Men!!

[lainiepop]

Totally off topic....but feeling bit sorry for myself this morning as my uti has returned for the third time!!! So hubby takes my son to shops while i stay home and daughter sleeps. They come back my son says mummy we got a present for you. I think how sweet. It's an IRON. Seriously?!!  I am 30 years old, where's the romance (or chocolates and flowers?!)  Hubby said well u needed a new one. My transplant in 2 weeks tuesday so whats he gonna do while im recovering?! At least my mum will be there to start with, but seriously im dreaded the thought of my house while i get away, last time i was ill ( a mth ago) took me a week to blitz the place plus i had tons of ironing to do (he tried, it took him 2 days to get though half a pile - he had the kids to see to as well - er what do i do every day?!) 

[cattlekid]

I got a vacuum cleaner for Christmas once.  I have to give DH credit though, I was bitching about the old one - and I'm too cheap to buy a new one myself.  And the new one does rock 

[rsudock]

I have been thinking about men and woman in relationships a lot lately....for you folks in a relationship can you give me some insight please?

1. What is the most important factor in a relationship? (work ethic, compatiable personalities, etc...)

2. Is it possible to keep that "head over heels in love" feeling throughout an entire relationship?

3. How does marriage change people?

4. Did you feel 100% ready to get married...how did you know?

5. If you could change anything about your relationship what would you change? (sex, chore distribution, work schedule?)

Please I really need specific honest advice...not grandiose general love statements (ie-marry your best friend)

I am not sure if soulmates exist honestly....

xo,
R

[MomoMcSleepy]

I got a vacuum one year, too, and I hugged it. 

I think it's good they got you a new iron, but calling it a "present" was definitely a misstep.

when I had surgery a couple of years ago, everyone knew my husband wouldn't be able to keep up.  My father-in-law hired a maid to come twice a month.. It doesn't always cost a ton.  Maybe you could rally the troops (or your husband could) and get a maid, or different relatives can do different household chores and errands?  Now is not the time to be shy.

I am going through a bit of this myself, but luckily we just have cats.  I had my A/V fistula surgery a couple days ago, and went to work yesterday,then just came home and weights bed with a hugely swollen arm.  We're having friends over to take down our deck, and my husband had to clean.  He was up til 3, and only made it through the kitchen, vacuuming, and wiping things down.  He's very thorough, but also it takes forever to do things you're not used to doing.  He cleaned the litter boxes, too.

it smelled so nice when I woke up, cause he uses a whole box of carpet fresh every time!   

[lainiepop]

Men gotta love them hey!!  To be fair i did need a new iron as the old one is terrible and the fabric on the wiring is wearing away to expose the cord - not safe with a crawling baby!!

Momomcsleepy should be okish when i have the transplant, my hubby is a teacher and the op is the week before half term (we're in UK) so school are giving him the week of op off then he has half term off anyway. So he'll be at my parents house with the kids, looking after them along with my mum while dad and i are in hospital. Dad should be out pretty soon but steve will have to go back to work after half term (the kids will stay at my parents and steve'll come down on weekends its a 3hr drive). When i ome back my parents will prob too for a bit but i have had lots of offers of help from pres-chool and church, its useful knowing lots of people with kids as most don't work or if they do only part time, neighbours have offered too. The clinic have been quite good too they've said they'll try see me in the hospital 5mins down the road instead of their base which is 40min drive as with my 2 young kids will be difficult twice a week. But we will see!!


rsudock, will answer your qs best i can :

1. This is most tricky i think. I guess all of it has an impact. For me personally i am quite stressy, hubby is quite calm, we balance each other whereas my ex was like me and we'd have blazing rows and storm off etc not nice!! Attraction and personality obviously a big one, for me family over work is important, my ex was just into money and how much he could make. Obviosuly u need money dont get me wrong but id rather be married to someone who is happy with 'enough' and sees us more than works all hours i spend his cash and dont see him and kids dont see dad.

2. No. We'll have been married 7 years on 2nd july (the day after my daughters 1st birthday!) and it doesn't last, i think it comes and goes, especially when u have rough patches. We went through a patch when we struggled to conceive our daughter and i contemplated leaving at one point seems insane to me now but we got through it. And i love him. Its important to work at a marriage not just give up, well thats what i think anyway!!

3. I think its changed me. Made me focus on what's important, work harder at relationships. Its changed other peoples views of me too, its different being someones 'wife' instead of 'just' girlfriend. I get taken more seriously as his wife than i did as girlfriend. It feels different, i can't explain how it just does!

4. Yes i did feel 100% ready even tho i was only 23 and hubby was 22 (is 6mths younger). Sounds absolutely daft but on our first date i just 'knew' he'd be the man i'd marry (even tho id known him for 3 years and not liked him like that!) Within a month he'd told me he loved me, 3mths we were talking about the future, 6 mths we were engaged, a year later married. I don't regret it, I had Andrew at 25 and Elena at 29 and Im done. I do sometimes think sometimes i had more of an urgency than others because i had my health issue in the back of my mind but id had 2 long term relationships before both of who would've married me and it didn't feel right, plus some shorter term ones that didn't propose lol! We felt the same way so both thought why wait? Im sure some people thought i was pregnant but i was not lol!!

5. At the moment the only thing id change is we'd be having sex and id feel like i want to but im knackered at the mo and after a pregnancy scare 3 mths ago dh got the snip and doesn't want to do it until after transplant just in case as we do not want to risk putting off this transplant for 9mths. The only other thing i would change is him speaking up to his mother, that is a problem we have always had and i cannot go into now would take far too long, but that is all, really is a a loving kind wonderful man and i am lucky to have him (doesn't mean i cant moan about him as well tho!)
Hth

Marie x

[jbeany]

I have been thinking about men and woman in relationships a lot lately....for you folks in a relationship can you give me some insight please?

1. What is the most important factor in a relationship? (work ethic, compatiable personalities, etc...)

2. Is it possible to keep that "head over heels in love" feeling throughout an entire relationship?

3. How does marriage change people?

4. Did you feel 100% ready to get married...how did you know?

5. If you could change anything about your relationship what would you change? (sex, chore distribution, work schedule?)

Please I really need specific honest advice...not grandiose general love statements (ie-marry your best friend)

I am not sure if soulmates exist honestly....

xo,
R

Okay, I may not be the best one to answer this, since I'm not in a relationship anymore, but here's my two cents worth. 

I don't think soulmates exist.  I think most people in happy marriages have found someone who is compatible in a lot of ways, and then they work at staying that way.  From what I've read, compatibility is a combination of social and financial background, work ethic, values, religion, and personality.  I don't think any single factor is the most important, or that lack of any single one is necessarily a relationship killer.
I don't think the head over heels is meant to last.  It's a chemical rush that falling in love brings.  You will have flashes of it, but the steady high doesn't last for anyone.  Everyone gets it at the beginning.  But the lucky ones are still happy together when they are past that stage.
I also think those who are happy together are aware of the limitations of a happy marriage.  Your spouse is NOT going to fulfill every emotional need you have.  You not only should have some things you don't do together, I think you need them.  Time spent apart, pursuing other interests is important to keeping a relationship stronger when you are together.
As for feeling ready - if you aren't cautious about making a lifelong commitment, then I'm not sure you've really thought about what it means.

[Poppylicious]

Do you know lainiepop, I don't think my Blokey has ever bought me flowers or chocolates except at socially-designated times of the year (Birthday, Valentine's, etc.)  Not that I mind; he has bought me more geeky gifts instead!  But never an iron.  It could have been worse; he could have saved it for your birthday or Christmas and wrapped it up in pretty paper whilst expecting you to show major excitement upon opening it.

 

RS, I'll do my best to answer from my perspective ...

1. What is the most important factor in a relationship? (work ethic, compatiable personalities, etc...)

Compatibility, which is broad enough to encompass everything. 

2. Is it possible to keep that "head over heels in love" feeling throughout an entire relationship?

Nope, but as has already been said, that doesn't mean it goes away.  It just lies dormant and it jumps up and waves happily (often at ridiculously insane and unexpected times), reminding you of why you fell head over heels in love in the first place.  Blokey and I show our love for each other in the little things we do every single day, and that occasional *whoosh* of overpowering 'yep, that's why I married him' love is an added bonus.

3. How does marriage change people?

I don't think it did change me.  I don't think it has changed Blokey either.  We'd already achieved the 'being comfortable enough with each other due to sharing a living space' certificate.  We started getting joint Christmas presents from his older relatives though ...

4. Did you feel 100% ready to get married...how did you know?

I was 100% ready and knew it was the right thing to do.  I don't know how I knew, but I just did.  I knew I was going (wanted) to spend the rest of my life with Blokey and it just seemed logical that a sparkly diamond encrusted wedding ring would seal the deal properly!  That doesn't mean I went into marriage wearing rose-tinted specs; I was cautious and whatnot, but it was the right thing for us, as a couple. 

5. If you could change anything about your relationship what would you change? (sex, chore distribution, work schedule?)

We would have more sex, Blokey would be exceptionally good at DIY and I wouldn't be such a lazy mare.

Any relationship needs care and attention and very hard work.  You have to be prepared for the hard work and for not just giving up at the first hurdle; if only love was like it is in Hollywood films, eh?  Instead it's often mundane, scary and frustrating with a lack of romance and an air of comfortability.   

[lainiepop]

Ah poppylicious he's never got u chocs or flowers?! I can't say that, my hubby does, last time he got flowers tho he was prompted by our 4 year old son and when it chocs its cos he fancies them or they were on offer haha!!
You're in the UK as well aren't u? How is your blokey doing with your kidney i hope he's stabilized now. I have read your posts with interest as my transplant is so close, getting bit worried now!! On the subject of marriage, if you divorced would u want the kidney back  hubby said this to me before my parents stepped forward!! as a joke obviously he would not be getting it!!!!!

[smcd23]

1. What is the most important factor in a relationship? (work ethic, compatiable personalities, etc...)

2. Is it possible to keep that "head over heels in love" feeling throughout an entire relationship?

3. How does marriage change people?

4. Did you feel 100% ready to get married...how did you know?

5. If you could change anything about your relationship what would you change? (sex, chore distribution, work schedule?)

I will answer best I can, on my own personal beliefs...

1. I think it's a willingness to listen, change and adapt. If you're in the relationship, you obviously have stuff in common. But to make it go forward long term, both people have to be willing to listen to the needs of their partner, make changes in themselves, schedules, etc and also adapt to the changes the other person makes. If I wasn't willing to be flexible and make changes, I'd left my SO a long time ago.

2. Nope, and I don't think I ever had a head over heels feeling. Just a comfort factor which was good enough for me.

3. I don't think marriage changes people, it changes life in general. Before marriage, there is no real commitment. You get mad, you can split. Once you're married there is a piece of paper and a vow that means a commitment was made. So when stuff comes up, you get mad, life gets hard, you can't just split. You have to work at it because of that commitment (now of course this doesn't hold true for all of those folks who get divorced right away etc). And your priorities have to shift in order to make it work long term. I am not married on paper, but our relationship is similar to that of a married couple. And I don't think I've changed, I am still the same person at my core, just how I look at problems and how I handle them has changed.

4. Again, we're not married. But we have a kid together, a life together etc. How did I know? I imagined my life 10 years from now, without him. And if that was hard to do, or made me sad, I wouldn't have said OK to having a kid. I had done that with lots of people I had dated in the past, and all of them seemed expendable in my future. Do I think I could have thought that way about someone else, that they were "the one" and we needed to get married? Sure, but my SO was in my life at the time, and when we talked about the future, he fit.

5. I wouldn't change the relationship, I'd change his health. Before ESRD hit, we had a nice system, were in sync and what I lacked he made up for and vice versa. Now due to ESRD, things have shifted from a mostly 50/50 distribution to a 90/10 distribution with most things falling on me. I'd obviously like more sex, for him to pull his weight etc, but that's hard with ESRD in the way.

And men do pretty much stink. My SO is currently out doing the Mother's Day shopping for me (last minute much?). A few years ago for my birthday he got me a handheld GPS because I made one off handed comment about geocaching. He hunts and was always saying HE needed one for that. So I guess my comment about "Oh geocaching might be fun when the baby is here to get us outside as a family" translated into "I want a handheld GPS" in his man mind. That was the worst birthday ever, and I am fairly certain I didn't talk to him for a week haha.

[MooseMom]

I don't think marriage changed me, but having a child sure did.

I wouldn't want to keep that "head over heels in love" feeling for an entire marriage.  That would just wear me out.

Yes, I was 100% ready to get married because I was bored living with and for just myself.

For me, the most important factor(s) in a relationship is intelligence and kindness.  I can't bear being around stupid people nor persons who are cruel or unthinking. 

[smcd23]

For me, the most important factor(s) in a relationship is intelligence and kindness.  I can't bear being around stupid people nor persons who are cruel or unthinking. 

I agree! But I like intelligence in areas that I am not so bright, so it compliments. I understand a lot of mechanical stuff, but I can't explain it well, and I don't know a lot of specifics. My SO is smart, but not as book smart as I am, but he is very mechanical. So it's a good balance.

[Gerald Lively]

Dear Ladies:

I have known many women.  I married two of them – uh . . . . one at a time.  My first marriage was arranged by my overbearing parents and I stuck it out for 15 years before I figured it out; I was slowly going insane.  She saw me as a role players: I brought home the money; she swept the floor.  When I sold my interest in a business and went to college, I wasn’t bringing home the money.  That forced a decision on my part, up my minimum qualifications and learn something, or spend the remainder of my days in drudgery.  As for our communications: she talked at 300 decibels and didn’t seem to hear what I had to say.  She didn’t want to talk about it.

Marriage #2.  Romance, flowers and three years of living in lust.  We mapped out a plan for life: I finished college while she worked, then I worked while she finished college.  We decided on the place we wanted to live (undeveloped property) and we built the house we wanted.  We decided to have no children.  In 2008 that house burnt down, or burnt up depending on how you look at things.  So, we sat down with some floor plans, drew out what we thought we wanted, and built that place.  Perfect house for us. All a result of great communications.  For years I did the cooking and cleaning the house – even while working.  I did all of the maintenance until one day she found wallpaper.  She glued the house.  But that was the old house.  Since 1993 she has had to take care of he due to health issues.  There was a break in there where I spent time in a gym engaging in powerlifting.  Alas, cancer and renal failure visited.    We have been together now for 36 years, both retired, both doing what we want.

I have been an advocate for women’s rights since college and somewhere along the road of life, I decided that there is no male/female role in a relationship.  Moreover, communication is the key.  Love is a result of compatibility and time spent together.  In our relationship, I am the romantic one.  I proposed with a loaf of French bread in one hand and a ring in the other.  She likes French bread, the ring was okay too.

gl

[Poppylicious]

Ah poppylicious he's never got u chocs or flowers?! I can't say that, my hubby does, last time he got flowers tho he was prompted by our 4 year old son and when it chocs its cos he fancies them or they were on offer haha!!
You're in the UK as well aren't u? How is your blokey doing with your kidney i hope he's stabilized now. I have read your posts with interest as my transplant is so close, getting bit worried now!! On the subject of marriage, if you divorced would u want the kidney back  hubby said this to me before my parents stepped forward!! as a joke obviously he would not be getting it!!!!!

Indeedy I am in the UK (not sure where you are, but I'm probably a bit more southern.)  He's doing okay now, thanks.  Pretty much returned to 'normal' since the ridiculously elevated creatinine scare; he's currently playing his online Star Wars game so he's a happy bunny. 

We have joked that he only married me for my kidney, and that if we divorced I'd want it back.  Light-hearted banter from both consenting parties, I hasten to add (before anyone tells me I'm evil!) 

 

[boswife]

oh my ........you guys are gooooo oooooo d!  Lots of great stuff here   Hope it helps Rach

And the gift stuff is funny      I just get embarrassed w/gifts so dont care much for them, so this has been a fun thread all around for me to read..  Bunch of huggable people here

[lainiepop]

Poppy we are quite south too we are in Bournemouth by the sea I'm originally from Plymouth (even more south) and hubby's is from wimbledon, right next to the tennis. Am having the op down in plymouth just easier as that is where my parents are, it was either that or bristol my as bournemouth isnt specialist enough. where did u and blokey  have yours done? Glad he is feeling better looks like was just a blip then?! I'm getting nervous now its 2 weeks tomorrow, worrying that something will go wrong and it just won't work!! Dad had a superb kidney apparently my tranaplant nurse said it has a lot to live up to!!!

[Poppylicious]

Ah okay, lainiepop ... I'm a bit more northern then! I'm not sure why I thought you were north of the midlands.  We had the surgery done at Addenbrooke's (Cambridge.)

The next two weeks will probably fly by and before you know it you'll be back home with lots more bounce (and recovered fully just in time to enjoy the summer hols with hubby)!  Don't forget to buy (beg, steal or borrow) a litter-picker-upper for both you and your dad.  That's the only advice I give now, simply because it's the one thing I really could have done with!! That natural reaction to bend down to pick something up is such a pain (literally!)

Does the iron work?

 

[JustDee]

This post reminds of a day, long ago, when a boyfriend gave me a ironing board for Valentines Day....didn't marry him...hmm!
I think the number one ingredient needed for a successful marriage is a shared sense of humor...if you can laugh you can survive.  Took me a long time to realize this was true, married a few times for all the wrong reasons but my Hubby now laughs at me and with me and we have a Very Happy Life!!!

[lainiepop]

Yes poppy the iron works , have to admit its better than the last one haha!! litter picker upper - im assuming that'll be my mum and hubby  yes i am very nervous cos only 2 weeks today, say nephs this morn, function has improved from 8-10%, he said its improved loads, creatinine had gone from 560-460 its weird how 100 doesn't seem that much when the figures are so high but would be if u jumped 190 - 290 u know?! So would u recommend donating a kidney then, if u could do it again would u?

[lainiepop]

an iron for valentines...thats bad, valentines gift should be romantic

[Desert Dancer]

I have been thinking about men and woman in relationships a lot lately....for you folks in a relationship can you give me some insight please?

1. What is the most important factor in a relationship? (work ethic, compatiable personalities, etc...)

Communication, communication, communication. Andy and I talk about EVERYTHING. It helps if both partners are open-minded and self-aware enough to know when they're hearing the truth about themselves, and grounded enough to easily say things like "I was wrong" or "I don't know". Egos have to be set aside; Andy and I put each other first in all our doings.

Unconditional trust is a must (communication helps with that). If you don't have trust, you don't have anything.

2. Is it possible to keep that "head over heels in love" feeling throughout an entire relationship?

Andy and I have been together for 15 years now and we haven't lost that feeling yet. I'm not sure how or why, but I think just having been through so much together and having each other's backs over the years has a lot to do with it. I still get fluttery inside and my heart flips over in my chest when I see his van pull up to the house after work. But the best feeling of all isn't the 'head over heels' feeling; it's the comfort and richness of a relationship that has mellowed and deepened over the years. It's being able to sit in silence with each other and communicate solely with facial expression and body language. It's having another person know you better than you know yourself sometimes and loving you unconditionally anyway.

3. How does marriage change people?

We've had this discussion and both agree that neither of us has changed. We've been together 15 years - married for 7 as of yesterday - and things have only gotten better.

4. Did you feel 100% ready to get married...how did you know?

We had already been together for 8 years and really just wanted to do it for the legal protections. This was not too long after the whole Terry Schiavo fiasco.

5. If you could change anything about your relationship what would you change? (sex, chore distribution, work schedule?)

Honest to goodness, I really can't think of anything. I'm home almost all the time and he works out in the heat like a rented mule, getting up at an ungodly hour to do so; it only seems fair that I do everything I can at home so he can just relax.

More sex would be better but we are both dealing with medical issues and - having talked about it - we agree that we just have to be patient and wait for it to come back. Thankfully sex is not the centerpiece of our relationship; eventually it will become rare or non-existent when we get old, so we recognize our friendship is the bedrock of our relationship.

Please I really need specific honest advice...not grandiose general love statements (ie-marry your best friend)
I am not sure if soulmates exist honestly....

I hope what I said didn't come across as a "grandiose general love statement". Relationships like ours seem to be few and far between and we both know we are each lucky beyond belief to have found each other. We don't agree on everything and our personalities are pretty opposite - he's a pessimist and I'm an optimist - but then we don't HAVE to agree on everything.

My guiding principle is this: life is short and I don't ever want to say or do anything I will have to regret later, if something happens to Andy. I am always conscious of that and so far have managed to stick to it.

[rsudock]

Love to you all who answered and still answer.....I guess if relationships were easier, everyone would be in them!

xo,
R

[Poppylicious]

Love to you all who answered and still answer.....I guess if relationships were easier, everyone would be in them!

I think if everybody viewed them in the same way there wouldn't be a single (as in 'not in a relationship' rather than 'nobody existing anymore', obviously!) soul on the planet.  That's what makes relationships so fascinating; we don't really know what keeps the odd couple together, whilst the seemingly highly compatible couple don't last five minutes.

We've had this discussion and both agree that neither of us has changed. We've been together 15 years - married for 7 as of yesterday - and things have only gotten better.

Happy (belated) Anniversary, DD!

So would u recommend donating a kidney then, if u could do it again would u?

Yes, and yes.  My only real issue was the pain, which is also the ONLY thing I didn't think about pre-donation.  I have vague recollections in the months leading up to it of the transplant co-ordinator and my mum, etc. mentioning pain and me just saying, 'Yes, but I'm going to have to have an enema AND a catheter!' as if the pain issue was totally irrelevant.

 

(Oh, and I'm glad the iron works ... it was a useful present!)

[gothiclovemonkey]

LOL I dont really know if i see an actually issue in the point that he bought the iron, i mean, if u needed one... but yes, some  men are pretty helpless sometimes!
Your man is lucky, i dont iron my own clothes, so i wouldnt iron his :p

I have been thinking about men and woman in relationships a lot lately....for you folks in a relationship can you give me some insight please?

1. What is the most important factor in a relationship? (work ethic, compatiable personalities, etc...)

2. Is it possible to keep that "head over heels in love" feeling throughout an entire relationship?

3. How does marriage change people?

4. Did you feel 100% ready to get married...how did you know?

5. If you could change anything about your relationship what would you change? (sex, chore distribution, work schedule?)

Please I really need specific honest advice...not grandiose general love statements (ie-marry your best friend)

I am not sure if soulmates exist honestly....

xo,
R

You and me both! I always thought that soulmates was a bs theory, and that the love stories you see on tv arent ever real. I still have trouble believeing anything is ever THAT perfect. They dont show the bad parts of course. Its taken me a long time to know this.
Im not married, and idk if i ever will be. (although if my bf asked, i think i would say yes!) I dont really think that matters. At all. Its just paper. Its how you act and love one another as a couple. Thats what matters.
1. What is the most important factor in a relationship? (work ethic, compatiable personalities, etc...)

Honesty and trust, some of the same interests...

2. Is it possible to keep that "head over heels in love" feeling throughout an entire relationship?
i sure hope so!

3. How does marriage change people?
I think it depends, if your honest from the bigining, then it shouldnt.

4. Did you feel 100% ready to get married...how did you know?
i dont think so, theres always a chance in it... and thats scary!

5. If you could change anything about your relationship what would you change? (sex, chore distribution, work schedule?)
honestly, sex... LOL thats almost to embarrassing to admit. Also, he likes to joke, allll the time, and i cant tell when hes kidding and when hes serious... but hes an amazing guy, and ive never met anyone like him. we have alot in common.

No relationship is perfect. they are hard work, and you have to learn how to communicate and live with another person

[Gerald Lively]

Women are humans and should be treated like a human being.  However, they have a certain appeal that, when viewed, makes me sweat.  I find women hard to trust, all because they are being pursued by legions of over-hormoned men.  I do have preferences.  I like intelligent, glib women with at least average looks.

My wife of 35 years did not think she was particularly intelligent early on, it took encouragement and a nudge in the right direction from time to time.  She ended up supervising about a hundred social workers.  She found management easy but from time to time she would call home during some analysis and ask how I did it.  That has become an inside joke and that makes a potential problem into a funny.  Trust requires time.

My wife is capable and eager to help around here.  She is great looking and has an unbelievable set of mammaries.  Women are a reason to live.

gl

[Poppylicious]

I had an argument-ish thing with Blokey last night.  I was huffing and puffing and stomping around, moaned at him for NEVER doing anything and he said, 'But you never LET me do anything'.  I know; I'm a control freak.  I don't often huff, puff and stomp but for the second day in a row I'd come home to find him watching telly and he just sat there while I got the washing in off the line, made a cup of tea, put some washing in the machine and started sorting out dinner.  Oh, and made the bed. In my defence I was exhausted, I'm poorly and I have the painters in, none of which is a good combination.

There, that's out of my system for another few months now. In reality I don't mind doing everything ... I was just in so much pain.  He told me off for never telling him that I'm in pain, or that I need him to do something for me.  I just don't like burdening him with stuff ... *sigh* I then told him to go to the shop and get me some meds.  He did.  And made me a cup of tea.  Then he gave me a fiver and I used his credit card today to buy three new tops.  I love my Blokey.