Pip pip! Moving to England and have questions

[Poppylicious]

Poppy I loved this, my grandson goes to one of these along with thousands of others. What are we like. God help the country.

Thank goodness for Eton and its ability to churn out Future Leaders, eh?! Where would we be without it?

 

[cariad]

Thanks for clarifying, Poppy. I think I took away from it that these schools are not (generally) going to make enough of a difference to justify the cost, unless the name is really important to you. It's not to us. We have no intention of pushing OxBridge on the boys unless there's a damn good reason for them to want to go to one of those schools. My husband did not go to either - those are not top level unis for his field anyway, so he did not even apply. Having the OxBridge acceptances quoted at us when it looks like my kids are interested in architecture and veterinary medicine just comes off as pointless, and somewhat antiquated, bragging. My kids are both phenomenal test-takers, but I want them to be more than that. They were born with that skill, which I also have, and that I always knew was a crap measure of intelligence.

Anyhow, I toured the local comprehensive for Dyl and all I can say after being led round the building and grounds by two of the most adorable and articulate year sixers in the country is Whatever it takes, Dyl must go there. They suggested I try to move him now because we are well outside the catchment and most parents will decline a mid-year move. It will be awkward explaining this to his current school, especially as we are leaving Aidan there, but never mind, Gwyn and I will handle it.

[amanda100wilson]

Where is the difference between English comprehensive and American Middle school?  my son is in sixth grade here in the U S and there are about 32 kids per class

[cariad]

Huh! That's odd. I had originally planned on posting a few pics of Aidan at a rugby tournament he played for his school but the site told me that the files were too large so I reposted just the text but it appears to have decided to post one of the four photos I had planned to share.

Amanda, I think it's difficult to compare schools since both countries operate on the district level, so schools will vary greatly on a national level. There is always that one public school that everyone knows is the best in the area, and those that should really be shut down. In America, at least in the urban areas, you have the added stress of worrying that your child will be assaulted since violence is a much, much bigger problem there.

[cariad]

It's half-term and Gwyn took the day off and we all went to the Monkey Forest in Stoke-on-Trent. 140 free-ranging Barbary macaques. We have the boys doing this 50 Things to Do Before You're 11 3/4 that the National Trust has brought out, and we counted today toward "Track a wild animal" (#34). As Aidan told the man when we bought our National Trust pass, "I'm already 10" and the man was great - he gasped and replied "Then you better run! You don't have a moment to lose!"

[cariad]

We just purchased our big Christmas present to the boys: tickets to see Matilda in the West End New Year's Day. It's been receiving rave reviews, the set is an absolute stunner, and Tim Minchin wrote the score! It will be Dyl's first West End show and Aidan's second.

Of course, feel a little queasy over the £250 price tag (!!!!) but I'd much rather spend on this than more clutter for this overstuffed house.

We were going to see if we could go with our friends who are in town from America next week. Gwyn's conversation with the box office began like this; "Now don't laugh, but there are nine of us who'd like to see the show next Saturday...." She did go to the trouble of checking.

[willowtreewren]

I love the picture of Aiden! 

And Matilda? WOW! Tim Minchin is one of my favorites. Saw him in DC in March right before I got ill.

That sounds like a lovely gift. 

Aleta

[cariad]

Thanks Aleta! I remember you saying you got to see him, at a rationalist event no less! How fun! I wish he were in the show, but I'm sure the songs will be brilliant.

We went trick or treating last night - to 3 houses, and only two of them had candy but we knew this would not be like America. We only knocked on doors on the way to our local castle for Halloween festivities. There were six boys in our group and five parents, and we brought candy of our own to give to the kids, as did another parent, so the kids were happy. The 3-year-old was so wiped out at the end and his father couldn't make it so when he fell asleep Gwyn and another dad took turns carrying him all the way home. Dyl went as Dracula and Aidan went as a skeleton - Gwyn and I wore silly hats to get in the spirit. I'll post a pic when I get the chance.

[cariad]

I have some good news about my kids at least: Aidan is part of a choral group that is practicing every week to sing at the Royal Albert Hall next year. Dyl was too young by a year, but singing - music in general - is one of his true joys so we asked the vocal coach if Dyl could join and he said yes and so far it seems he is doing just wonderfully. He has not got into any trouble for not paying attention or talking or any of the usual behaviours that I see him get scolded for. Aidan auditioned for a solo last week and we will find out if he got it in the next week or two. I am so proud of him - singing is not Aidan's customary realm but he still accepted this challenge and did it. I told him that I don't really care if he gets it or not, it is just the bravery to try that I admire.

There will be 1500 kids performing the songs from a famous musical, and if you thought of the most perfect musical for English schoolchildren to sing - Oliver or The Sound of Music or similar - you would then only have to think of its polar opposite to come up with what these kids are singing. Go on, guess....

That's right, West Side Story.

You have not truly lived until you've heard Boy, boy, crazy boy, get cool boy, got a rocket in your pocket, keep cooly cool boy sung in a proper little English accent. It is something else.

I am so excited that I'll get to see both my boys singing on such a spectacularly renowned stage.

[willowtreewren]

How are things going now that it has turned into December?

I think of you often.

Aleta

[cariad]

Things have been great even with the numerous challenges we still face, thanks for asking, Aleta. On a train to London to see Matilda tonight! Cannot wait!

[okarol]

  Hope you had a great time! Happy New Year!

[cariad]

We've seen Matilda!

We decided to spend the night in London after the show. We opted for our posh attire for the theatre which made it that much more fun, but we took public transport back and I walked down Convent Garden's 193 steps on the curly, endless staircase - in heels - and had no idea that it would mean I would barely be able to walk the next day. My legs feel like they can barely support my weight.

My capsule review: WOW!!!! This was 10 times the dazzle I was expecting. I really enjoyed it and Dyl was mesmerized. It was both more impressive and weaker than I thought it would be, but in all I would not have missed sharing this experience with Gwyn and the boys for the world.

I would have to give Tim Minchin and whoever wrote the script lower marks than the rest of the company. I wasn't disappointed, but I think I was expecting too much. I was not familiar with the story before seeing the show, so I don't know how closely they stuck to the original. Gwyn and I agreed that the tunes were very, very Tim Minchin and there is nothing wrong with that, it's just that musically his songs are a bit simple and tend to all sound similar after awhile. His lyrics on the other hand were almost universally superb. I detected one of his quirks, though, that annoys me a bit, but it was a very short portion of the play: he has a tendency to try to demystify and jab at anything that people find romantic, miraculous, or transcendent. I thought I was cynical, but after hearing the song he wrote about the mathematical impossibility of finding his one and only soulmate (not from the show, one of his earlier pieces) I realised I have a long way to go to match that level of cynicism. (Bizarrely, if I am not mistaken, he is now playing the title role in Jesus Christ Superstar. On our way down to the underground, I saw his face with unmistakable hair and eye make-up peering out from one of their posters. Is there an odder choice? Gwyn and I say no....)

The kids in the show - and there were easily a dozen of them - blew me away. They were polished, relentlessly professional and very talented, which I have found is not always the case, even on Broadway. It was quite breathtaking. The girl who played Matilda was jaw-droppingly focused and the boy who played Bruce had a sophisticated set of pipes on him.

The whole evening was a surprising, over-achieving spectacle from start to finish. Technically it was both complicated and flawless. The choreography was in a style that was brand new to me - both precisely synchronized and quite jagged, almost messy. It fit the tone of the show perfectly. Some of the more visually stunning moments involved amazing physicality from the actors - the villain spinning a girl by her braids and chucking her off into the audience, the kids dancing at the school gates as alphabet blocks are shoved through the irregularly sized gaps, which they then climbed upon in order to dance some more, and a number performed on (and with) swings that had the sweet and peaceful mood of the ballet.
The villain stole the show, as all great villains will. The message in the end was lovely - that kids are meant to be a bit naughty. I'd have to say that was my favourite song - the closing theme, reveling in being 'revolting children' and dancing like a pack of updated Johnny Rottens. (See for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTIvRSyFDQU These are different children but the number is identical.)

The whole theatre was geared toward children which I really appreciated. Inflatable booster seats were given out to all who wanted them. I asked the barmaid if anyone had spilled drinks inside the hall, or would my kids be the first, and she said "We spend our lives here cleaning up after children." It put me at ease. We let the boys have Glitter Berry J2Os whilst Gwyn and I opted for a beer and a wine. After the interval the ushers wore trays round their necks filled with slushies, so of course we had to buy two of those, plus a packet of Malteasers for Dyl and a packet of Unbearables for Aidan. They could have charged us any silly sum for those - I just wanted this to be an indulgence like none other. I still remember my first Broadway show and I hope they remember this for a lifetime and remember how their parents wouldn't find any price too high for that feeling of joy.

Pics below. In front of the theatre, on the underground, and in the hotel after having a laugh....

[cariad]

Right! Now I'm frustrated.

My American friend (from Detroit) and I went to meet the new American (from Houston) in town last Tuesday. I drove. That was traumatizing enough in itself. When we first got in the car, my Detroit friend announced that her husband has said he wants a divorce. Jesus. I offered to call the Houstonian (Houstonite? Houstoner? Texan? Texan!) and tell her we wouldn't be able to make it, but Detroit friend wanted to press on.

Once we made it to the Texan's area alive, we sat in the car for 45 minutes talking about what on earth was going on with her marriage. Then we spent about 90 minutes with the Texan and her 3 kids.

What has me so shouting mad is that we once again got back to the subject of visas. I said that we have our plane tickets, I'm going back and that is just the easiest, most certain way to get on with life. The Texan said she was really concerned about what I had told her - essentially she does not exist in this country and if she were to try to leave via an airport, everything I know says she would be banned from re-entering the country. (She came over here with her Irish husband via ferry from Ireland where they had been living for the past 6 years.) I have taken the ferry from Holyhead to Dublin and back (without my passport because I forgot it back at the flat) so I know that it is the one way in and out of this country where you could get away with entering with no visa or anything (although if you're unlucky they will pull you aside).

So, I suggested that if she can, she should exit the country by ferrying back to Ireland and then get her visa that way. Well!!! Guess what!!! She happened to mention as an aside that as the wife of an Irish citizen, she has automatic rights to an Irish (EU) passport. She did not get one because she said it was too expensive (1000 euros, about £800, a fraction of what I am paying for my stupid, revocable visa!) Detroit friend and I both told her to get that passport and be done with it!

When I first told Gwyn about the Texan and how she did not have a visa, he said "that's probably because her husband is Irish, the UK and Ireland have an agreement." My response: "Gwyn, would you listen to yourself? You're Welsh! Surely your family should take priority in YOUR OWN DAMN COUNTRY." To which he replied: "Oh, yeah. That's right." So, an Irishman's wife is welcomed into the UK because she is married to him, I am sent back to the US at huge expense because I stupidly wanted to live in the country of my husband's birth, the country of my sons' ancestors.

I am not the type of person to resent immigrants, nor cry and scream about the injustice of immigrants' rights being of greater concern than natural citizens, but this is surely taking the piss here. I am now resolved to introduce myself to my local MP via a letter of complaint on this very backward system. I'm told the MP is Tory. Great. Just great.

[cassandra]

Sorry Cariad, but who do you mean with immigrants, and natural citizens? I thought you are an 'immigrant' who applied for the wrong visa, who is married to a Welshman, and ,I suppose, is the 'natural citizen'?

Maybe the MP is really nice.   

Take care darling, to me it sounds as if you are really settling in   

Love, Cas

[cariad]

Sorry Cariad, but who do you mean with immigrants, and natural citizens? I thought you are an 'immigrant' who applied for the wrong visa, who is married to a Welshman, and ,I suppose, is the 'natural citizen'?

Maybe the MP is really nice.   

Take care darling, to me it sounds as if you are really settling in   

Love, Cas

Not sure what I meant with the word 'natural' either. Chalk it up to being really tired, stressed, scared and fed-up I suppose. You've got the situation straight, except for the part about applying for the wrong visa since I applied for no visa.  The Texan married to the Irishman applied for no visa either until she got to Ireland, then she applied for a work visa. She even worked 6 months past it's expiration and they just scolded her, then renewed it.

My main point was that my kids are British as is my husband. They do not have the right to live with me here until I go back to the US and wait for them to declare me worthy, which took 6 months for one acquaintance here. This is my husband's country, there is simply no way to argue that he is not being treated as if his rights are less important than the man from a completely different country. Gwyn is forced to pay much higher fees and is being put through more grief and risk to his income than someone who has contributed all of his tax up until the start of this year to ANOTHER COUNTRY. In the US, there are some recent state laws that are truly bizarre toward immigrants, but whether or not an applicant receives a green card or citizenship is done entirely at the national level, and therefore it makes little difference if you are a New Yorker or a Californian. The EU operates somewhat like the United States of Europe, but then Britain has it set up so that they are penalizing their own citizens. I know another member on here has an Italian passport because if you can claim Italian heritage, you can get a passport and so can your spouse, if I remember correctly you do not even have to ever step upon Italian soil! So this member and spouse could move here as an EU citizen and get a job and come and go as they please while my husband cannot do the same with his family. I cannot be the only one who finds this *BONKERS*. My husband's employers are terrified he's going to get ticked off and just move back to America because who needs this? What is to be gained by putting us through all of this? The Welsh, my husband included, already feel that England sees them as fourth-rate citizens - this is doing nothing to ease that tension. Crikey, my kids are fluent in Welsh, I have done nothing but support them and urge them to embrace their British heritage. Do they think the Irishman is going to suddenly become pro-UK?  Maybe they should let Wales decide if I can stay? Because I speak enough Welsh to charm any of the nationalists there. 

The MP, well, my Aussie friend did not have such a great encounter with him when she asked for his help with her visa, but I tend to have better luck with Brits than most foreigners. I have no idea why.

When I mention visa issues to anyone here, I get the same response: a flood of acrimony directed at Indians, Pakistanis, or Muslims. I fear coming off sounding like that. I do not bear any bitterness toward my fellow immigrants, but I can now see more clearly why I've been subjected to some truly racist tirades and people are bewildered and annoyed when I try to suggest that I don't view these populations as packs of leeches. Still, the system is a mess, and keep in mind, I've seen the American system. I did not think it could get any stupider anywhere in the world, but behold! In the comparison, Americans really have no excuse for their immigrant-bashing. I'm starting to think that the Brits do.

(Wow, that was long. I guess I'm still wound up about this. Thank you, Cas, I am doing much better here and on balance very happy, despite the above spluttering. )

[Desert Dancer]

I know another member on here has an Italian passport because if you can claim Italian heritage, you can get a passport and so can your spouse, if I remember correctly you do not even have to ever step upon Italian soil! So this member and spouse could move here as an EU citizen and get a job and come and go as they please while my husband cannot do the same with his family. I cannot be the only one who finds this *BONKERS*.

Ah, that would be me though it wasn't quite so simple. Andy's citizenship was automatic on the day he was born and he's got his citizenship and passport (Italy's immigration laws operate on the principle of juris sanguinis - "by the right of blood" - which means any member of the Italian diaspora is automatically a citizen as long as no ancestor ever renounced their Italian citizenship or became naturalized somewhere else.) The process for Andy, then, merely involved recognition of his existing citizenship.

Me, on the other hand, I still have to request - and pay for - an FBI background check AND get letters from every county in which I've ever lived since age 18 saying I'm not some degenerate axe murderer. (Then pay to have them all translated AND have the various Secretaries of State attach an apostille to each and every one of them.) So there were/are a few hoops for me, as well.

I do agree it's completely bonkers, though. Your husband is a citizen as are your children and you're already THERE, for crying out loud. Are you supposed to just abandon your children and come back alone? Take them back to the States away from their dad and causing more upheaval in their lives?

Why isn't the company that brought him over there doing more to fight for you?

[cariad]

Wow, DD, that is more of an expensive ordeal than I thought. If it's something you really want for yourself, though, I hope you go for it. With all of my whinging, I am still so thrilled to be out of America. I feel like Indiana Jones after he narrowly escaped being crushed by the boulder. All the same, I adore America, but to me the country is like that friend whom you love but could never live with.

I do think the criteria for granting visas should be more uniform across the EU. The wife of an Irishman should not have easier access to live and work in the UK than I do. Today I spoke with the ex-UKBA agent that I've hired to handle all the tedium of this application, she said that a client who applied on February 8 just received a visa today. If my application goes that seamlessly, this whole episode will just be blood under the bridge in a month's time. Fingers crossed.

[cassandra]

Fingers crossed, lots of love Cas

[cariad]

Thanks, Cas!

My visa application is in, so now we wait. Yes, that means I'M BACK!!! The week's been a whirl. Gwyn was sent to France (with the car!!) just as we were trying to move house, so I spent all day every day packing, shuttling kids to their commitments, catching rides from friends when they offered. Then I drove us all down to Heathrow for our two nights in a hotel over the weekend (G was with us, just really tired so he slept). Next morning, loads of texts from Aussie friend imploring us to get to the Royal Albert on time. She had visions of us being locked out - that was not going to happen. Spent the afternoon with her and her husband and their younger son, watched the boys perform at the Hall, then since it was so amazing seeing them perform and it was also Mother's Day, we decided to just have a bite in London rather than eat at the mediocre hotel. We popped into a little chain called Wildwood. The boys wanted a proper burger and they said their's were fantastic. G had some exotic dead animal carcass, and I had wild mushroom pasta which was nice. Back at the hotel the boys went downstairs for a ridiculously-sized sundae and they offered me a complimentary glass of sparkling wine and a rose which I gratefully accepted.

Flight was actually pretty easy, roughest part was landing in LAX with no phone, no communication device and not seeing anyone I recognised. My father did eventually appear and drove us all back, doing errands all the way. Costco, Whole Foods, the usual haunts. It is just so gorgeous here, but I want to go home. I miss Gwyn and it is too emotionally charged around here. Saw my sibling yesterday - I don't want to talk to them, don't want my kids to know them. My kids don't seem to understand the relationships, so they call my sister "[cousin]'s mom" or "your sister". I don't think they realise there is a word for their relationship. I think my parents, especially my father, are trying to make up for all the years of abuse but my siblings would never address that and I am furious with some of them for their past and current behaviour. I don't know. I just prefer to not think about things that aggravate and sadden me, and here I am immersed in it all again.

[Desert Dancer]

I just prefer to not think about things that aggravate and sadden me, and here I am immersed in it all again.

Do you HAVE to stay with family (or in L.A.)? 'Cuz if not, I'll come and get you. 

[cariad]

I just prefer to not think about things that aggravate and sadden me, and here I am immersed in it all again.

Do you HAVE to stay with family (or in L.A.)? 'Cuz if not, I'll come and get you. 

Girl, is this an invitation? Because I checked flights and I can get to your little 'burgh and back again for about $150. I have to wave goodbye to my husband and kids at LAX April 5 (Friday) and then face 10 excruciating days on my own here. A weekend in Arizona would go a long way to restoring some sanity to my life (but not too much, I hope ).

Seriously, I've been back 4 days and I am already not on speaking terms with half the people here. How do they manage to sound reasonably normal when I am 5000 miles away?

[Desert Dancer]

I just prefer to not think about things that aggravate and sadden me, and here I am immersed in it all again.

Do you HAVE to stay with family (or in L.A.)? 'Cuz if not, I'll come and get you. 

Girl, is this an invitation? Because I checked flights and I can get to your little 'burgh and back again for about $150. I have to wave goodbye to my husband and kids at LAX April 5 (Friday) and then face 10 excruciating days on my own here. A weekend in Arizona would go a long way to restoring some sanity to my life (but not too much, I hope ).

Seriously, I've been back 4 days and I am already not on speaking terms with half the people here. How do they manage to sound reasonably normal when I am 5000 miles away?

Yes. Yes, it most definitely is an invitation. If you can fly your butt out here I'll pick you up at the airport, you can crash on our sleeper sofa and we can have an all around blast! 

[cariad]

Yes. Yes, it most definitely is an invitation. If you can fly your butt out here I'll pick you up at the airport, you can crash on our sleeper sofa and we can have an all around blast! 

Watch this space....

[Desert Dancer]

Yes. Yes, it most definitely is an invitation. If you can fly your butt out here I'll pick you up at the airport, you can crash on our sleeper sofa and we can have an all around blast! 

Watch this space....

Woo-HOO! Do you have my email address? Or PM me and I'll shoot you my phone number.