Pip pip! Moving to England and have questions

[cariad]

Hiya, Karol! 

It is 7:20 in the AM. Must go get ready and drag the boys out of bed. 8 hours ahead of CA, 6 hours ahead of Chicago.

Camara shy me, I'll have to see if there are any photos I could stand to post. It is supposed to be gorgeous this weekend and I would like to take the boys on a little adventure - thinking Stonehenge but not sure if they would be interested. I'll at least post pics of them if we take any and cheap computer bought out of desperation at Costco cooperates. (Hope to return this machine before 90 day policy runs out.)

Poppy, I think it's just a regular state run school, but still learning the system and still confused about what they offer vs. other schools we saw or read about. They have an annoying tendency to tell me about programs then hint that those are only for low-income families. I don't have the ability to manage hints righht now - just tell me straight because my interpretation skills are miserable at present!

Must run! Ta!

[Poppylicious]

I knew it was the other American from Michigan (which all the English teachers were pronouncing 'Mitch-i-gan' )

That must be a west country 'thing'.  I don't know anybody over here in the east who pronounces it like that.  I thought it was common knowledge that the ch was like that in Michelle rather than church ... it is isn't it? (Questioning myself now!)

Interesting about the Dylan pronunciation ... I shall be asking my nephews when I next see them, although because they live in South Wales most of the kids they know are actually English, like them!  So, they'll be no help ...

Blokey says that you should treat a roundabout as you would a junction when entering it.  I could never do roundabouts when I was learning (the fact I stalled on a big  one on my virgin roundabout experience probably helped put me off driving).  However, I know exactly how to use one, which is more than I can say for most drivers (but I can't explain it because I get my inside and outside lanes muddled up!)

[amanda100wilson]

a roundabout is not quite like a junction.  you only stop  before the rou dab out if there are cars coming from the right.  if the roundabout is clear, you should go.  the who.e idea of a roundabout is to keep traffic moving.

[Poppylicious]

a roundabout is not quite like a junction.  you only stop  before the rou dab out if there are cars coming from the right.  if the roundabout is clear, you should go.  the who.e idea of a roundabout is to keep traffic moving.

Well yes, obviously.  My understanding of him explaining it to me as thinking of it in junction terms is that you're going to turn left and just need to be sure nothing is coming from your right before you pull out onto the roundabout.  Oddly, despite being a non-driver and being fully aware that if I did drive I would be appalling at using roundabouts, I have an uncanny knack of spotting a driver who won't be able to use the roundabout properly (in the wrong lane, indicating incorrectly, shoddy lane control) before we even hit the roundabout.  It's like my special superhero power. 

[cariad]

I trust no one at roundabouts, it's my American cynicism. It takes me forever to cross the road standing at the side of one of them because I am perpetually thinking Turning left, eh? Yeah, I just bet you are! How many pedestrians have you mowed down so far, you big, li... oh, they've exited. Huh! Repeat with car behind them. Once long ago Gwyn took me through what I believe is referred to as the Magic Roundabout - that roundabout encircled by other roundabouts. I don't remember a thing about it, save the terror.

Rode the bus today - I think I was grossly overcharged because I could not accurately describe where I wanted to get off. It was also ridiculously late and I wish I had just walked. Oh well, I'll get the hang of it.

Everything in Britain seems a bit harder than America. It's like Los Angeles times one hundred, but I do believe this will all be worth it in the end, we just have to reach that stable place where we can start rebuilding everything that we've lost.

I have to get the boys haircuts today. I think I've found a place that is basic enough to not be too overpriced. Issues back in Milwaukee are massively stressing me out and I'm not sleeping well at night. Also, we have to find a school for Aidan for next year, and there's this 11+ exam that I am not sure he will do too well at given his very different academic background. My brother-in-law dropped by earlier in the week with his son who graduated from a comprehensive. He said there are potentially scholarships to independent schools but that his kids did not go to them and he did not either so therefore, my kids did not need to go to one. His son was sitting behind him the whole time shaking his head at me whenever his father claimed that his school was excellent. The teenager described it as 'rough'.

[cariad]

This has got to be some sort of cosmic joke. Yesterday I was shaking my fist at the entire country. If you are one of those types who is hardwired to defend your homeland and the Queen, please don't torture yourself by reading any of this.

I cannot, CANNOT, make any sense of the school that my children attend. There are two entrances. One you have to be buzzed in to go through and the Scottish lass in control of the button is a stickler for rules. I walked two miles to get there and the back entrance where I was apparently supposed to go is just a little further away and requires walking up a winding garden path. I am far too knackered for this (was carrying a giant cooler bag of snacks for the boys). So she won't let me in, tells me I can wait on the chair there. (Wait for what? She never did tell me.) Finally, when two other parents were let in via a parent on the other side, I grabbed the door and ran for it.  OOOOO, aren't I just so naughty? I went in the front door of my children's school!!! And it wasn't even go-in-the-front-door time! *giggle giggle giggle* (While I was sitting there I am reading numerous posters syaing how much they welcome visitors. Oh, please.) I asked to check in on my kids on the first day and the receptionist (who is normally very nice, this must be her ISSUE or something) said no. Listen, I know it's a different country, but schools that lack an open-door policy give me the creeps. I had to be buzzed through for every school I've ever sent my kids to, I think it's some sort of federal mandate, but to refuse to let you in at any time is liable to spark another McMartin (google it. It ruined innocent lives and created mass paranoia and wasted about a billion years of the court's time and resources.) I am not OK with this but I am not sure what to do.

So, I collect my children and Dyl forgets his backpack. Of course he does! Because I only said 'go get your backpack' once when clearly, if I had been serious about this request, I would have been willing to say it no less than five times.

I don't notice he is without his backpack until we have walked up a hill and are in the town square by the barber shop. Aidan offers to go back and get the backpack but it requires crossing a busy street and I tell him he's too young. I should have just said go for it, but he doesn't know this town yet and I was worried I would cause a bigger problem for myself when he could not find us again. The school has an afterschool program, so we go to the barber shop. This is the only thing that goes somewhat according to plan. They can see the boys immediately and the barber is really nice and consults with me often about what I want for the boys. The cuts only cost £9 each! I told Gwyn I would phone him from there and I do but he is not picking up. He is our ride, plus he needs a haircut himself. Finally I get through to him and he says he is in a meeting with his boss and his boss's boss. OMG! Why did you not pick up the first time to tell me this? I probably phoned a half dozen times, thinking there was something wrong with the phone or Gwyn had brilliantly lost his phone or broke it or whatever that man manages to do to derail the plans we make. While we're in there, the barber gets all of these walk-ins and phone-ins so Gwyn can't get a haircut anyway. We arrange to meet at the school where I intend on getting Dyl's bag. We go to the front door but no one is there to buzz us through. Finally, the custodian comes over looking like I have just woken him at 3AM and demanded entrance to his home. No idea why he considered it such an affront to civilization that I needed access to the school and I frankly do not care. DON'T WORK AT A SCHOOL IF YOU DO NOT LIKE DEALING WITH ISSUES THAT COME UP AT A SCHOOL. Sh!te, life doesn't need to be this stupid.

We get home and the owner of the home we are renting for a week is in the garage doing his laundry. Except, whoa, wait just a moment, I left laundry in there because this is part of what we are paying for, the use of this house. He took my laundry out. I had not started the laundry because I could not find our bleach alternative, but people, is this disturbing or what? It turns out their washing machine broke down in the middle of a cycle, so he just decided to finish off his laundry there. Without asking us. Without thinking maybe he should just wait until he can at least warn us of his intentions. He and Gwyn are in the garage discussing business things and I am with them trying to keep my mind from obsessing over him touching our dirty laundry. WHAT SORT OF COUNTRY IS THIS? Thankfully, Gwyn thinks it's odd, too. If the man weren't so nice and apparently so completely unaware of how inappropriate this was, I would have considered calling the cops.

Then we go inside and Gwyn says "hopefully I forgot to take my wallet to work today." Huh? This is his not-at-all-charming way of telling me that he could not find his wallet at work. He also could not find it in the house. He returns to work to look for it. He comes back after wasting a half hour in traffic saying that he could not get back into work. Oh, I am so not amused but have lost the ability to care. Without his wallet which contains our only British bank card that we only just managed to get after hacking through red tape for weeks, we cannot get me a mobile and I will continue to spend who-knows-how-long cut off from society.

Oh, and the owner of the house, he has some students who want to possibly rent this place and apparently they want to look at it today. He did ask us first, but this is again not exactly cool as this should be no different from a hotel room. I was going to leave the house while they were looking through it but I've decided no, I want to make sure they don't go through the drawers or closets so I am staying right here. This had better be quick.

Massive issues out of Milwaukee, too. Exacerbated by not having a phone since I could deal with many of them with a phone that makes international calls. Still not sleeping.

Oh, just about to post and see that Gwyn texted me (this phones are so old it is a major production to do this.) He found his wallet in the conference room at work. Relief.

[cassandra]

Oops, I can feel the stress, just reading this. Sorry honey, I hope you have something to wind you down, cos I do need a Diazepam now. Yes, I would just stay there while students are in your house, and yes probably the 'landlord' is a bit.....weird to say the least. Where are you staying after the week?

Forgot to ask, how did you get on with your temporary visa exchange?   

lots of strength, and love Cas

[cassandra]

Oh oh again, sorry hon, only just read your adventures concerning your visa, sorry for asking, good luck with that one too.

love Cas

[cariad]

Oh Cas, my dear, you are so sweet! Thanks for the support. As for winding down, I'd be lost without my nightly glass of vino.

Things are better, slowly coming around to normal. Only have my Nokia so cannot update much. G in Paris on business and I'm in the local dojo watching Aidan assisting the sensei and it's only his second class. He's brilliant at martial arts, hopes to have his adult black belt in 2 years. Dyl is a bit distracted and spacey but hoping these classes sort him out somewhat. A new friend has a visa loophole that i will try. She successfully got hers without having to return to Oz so I think it will work.

Won't have proper internet for weeks but will keep in touch. Love to all of you. xxoo

[okarol]

  Hi cariad!

[amanda100wilson]

your landlord is breaking the law by entering the property.  we had a renter default on the rent at our property that is rented out in the U K and were told that until we had taken him to court that we could not legally enter our own house.

[cariad]

I hate this computer! Wrote an update and it decided to shut itself down before I could post.

Today I have to go visit the school where we will probably send Aidan next year. Next Friday we meet with the head of the independent lower school (private school - which I was promised people would call 'public school' here but no one does.) Aidan will apply to their secondary school but I can only see sending him there if he gets a full scholarship since the local academy is supposed to be excellent and charges no tuition. He has to take an intense exam in January to see if the private school will offer us anything.

Very sick yesterday. Better today, just tired. Need to register with the GP across the road but probably have to wait until Gwyn and I can walk over there together. Aidan made the rugby team that competes in a tournament today, so will be off to that. We are so over scheduled. At least we have internet and a car I am allowed to drive. I told Gwyn that we should demand (as politely as possible) that his company pay for my visa. They have not agreed to that yet, but they are paying to send me to a consult with an immigration solicitor.

My American friend is driving me bonkers. It's a whole, involved story but she clearly has a shopping addiction. She is hiding debt from her husband which will catch up with her sooner or later and they have lost all of their savings but she still bought hundreds (if not thousands) of pounds worth of art at a gallery. As she was leaving there telling me she would never buy anything from anywhere but a charity shop again, she started telling me how she would like to buy a vase from the gallery because it would remind her of France.  But you'd be buying it in England? Huh? And do you need a £200 reminder of your trip to France? Don't you have photos? I almost lost it when she tried to convince me she needed a laminated alphabet poster because her child does not know his alphabet yet. £3 on something you could draw with him at home and he'd probably learn more? Thankfully she did not buy it.

Other than that, we have so many amazing similarities in common and she's a lovely person, I just see myself feeling obligated to do an intervention and I really resent being put in this position. She buys a coffee and muffin from the cafe every day! And she tries to get me to accompany her. I go once in a while, but it's £2 for a tea that I could make myself for pennies. She spends nearly £5 a day on this. Gwyn says she's lonely and I'm sure that's it, but she makes friends very easily and seems to have no shortage of people around her.

OK, let's see if I can upload this pickie of my little Dyl engaging in his morning ritual.

[billybags]

cariad, Are you settling down a bit more now? Are the boys OK at their schools?

[cariad]

Hey, Billy! Thanks for asking - yeah things are much calmer now. Aidan has decided he likes rugby and wants to carry on. People have been so welcoming here. We get lots of questions about how we're liking the city and I can honestly say I love it here. Even the crap weather days are not getting me down so much.

[cariad]

Is there a UK equivalent to urgent care? A walk-in facility that's a step down from A&E? 

[amanda100wilson]

not that I am aware of.

[billybags]

Yes, they are called "Walk in NHS"  We have three in Nottingham and I believe most cities have them. So if you can not get to see a GP and you really need to see a doctor "Walk in NHS,  if really serious A&E. There is also a national number where you can speak to a nurse the number is 08456064647 it is called Health Direct. They  put you on to a nurse who will advise you whether or not to seek medical attention. It is there 24/7. They will also tell you where your nearest Walk in is. Hope this helps.

[cassandra]

Some local hospitals also have a open GP centre.

Glad to hear you are settling in a bit.

love Cas

[cariad]

Thanks, you two! I am now registered with my local GP and seem to be mostly improved - still spiking fevers every night and getting massive headaches, but bigger issues to attend to at the moment.

Gwyn and I had a looooong day yesterday. I was left feeling shaken. We have to find a school for Aidan next year. His current school is OK, but it does not go past his year and I think we could do better by Dyl as well.

Last week we toured an independent school and were not overly impressed. For the fees that they charge, I want to be blown away like I was back home by UWM's children's center.

The only reason we toured that school yesterday was because I found myself talking to an art gallery manager a few weeks back who sent both her boys there, and she talked about this school the way I've always talked about UWM. It's an all-boys school, not a format I've ever wanted for my kids who count girls amongst their best friends, but she addressed that concern and so many others.

So we toured it, really expecting to be willing to sacrifice whatever we needed to to afford it, as we always did with UWM. (We used to joke with them that if it were between food and sending the boys there, we would have to think a good long while before making that decision.)

The place was posh as you would expect. We spoke to the junior school headmaster who gave us the party line and answered a few questions. Then we saw the boys in class. Every time we walked through a door, all the little boys would stand up like mini soldiers until the headmaster told them they could be seated. We watched them work and I walked by a boy who was so frustrated with a math problem, I really wanted to sit down with him and go through it. There was only the one teacher (very nice person it seemed!) for a class of maybe 20 boys? After seeing 3 classrooms we walked through the schoolyard where the boys were taking their recess. It was all blacktop out there, no playground equipment, no grass, no greenery (this is a school that must own a dozen sport fields) and the kids were all throwing these tennis balls against a wall. There was one little boy with a stoop to his back that was standing all alone, and he just looked so lonely I wanted to cry. Where was the teacher engaging them in games and activities?

Then we toured the senior school with a guide who was about to graduate and go off to Very Impressive U or something. I've never had anyone quote quite so many test scores at me. Again, perfectly nice individual, but really had no ability to assess our sensibilities and tailor his remarks around what I wanted to hear - what is the social/emotional life like here. The facilities did not measure up to my high school which was rather a shock. Their chapel was gorgeous - fat lot of good that does for us atheists. When I asked about non-christian kids, the student's answer was pretty weak. (Basically, yeah, if you want to be ONE OF THOSE TYPES you could tell the school that you don't want your kids attending weekly chapel, but everyone else goes and all we do is sing a few hymns and listen to a little talk, and all the muslim and chinese kids go, so it can't be too offensive to other beliefs, and in closing, TRADITION.) Sigh. He really did not get us. I just wanted to know if they went to any effort to include other religions in campus life.

We were going to have both boys apply there. Instead, I wanted to lead a mission-impossible style rescue of the younger boys, with Gwyn distracting the adults and me herding the children to safety. What am I missing here? There just seemed to be no joy in there, no chance for them to just be silly, crazy little boys. And I felt an arrogance from them that I was afraid I would encounter. There is a fantastic-sounding state school for Dyl but I've been discouraged by people telling me that it's really, really hard to get a kid in there. I tour them Wednesday. Aidan has a place that he is excited about attending next year, but Dyl would have to stay where he is or go to one of the independent schools we saw and I don't like either of those options for him.

[Poppylicious]

If you want your boys to have the chance to be silly and crazy you're probably best off just sending them to the local comprehensive (academy/state school.) I get the impression that you maybe have lots more choice of where to send your children to school in the US? This is one of those cultural differences that you'll be experiencing ... *grin* ... In my (somewhat limited, obviously) experience, independent schools aren't *that* good, although the smaller class sizes and longer holidays are a benefit.

Your friend spending oodles of money in the cafe everyday isn't unusual; in EastEnders they're always drinking/eating in the caf, even when they're moaning about the fact they have no money.  You should watch it ... it's very educational, if you want to know what life is not really like in the UK!

Glad you're getting more settled.

 

[willowtreewren]

I'm just catching up, Cariad.

And reading all of this makes me tired (again!) LOL.

You must have the energy of a hummingbird! You will get the school thing sorted out in time, I'm quite confident. It's good to hear what you are up to.

 

Aleta

[billybags]

I agree with Poppy. Our school system is completely different to America.   Posh schools--You need lots of money. Academies  There are different ones, some are sporty ones, some are science ones, my grand son goes to a sporty one. there are comprehensive ones which are all rounders. I know all  parents want the best education for their children, but I think it is not just about the learning it is also about the camaraderie . Children need to also enjoy where they are. Our school system does not have a very good reputation but I think if children want to learn they will be encouraged to do so.  I really think that you have to forget about the American system and ask your son what he really wants. just a thought.

[cariad]

These comments are very helpful, thanks ladies.

Billy, I definitely always ask Aidan what he wants to do. When I told him that this school supposedly would expect a lot from him and require hours of work a night, he said he was willing to take that challenge. When I told him what we found upon visiting, he said that he wanted to go to the state school that plays football instead of rugby. I told Gwyn that this latest independent school is the type of place that churns out Mitt Romneys by the barrel and he agreed.

I think your comment, Poppy, that independent schools just aren't that good here has helped me make sense of all of this. The actual systems are not that different between England and America, but I think independent schools here have more in common with American military schools than private schools (not all of them, we saw one that was cute, just way overpriced). A friend of ours once listened to me confess that I entertained fantasies of Aidan attending Eton on scholarship, and he said "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but they wouldn't have him. The purpose of Eton is to take the Prince Harrys of the country and do the best they can with them." Noted!

I have seen Eastenders in passing, I think, a good decade ago. It might have been Coronation Street. I would rather stare at a blank wall than watch a soap so it did not make much of an impression on me. My spendy friend is American, very, very much so. In America, there is a colloquialism called "the latte factor" which basically means all the crap you buy that you don't really need and are overpaying for. It is an American vice as well, and one of the primary reasons that the country is in such a mess - because people were told for years that they could have anything they wanted immediately. My favourite example of this nonsense is the old Citibank  credit card slogan Live Richly. So sinister with its double meaning of 'live a life rich in experience and meaning' but also 'live as if you're rich when you're actually greatly in our debt'. Anyway, she has told me that she wants to rectify her situation and that her (English) husband has threatened her with divorce over her spending repeatedly, so I just find I get aggravated by the stupidity of it all. I think in general you Brits could teach Americans a great deal about managing money! I've always been quite impressed with how well Brits look after their financial affairs.

[Poppylicious]

I think your comment, Poppy, that independent schools just aren't that good here has helped me make sense of all of this. The actual systems are not that different between England and America, but I think independent schools here have more in common with American military schools than private schools (not all of them, we saw one that was cute, just way overpriced). A friend of ours once listened to me confess that I entertained fantasies of Aidan attending Eton on scholarship, and he said "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but they wouldn't have him. The purpose of Eton is to take the Prince Harrys of the country and do the best they can with them." Noted!

I think that was what I was trying to say but couldn't find the words (I spent a while trying to write my response!); over here you're paying for the prestige of sending your child to a posh school, but any child who cares about his/her education will do well regardless of which school they're attending.  As far as I'm concerned ten A* GCSE grades are worth far more when they come from Bog Standard Slightly Failing Comprehensive in Third Most Deprived Area of the UK (with an average class size of 32) than when they're achived by someone who has gone to an independent school.

Still, as billyb implies, the education system over here at the moment is a complete shambles ...

 

[billybags]

[
Bog Standard Slightly Failing Comprehensive in Third Most Deprived Area of the UK (with an average class size of 32)


 
[/quote]

Poppy I loved this, my grandson goes to one of these along with thousands of others. What are we like. God help the country.