The First Dialysis Story written by US!

As requested

The First Dialysis Story written, by members.

As of today Just thought you may like to see what you have, unedited.

The IHD Book, by members.

Samantha was tired. The day had been long and it was not over yet. Dialysis was waiting for her next. She swore at the hallway walls as she pulled her bra off and threw a shirt on. She was running late as usual and would probably get caught in traffic on the way to the dialysis center. She packed a small bag of snacks and barrelled out the door. She told her cat goodbye as she closed the door to her apartment.
Samantha walked briskly down the hallway to the elevator hoping no one would be in it. She didn't feel like being delayed at all by chatty people. Not that she minded a good conversation but she didn't like coming across as rude as the door opened and she had to cut the conversation short.
She pushed the button and waited for a minute until the door opened and she was glad to see her luck was with her today. She rode down to the lobby and then walked out to ...
.. the hallway lined with wheelchairs. The stench of bleach and plastic filled the air. That familiar smell that made her sick to her stomach everytime. As she entered the office the waiting room was full. Not a good sign as that meant they were running late. The receptionist was on the phone so "Sam" as her family called her, waited patiently. When the receptionist hung up she....
...said to her, in as nice a voice as she could make it, "I am here for my dialysis session. When do you think I would be able to go on?"
"Well, as you can see, " the receptionist drawled, as she hooked the chewing-gum from her mouth, "the waiting-room is full. No telling when you can get a chair."
Sam slumped into a chair in the waiting-room. Just then she saw that Jim was there waiting too. 'Should I go over and say 'hello', or just stay here, pretending I didn't see him?' she asked herself. He was the shift before hers and was usually leaving when she was coming. She remembered the first day she met him when.....
he was alone and looking frightened and nervous. Must be a "first-timer"
Sam thought. Just as Sam decided to go over and see how Jim was
doing, the receptionist called his name. She was rather glad. Not in the
talking mood anway. He stood up to go with the nurse and ............
smiled at Sam as he passed by. "Hey" , Sam kinda half-smiled at him as he went into the treatment room. She was weary today and weary of the never-ending sessions still ahead of her. Even though the common denominator for everyone in the waiting room was dialysis, Sam still felt like an alien among the complainers, coughers, and vacant-eyed patients who seemed to dominant this particular clinic. She had been in others over the many years. Some better, some worse. It was always a breath of fresh air to meet someone like Jim, who seemed to not be defined by the repetitious but unavoidable life support system that joined all of them together for long hours every few days.
The sound of her name "Samantha" startled her and she jumped. "We're ready for you" said the nurse. Wow, that was fast she thought. She picked up her things and followed the nurse to the scale. "Crap" she thought I'm over 1.4kg. That usually meant a rough run for her. But, she tried to think positive. "You'll be in the back on chair 4 today". She hated being switched from one chair to the next everytime. Couldn't they just give her the same damn chair! Then she rounded the corner and they sat her right next to....
Jim! He was already seated and hooked up and had his headphones in. Sam got her standing BP while seeing if Jim noticed that she was seated beside him. Then the nurse/tech made a comment but Sam didn't hear it and asked her to repeat it. She said ...
..try to look sexy just in case Jim lookes up at you". She then sat down and got comfortable. She had a chest catheter so she had to wear a mask while the nurse unbuttoned her top and pulled out her catheter ends for the bloodlines. Then she smelled something bad.....
.. it was the techs in their breakroom, burning the microwave popcorn again! But this time it looked bad!
Smoke was accumulating near the ceiling across the room. No one seemed to notice! She glanced over at
Jim and...
...he looked back at her with a look of horror across his face. Sam pointed the smoke out to the nurse/tech. The nurse rushed into the breakroom with a fire extinguisher, leaving Sam's top still unbuttoned and catheter ends out. She looked back at Jim, who was looking back at her with a dreamy look about his face. They looked into each other's eyes for a brief moment, and then...
Jim turned his head and threw-up. The smoke and smell was really getting to him.
Sam remembered her "clamp, cut and run" training, and begin to clamp off all her tubing. Then she began to look frantically around, realizing that there were no scissors anywhere in reach.

The nurse with the fire extinguisher came out of the breakroom, loudly declaring that everything was fine, just a small microwave fire, but all was well. Sam breathed a sigh of relief, looked over at Jim, and said, "Glad they weren't doing any REAL cooking in that thing!" As she looked over at Jim, who appeared a bit embarrassed, she smiled and said, "I was going to pretend to be aloof and mysterious, but given that we've just been through a major disaster, I guess we can consider the ice to be broken!" Jim laughed and said.......
"Yeah, but I can't believe I already puked in front of you. We haven't even been on a first date yet!" He smiled at her with vomit still in his teeth. Sam was disgusted at his sight and decided to discontinue the flirting. They finished their dialysis sessions in silence and went their separate ways. Later that day...
Sam was awoke from a dead sleep by the phone. She said "hello" in a groggy voice. "Hello", said .....
Jim. It was Jim on the phone, another Jim, Jim from work. "What is it with you? I just got to sleep and you call me?" she ranted into the phone.
"Better check your clock, Sweetie."he chirped into her ear. "You are late for work today. The boss is looking for blood this morning, too."
"Oh crap!" she mumbled at the phone receiver. "I will be in as soon as I can."
She slammed down the phone, threw back the covers, stood up, and promptly...
...headed for the kitchen. I need coffee before I can face THIS day, she thought. Why me? If it
weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all!
Sam wasn't going to hurry. It was too late to slip in unnoticed. She was just going to have to show
up late to work and face the consequences. She looked over the newspaper as she sipped the hot
coffee, and on the front page she saw...
She saw that her buddy at the dialysis center, Jim, had gotten into a fatal car wreck with a drunk driver. The drunk driver had crossed over the yellow line and hit Jim's car head-on. Jim was killed instantly. "At least he didn't suffer," Sam thought to herself. She knew this week wasn't going to be a normal week whatsoever; she would have to attend his funeral in a few days. She then wondered if the drunk driver was an organ donor? What a thought to think after her friend had just died! She couldn't help it; she's a dialysis patient and needs a kidney!
As Sam pondered the ironies of life, her phone rang again. She thought about not answering it, then remembering how she had been scolded by her transplant co-ordinator for missing a couple of calls, relunctantly got up and answered, knowing it was work again. "Hello?" "Samantha, it's Carol. Are you ready? We've got a kidney for you!"
Sam sat down abruptly, mind racing through all the questions she had planned out. "Before you say anything", gushed Carol "this is a perfect match for you, and the donor had a closed head injury from a drunk driving accident."
"I'll be right there!" shouted Sam. "You can give me the rest of the details when I get there."
She hopped in her car and her cell rang. It was one of her friends from the unit. "Did you see the paper?"
"I know, but I'm on the way to the hospital. I just got the call" Sam replied.
"Omygosh! That's great!" said Sheronda. "But I gotta tell you....Jim's okay. The paper got it wrong! The drunk driver was the one killed!"
"Oh wow," thought Sam......that could mean...........
the light suddenly turned red and Sam slammed on her brakes. Man, that is all I need, Sam thought, is to get in a wreck myself on the way to the hospital. She fumbled with her cell phone so she could call her parents. "Hello, Mom? I'm on my way to the hospital, they have a kidney for me." "No, don't come yet until I'm sure it is a go." The light turned green so she clicked her cell phone closed and started out once again. A million things ran through her head........
Now where was the list of questions she was supposed to ask about the kidney when she go to the hospital? In the over night bag she hoped. It was driving her crazy. All the waiting came down to now, a kidney for her. Would it work? Would it be viable? Was she going to get it?
She checked in with the transplant coordinator at the hospital and began the slow blood draw process for compatability...
...wondering why so many conflicting thoughts were running through her head. What about Jim? The idea that he was still alive filled her with such a thrill. But why should it? And if this transplant works out, it means she might not be seeing him again. 'Oh well,' she said to herself.'Let me focus on what is going on right now. This is the most important thing for me.' But certain thoughts just wouldn't go away. Just then the nurse said......
"Samantha", she said quietly. "You're running a low grade fever today. They're sending you home, Hon."
"Crap!" she thought and out loud, "Was it a good match?" The nurse replied, "No matter what the match, it wouldn't be a good 'match' if we made you sicker, now would it?"
"Right", Sam whispered as she began to gather her belongings for the long, slow trip back to the dialysis world. For a few brief moments, she had traveled out and away from that place to a hopeful future free of machines.
"Try not to get too down", the nurse gave her a hug and then let her go.
Try not to get too down, easy for her to say thought Sam as she was leaving.
In a flash new hope for her future had vanished. Well, she thought I just have to accept that
this time was not meant to be for some reason. Would she ever get a kidney, would it
ever happen for her she wondered. Part of the day was shot. She debated whether she should
go on to work or just go home as she traveled down the highway. Then........
...she decided she was hungry and stopped off at a fast food restaurant. She then realized that she had forgotten her binders, because she thought she would be getting a transplant and wouldn't be needing them anymore. She's had a really rough day, though, and figures that it would be OK to skip them with this one meal. She splurges and orders a big juicy hamburger with extra cheese, fries with lots of salt, and a large chocolate milkshake. While waiting at the drive-thru window, she ponders, "So I wonder if the kidney I was going to get was from the drunk driver that I thought killed Jim?" Then they handed her the food she ordered, and she was on her way home when...
her cell phone rang. She fumbled around in her coat pocket for it and caught it on its last ring. "SAM" a voice yelled! "Yes" she said. "This is Jagdeep Sing at the hospital" she said in a thick East Indian accent. "The thermometer was malfunctioning. It said we all have fevers! Come back as soon as you can to see if you indeed have a fever." Samantha shuttered at the thought. "What a p*cking roller-coaster" she said. She started to turn around...........
... and her car sputtered, lurching forward, it chugged along - then died. What in the world...? she thought, What now!?! The driver in the car behind her leaned on his horn. She stared at the dash and he honked again. Rolling down her window, she waved him around. Unfortunately the traffic heading out of town at rush hour filled the oncoming lanes. There was no where to go. She reached for the key and tried to restart the car. It seemed to catch for a moment, then whimpered to a dead silence. Now the driver behind her was flashing his headlights AND honking. Sam put her head on the steering wheel and began to cry. Suddenly there was a sharp knock on her driver's side window. Startled, she looked up and ...
...there was Jim! She never felt so happy to see someone before.
"How can I help?" he asked. "I was coming in the opposite direction and saw you here in a bind."
"Please help me push this car over to the shoulder. And I need to get to the hospital right away! Can you help me?"
"It would be my pleasure! Please don't cry anymore!"
Jim just took over the situation. He asked her not to cry, but pure relief made her weep even more. He sent for roadside assistance and they both got into his car. 'Nice car,' thought Sam, but she decided to say nothing. Then Jim looked over at her and asked.....
"So what you are going to the hospital for? Are you okay or did you get the call?" She was so happy to tell him that she got the call but it has been a crazy day. Anything that could go wrong was going wrong. She told him about the fever and then the call back about the thermometers. He laughed in disbelief and they drove on their way.
She had chatted so much about how bad her day had gone so far that time flew and they were there. As he parked she stole a glance and noticed his strong jaw line as if she had never noticed before. Maybe it was the fact that he came to her rescue that he seemed now like a prince in shining armor. She was lost in thought when he suddenly asked, "Are you coming?" "Oh ya!" she snapped to! "Sorry it has just been a long day!" He locked the doors and they walked toward the hospital in silent thought. Then he turned to her and asked, "...
"....so, did you bring a bag or anything?"
"Oh, great! I must've left it in my car! I'm usually not such an air-head....ok, maybe, SOMETIMES, I can be an airhead, but really, I'm usually pretty good in a crisis...not that this is a crisis or anything...I mean, its a really good thing that this is happening, but it started out so weird...I mean first I heard you were dead and then I get a call saying I'm gonna get a kidney and then I find out you're alive but I'm NOT gonna get a kidney and so I go get a HUGE meal of junk food which I'm just about to scarf down and then I find out I MIGHT get a kidney but my car dies and then you're suddenly there to rescue me....and ......I'm babbling randomly aren't I...."
"Um....you thought I was dead?" asked Jim.
"Oh," Sam replied.She figured he had seen the newspaper. "Yeah, it was on the front page of the newspaper this morning. It said that you had gotten into a car wreck with a drunk driver. Someone later called me and said that they got the name wrong. Turns out it was James Beam, not James Bean. It was just a typo."
"Oh. I didn't get the paper this morning." Jim replied as they entered the building. Just then....
hree nurses came running up to Sam.
"You are here finally! Let's go!"
Bewildered Sam went with them. They whisked her away to an exam room and told her to strip down. A thermometer went into her mouth and onto a gurney she went. One nurse took her blood pressure, another called the doctor, the third took the thermometer out of her mouth.
"Uh Oh." the nurse on the phone said. She turned to Sam and asked. "How long have you been on dialysis?"
"About 15 years", Sam replied.
"Well, when was your last heart cath?"
"I've never had one." Sam was getting nervous now. She'd always hated the idea of someone jamming, THREADING, a wire into her pumping heart. That particular procedure always sounded more suited for those hearts that had already stopped beating.
"I've never needed one, she continued. "I always passed all the cardiac tests with flying colors....the echo, doppler, stress test...all of 'em. When I had my evaluation a couple of years ago, they didn't think I needed it then..."
"Hmmmmmmm," Nurse Ratchitt pursed her lips and turned back to the phone.
Sam slumped, staring in space...'What now?' she thought.
She straightened up.
"NURSE!!" she yelled. Get me the transplant coordinator NOW!"
The nurse turned and said, "She's with the donor family," and turned back to the phone.
"Well we need to talk. I have some questions of my own!"
Just then Carol, the TC came through the door. "Hey, how are you? Looks like they're
getting you all checked out!"
"Carol, listen. I have been thinking. I know I should ask questions. I couldn't think until now, but I need to know.
What can you tell me about the donor? How old is he? What about his health history? Can I ask what the injuries are? Is he married?
I just need to know more before we go any further."
Just then Nurse Ratchitt marched over to Carol and Sam and said...
"SHE should've had a cath done when she had her work up. She's never had one! Now we have to waste time getting that cath and I just don't know if she's even gonna be able to get this kidney now!" All that was missing was the finger snap in Carol's face.
Carol just rolled her eyes and then calmly told Nurse 'I Know Everything About Everything', "Excuse me doctor.........Oh! You almost had me fooled for a minute......the way you were talking, for a moment there, I thought you were the transplant physician."
And to Sam, "C'mon Samantha, let's get you upstairs where all your questions can be answered."
Sam and Carol left Nurse Ratchitt spluttering her objections to an empty room.
"Amazing, that nurse can sure find ways to prevent a transplant." the TC muttered under her breath. Sam grinned at her as they whisked her on the gurney up to the transplant waiting area. The surgeon stepped out of the surgical area not smiling at all.
" Well Sam. It is not good news. The kidney is too damaged from the car wreck to use. The other one has already been sent out of the area."
Sam groaned along with the Transplant Coordinator. " Awww.Hell."
Sam laid there on the gurney for a while trying to absorb this devastating news.
"how could it be?" she thought. "Twice in one day a chance for a new kidney
gone". She was so depressed. She finally remembered that Jim had brought her in
would be waiting in the waiting area. She would have to ask him to drive her home.
She would have to tell her parents the bad news. Then.........
She dressed into her civilian clothes out of the hospital garb. She said goodbye to the nurses and tried not to cry on her way out of the building. She ran into Jim as she crossed the waiting room and stopped in surprise.
"What are you still doing here?" she asked.
"Waiting to hear about you." he replied looking surpised. "What happened?"
" Nothing. Not one damned thing. The kidney was too damaged in the car accident to be used and the other one is gone to another county. Not meant to be." Tears cascaded down Sam's face.
Jim offered to drive her home. They walked out to his car in the parking lot.
"Let's just go get stinkin' drunk...." Sam said suddenly.
"What?" Jim said, "wait a minute."
"I mean it!" Sam cried,"I'm sick of this. I wanna be drunk and I wanna be drunk, right NOW!" She turned to Jim with her hands on her hips, just about stomping her foot. The look of surprise on his face stopped her and she realized how ridiculous she must sound and look.
"Ummmmm......I'm thinking that fluid restriction is not primary in your mind at the moment?"
"DARN right its not!" Sam looked up and down the street. Where's the bar that's always right around the corner from the hospital in all the medical shows? The one where all the interns meet after their shift to discuss who's going home with whom.........not a bar in sight.
"C'mon," she pulled on Jim's arm toward the Denny's across the street.
"Sam, I don't think they serve alcohol in there," he hesitated.
"No, but they've got chocolate malts and I'm having the biggest one they've got!" Sam declared and started across the street.
"Damn There's the Transplant Coodinator." Sam said as she and Jim entered the diner. "No chocolate shake tonight."
Sam turned around and she stalked out of the diner. Jim trailing behind her.
"I am so damned frustrated. It just isn't fair! I have to go back to my life." Sam yelled at the parking lot as they walked toward Jim's car again. Jim was silent. What could he say that would help? Nothing. It was pretty awful when you thought about it.
Sam pulled on the locked car door and stopped. Her head rested on the top of the car.
"You going to be all right?" Jim asked.
"Yeah. Take me home. I have dialysis tomorrow." she said.
They stopped next to his car. Jim put his hands on her face and told her how sorry he was. He took off his coat and put it around her shoulders. "Let's get you home. Do you feel like eating?" said Jim, as helped her into the car.
"Please..." whispered Sam, "I just cannot be alone right now." They got in his car and she told him how to get to her house.
She and Jim rode in silence. "I know I should call my mom, but I just can't." Jim reached down and held her hand. She felt a connection with him just then. Here he was, rescuing her again when she really needed someone. Somehow she felt like she had known him forever.
They got to Sam's place and went inside. Jim went to the kitchen to make something for them to eat as Sam headed for the shower.
Sam came out of the shower dressed in her robe and slippers. Towel wrapped up around her hair. Her face was still tear stained from the sob session she had done in the shower. Even with the radio turned all the way up in the kitchen Jim had heard her crying. He acted like everything was okay, when she appeared in the kitchen. It looked like he was preparing scrambled eggs until he dipped the bread into the eggs.
"Is French toast okay with you?" he asked.
"Anything is OK at this point. I don't even care." She sat at the table watching Jim cook the French toast, pondering what will happen next in this peculiar day. Jim brings her plate of French toast to the table in front of her. She realizes just how hungry she actually was and began scarfing down the warm, syrupy French toast. Jim watches her with stars in his eyes and a slight grin on his face. When she finishes, she looks up and locks eyes with Jim again, gazing into his very soul, wondering what he is thinking at this very moment.
"Penny for your thoughts" she said with a gleam in her eye. Jim started to speak and then paused, "I am just so happy to be here with you tonight. I've been wanting to get to know you for a while now, but didn't think I would have a chance." "Have a chance?" Sam replied. "Yeah, you know, with you. You are so amazing." "Amazing?" Sam Repeated. Her mind spiraled. What must Jim mean? Does he really like me, or is he maybe trying to lead up to leaving? Just then Jim took her hand in his and leaned over to her and said......
"What I mean is I just started down this road you have been on and I don't think I could handle it as well as you do! I can't help but be ... " she noticed that he was blushing now as he continued, "b- be attracted to .. to .. to how you handle yourself!" She nearly choked on her bite. She just stared at him in shock and said, "R-Really??"
"Yeah, really," said Jim. "You just never give up. Remember the fire at dialysis? You were ready to clamp and cut! And today, with being whipsawed with all the transplant drama, you just kept going. I don't know how you do it. You are wonderful," he grinned.
"Well, it may look like that on the outside, but on the inside I feeling like a raving maniac! Ohh...! And I didn't even thank you! I'm sorry... you came through when my car broke down... and you waited to be sure I was okay at the hospital. I am so grateful. On top of that, you make great french toast!"
Just then Sam's phone rang, "Honey, it's Mom. What's happened? You cell phone is off or dead and your dad and I are out of our minds with worry!"
"I'm sorry Mom, the transplant fell through. It's been a really tough day, but I am okay. I will call you tomorrow."
She hung up and turned around as Jim was getting his coat.
"No where are you going?" Sam said louder and more anxious than she intended to sound. Jim looked startled and laughed. Then he explained, "I thought you would be on the phone a long time so I thought I would give you some privacy." Then she followed his eyes to the phone. "Oh .. umm.. I let her go! I said I would call her back tomorrow," she said while realizing that her mom being sick with worry probably didn't appreciate her hanging up so fast. "I didn't want to be rude and we were in the middle of dinner."
"Well that is okay. I already finished eating anyway. Why? Did you want dessert? I can go get us something." He said smiling at her now. His smile made her cheeks grow warm and she didn't know why. Then she stumbled over her words but eventually said, "Yes I would LOVE to have dessert with you!" Then they both were blushing and laughing as he grabbed her coat.
The phone in the apartment rang again. Sam picked it up.
"Samantha, if you hang up on me, so help me I will come over there and tan your hind end." her mother's voice practically leaped through the phone into her ear. "Are you okay? Want me to come over tonight?"
"Mom, I am okay. I have a friend over with me tonight." Sam answered. She smiled at Jim.
"Okay. I know how disappointed you are. Things will work out, honey."
""I know Mom." Sam answered. "I am out the door going for some dessert right now. Love ya. Bye bye"
Sam hung up the phone. The phone rang again. Sam ignored it. Phone calls hurt too much today. She closed the apartment door and she and Jim went down the stairs to his car..

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Too bad she forgot to shut off the cell phone in her purse. It was ringing by the time she got down to Jim's car.
Sam answered it. "Hello?" said the woman on the phone, "May I please speak with Jim please?"
"Uhhh... I'm sorry... Jim?" Sam said as she looked at Jim "It's for you...?"
"Me? How can that be?" He took the phone and Sam walked toward the streetlight.
Jim spoke for less than a minute.
"I'm sorry Sam. I don't know how she tracked me down. My cell is dead and... well. I need to go."
"Oh yeah, sure, ok, listen... I am better now. I should just get some sleep anyway," said Sam, as she thought 'what the hell?'
"I am so sorry. I can't explain now. It's been a great night, well, you know. I am glad I could be here with you. See you at dialysis tomorrow?"
"Sure," she replied in a distant voice. Jim ran to his car and sped away. Sam turned slowly and began to walk back inside her house. Many questions ran through her head: "Who was on the phone? How did they get my number? What was the emergency that he couldn't take me out for dessert?" She went back into her house and realized how tired she was. She had had a very busy day! She changed into her pajamas and headed to the bedroom. As soon as she lay her head on the pillow...
her legs started jumping all over the place. "Damn!" she thought. "This is all I need to keep me up when I just want to fall into sleep!!" She tossed and turned for about an hour until she finally fell into a bad dream about an ex-girlfriend pulling Jim away from her. She woke up all sweaty and irritable. She sat up in bed deep in thought for awhile trying to remember her dream but couldn't quite remember the details. The only thing she could remember is the girl but didn't remember what she looked like. She got up and walked to the kitchen and looked in the fridge. She was thirsty but knew she shouldn't have a full glass of anything. So she opened up the freezer and sucked on a freezie-pop. "30ml of fluid isn't bad at all!" she thought to herself. She sat on her couch thinking about the phone call to Jim earlier. "I wonder if that was an ex-girlfriend." She wondered, "I know so little about him." Then her thoughts went even further and she wondered..
"maybe it's not an ex-girlfriend but an ex-wife." and she wondered again how someone got
her phone number. "Could it have beene someone from the dialysis cllinic or the hospital?"
she wondered. Probably not since he said he'd see her at dialysis tomorrow.
She finished her freezer pop and decided to lay back down for a while tho being able
to sleep looked pretty hopeless. Then the phone rang again and a woman said "I need to talk to Jim again".
Sam asked "Who is speaking? Jim is not here". And the caller replied....
"I'm sorry." a woman's voice said. "Jim told me I could probably get him at this number after I talked to him tonight."
"What? Are you looking for Jim Bean? You do know it's three in the morning." Samantha told her.
"Oops. I am sorry. I live halfway across the world. The time change gets me." the voice said.
"Can I tell Jim who called? I will see him later today." Sam offered.
"Tell him everything is okay now. Marion made it." the voice said.
"Okay." Samantha yawned.
She hung up the phone and wondered who Marion was and what happened. What made Jim leave so suddenly?
The alarm clock by the bed went off seconds after she closed her eyes and went to sleep. It was going to be a long day.
She jumped in the shower and thought about the plan for the day. She had some work to finish up from the day before...thank God she worked at home and didn't have to commute anywhere! As she headed toward the kitchen with her wet hair wrapped in a towel, her kitten leaped and danced around her feet. He was out of food; that would have to be first on her list of errands. Sam scooped out her favorite Starbucks blend for her single cherished cup of coffee. It was her one fluid indulgence every day, unless of course, she was experiencing the bothersome (and painful) reflux that went along with having too much fluid over a weekend. As she was pouring her coffee and immersing herself in the exotic smell emanating from her favorite polka dot coffee mug, her phone rang. As she stared at it wondering if it would be Jim, she
answered it on the 3rd ring. "Hello, Samantha Ward please," said the voice at the other end. "Yes, speaking."
"This is Rick at the dealership, we've got your car here and it's ready to be picked up."
She had completely forgotten that her car wasn't outside! "Oh, what was wrong with it?"
"Actually, the tow truck driver should have checked. It appears that all you needed was gas," he said.
"You're kidding? Well, I guess that's a relief, not having a big repair bill. I'll come in before you close, thanks."
Sam was tired already, and hadn't even been to dialysis yet. She knew she had to squeeze in some work before it was time to leave.
Sam sipped her coffee and logged on to the company network. She HAD to get this report finished and drop it off to her boss today. She was soon immersed in her facts and figures when a message notice flashed at the bottom of her screen. It was the other Jim, Jimmy as she affectionately thought of him because he was so much younger than her; kind of like Jimmy Olson in the comics. She clicked over to the message and saw that there was a meeting she had forgotten about at 12:30. If she hurried, she would just have time to finish this up and get to the meeting. But how was she going to get her car before dialysis this evening?
Sam called her friend Barbara. "Hey, how are you? I am sorry I have been out of touch but life has been crazy lately." She had been friends with Barbara before she got sick. They used to spend more time together, but since Barbara had gotten married, she was only available for an occasional pedicure with Sam. "I miss you Sam. Can you have lunch sometime... hey how about today?" Sam explained about the near miss kidney, the car and briefly about Jim. "Sam, I am so sorry about the transplant not working out!" said Barbara. "Yeah, me too. Somehow I have to believe that it just wasn't meant to be this time. My problem right now is that I am still without my car. Any chance you could drop me over at the dealer today?" Barbara agreed to come by in an hour and get her.
As soon as she hung up, the phone rang again. It was Jim, her rescuer. "I am really sorry about leaving you so abruptly. I was wondering if you were able to get your car straightened away." Sam had questions for Jim, but didn't feel right asking them on the phone. "My friend Barbara is going to take me to the dealer to get the car soon. Thanks for checking." Jim hesitated, then said "Okay, well, I will see you later then. You sound good. Ummm... listen, I want to explain a few things. When can we talk, I mean, in person?"
"Yeah, definitely! Umm...When and where?" Sam replied.
"Well, I was thinking...umm...maybe we could...have dinner?...Or lunch, whatever you want?? Uh..or not....? Y-your choice..." Jim finally spat out nervously.
Sam's stomach was in knots and her face burning up. "Uh, dinner? Sure...when is good for you?" Then the call waiting beeped in. "Umm...Hold that thought, Jim. I have another call."
"OK," he replied. 'Who is calling NOW?' Sam thought. It was none other than...
her mom! She realized she never did call her mom back! "Oh crap!" she thought! 'Hi mom! Sorry I got someone on the other line! Can I call you back.. uh .. or you can wait on the line??" she laughed nerviously as she realized her mom probably wouldn't believe that she would call back.
Just then the doorbell rang and Sam peeked out the window. "Mom, Barbara is here to take me to pick my car up at the dealer. Then I need to go by work and dialysis tonight. I will call you back, I am ok, but I need to go." She clicked back to the other line. "Jim, my ride is here. I'll call you from my cell in a bit." She opened the door and headed out with Barbara. The drive was a few minutes, and during that time she filled Barbara in about Jim and the late night phone call. "I hate to say this, but it sounds like he might be married," warned Barbara. "No, I don't think so," said, Sam, "Why would the caller leave a message with me? Something else is up. I am going to see him later, I'll let ya know what's happening." Barbara hugged her quickly and Sam headed inside get her car. On the drive toward the office she called Jim. They agreed to meet before dialysis, at the cafe across the street. When she got to work her boss Gene was waiting for her. "Sam, Jimmy filled me in on your last couple of days. I am sorry you've had some real challenges. But that doesn't excuse the fact that your project is late and other people are hung up waiting. If you don't think you can handle your responsibility, this isn't going to work. I'm sorry, but I can't bend over backwards for you, when other people are waiting in the wings, ready to take your job." She left the meeting frustrated and worried. No one really seemed to understand how hard she was trying to live a "normal" life.
Sam headed to the cafe and spotted Jim at a table. He stood up as she approached. "Hi, how are you?" he smiled. Sam felt some of her anxiety lift when he smiled at her. The waitress dropped off menus and they ordered sandwiches. "I still want that malt, but I will hold off until the next crisis," Sam laughed. Jim then said, "I want to apologize. There's so much I want to tell you, but I had to be careful about who I could trust." "Trust?" said Sam, "About what? Is it about Marion?" Jim said "Oh yes, I guess I need to explain about that too. First of all, I need to tell you, I don't really need dialysis. I am a reporter, and the call you got was from my editor." "What??? said Sam. "I don't understand..."
"I saw you get hooked up!" said Sam. "Yes, I have been working on a story about dialysis centers and patient care. I realized the only way to understand what it's like for patients is to become one. A friend supplied blood and urine for the tests. As far as the nephrologist and clinic know, I am a dialysis patient. The last few weeks have been a real eyeopener," explained Jim. "But aren't you risking your health?" asked Sam. "Yes, there have been side effects. But I knew this before I started, and have been supplementing to keep my body balanced. Remember the day I threw up at dialysis? Well, sometimes I just can't keep it under control. But I am fine." Sam was stunned. An undercover reporter? Nothing was what she thought. 'Am I just part of his project?' she wondered to herself.
Sam continued to stare at Jim in amazement with eyes full of questions.
"I'm sorry Sam. This job has been the most eye-opening experience of my
career. I had no idea what the life of a dialysis patient is like until now.
Just seeing what you've been through in this short time has astonished
me. You mean a lot to me Sam. I admire your strenth and your
determination and courage. I did not go into this wanting or expecting to become
attracted to anyone." " I hope we can see each other again, Sam."
Sam, still feeling as tho this could not be possible. trying to absorb
this news looked at Jim and said "So................are you working on your article
right now, or is the article comcpleted? What else should I know about you.
Jim?"
"Well, my time at the clinic is over. Please remember that this is a secret. You are the only person I have shared it with, apart from Marion, my editor"
"But....b-b-but...," Sam stammered trying to get her thoughts together as her brain raced and raced.
Jim reached and held her hand. "I know this must be difficult for you to understand."
"Not that it is so difficult to understand - you reporters do some weird things to get a story. Why are you telling me, if it is to be a secret?"
"I really want to take this all slowly, but I have to let you know that I care about you a great deal. I know that we don't really know each other that well, but somehow, it seems as if we have been thrown together these days and I feel as if I have known you forever."
Sam lowered her head and whispered, "I know what you mean. I feel rather comfortable with you. But....."
"Let's leave the 'buts' for now. Let's just get to really know each other and see how things go. Is that okay?". He lifted her hand and gave it a soft kiss.
"But....."
Sam thought about it for a few more minutes, holding Jim's Hand. "No, Jim, you are a self absorbed prick for leading me on this way! I never want to see you again!" She snatched her hand away from his and whirled around and stomped out the door.
Jim stood there with his mouth hanging open.
For the next few days, Jim sends her flowers, candy, cards, and anything else he can think of to get Sam to talk to him again. Sam wants to talk to him and be with him but figures that if he can lie about something as serious as being on dialysis then he could lie about anything. She'd never be able to trust him in a relationship. She was so confused now...
As Sam stood there contemplating what should be her next move or direction she should take she realized
how very tired she was. She had been on an emotional roller coaster because of the
transplant possibilities, now this thing with Jim only added to it. The thought of getting away
even for a couple of days seemed like would be beneficial for her to rest and clear her
mind, think things through. She would have to decide where to go and see if she could get in
for a dialysis treatment or two. Her good friends she used to work with, Sue and Maria, loved to do getaways.
Maybe they would be interested. The more Sam thought about it, the more appealing the
idea became. Maybe LV, hummmmmmm. She was trying to remember where it was she went one
time and had the most wonderful tacos, Tito's Tacos, they were called. Hadn't found any like that
anywhere again. Wow, that sounded sooooooooooo good to her as her mouth began to
water just thinking about them. And she'd heard that some guy went there often who was on home dialysis.
Owner of some kind of website about dialysis. Maybe she'd run into him there or someone from
the site. So Sam picked up the phone to call..........
her mother and let her know about her plans.
"Mom? What are you doing? Got a minute?"
Margie said sure and Sam began to tell her about her plans to getaway to Vegas for a few days. Her mother thought it was a great idea, so great that she decided to pack a bag and join Sam on the trip! Sam hung up the phone with mixed emotions. Her mom was super and they always had fun when they were together, but Sam kept very few secrets from her mother and she hadn't told her about Jim's subterfuge. She didn't know if she could keep the secret she'd promised on a roadtrip with her mother. Really, as she thought about it, the angrier she got. What obligation did she have to him anyway? The thought of anyone being able to just walk away from those machines whenever they wanted just made her feel crazy.
She started grabbing the flowers and candy and throwing them into the trash. At the last minute she stopped herself and decided to donate the flowers to the dialysis center. It might brighten up the place a bit. The candy her Mom could have. Might as well not waste this stuff. As far as she was concened Jim was a non-entity.
But then she thought, "He sure was good looking and kind of nice."
She jerked herself out of her thoughts and grabbed the vase full of flowers. She walked out of her apartment to go put the flowers into her car. Jim was standing by her car.
"Oh...Hi, Jim," Sam told Jim from her work.
"Were you heading out? I can come back later?" Jim said.
"No. I was just putting these in my car so I'd remember them later. What are you doing here?"
"I was coming to see if you were OK. I heard about how rough the past wee has been for you."
"Thanks! That's sweet of you! I'm OK, though. Things will get better!"
"Oh, OK. Well, are you up for going out sometime?" Jim asked.
"Uhh...Actually, I don't think so...I've just been through a lot...I don't think that's a good idea right now. Maybe another time?" Sam replied. She didn't really like this Jim. He was part of the computer programming team at work; he was just too nerdy for her.
And way too young for her tastes. He was in his early twenties and Sam just dd not have anything in common with him. He played computer games on the weekends. Nerd stuff. She turned to go into her apartment, Jim following close on her heels.
" Look Jim I have work to do. I will see you later." San turned to go down the hallway to her apartment door.
"Well, geez, Sam. Don't be rude to me. I just wanted to have some fun." Jim whined at her.
"Jim, I have had a rough week. I will see you at work." Sam opened her apartment door.
"Can't you stay and chill a while," Jim said in a whiny voice that irritated Sam.
"Sorry, but I have some important stuff to do, as I already told you," she said, trying to keep annoyance out of her voice. "Bye. See you later."
She entered her apartment, and closed it firmly. She just stood quietly for a moment, trying to organize herself mentally. Just as she moved to continue her packing, the doorbell rang. 'That silly Jim!' she thought. 'I seems I am going to have to be rude to him."
She opened the door decisively and was just about to speak her mind when, standing there before her, she saw .....
..her mother. "Why have you been avoiding me?? I've been worried sick about you!!" She walked inside and began complaining and cleaning things up a bit. "Look at how messy this place is! Didn't I teach you how to clean up after yourself??"
Sam was trying to tell her mom that everything was ok and that she'd clean up later, but her mom was determined to help.
"Mom! Mom! Just leave it!" Sam said. " I know the place looks rough. Come one in and sit a spell."
Sam's mother came into the apartment stepping over the clothing in the front hallway. Sam was going to do laundry that day and had stacked it all in the front of the hallway to take to the laundry room.
"Sam, this place is a wreck."
"I know Mom. Just let it go." Sam told her Mom. "It is a rough time for me right now. My boss told me he might fire me if I don't get it together. The hospital visits and sick time have to stop. He is pretty much done being patient with me. And to top it off the hospital visit the other night and I am dog tired.
"Well I don't know why you are tired. Obviously you have not done anything around here in awhile." her Mom looked at Sam
Sam just burst into tears and walked into the kitchen.
She walked towards the knife block contemplating what her next step would be. She grabbed the biggest knife she could find, when he mother walked in.
"Sam don't do it", shouted her Mom.
"What keep cutting the onions?", Sam said.
There was a knock at the door. Just as Sam started to say, "Don't answer it..." her mom had already reached the door. "Don't be silly," she said, as she pulled it open. There stood Jim. Sam stood frozen, not sure what to do. The knife hung in her hand, by her side. "Well... who's this...? asked her mother, smiling, and looking confused at Sam's reaction. ""Hello... I am Jim... a friend from dialysis... Sam... I am sorry. I see this is a bad time. You've got company." "Okay," Sam said. But of course, her mother could not leave it at that. "Jim, don't worry about me. I am going to just gather up these things and head to the laundry. You two go ahead and visit and I will be back in no time." She quickly headed out the open door.
Sam felt torn. She was upset with Jim, but had missed him too. He looked so awkward, standing there. "Come in. That was my mother. I'm sorry, I should have introduced you." She turned to walk back to the kitchen and Jim followed. "Sam, please listen. I don't blame you for being mad. I want to start over. I need to. I have felt awful the last few days, and I cannot think of anything else. Will you give me another chance, please? Just hear me out. I would like to take you to dessert, just to talk."
"Jim, I have had so much stress and drama in my life lately. I just can't handle anymore." She knew she should just kick him out, finish packing for the Vegas trip and drop her kitten off at Barbara's house. But she suddenly said, "Ya know what? I will go with you. Let me grab my purse."
Jim was pleasantly surprised, "... what about your Mom?"
Sam said, "I will leave her a note. I need to be back soon because I am going away for he weekend. But I think it's time you and I came to an understanding."
She wrote her mom a quick note, "Mom. went out. Be back later. I love you. Sam." She put the note on the table next to the door. She and Jim walked out to Jim's car in silence. She wasn't sure what to say to him at this point. He opened the car door for her; she got in. He walked around and got in the driver seat. Before he started the car, he glanced over at Sam. She felt so akward; she looked away quickly. She had this weird feeling in her stomach. She figured it was because of his lies. Jim started the car and headed for the nearest DQ.

As he was backing out of the driveway, a car rammed into Jim's side of the car at 60 mph. Sam went into shock. She didn't realize what had just happened. She looked around; Jim was knocked out. She heard sirens; they were getting louder. She was so very confused. The ambulance and cops pulled up. One came to Sam and began asking her all kinds of questions, but Sam didn't know what to say. She just looked at the guy blankly. She heard the guy yell to someone else, "This one's in shock! Bring me the stretcher!" He kept talking to Sam and asking her questions. She continued to stare at him blankly. Another guy came up with the stretcher. The first guy opened the door and helped Sam out of the car and onto the stretcher. He started an IV on her; soon after that, she fell asleep.

Sam awoke in the hospital. Her entire body ached. She couldn't remember what happened nor why she was in the hospital. She struggled to regain her memories of the previous day. A nurse came in, "Oh...you're awake! Good. Here's your dinner. How are you feeling?"
Sam wasn't sure what to say, "My body hurts, and I don't know why."
The nurse looked at her a little bewildered, "Do you know why you're here?"
"No," Sam replied. "What happened?"
The nurse explained that she and her friend Jim had gotten into a car wreck. She said that it was really bad. It killed the guy in the other car and her friend Jim. Sam broke into tears. The last things she had said and done with Jim were not the nicest. She felt SO bad for all the things she said to him. She wanted SO badly to be able to tell him that she was sorry for everything and that she really loved him.
Sam's immediate thought was where did the kidneys go? Two people died in the town and she was on the top of the list. Then she remembered it was her friend Jim who had died. She hoped he was in heaven and was happy. His expose on the dialysis center was going to appear in this week's paper. It would be a memorial to him, she guessed.
She was sore. Her head hurt and her back hurt, but there was nothing broken.
Her lower abdomen hurt, too and she could see she was in isolation.
She was just about to turn herself completely over when she realized that she was bandaged and they had drips going. She stood quietly wondering what on earth happened to her.
Then she tried to shout "Nurse!", but her voice seemed so weak. She remembered that there is always a buzzer. She located it and pressed as hard as she could with fingers feeling a bit weak.
The door opened quietly, and a nurse with a theatre clothing and a face mask entered the room.
"So you are up?" she asked in a pleasant voice which gave Sam courage.
"What has happened to me? Was I badly hurt in the accident?"
"Not at all!" said the nurse, cheerfully. "In fact.......

________________________________________________________________________________________

Added March 22nd 2007

"You had your appendix taken out last night." "My appendix! I had that out when I was ten!!"
"I know. I was just kidding. Congratulations! You just had a successful kidney transplant!"
"What!!!!"
"Yes, it's true!" said the nurse as she held up a collection bag for Sam to see, "that's liquid gold right there! Looks like that kidney is working like a charm. We are checking your labs, but everything looks right on track!" Just then a doctor came in. He was the surgeon, Dr. Chris Williams. Sam remembered meeting him long ago, during her evaluation. He took her hand as he spoke. "Samantha, it's good to see you doing so well. Your surgery went beautifully. I am concerned about you, though. You were quite hysterical when you were brought in. Do you remember what happened?" Sam said, "The crash... and Jim... I don't really know all the details ... Jim is .. gone." "Yes," Chris said, "it was a violent crash, I am sorry to say your friend did not survive. I am a little confused though. The man in the car was carrying his driver's license... his name was Jon...?"
"No that was Jim Bean." Sam answered the doctor.
"Well according to his identification that was Jon Bean who was in the car with you the other night."the doctor replied.
"That can't be right." Sam said. "But then I have only known Jim a few weeks through dialysis."
"Well we shall see if he shows up at the dialysis center today." the doctor said as he moved out of Sam's room.
Sam giggled to herself as the pain meds took effect in her system. The doctor had no idea the Jim was not a real dialysis patient. Oh well, it would be one hell of a shock when the articles were printed in the newspapers. Then everyone would know and she would not have a secret to keep any longer.
Six months later, Samantha has recovered beautifully from the kidney surgery and all tests pointed to the fact she was going to do fine. She and her mother were now planning to go to Las Vegas and no dialysis center had to be contacted this time! One more appointment with the transplant team and she would be turned over to her own nephrologist for follow ups from then on.
Looking back over the last six months, Sam knew how lucky she had been. Leaving the dialysis center behind was a kind of freedom she had not known in a long time. She had gotten so accustomed to feeling marginal that it was her norm, but now she could see how much she had struggled. Her thoughts went back to Jim as well. The memories were painful, but she did not want to close the door on them either. When his article hit the newspaper the week after he was killed, she was stunned. While the article began as an in-depth, revealing picture of the life of dialysis patients and the care they received, it ended poignantly. Jim told the story of a patient he had met, a woman, whose courage and frailty he admired. Despite the physical and emotional toll she had suffered from treatments, evaluations and set backs, she had remained a vibrant and free spirit. And yet the war she had battled was not without cost, each disappointment making it's mark on her soul. Sam felt he was speaking to her, trying in some way to offer an apology for the lies. At Jim's funeral she stood with the other dialysis patients that he had befriended. He had given them a voice and they quietly honored him as they said good-bye.

The hospital was investigated due to the confusion with Jim's and his brother Jon's mixed up identification. Because they were twin brothers there was no way to prove who was who. Adding to the confusion was the fact that there were no other family members to help sort things out, and Jon had left town. The transplant center had gotten a 30 day probation for negligence, but were back to business as usual.

Las Vegas! What fun! She had not been since she was a little kid and was not allowed to do anything in the casinos! She was going to see Shark Reef and the MGM casino. They were staying in the Pyramid in a room near the top of the place. Her mom had entertainment connections, so they were going to see a couple of shows, too. And the tour of the south rim of the Grand Canyon would be great. Mom was also trying to get a helicopter tour of the city arranged. It would be a whirlwind trip. Sam was so looking forward to everything. Her first real trip anywhere in years!
Sam was doing her hair and finishing up some last touches before they headed out. She yelled to her mom, "Are you almost ready??" Her mom laughed and replied, "I'm done, your the one fooling with your hair." "Okay, okay! I'm ready. I'm just so excited I haven't been out to do something fun in years!" Sam said. They headed out of their room and down the hallway. The elevator was open and waiting for someone to enter it, so they got in and headed for the lobby. They had gotten tickets to one of the most amazing shows in Las Vegas, Blue Man Group. Once they arrived at the show they went to their seats. They had front row seats! Sam headed up to the bar to get a drink and asked her mom if she wanted anything. Her om replied, "I'll take a Pina Colada." She returned with the drinks and the show started. Samantha watched with a huge smile upon her face. The show was so spectacular she was having the time of her life. On their way out Sam wondered where they would be going tomorrow night....
Out of the corner of her eye Sam thought she saw someone who looked familiar. When she turned to look for them they were gone. "Hmmmm. " She thought. " That man looked a lot like Jim Bean." Even though his death had ended the hope of a relationship she remembered him fondly. Her Mom caught up with her in the lobby of the theater and they continued out to the casino floor.
"Hey Mom." said Sam "Let's play the nickel slots for a little bit."
"Okay." Mom answered over the crowd.
They wandered over to the slot machines and played. Sam won a little. but mostly lost.
"Well, I should have just thrown the money on the casino floor! Sam said to her mother. Her mather laughed as she pushed the last button on the slot machine.
"Ching! Ching! Ching!!!" Jackpot!!!! Sam and her mom screamed and screamed. Her mom had won over ten thousand dollars. In fact, it was nearly eleven thousand. "I can't believe this!" Sam said, semi-shocked. Her mom said, "At least, this will cover all we spent to come here." 'Mom, ever the practical one,' thought Sam, but said nothing.
"Let's go and celebrate!" said her mom. "I refuse to lose any of this, trying to get more!"
"At least, I can drink as I please now," added Sam.
They went to the restaurant next door to casino, and went up to the bar. Sam felt quite excited. She looked around the restaurant. It had quite a few people, but it was not full. There was a pleasant ambiance there.'This trip is turning out nicely,' she said to herself. After all she had been through, this was like a breath of fresh air.
Then she looked over to the corner and saw two men and a women seated. Her eyes were just passing over them, when the head of the man backing her looked very familiar. She looked back again. It couldn't be! 'I have him on my mind too much,' she said to herself.
But she would know that head anywhere... or would she.....?
Sam hid behind the menu when she saw the table he was at get up to leave. They were going to pass right by their table.
Sam took a good look at him as he walked by. She must be seeing things. Jim Bean walked on by her table. She resisted the urge to trip him.
When she brought the menu down, her Mom said: "What's wrong? You look like you have just seen a ghost."
Sam aswered: "I think I just did."
Sam ate but her mind was elsewhere. Her mother kept talking as Sam pretended to listen. 'Am I losing it?' she wondered.
On the way out of the restaurant she stopped at the waitress station as her mom headed for the lobby. "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice that you waited on the table in the corner." The waitress looked up, "Yes, can I help you?" "Yes, actually, I'm not sure, but I think it was an old friend and I was wondering if you could tell me if they signed the check as hotel guests?" The waitress eyed her suspiciously, but seemed to loosen up as Sam slipped a folded twenty dollar bill into her hand. "All I can say,"