offend me.  Yes, I'm thankful for that on a daily basis.  But, you get the little ones who have never seen freckles before .... on an old lady.... and they have to ask.  What's on your face!  You need to wash your skin better!~  Ya know what?  It is life and people need to explain and move on.  They are freckles not some disease.... although, depending on my mood, I may say it is a disease and then touch their face and say "now you have it".  They run screaming and crying to their mother and I get a dirty look.   

I think in order to get along.... people say the good thing... that's in style at the moment.  But, it is not right that one race can use the N word and other races can't.  If it is politically incorrect for one then it is that way for all.

[Rerun]

You are not going to go up to someone and say "you are ugly" because you do have a soul and believe me that person already knows it.

You don't go up to someone in a fast food place and say "You are FAT".  You don't do that because you have "freedom of speech" you do that because you are human and you KNOW that person already knows that.

You can KNOW what you could say.... but then don't say it because you may get your ass kicked, and because it is the nice thing to do. 

I don't like making someone feel bad.  Unless someone is making me feel bad first, and then watch out!

Don't start stuff.... but you may finish it!     

[MooseMom]

Why not rephrase it like this?:

Although the word 'retarded' offends me, I will suck it up and let you be you because your mind is your mind and my mind is my mind and I have no power to control yours.

I just don't understand why people think they have the audacity to change the fate of others lives to benefit their own. That's narcissistic and arrogant.

Why should I have to "suck it up" if you KNOW you're being offensive?  I just don't understand why people think they have the audacity to run their mouths without even considering the consequences.  That's narcissistic and arrogant.

Claiming that people would be "changing the fate of others' lives" is a bit hyperbolic, don't you think?  You know what would really change your fate?  Saying stuff that is offensive and having someone punch you in the face as a result.

Rerun is right; you watch what you say and consider carefully the words you choose if you want to move smoothly in the world.

That said, there is always the possibility that any of us may something that is offensive to our listener without realizing it.  You just do the best you can to be kind.

[Deanne]

Why not consider instead what you want people to think about YOU? You know "retartarded" is an offensive term to many people. Knowing this and using the term anyway tells people a lot about you as a person. It says you don't care about other peoples' opinions or what's important to them. The only thing that matters to you is you. If you want to isolate yourself, this kind of attitude should work.

[iKAZ3D]

Why not rephrase it like this?:

Although the word 'retarded' offends me, I will suck it up and let you be you because your mind is your mind and my mind is my mind and I have no power to control yours.

I just don't understand why people think they have the audacity to change the fate of others lives to benefit their own. That's narcissistic and arrogant.

Why should I have to "suck it up" if you KNOW you're being offensive?  I just don't understand why people think they have the audacity to run their mouths without even considering the consequences.  That's narcissistic and arrogant.

Claiming that people would be "changing the fate of others' lives" is a bit hyperbolic, don't you think?  You know what would really change your fate?  Saying stuff that is offensive and having someone punch you in the face as a result.

Rerun is right; you watch what you say and consider carefully the words you choose if you want to move smoothly in the world.

That said, there is always the possibility that any of us may something that is offensive to our listener without realizing it.  You just do the best you can to be kind.

Example taken from real life examples:

If you are offended by a book...

Do you

A) Stop reading the book?

B) Petition to get it banned?


A is equal to sucking it up and shutting up. B is equal to taking away the right to say the word 'retarded' because you're offended by the word.

In said scenario, if you stopped reading the book, you wouldn't harm anyone else, you wouldn't cause disruption, and nothing would happen.


Words are words. They are meant to be said. If they offend you, so be it. Words have multiple definitions, how do you know which one I'm using?

Jumping to conclusions!

[MooseMom]

False equivalency.

Try again.

[Deanne]

You aren't talking about reading the book to yourself. You're talking about reading the book to an audience.

[iKAZ3D]

False equivalency.

Try again.

No, it actually is similar. He thinks he has the right to tell me what words I can and can't say because he's offended by them, and in the scenario (which happens a lot in this world), people feel they have the right to tell people what books/music/etc they can and can't witness because they are offended by them. They decide FOR the majority what is best simply because they found something offensive.

That's. Not. Freedom.

[amanda100wilson]

Yes, you are entitled to use those words that offend others, but you need to understand that some people will be offended and be willing to accept the rebuke.  They are as free to voice their opinion on your choice of words, just as you are entitled to use such words.   You wan to offend?  you need to get a thicker skin if you don't like what they say.  Why say it if it offends?  would you like it if a derogatory term applied to kidney failure, would you like it if someone used it around you?  You need to grow up!

[glitter]

You are Right.

Its your RIGHT to say whatever you like.

Its my Right to not like it, and choose not to be your friend. My daughter was handicaped, delayed, special-
 what ever you want to call it. She was bright enough for the word 'retarded' to hurt her, Smart enough to figure out if someone was insisting on their right to say things that hurt other people-they were bullies, and BULLIES SUCK- good people respect each others feelings.

 I believe she learned that in elementary school.

You have to ask yourself- if your insistence on using offensive terms to descibe other PEOPLE- if it makes you feel good?

 Just because you CAN do something- doesn't mean you SHOULD.

[Rerun]

iKAZ3D.... is your Dad helping you?

                     

[gothiclovemonkey]

Now, let me first say, I am only doing this to make a point. im not doing it to be a jerk... but...
(from another thread)

How about this, this is my thread, and I declare it a religion free zone...So if you wish to talk about religion, please, be my guest...In a different thread. I'm sick of you "justifying" yourself. You're being very arrogant. You seem to think you have every right to impose on our beliefs because you're Christian and because God says to.

If God told you to jump off a bridge, would you?

......... but arent you doing this very same thing your friends did, here?

[gothiclovemonkey]

I mean...
its freedom of speech you are angry about, and all that guy was doing was speaking his truth. You may not agree with it, but it is Hemodoc's belief. Just as it is your belief that you should be free to say retard, he, too, should be free to tell you how much he loves his god.... ?

[amanda100wilson]

I have been reading through your posts, and have just read what DesertDancer is going through.  one person has real issues, not manufacturing them.

[gothiclovemonkey]

I have been reading through your posts, and have just read what DesertDancer is going through.  one person has real issues, not manufacturing them.

I am sorry, but this is a little mean...
Maybe for a young boy this IS as major as DDs problems (of course to an adult, it wouldnt seem so...but a teen boy sure isnt going to have the same problems as an adult.)

[amanda100wilson]

What I mean is, he seems to say deliberately provocative things albeit the gay/ religion rant or thinking that he can use words that are likely to offend, but then be offended when someone responds.