The melting witch from Oz

[donnal]

  I was a caregiver to ElizabethT who died a month ago.  My phychiatrist suggested I try a grief support group. I came home nearly suicidal.  Everyone there had lost someone 6 months ago to two years ago.  I had just paid the funeral bill the day before the group meeting.  It was just too soon.  I feel like the witch in the Wizard of Oz. Pour something on her and she slowly melts away.  That is how my heart feels, like its slowly melting away.  I pray everynight that it will be my last one on earth and living seems empty.  Lest you think this a recent feeling because of the death, it is not.  I can remember praying to die when I was 12 years old.  I go to the doctor as often as I need to an have been on antidepressants for 20 years.  The death of Elizabeth just magnified everything.  Everbody says she is in a better place and not suffering anymore.  I know that.  I'm not in a better place. I went to my priest and told him that God has pushed me as far as I could stand and if it wasn't a sin, I would end my life.  He told me that is my problem.

[lmunchkin]

What a JERK!!!!  Im sorry for his comments to you like that. That is so uncalled for and he will be judged for that. Im so sorry, Im sure you feel alone in this day and time. Sounds as if you have lost alot of others near & dear to you, not just your good friend! 

I know many years ago, I went through some tramatic ordeals (poor choices by me), and I wanted to die too.  Thoughts of suicide visited me quite frequently back then.  Like you, I probably would have done it, but I knew it to be wrong too!  I came close many times of just OD'ing on drugs so as not to feel the pain & dispair I was going through.

But Donnal, Im so glad I didn't.  God had a plan for my life, and things turned around for me immensley!!  If I had killed myself when I was young, man, I would have missed out on alot of good happy times Ive had in the most resent years. I never would have had my child, my husband, my grand children and a whole list of Blessings given to my by God.

The only thing that I can do is to Pray that God give you a host of Love to pull you out of this Pit you are in.  Depression is a Bitch!  Anybody who has it, knows that.  Please find a Good Church to go to, that will help you with the Love of Jesus. It is sad that this Priest did not recognize the Compassion that Christ has for his people.  I would say, most likely, he did not have the Love of Jesus in his heart at the time he said that.  I don't know, and will not judge him.  I will leave it to Our Judge to do that.

Sometimes, we just have to pull up our selves, and walk on until we find our niche in life.  God has a plan for everyone.  His for you, is not what you are dealing with now.  Pray to him with all your heart, and He will pull you to him.  You will be just fine, Donnal.  It is a hard time right now, but God loves you.  You have been a good servant to your friend & He will Bless you for your service!

Praying for you my dear.  Be strong!
lmunchkin

P.S. Please feel free to PM me.  If I can help in anyway, please, let me know!

[Rerun]

Sounds like you do better when you are giving.  Pick another person to give yourself to.  You are good at that.  You are called an angel.

         

[boswife]

Too many thoughts swirling in my over taxed head so this is probably going to be a scrambled mess but...here i go............ i agree about that priest.. He was a JERK! And so wrong!!  He of all people should have been able to help in some way and ya got crap from him...  How discouraging to get THAT from a "Godly " person. I do hope you seak out another as that is not the norm...  How sad!  And,    i have to say that i too have been told to go to a 'group' for help, and i left there worse than when i went in.  Im not a 'group' person though i know they do great things for others, i left shaking and nearly lost my life feeling there must be nothing else if i couldnt even handle that. It may have not been the right 'time' for you, or me, but there is help out there, so give yourself a break, trust that peace will come again, and i think Rerun is right as well, find someone to help... Some are givers, and thats when they can escape their own pain, buy takeing it away from someone else.  Sending  and  and  to help you get through this tough time. 

[jbeany]

 

I don't have any great words of wisdom here.  I agree the priest was an arse.  I think support groups can be helpful, but it's got to be the right group for you - and that one sure wasn't it! 

I find "She's in a better place," comments particularly unhelpful too.  It's like being told you aren't supposed to miss someone because they are happier without you.  How rude is that? 

I also don't think descriptions of grief as something that goes away over time helps much either.  I always picture it as a mountain.  You start walking down and away from it, and it looks smaller the farther away you get, but it doesn't go any where.  And sometimes, something will happen that instantly transports you right back to the top of it - a sight, a smell, a sound, a taste will trigger a memory, and you are right where you started from.

So for now, donnal, just work on one step at time.  Your speed, your choice of distance.  And if someone is yelling at you to move on when you had to sit down on the side of the mountain and rest - tell 'em to jump off!

 

[Riki]

I also don't think descriptions of grief as something that goes away over time helps much either.  I always picture it as a mountain.  You start walking down and away from it, and it looks smaller the farther away you get, but it doesn't go any where.  And sometimes, something will happen that instantly transports you right back to the top of it - a sight, a smell, a sound, a taste will trigger a memory, and you are right where you started from.

I never really thought of it like that, but I think that's a pretty good description.  People deal differently.  After my friend Chrystal died, I kept seeing her everywhere.  I'd see her on the street, or going by on her bike.  It got to a point that I had to leave.  Me and a friend got on a bus and we ended up in the middle of nowhere, Nova Scotia. *L*  We stayed there about a week.  Just going somewhere new seemed to help.  When we got home, I was more ready to deal with things than I was, but it took 5 months for me to get to that point, where I just needed to get away.  It's been 10 years, and not a day goes by that I don't think of her in some way.  I hear a song, or I walk past a place we used to go to, and I miss her.  The ache never really goes away, it just dulls as time goes by, to a point where you don't notice it as much.  Everyone gets to that point on their own time.  Don't let anyone push you.

[RichardMEL]

uh I'm so sorry. I saw this topic and thought it was something about our Prime Minister