Please help my friend, this father get custody of his son!

[angieskidney]

Please, anyone, if you can, if you are able to, could you please help this father afford everything it takes to fight for custody of his son!
I know a LOT of you have children so you understand the love of a parent for their child. What his son is going through breaks my heart!
This man is a very good friend of Sandman and I! Oliver has been there for me a LOT! 

Anyway, if you can, it is much appreciated!


http://www.dirrrtydog.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=5

Good day people.

This is but a humble request from a father reaching out to the world. I know that a lot of you don't know me, which is why I will write out this message as explicit as possible.

Who am I?
I'm a 32 years old father who's working as a shipper in a stainless steel warehouse. I've had a son 9 years ago with a woman (obviously) who currently has custody of my son. In 2002, there was a Canadian Superior Court ruling granting custody of my son to his mother, not because I was not fit to have him with me, not because I am an abusive father, but for multiple reasons such as the schedule I had at the time, which would have prevented me from taking care of my son at night. This was the reason that I did not fight the ruling.

That ruling specified that I had to pay alimony (340$/month) to my son's mother FOR my son, which I always have, granting me access rights of 3 week-ends out of 4 (72 days out of the year - not including Friday nights) and one week during the summer, plus any other day(s) upon both parties agreeing.

5 years later (today), I received a notice from the court that I am to appear to have this judgment revised, for less access rights (2 week-ends out of 4 - for a total of 48 days in the year not including Friday nights), and more money out of my pocket for alimony. I can't accept this, so I am fighting back. I am trying for full custody of my son.


In the last 5 years:
My son has told me many things about what happens at home, and I have witnessed many myself. One of the things that my son told me is that his mother has had to call the police twice on her boyfriend, once while being locked up in the bathroom with my son and her other 2 kids. Another time, my son called me saying that her boyfriend didn't want him at his place on week-ends. A few minutes after that call, his mother called me, asking me to go and pick up my son because he (the boyfriend) was going to send my son by cab to where she was working. When I got there to pick up my son (one very rainy and cold afternoon of October 2005), my son was standing in the rain in shorts, t-shirt and sandals. I learned that week-end that the man she is seeing is depressive and takes medication to control this. Obviously, something was wrong that day.


In the last week
I have taken steps to get custody of my son, and in my lawyer's best estimates, it will cost me about 5000$ in legal fees, and this does not even guarantee that I will get custody. Amongst the steps that I will have to take to hopefully win my case, I will have to get a full psychological analysis of myself, my girlfriend, my son's mother and her boyfriend AND my son. This step alone, will be costing me at least 2400$ (which is the cheapest that I have found after calling about 20 psychologists). I have missed 4 days of work to get this "attack" set up, and thankfully, my employer will be paying me those days, but I just do not see how I can afford this.


I am humbly asking to whoever this story has touched, to whoever has been moved the slightest bit by what you have read to please, please donate whatever little money you can spare.

Please go to this link and click the donate button!
www.dirrrtydog.com

[kitkatz]

Ummm....I have my own money worries without having to get involved in this one.  How about if I posted a plea to help me pay off my credit cards or pay my bills? This guy is just going to have to do what the rest of us do, bite the bullet and just DO it!

[angela515]

I agree with kitkatz. In fact, I'm actually going through my own custody/child support battle.. and I must represent myself as I cannot afford a lawyer. Many parents must represent themselves in these cases, and do just fine without a lawyer. All lawyers do is get paid to say the same thing you could of told the judge yourself, I know as I have had one before for the first part of my custody battle.

[Sluff]

I wish I could help. I have no money but I feel for this Father cause I have been there. I had no help either but When I met my wife I was taken more seriously in the court system because she is a paralegal, I can attest that if it weren't for her my Son probably never would have came to live with me. The courts wouldn't listen to me alone.

[angieskidney]

I wish I could help. I have no money but I feel for this Father cause I have been there. I had no help either but When I met my wife I was taken more seriously in the court system because she is a paralegal, I can attest that if it weren't for her my Son probably never would have came to live with me. The courts wouldn't listen to me alone.

Yeah Sluff, I really feel for you fathers. I don't have kids myself but this guy is a friend of mine who searched and called hospitals when I "disappeared" off the net when I got really sick in 2005 (we didn't think of the great idea that Epoman and Rerun have about giving address and phone number incase of emergency). He is always asking how I am and helped Sandman build me a computer, so I thought the least I can do is post. No one has to do anything, but this is just something I thought I would put out here. WE all have our money trouble though so if no one can do anything, that is okay. But even a kind word to him is helpful. If Epoman doesn't mind he might even sign up here. Just don't know since he is just a friend but isn't effected by Kidney Disease himself. But that is why this is in off-topic.

Any advice for him Sluff?

[angela515]

Well, now they are using "Fathers Rights" alot more and are listening to fathers, unfortunately for me as I am a mother. However for me im not worried about the father getting my kids infact I plan on taking his visitations away and making him have to come here to see them, if I cant thats fine, just as long as he dont get what hes trying to get now.

[sandman]

Olivier was not asking that you simply give money to his cause, he is only asking for sympathy from those whom would understand his position.  You don't have to offer any money.  A sympathetic response would be good enough but any donations would not be refused.  You know, being that there are mothers and fathers here, I would have at least expected more replies as like sluff made.

[angela515]

Well I posted the fact that lawyers are not needed to win, they are just basically saying what you tell them and could easily be said by you yourself. I also mentioned the "Fathers Rights" thing, and how most courts are for them now and that helps fathers too.... I have offered words of advice. Im going through my own custody battle and I know what hes going through (kinda) since im the mother and dont want the father in this situation to get custody. Hope it goes well... if he has any questions I would love to help.

[kitkatz]

Okay then I can post my own needs and wants as a cry for help on the net.  Come on folks, we all have our times of dread and hard times. I am going to need 12,000 dollars in order to survive the three months I will need to recover from transplant.  Shall I ask the world for money?

[sandman]

Okay then I can post my own needs and wants as a cry for help on the net.  Come on folks, we all have our times of dread and hard times. I am going to need 12,000 dollars in order to survive the three months I will need to recover from transplant.  Shall I ask the world for money?

Asking for help is your own prerogative, if you feel you need help and don't know where to turn.  Just like you and I and everyone else here depend on each other for help but usually just on a lesser scale.  We come here to ask questions we don't know the answers to.  We come here looking for sound advice.  And we come here for a sympathetic ear as it were, when we just want someone who understands, to listen.  It all boils down to who and how you ask for help.  Tell me that simply asking for a sympathetic ear here when your in a state of dispare is NOT a form of a cry for help on the net and I will never bring this up again.  I only hope your willing to explain your answer if you answer "it is not".

[kitkatz]

But he was asking for a donation to help with his custody battle.  It was a cry for help on the net. Let's be honest here.  He was asking people to help him out.  It is a plea for monetary assistance.  It is a good idea because people will help him becasue we care about each other on this planet.  If prayers and good wishes were wanted, then that is what should have been said in the FIRST place.  The primary motive was cold, hard cash as fast as he could get it to help his cause. Not a abd motive.  If he wanted sympathy a father's group would have been a better place to go.
     You made a choice to post this plea on a site where there are people in dire monetary straits already, or are facing possible monetary problems in the future, so do not get upset when we turn you down or tell you off.

[brenda]

Angie, I defiantly think your heart is in the right place. But seriously, how many dialysis patient seem to have a lot of money. I know I was financially devastated for the first several years of dialysis. Not being able to work as much. Most patient in our center live on their pension or AISH, they don't even work.

I feel for him, but other that encouragement for him I can't do anything. And I didn't really appreciate this tread. He must have family how can help him. 

[okarol]

Angie, Maybe your friend can post a plea on http://help.com/ - it may get him some support.

Okay then I can post my own needs and wants as a cry for help on the net.  Come on folks, we all have our times of dread and hard times. I am going to need 12,000 dollars in order to survive the three months I will need to recover from transplant.  Shall I ask the world for money?

When we went to California Pacific hospital in San Francisco the transplant coordinator gave a presentation in which she covered the topic of fundraising, and how important it was. I was confused, figuring that between medicare and private insurance, most of the expenses would be covered. I knew there could be a co-pay. What I didn't consider was the salary that people who worked would lose. Short term disability doesn't pay much. Also, some of the medications are not covered by insurance. Then there is the lodging cost if you transplant away from home. Even more expenses if you bring in a living donor, there is lodging, rental car, and air fare possibly. And the surgical cost is more, 2 transplant teams, double hospital bill, etc.
FYI: The National Transplant Assistance Fund (NTAF) is a private, non-profit 501 (c) (3) charitable organization. NTAF has more than 23 years experience empowering patients and communities to raise funds to cover uninsured medical expenses related to transplantation and catastrophic injury. NTAF staff will be by your side every step of the way – through the process of raising funds in the community, and also through the process of applying for financial assistance. NTAF is your partner in financing transplantation and recovery. http://www.transplantfund.org/

[Sluff]

The first thing Oliver wants to do is try and spend as much time as he is allowed with his son.

Second petition the court after researching the necessary motions, so he knows them inside and out. Always concentrate on and speak only for the good of his son. Tell him to not go into court using the word I,  absolutely do not run her down, only bring to light the situations at hand, because all they are concerned with is the children.

What will probably happen first will be mediation, and if that doesn't work then, a GAL(guardian Ad Litem) will be appointed. GAL is an attorney for his son. Unfortunately this cost big bucks however she will have to pay half also.

Always act mature and respectable no matter how angry he might get he needs to hide the anger and stay professional. His every move is being monitored.

The GAL will ask his son where he would rather live. Kids are usually honest when the parents are not in the room.

Remember the GAL's first priority is to get as close as normal relationship with BOTH parents.  GAL reports to the court and their recomendation is practically gospel, so the person who he needs to impress the most is the GAL.

I Hope this helps a little. This is how it works here in Wisconsin. Been there done that.

[sandman]

But he was asking for a donation to help with his custody battle.  It was a cry for help on the net. Let's be honest here.  He was asking people to help him out.  It is a plea for monetary assistance.  It is a good idea because people will help him becasue we care about each other on this planet.  If prayers and good wishes were wanted, then that is what should have been said in the FIRST place.  The primary motive was cold, hard cash as fast as he could get it to help his cause. Not a abd motive.  If he wanted sympathy a father's group would have been a better place to go.
     You made a choice to post this plea on a site where there are people in dire monetary straits already, or are facing possible monetary problems in the future, so do not get upset when we turn you down or tell you off.

I have to agree with you there.  This place may not have been the best place for a post like that. 

[angieskidney]

I want to thank Sluff and Karol and I want to ask Sluff if I can quote you on Oli's forum or invite you to give him advice there yourself.

And I understand what Kitkatz is saying. I had also posted this on KF and the admin there deleted it. I just wanted to help my friend and didn't know a better way. It is already posted on Sandman's gaming forum. But yeah, we don't have money and that is his main worry is how he will ever be able to pay for this.

Also I am interested in what was said about not needing a lawyer. He would need more advice on how to go that route but that is a good idea.

[Sluff]

I want to thank Sluff and Karol and I want to ask Sluff if I can quote you on Oli's forum or invite you to give him advice there yourself.

And I understand what Kitkatz is saying. I had also posted this on KF and the admin there deleted it. I just wanted to help my friend and didn't know a better way. It is already posted on Sandman's gaming forum. But yeah, we don't have money and that is his main worry is how he will ever be able to pay for this.

Also I am interested in what was said about not needing a lawyer. He would need more advice on how to go that route but that is a good idea.

Angie you post my response to your friends site if it will help him. My text only. Hope it helps.

[angieskidney]

I want to thank Sluff and Karol and I want to ask Sluff if I can quote you on Oli's forum or invite you to give him advice there yourself.

And I understand what Kitkatz is saying. I had also posted this on KF and the admin there deleted it. I just wanted to help my friend and didn't know a better way. It is already posted on Sandman's gaming forum. But yeah, we don't have money and that is his main worry is how he will ever be able to pay for this.

Also I am interested in what was said about not needing a lawyer. He would need more advice on how to go that route but that is a good idea.

Angie you post my response to your friends site if it will help him. My text only. Hope it helps.

Okay thanx Sluff!  If you want to see it here it is: LINK

[livecam]

I've always had a problem with online and other appeals for money.  Just like I wouldn't send money to a politician, a television preacher, or anyone else I didn't know closely, I'd be hard pressed to do it here.  I'm sure this person has family and close friends that might be able to help. Legal aid is another possibility if the person can't afford to pay. $5000 isn't a great deal of money so a bank loan should work too.  I remember a room once on another service that was titled something like "help a family in need", you could enter that room and be pounced on immediately for $$$.  Like everyone else I realize that it doesn't grow on trees.  What is made here stays here. Anyway just my two cents but this one is way off topic

[Joe Paul]

I've always had a problem with online and other appeals for money.  Just like I wouldn't send money to a politician, a television preacher, or anyone else I didn't know closely, I'd be hard pressed to do it here.  I'm sure this person has family and close friends that might be able to help. Legal aid is another possibility if the person can't afford to pay. $5000 isn't a great deal of money so a bank loan should work too.  I remember a room once on another service that was titled something like "help a family in need", you could enter that room and be pounced on immediately for $$$.  Like everyone else I realize that it doesn't grow on trees.  What is made here stays here. Anyway just my two cents but this one is way off topic

Legal aid, so far as I know is mainly defensive. In this case he would be the Plaintiff.

[angela515]

Joe, legal aid is for either party. At least in the state I am in and my case is in.

[Joe Paul]

Joe, legal aid is for either party. At least in the state I am in and my case is in.

Thanks Angela, its been many years since I fought a custody case, 1979 to be exact.

[paris]

My daughter is a single mom of 2 little ones. Her ex is a police officer, working in a gang crime unit. He was extremely abusive - physically and verbally - police were called several times. He was running around having affairs; all which she has written proof of in his handwriting.  He receives free representation thru the police department. My daughter had to pay $2500 for the orginal divorce agreement.  Now he wants to cut child support in half (your friends amount he pays seems low)  and have joint custady.  In the meantime, he has had a live in girlfriend.  The police have been called numerous times to the house (which he was suppose to sell and half of the equity paid to my daughter) and the g-friend has DUI's and suspended liscense.  Now my daughter has had to come up with $3000 for lawyers fees to take him to court to enforce all the parts of the divorce degree that he has violated.  She works hard and is being successful in her career. We all help with the kids, but she is very independent and tries to do it on her own. She didn't have the $3000, so she got a credit card. She would do anything to protect her children and give them a good life.  Your friend needs to re-evaluate and decide what he can do on his own.  There will always be one more problem and I think we have all learned that first we need to fix things ourself.     That being said, I hope your friend can find a balance with everthing  - the most important thing is to keep being there for the child.  I was raised by a single mom of 5 and had little contact with my dad, so I do understand the importance of a Father in the childs life.

[angieskidney]

Epoman just told me he approved my friend who this is about just signed up as DirrrtyDog.
I just want to let everyone know that he is his own person and please don't hold me responsible for anything he posts. Thx

Be gentle! lol

[goofynina]

If he cant afford the $5,000.00 in legal fees, what if he cant afford to raise his kid after he gets him,  it's gonna be a whole helluvalot more than that..