dating and sickness

[gothiclovemonkey]

sorry i couldnt find th thread reguarding this...

last night my bf broke up with me. we had been together for 1 year. he told me he isnt mature enough to handle this sickness and my son, who can be a bit of a handful. he told me hes not IN love iwth me. and he wants our relationship to be over.
then he took it back.

THis is the second time hes done this.

IDK how to feel or what to do. is he taking it back because i cant help but to cry? or is he telling the truth that he was just tired and taking it out on me?
what do i believe?

he expects me to forget it, and for us to move passed it and start new.
he expected me to forget it last time, and to forget his lies another time...
idk if  i can this time... it hurt so bad hearing him say he isnt in love with me and that he just cant handle me being sick.

when he took it back he said he made a huge mistake and he was bored with our relationship so he stopped trying, and he didnt think it was fair to me that i try so hard to keep him happy but he doesnt care to do anything to make me happy. but he will try now...

he tends to say that, Ill do this, but never really does...
how many chances can i give? i love him so much i feel like a small part of me died last night.

yesterday I got so sick, from being a dumbass, i guess i brought this on myself? i thought i was going to end up in the hospital, so i told him that we need to figure out what we will do with jareth if they admit me. I ended up not going to the hospital even though i probably should. i still feel like pure crap. but if i do, my doctors tend to admit me no matter if i need it or not. they have that better safe than sorry attitude, which can be a good thing, but its also a pain in the butt when it comes to my child.

im so confused and hurt and i feel like crap physically and im mentally drained.

[cassandra]

Hi gotchclovemonkey, what an emotional night. I think if you love him, and if he loves you you can move past this.
I also think that it is actually quite heavy for him to have quite a change in his life with his new family. I also think its quite heavy for you yourself.

All that causes stress, and it mounts, and mounts and than it bursts. In a huge row. And stupid, and hurtfull things get said. Me, and hubby had arguments like that.

Nobody is perfect, and I don't even try to be anymore, And we are still together, and still have arguments, and still are happy together.

I hope you feel a bit better soon, mentally and physically

love Cas

[gothiclovemonkey]

i understand that couples argue, but to say u never were in love with me, but expect me to be ok with that, and this being the second time within just a few months makes me wonder if hes not just taking it back so he doesnt have to see me sad... he seemed pretty sure both times hes done this...
im so confused.

[MooseMom]

Your bf knew what he was getting into before you all moved in together.  He knew that you were on D, and he knew enough about your son to know that life with a young child is always challenging. 

I have to wonder if he really thought things through.

I have to wonder what either of you are getting out of this relationship.  If he is not in love with you, then why is he with you?

I have to wonder when the last time was when you were really happy with him.

What does this man do for you?  In which ways does he make you happy?

I understand that we all tend to post here when things are bad.  We rarely ever start a thread titled "Everything is going great and I am so satisfied with my life!"  So, maybe the two of you are happier together than it seems to us here on IHD.  What do you think?

[gothiclovemonkey]

i admit our relationship can be stressful and hard sometimes. he is a selfish person, but i have grown to love everything about him. the only really issue we have had besides the ex gf being a dumbass, has been intimacy (he doesnt like to do it... i know its weird...)
I didnt have any clue this would happen...
Last night he was acting kind of strange, so i try to ask him whats up, and it all goes to this.
now hes saying he does love me and wants me to be here, but again, i do worry it was just because i cried. he doesnt like seeing people cry.
idk if i believe him, and today hes acting like nothing ever happened. kissing me holding my hand.
i asked him, so now, do you love me or are you in love with me or what? he said Im in love with you, i want to be with you....and then told me to go to sleep (i am not feeling well and i was laying down when i asked him)

im just so confused. but i do know if this is going to happen again down the road, id rather it be done now, no matter how bad it does hurt.

[kitkatz]

 

[gothiclovemonkey]

maybe i should stop being so blind and realize this really is a one sided relationship... he even admitted that...
love sucks. now i know why i kept myself from it for so long.

[Mr Pink]

Ah yes, love and other catastrophes. Scientists would argue quite convincingly that there is no such thing as love, and that what we perceive to be love is in fact a chemical reaction that occurs in the brain when we see someone we wish to procreate with. Pat Benetar would have us believing that "love is a battlefield." As a closet romantic, I subscribe to the Bette Midler school of thought that tells us that love "it is a flower, and you its only seed." 

In my experience there are three types of love;

1 - Lust, which tends to occur more commonly in males.
2 - "Clayton's Love" - when you're in love with the idea of being in love, which tends to occur more commonly in females.
3 - True love - the most dangerous love of all.

If the third category refers you, then I'm afraid I can offer no words of comfort. If it's one of the other two, then do yourself and your son a favour and move on. That we have an illness is really only an excuse for those who don't really have a heart. If they don't have a heart, then they're not really worth shedding our tears over. Sometimes we fall for the wrong person. That we have the ability to fall for people is a good thing, because it shows that we have heart. I remember years ago having had my heart broken by somebody who totally wasn't worth it. I bumped into a work colleague out one day who told me; "You have so many more broken hearts to look forward to." I didn't have to think too long about that to realise the positive message in that. If indeed category three does refer to you, then all I can really say is that you have so many more broken hearts to look forward to. 

[gothiclovemonkey]

well said good sir.

i never thought i believed in love, but then it happened without warning. I mean, I love my son, my dad, my friends... that type of love, but romantic love? the idea still scares me, and now i know why.

i am hurt so deeply i fear i cant get passed this as he wants me to. he says it was all a mistake, but i think he may have been right.. im in love with a man who is incapable of love.
it never really occured to me that he says it often, and i mean a lot. i dont think thats really a need if its true. it should be shown as well as said. maybe moreso.

[cariad]

I don't know what to suggest, GLM, because we only get little glimpses into this man's personality. I do admit that I was struck by the word 'bored'. I dated someone who seemed to feed off of drama, and when things were going along fine for too long, he would pick a fight. I swear it was just to keep himself entertained. From everything you've said about your boyfriend, it sounds like he struggles to feel most emotions. Don't want to rehash anything, but the statement you made once about his inability to be shocked suggests that his emotions have been flattened by something traumatic and he recognises this about himself but doesn't know what to do about it. It would seem he needs to work on himself and his own problems before he will be in any condition to stand by someone with her own battles.

What Mr. Pink said was adorable and so true!

[gothiclovemonkey]

im hurting so badly over this, i find myself crying often...
today he caught me crying in the shower, and asked me why, i said just thoughts running through my head... he said 'tell me i want to know', so i did and he said 'i said im sorry' and walked out...
im trying to forget what he said but it plays over in my head...
and now i find myself getting upset when i see couples who are happy or getting engaged/married, knowing that will probably not happen in this relationship... but then last night, we were watching some show and there was something about marriage, so he asked me what id want at "our" wedding.

Im so confused and hurt and he says hes sorry it was all a mistake... the same mistake twice though? what am i to believe? i dont know what to do!!!

[MooseMom]

Has this guy EVER made you happy?  I mean, really...EVER?

I'm dying to know...what is it that you love about this man?  Is he kind?  Is he compassionate?  Is he smart?  Is he funny?  Does he love your son unconditionally?  Is he loyal?  Is he mature?  Does he know his own mind?  Does he know yours?

Yeah, love sucks if you feel it for a jerk.  But it is glorious when it is given by you to a man who is strong enough to handle it.

Your guy is weak and is a coward.  I'm sorry, but there it is.  Where you go from here is entirely your choice.  You have complete control over what you do next.

[gothiclovemonkey]

i cant pinpoint what i love about him....
he is funny, we have a lot in common that most people dont. we are more like buddies though than lovers.
we have had fun times together. seems lately though, in his words, "we are like an old married couple" we dont sleep in the same room, we rarely speak, we dont have any intimacy.
i noticed a while ago that it seemed one sided, but sometimes i think i imagine stuff like that too... until he said it himself. he said its not fair to me that i put so much into our relationship and he doesnt, and that hes too lazy and selfish for a relationship, and too immature to deal with sickness and fatherhood. he doesnt feel he treats jareth right... which he doesnt treat him wrong either, hes just... more like a brother than a father, they pick on each other and play around..
maybe he wants me to end it? he doesnt want to be the one responsible for our breakup, doesnt want the guilt, or because his family likes me? idk...
i might talk to his mom about it but im kind of afraid to...

hes been so much better to me than any guy ive ever been with... i know that doesnt probably say a lot about the dudes i date...

[gothiclovemonkey]

I just wanted to let you all know whats up...

I did talk to his mom, she said that he does love me very much. Hes very scared and concerned and doesnt know what to do.
He loves me and my son, and hes afraid of what would happen if I die, what my son would expect from him... Hes afraid that I will die on him. He knew I was sick, but he didnt realize how sick... And the other day we also found out that my son's IQ is pretty low, and that also worries him.
His mom said when he gets scared he tends to say and do things he doesnt mean...
So, then that got me thinking, its really unfair of me to be with him, if im causing him all this stress...but she said that i shouldnt think that way, because the whole family loves me, and if i were to leave him, id be leaving the whole family, and jareth adores him and it would crush him.
So now i really am confused as to what to do about that. I know my son adores him, and apparently his family loves me and doesnt want us to break up... and she swears he is in love with me and wants to be with me. (and hes told me  a few times hes really sorry for what he said)
but because I love him, if i am causing that much stress on him, because of my sickness, and because my son is a little... slower? than normal...shouldnt i leave? is it selfish of me to think I could have ever had a normal relationship?

I told him that I can forgive him for saying such horrible things this time, even though im still hurting from it right now. But if he ever does it again, I walk away because my heart cant handle it. I figure that way, if he does want out, he knows how to do it.

its still weird to me how much his family likes me... my own family isnt that fond of me lol she said im the best thing thats happened to him, his "saving grace" although im not sure what that means... saving grace?

i try really hard to make him happy, and sometimes i really do feel like its all for nothing... part of me knows, because i am sick and cant do everything i want to be able to do, maybe thats why its just not good enough? Im so tired of being sick all the time, in and out of the hospital. I do try to do the things im supposed to, be more compliant... most of my noncompliancy is from having to be home at a certain time to be here for jareth, and food and drink... i still struggle with that sometimes, i typically do well, but there is the rare occasion that i do something stupid like over drink or eat something thats a complete no no (this week for an example, my potassium was 6.7 and my god was i sick!) and also right now i cant figure out my dry weight because ive lost weight - trying to be compliant to get tx- and now im fluid overloaded until we can figure it out...

it seems like i clean all the time, but it never looks like i did a thing... so he thinks i do nothing all day... so then he says i need to "do more" because a body at rest stays at rest... i do rest, but i DO clean, every off day that I have... and i cook dinner every night even if i feel like crap, or we do go out to eat some times on D days... which is not good for me, but some D days i really dont even feel like moving a muscle.

i know that relationships without health problems are hard, and ive even tried to talk to my dad about it, since my mom was really sick through most of their marriage, and he said that pj knew going into the relationship that i was sick. my dad didnt know and still stood by her side until the end.

 

[Clara]

I was reading the thread and wanted to see if you can take some stress off the relationship by making arrangements for your son if something should happen to you.  If something happens and you have made specific arrangements that take the stress off of him to make decisions would this help? 

I have had the same thoughts about my husband.  My only fear in death is hurting my husband.  I am a diabetic.  I did not have kidney damage when I started dating my husband and found out about a year after we were married.  I feel guilty but he will tell you it is fine.  It really is a discussion you two should have when tempers are not high.  Open and honest is my policy. I don't always like where it takes me but in the end I am in a better place.  It may take me a bit to figure out I am better off, but God does work in mysterious ways.

Good luck and I will say a prayer for you.

God Bless,
Christi

[gothiclovemonkey]

Well, another update, i suppose?

I think I have already come to know what I should have done a while ago.... but for some reason I just cant bring myself to do it....

Here is my current thoughts about it though, that maybe SOMEONE could shed some light on for me.

I personally believe if you love something, or want something, you work hard to get it and to keep it. You dont just give up...
But how hard do you work at it, if the other person isnt willing to do the same?? How do you continue something that just continues to have more problems than not?

He lied to me yet again, and sees absolutely nothing wrong with it. And it was involving his ex, AGAIN. Had it been any other person, had it been any other lie... maybe... maybe i wouldnt be this upset? idk... but he continues to have her in his life, after ive asked him not to, due to all of the drama and trouble she has caused. Am I in the wrong for even asking that of him?
How can he expect me to trust him, when he continues to lie? He expects me to "get over it" and trust him like nothing ever happened...

How can we have a relashionship without trust? without communication? He said he lied so we "wouldnt have a 2 hr long convo about it" I dont understand why he would even want to talk to her after everything shes done... but then to lie to me about it... makes it that much harder for me.

Its so hard to know what the right thing to do is.
When does one know when its time to throw in the towel?
I have forgiven so much already, and tried hard to forget, only to have yet another thing, with the same exact person, happen again and again...
The definition of insanity, right? and the same thing said, each time, "It wont happen again, I promise, this time I mean it, for real..."
How many times can I play the fool? How many times *should* I play the fool....

[KarenInWA]

Oh glm, I wish I knew what to say to you! I know from what you've mentioned about the ex in the past that she seems to be quite toxic, and certainly not healthy for you to have to keep dealing with her - especially when you've made your choice to NOT deal with her.  You have every right to not have toxic people in your life.

I don't understand his insistence on keeping her in his life. Does he thrive on toxic drama? He knows how much it bothers you, yet still does it. Actions speak louder than words, IMO. However, I also know you made a fairly big move when you moved in with him. Changing doctors, clinics, schools for Jareth, etc. It sounds like your new neph is more with it than your old one, which is a positive.

Would you move back in with your Dad? Have you talked to his mom about any of this? Are you sick and tired of dealing with his crap? What do you feel when he comes home, or what do you feel at the very thought of him? I know nothing about having a relationship. At age 39, I have never been able to hold a man's interest for very long, so I'm not sure I'm the best person to give out any advice pertaining to this. But, I want you to know, I feel for you, wish the best for you, and want you to know you are always in my thoughts. I want whatever is best for you and whatever will make you happy and comfortable. It is important to be comfortable in your home and LTR, I think. And, of course, happy goes with that! But happiness can be elusive, especially when faced with medical challenges like we are. Which is why I say comfort is more important, as that can be more consistent than happiness. How comfortable are you in the situation you are in right now?

KarenInWA

[RichardMEL]

glm,

so sorry to read this. Am I surprised? not really but I'm still sad and frustrated on your behalf.

Men, me being one so having some insight, can be bloody stupid/dumb/mean/tactless/horrible/uncatring/selfish/petty/brainless/childish/jerks - I should know I fit a few of these categories, but I will leave which for others to decide.

As you wrote you seem to know what to do so I am not certain how we can help because I understand you are stuck in your situation for various reasons, and you're not a silly person you know fully well what the deal is.

The problem is, as I see it (or one of them anyway) is that BECAUSE you have forgiven so much he feels he can keep doing it (for whatever reasons - who knows) - because well you've gone back and forgiven him and whatever else. The whole excuse of not wanting the 2 hour talk about it just shows he  damn well knows what he's doing, and that it's wrong, but hey guess what he doesn't care.

What's worse is that  he's clearly such a crap liar that you've found him out several times and yet he keeps doing it - umm.. duh?!!!

you have nailed it that you have no trust and no communication and frankly that does mean no *real* relationship. who knows what else is going on that's bad for you or your son (eg: money issues and stuff that I know you have aluded to before).

I think if you stay, he'll continue to take advantage of that and do as he pleases (and even if he's not cheating with the ex, or whatever his reasons are to talkt o her still) it kind of doesn't matter because the issue I think is that he can't even be honest with you about it. Let's say he's just talking to the crazy drama ex because he feels he can't talk to you - as in he feels closer emotionally to her (I am NOT saying he is or does, this is an example only) - you'd think the right thing to do would be to attempt to explore a solution to that issue - like gee why do I not feel like I can talk to you? Why, despite everything, do I need to seek an ex like that for emotional comfort/support/whatever. Again I am not trying to suggest this is what he's doing or thinking!!! I have no clue (remember, I'm male!)

I know you have so many different priorities and problems/issues to deal with that make it hard to know what to do and what is best.. all i can offer is the humble advice to be TRUE TO YOU.

I'm reminded of that old saying "Fool me once - shame on you. Fool me twice - shame on ME" - and not saying you should feel shame or bad for this, but there is wisdom in those words - which you yourself understand from your own post(so this is not news).

if you do NOTHING this will just continue and you'll be miserable. What action to take (if any?) well that's the million dollar question, and I don't have that kind of cash alas...

just my 2 cents

[CebuShan]

     GLM, this just breaks my heart!  Is this the way you want to spend your life?
I had a friend years ago that I suspected her husband was having an affair but I kept my silence because I didn't want her angry with me!  Turns out I was more than right, he was married to another woman at the same time!
My advice is to do what your heart has been telling you to do. 
Also, Jareth is at an age where he is observing and learning from the adults around him. Do you want your son to grow up thinking this is the way to treat a woman?  He may be a little slower but he is still learning from his surroundings. Children are often more aware of what is going on than we give them credit for.
I hope things work out for the best.
You know you can call or come visit or tell me to come down to visit you (I'd love a weekend getaway!)
      

[cariad]

I'd have to say, GLM, that from everything I've read, it's time to drop this boyfriend. As I think Richard said, you've told him what your dealbreakers are, yet he persists in doing whatever he wants. His happiness and not yours is his primary concern. If it's just not practical to leave at the moment then I would do my best to detach emotionally. Expect nothing from him and you won't have to drown in disappointment. I see you setting yourself up to be a lifelong doormat if you don't stand your ground.

Never an easy move to make, but you've said yourself, you know it's what you should do. The way I see it, it's either now(ish) or down the line after you've wasted years of your life on a dead end. Years that could have been spent with the right partner for you.

Good luck, sweetheart!

[CebuShan]

Besides, if he's not a kidney match, who needs him?!         

[gothiclovemonkey]

Oh glm, I wish I knew what to say to you! I know from what you've mentioned about the ex in the past that she seems to be quite toxic, and certainly not healthy for you to have to keep dealing with her - especially when you've made your choice to NOT deal with her.  You have every right to not have toxic people in your life.

I don't understand his insistence on keeping her in his life. Does he thrive on toxic drama? He knows how much it bothers you, yet still does it. Actions speak louder than words, IMO. However, I also know you made a fairly big move when you moved in with him. Changing doctors, clinics, schools for Jareth, etc. It sounds like your new neph is more with it than your old one, which is a positive.

Would you move back in with your Dad? Have you talked to his mom about any of this? Are you sick and tired of dealing with his crap? What do you feel when he comes home, or what do you feel at the very thought of him? I know nothing about having a relationship. At age 39, I have never been able to hold a man's interest for very long, so I'm not sure I'm the best person to give out any advice pertaining to this. But, I want you to know, I feel for you, wish the best for you, and want you to know you are always in my thoughts. I want whatever is best for you and whatever will make you happy and comfortable. It is important to be comfortable in your home and LTR, I think. And, of course, happy goes with that! But happiness can be elusive, especially when faced with medical challenges like we are. Which is why I say comfort is more important, as that can be more consistent than happiness. How comfortable are you in the situation you are in right now?

KarenInWA

Have I talked to his mom this time? No. I did before, and felt better, because he obviously has issues. He sees nothing wrong with what he did. He doesnt understand why it upset me so much...
About the ex situation, he claims he only texts her back if she texts him first... Which I probably would have been ok (maybe) with, had he not lied to me about it. thats what the big issue is, the lying. I dont like lies. at all. and he know this.
The only reason i dont want them talking is because of all the drama and crap shes brought to the relationship. And his lies about it making him seem so quilty...
I did message his other ex I know about, and asked her some stuff, she dealt with the same problems we have (except the psycho ex was after her)

What I feel when hes home.... recently its not been a good feeling, and i feel alone even when hes here... but before he broke up with me 2 mos ago i was still feeling pretty good..

Besides, if he's not a kidney match, who needs him?!         

ROFL
Thank you, Id love to meet up sometime, for sure!
I dont want my son thinking this is acceptable, but he doesnt see it, i dont talk to pj when hes home.

glm,

so sorry to read this. Am I surprised? not really but I'm still sad and frustrated on your behalf.

Men, me being one so having some insight, can be bloody stupid/dumb/mean/tactless/horrible/uncatring/selfish/petty/brainless/childish/jerks - I should know I fit a few of these categories, but I will leave which for others to decide.

As you wrote you seem to know what to do so I am not certain how we can help because I understand you are stuck in your situation for various reasons, and you're not a silly person you know fully well what the deal is.

The problem is, as I see it (or one of them anyway) is that BECAUSE you have forgiven so much he feels he can keep doing it (for whatever reasons - who knows) - because well you've gone back and forgiven him and whatever else. The whole excuse of not wanting the 2 hour talk about it just shows he  damn well knows what he's doing, and that it's wrong, but hey guess what he doesn't care.

What's worse is that  he's clearly such a crap liar that you've found him out several times and yet he keeps doing it - umm.. duh?!!!

you have nailed it that you have no trust and no communication and frankly that does mean no *real* relationship. who knows what else is going on that's bad for you or your son (eg: money issues and stuff that I know you have aluded to before).

I think if you stay, he'll continue to take advantage of that and do as he pleases (and even if he's not cheating with the ex, or whatever his reasons are to talkt o her still) it kind of doesn't matter because the issue I think is that he can't even be honest with you about it. Let's say he's just talking to the crazy drama ex because he feels he can't talk to you - as in he feels closer emotionally to her (I am NOT saying he is or does, this is an example only) - you'd think the right thing to do would be to attempt to explore a solution to that issue - like gee why do I not feel like I can talk to you? Why, despite everything, do I need to seek an ex like that for emotional comfort/support/whatever. Again I am not trying to suggest this is what he's doing or thinking!!! I have no clue (remember, I'm male!)

I know you have so many different priorities and problems/issues to deal with that make it hard to know what to do and what is best.. all i can offer is the humble advice to be TRUE TO YOU.

I'm reminded of that old saying "Fool me once - shame on you. Fool me twice - shame on ME" - and not saying you should feel shame or bad for this, but there is wisdom in those words - which you yourself understand from your own post(so this is not news).

if you do NOTHING this will just continue and you'll be miserable. What action to take (if any?) well that's the million dollar question, and I don't have that kind of cash alas...

just my 2 cents

And Richard, yes, as you may have seen by my post on FB, i am the fool in this. And I told him I felt that way too, but this is the last time I play the fool. That I am sure of.
And without trust im afraid it will go no where... but i am willing to try one last time. maybe he will do something to redeem himself... no idea what that is.

I'd have to say, GLM, that from everything I've read, it's time to drop this boyfriend. As I think Richard said, you've told him what your dealbreakers are, yet he persists in doing whatever he wants. His happiness and not yours is his primary concern. If it's just not practical to leave at the moment then I would do my best to detach emotionally. Expect nothing from him and you won't have to drown in disappointment. I see you setting yourself up to be a lifelong doormat if you don't stand your ground.

Never an easy move to make, but you've said yourself, you know it's what you should do. The way I see it, it's either now(ish) or down the line after you've wasted years of your life on a dead end. Years that could have been spent with the right partner for you.

Good luck, sweetheart!

Sadly, this is the best relationship i have ever had.... i thought i was done being a doormat, but i guess that never truly goes away? at least he isnt physically abusive... and i havent had one of those idiots in a while! So I am doing better! haha

I am stuck here no matter what, until may, due to the lease. And I even told him if we decided on just friends we would have to stay until then.
I dont want things to go sour, id rather have him as a friend, than an enemy.

While I already know that this is going to be a complete waste of my eneregy, he has asked for one last try...
I am very hesitant, because im already pretty sure of the outome, and im pretty sure i know that as soon as the lease is up, it will be done. Maybe I could be wrong, and this actually opened his eyes, but i highly doubt it...
Iasked him if we would be better as friends, had a "2 hr convo" about it and after talking with him, i think im even more confused about him than i was, but at the end he said he wants to try one more time. I feel like I would be giving up if i didnt give him that.

One thing I know for sure, it isnt going to be me investing my energy trying so hard this time. its his turn to show me.



So He is asking for this chance, and said "itll be different"
I said, "you said that last time. You say that everytime.... what makes this time different from the last 5?" He said that he knows now how it truly effects me (like i didnt make it obvious the 1st time??) So i do think it is all talk, but why be with me if thats the case? what is to gain? He straight up said, either friends or lovers he doesnt care either way. So why? He says he doesnt think he is capable of romantic love. He says he is an army brat so people come in and out of his life all the time, and it doesnt bother him at all. confusing right? He says he is too selfish, and wants what he wants too much to be in a relationship. So I asked him last night, this last time he broke up with me, why did he take it back? He said because he felt quilty that i uprooted to be with him... Is that the only reason you took it back? No, I do love you....
I know for a fact that sometimes love isnt enough...

And here on the other hand i feel like I am being selfish asking him not to talk to her, asking him to be just a little bit more romantic on occasion...

They say love is blind, and i believe that. I have managed to do all these things for him, and forget to be true to myself in the long run. I uprooted my son and i for him, which was against my natural judgement... I have learned from this... Nothing is worth that much change! not even "love"

Here's to the fool, the giver of too many chances, the hope that maybe if i were anyone else......
 

[lmunchkin]

I would rather someone beat the day lights out of me than to Verbally abuse me.  I would DUMP him now!  Thats me!

lmunchkin

[RichardMEL]

This is so very difficult and I think this is the main cause of the confusion for you I think anyway.

I mean you KNOW it's all talk (and while somewhere inside he may have good intentions - how would I know he didn't come to Vegas so we never met him..) but whatever.. he's done it before to you, and to previous ex's... so there's a pattrn. My question is what is HE hanging on for? The feeling that he doesn't wnat to "lose" even if he doesn't really want the prize (you)? I don't know. men are weird. strike that - PEOPLE can be weird.

I note the comment you made about maybe being in the wrong to ask him to stop talking to the ex or be more romantic.. I say this is not the point. *I* think the point is that YOU are unhappy and uncomfortable. You say you feel alone when he's there because you have no support and no real relationship with him it seems, and probably feel at ease with him there because of whatever. To me the fact that you ask him to do something like not talk to the ex because she's trouble etc and he LIES to you shows he does not RESPECT you. That's wrong. He claims he sees how it affects you but clearly he doesn't because he's missing the core points I think. It doesn't MATTER if he thinks it's nothing to text the ex when she does, or whatever... he's not respecting your wishes by doing it AND LYING ABOUT IT.

I honestly don't know why you are giving him yet another chance. I get you can'e get out till May, but I think maybe you should have said we're just friends that's it. No benefits. just friends who share a place. Heck might even make him FIGHT for you if it's really that important to him to keep you as a partner rather than a doormat. Right now, in my view, you've demonstrated that whatever he does you'll keep giving him chances - so the message to him is "yep, doesn't matter" - actions should have consequences specially when it's very clear what's going on is hurting you.

Sorry I just feel like I'm ripping into you GLM and I really don't want to be doing that but it kind of frustrates me as an outsider that you're stuck in this sisutatiion for various reasons, but have let it go on time and time again when you really fully well know what the real deal is (sadly).

hey miracles could happen maybe he really WILL make the right effort (but even if he does for a little while, what about long term? can a Leopard change its spots? unlikely).

sorry

[RichardMEL]

Besides, if he's not a kidney match, who needs him?!         

FINALLY I know why my love life is a disaster.. I have crap kidneys (plus a 3rd which is non transferable!) and thus I have no chance with anyone.

time to don the robes and become a monk.....