Ways to balance it all?

[smcd23]

Lately, I've been struggling to balance everything and take time for myself. I've been working 8+ hour days and 6 on Saturdays. When I get home from work at 6, I have to cook dinner and do what I can with my son before he goes to bed at 8. After he's in bed, I have to wash dishes, fold laundry, do household chores. My son is at daycare all day, so his dad is home all day, doing God knows what. I know he's on dialysis (PD) but still, I feel like SOMETHING should get done around the house while he sits here childless.

I want to exercise. I want to take better care of myself, but I'm freaking exhausted by the time the little guy goes to bed. The only reason I am up this late right now is because I got a 3 hour nap in today while the little guy was taking his nap.

So how does everyone else balance things out? Do you expect more of the patient? I feel like sometimes I should be telling my SO he has to get things done because if he has the energy to work on his truck, go fishing or whatever he should have the energy to do the household stuff too, right? I really do feel like everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING is falling on my shoulders, and I am taking care of it, but at the same time I am not doing anything to take care of me, and I worry that is going to bite me in the bottom one of these days. Any suggestions on how to make me time, or balance everything better would be great, because I'm getting worn out quick.

[lainiepop]

No wonder you are exhausted! I don't think it is unreasonable for u to expect while he's at home all day to do some stuff to help, after all people on pd can still work can't they? One of my friends knows someone who does. Don't know if u remember but on your introduction post i said im in stage 5 with 8.6% function, not on dialysis as getting a transplant in 3 weeks, but ive been at 10% since august last yr and im at home full time with my 4 yr old son and 10mths old daughter. I do not sit down all day in between taking and picking ds up from pre-school (and he's home mon and fri all day with us) , going to and from groups, making their food playing with them doing washing ironing hoovering cleaning etc. I sit down when dh comes in at 4.30 he makes dinner i sit with baby and its my sons tv time. Then we do bedtime together. Yes im pretty tired but tbh ive got used to feeling this way and its normal for me, in that ive stopped feeling tired, my friends say i'll be up at 5am running after transplant lol with all the excess energy). If he can work on his truck and fish then i think he could do the dishes and stick some washing on. Leave the dishes and laundry and go to bed, he can do that in the morning. Trying to manage it with 2 kids is stressful, i sound like a saddo but if andrew's at pre-school and elena's asleep i get excited i can do chores in peace or while watching tv (i need to get a life!) I would also love to do things for myself but i have no time cause the kids come first and to an extent thats true whether you're ill or not. Could it be he might be slightly depressed by his situation? I dont know if its different for men as i guess stereo-typically id be at home with the kids if ill or not, whereas maybe he feels he's letting u down in some way i don't know.
It's not right that you're so shattered tho, i do think he should be helping but i have no advice for u how to tell him this! Would he be ok about it do u think? Cos if you carry on like u r doing everything you'll end up making yourself ill in the process and thats not gonna help anyone xx

[Grumpy-1]

I'm on PD and working 13 hours (including commuting) 5 days a week.  While my physical capabilities are limited, I still can help a little bit with the yard.  While I'm not a great cook, I can cook some stuff - but I'm good at doing the dishes (ie putting them in the dish washer and then away).  I can help clean the house - vaccum, dust, etc.  It just takes me longer than it does my wife.   If you hubby can go fishing, work on his truck, etc then he can help in the house too.  Suggest you sit him down and make a list of the things he can do to help.  Make them an assignment.  Guys need to be assigned things to do (in the house)  I know that if my wife doesn't tell me that the vacuuming needs to be done, then I'll over look it and such.  Try that and see if that works.   I'm not very good at starting the laundry, but if my wife starts a load, I can put them in the drier and fold them as well.    Also, I never seem to do these things quite the way my wife does and so she has had to learn to not complain on the method or the results, if they are different than her way.   You may have to do that too.    Grumpy

[MomoMcSleepy]

Lately, I've been struggling to balance everything and take time for myself. I've been working 8+ hour days and 6 on Saturdays. When I get home from work at 6, I have to cook dinner and do what I can with my son before he goes to bed at 8. After he's in bed, I have to wash dishes, fold laundry, do household chores. My son is at daycare all day, so his dad is home all day, doing God knows what. I know he's on dialysis (PD) but still, I feel like SOMETHING should get done around the house while he sits here childless.

I want to exercise. I want to take better care of myself, but I'm freaking exhausted by the time the little guy goes to bed. The only reason I am up this late right now is because I got a 3 hour nap in today while the little guy was taking his nap.

So how does everyone else balance things out? Do you expect more of the patient? I feel like sometimes I should be telling my SO he has to get things done because if he has the energy to work on his truck, go fishing or whatever he should have the energy to do the household stuff too, right? I really do feel like everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING is falling on my shoulders, and I am taking care of it, but at the same time I am not doing anything to take care of me, and I worry that is going to bite me in the bottom one of these days. Any suggestions on how to make me time, or balance everything better would be great, because I'm getting worn out quick.

What's funny is I feel the same way you do, and I'm the sick one. I don't think it's his kidney, I thing's his penis....

ok, that was sexist...I married a lovely, spoiled  man, and I suppose it's a sore spot....sorry to the hardworking men who are picking up and cleaning and changing diapers...you are awesome!  And, I bet he is tired.  Maybe a chore list?  Is he home all day?  He needs to move around, anyway, to stay in good health.  One thing I have tried is saying "will you please?". instead of "could you/can you". It actually works.  He needs to pull his weight, and he probably can do much more than he is, and it might make him feel better.  Make a weekly list of one room or chore to focus on each day of the week, a routine, bearing in mind his physical and mental abilities.

I'll tell you, I have been doing everything for years, and as I get sicker, the house gets dirtier.  If you ever get sick, you're screwed, so nip this in the bud now.. My husband pouts at me when I am tired on the couch, it's infuriating.  He has actually been more helpful, but it is a slow process and the house is getting to be stinky.  I am living in a stinky house!   

when you figure this out, let me know, please.  We don't have kids yet, I imagine it's tough for you!

[big777bill]

 If he can go fishing and work on his pickup he can do household work!  Being a caregiver, working and keeping the house up is too much for anyone. That's not to mention taking care of a child! Tell him to get of his butt and man-up. I have diabetes, do home-hemo and had a liver transplant. I cook at least 2 days a week for the family. I also try to help as much as I can with the housework and the yardwork. As long as he's not in a wheelchair he can help. 

[smcd23]

Thanks all for your kind words. We have been seeing a therapist together and she has tried to suggest some of the things you mentioned - daily task lists, chores for him, time management stuff etc. Nothing seems to get through. I think a lot of it is the depression but I know he is not religious with taking those meds. Then of course today he finds out they want to take out his parathyroid, so I am thinking that is going to put him in a funk for the rest of the week  And I do tell him exactly what I want or need him to do, but it's often like talking to a brick wall.

Some day, things will be normal again around here. When we started dating he wasn't this sick, so he still had motivation to do stuff.

[Jean]

Momo, I agree with you, its his penis. But, he should be doing things to help, so since men "simply dont pay attention to those sorts of things" you just have to point them out to him. I am also living in a dirty house, being on the verge of stage 5 and also being 73 years old already. I cant imagine how bad it is going to get when I get really sick. So, I guess I will not be able to.

[Henry P Snicklesnorter]

.

[smokinbeaver]

I am new on here, been a lurker, and wondering where to start posting. I am the wife, and my husband will be starting dialysis soon. He has had the fistual put in, but not before having to get 2 pts of blood so he could have the surgery. I've been reading all I can about the diet he will need to be following, and it looks impossible for us to follow. Stuff he likes will be out, stuff they want him to eat are things he can't stand. I don't know how I can cook this way and still have food being appetising, because I can't cook all day long for him to get what he needs. It seems to be best that I follow and eat the same foods, but I have a grown daughter living with us, and possibly her 9 yr old son could move in with us too. I think I will have quite a time, but I am dertermined to help him. He has diabetes and takes great care of himmself and diabetes on his own. We adjusted to that well even with me having to rescue him with many many low blood sugars and giving him glucogen shots. Hope I am not way off topic, but this is scarey! Jon will do what he can to help himmself and try not to be a burden. He is hoping he can continue to work and it looks like he can do his hrs then leave and go to a dialysis center nearby. We are scared we could lose our health insurance. He is not able to help around the house and I mow the lawn to save from having to pay someone to do it. I know all this stuff is part of getting older, we know diabetes is a progressive disease, but he is only 58 and I am 57. Didn't think we would see all this so so early in our 39 yrs of marriage

[Poppylicious]

Didn't think we would see all this so so early in our 39 yrs of marriage.

This made me smile because it's so sweet ... if Blokey and I make it to 39 years it will be a) a miracle and b) a blasted eternity!!  (We made it to two and a half years post wedding ceremony before Blokey became properly ill!)

I make no secret of the fact that I do EVERYTHING around the house.  However, I only work part-time (am out for three whole twelve hour days though) and Blokey has never stopped working full-time since being diagnosed.  Part of my reason for doing EVERYTHING is that (as Grumpy alluded to with his missus) Blokey just wouldn't be able to do things to my standard.  Also, because he does work full-time and does earn a good wage and has had to put up with this sh!t, I just don't mind doing it.  It did take a long time before I came to terms with being 'okay' about doing EVERYTHING though!  And I do still huff and puff when I feel things are getting on top of me.  But he does buy me nice things and if I do ask he does do stuff for me, so I'm happy with the way things are. 

In your position I would not be happy.  Could you just chill when you get in?  Make sure baby is fed, clothed and watered, but do nothing for Mr. smcd.  No dinner, no picky-uppy after him, watch what you want to watch on the telly, take a long, hot bath?  If he has the energy and motivation to go fishing or do other things he enjoys then surely he can cook you the occasional meal or fold a few items of clothes for you.  Just out of interest (and you may have mentioned it, sorry ... don't have time to check!) why doesn't he work?  Has he ever done anything around the house or has he always had someone to do things for him (in which case you need to train him, pronto!)

[MooseMom]

It's really hard to make judgments and suggestions to people you've never met, especially when they are ill, so while we are all trying to be supportive, we can't know what is really going on with your husband, smcd.

I've just had a long look at your avatar/photo of you, your son and your husband, and while I know that online photos aren't necessarily worth a thousand words, I have to say that your husband looks shellshocked.  Going by your descriptions, it does sound to me like depression might be the true culprit here, along with a big dose of physical illness.  It sounds like he has sort of shut down from family life.  Fixing his truck and going fishing seem to be rather solitary pursuits.  Perhaps he feels superfluous to family life and has decided to abdicate.  Is he alone all day?  I can see where you have to work, and I can understand the reason your son is in daycare, but if your husband is left alone for most of the day, he may have so much time on his hands that his mind wanders into dark corners and finds itself trapped there.

Instead of trying to convince him that he should be pulling his weight around the house, maybe you could broker it to him in a different way.  Maybe you could instead try to tell him that he needs to rejoin the family, and helping around the house so that the family can have a nice environment in which to live is a good way to contribute.  Maybe he has lost confidence and needs help in seeing that he is still a valuable part of the family.  It sounds like he can't even contribute his fertility, and that must make him feel even more isolated and useless.

My apologies for anything I've posted that is just waaay off the mark.  Like I've said, it's hard to make suggestions when you really don't know the people involved.

[smcd23]

Don't worry about offending me, MooseMom. Takes a lot for that

He is on antidepressants, but I don't know that it's entirely depression. I think a lot of it, as much as he says he wants to work, is that he's grown accustom to being lazy. He's lost so much weight, a LOT of it muscle, and he feels like he has no stamina. And it's probably the Y chromosome, but he doesn't listen to me when I say you have to *do* things to keep that stamina and build it up. Yeah, it sucks that climbing a few flights of stairs tires you out, but the more you do it, the easier it will be come. But what do I know, I'm just a silly, relatively healthy woman. In that picture, it was October 2010 because our son just turned 1. He was about 30-40lbs heavier than he is now.

To top it off, he found out yesterday that he needs to have his parathyroid out. Which is fine, because from what we've read and researched, it may be attributing to a lot of his problems, so this may be a good thing. But whenever he has surgery, he gets keloid scars. And with the parathyroid coming out on the front of the neck, he's concerned about that. So I know that's bummed him out some. Our appt w/ the doc is on Thursday. Maybe we will get some good news and that will perk him up.

I try to be direct, but it just gets so frustrating. Today, I asked him to pour some draino down the bathroom after the baby was at daycare. I came home, it was not done. I figured that was ONE task that he could accomplish, and I asked him right before I left so it wasn't like I asked him the night before or something where he had time to forget. When I got home, it wasn't done so I mentioned it (in a nice way, like "oh you forgot to do the Draino today?") and he said that he knew he forgot something and he'd do it once the baby was in bed. Baby was in bed an hour ago, and he's been passed out on the couch since. Guess I'll be making a mess in the bathroom by myself then...

But I do thank you guys all for your input. Nobody has come off offensive or anything like that. That's one thing about me, I'll admit when I am wrong. And I guess I am wrong in a way for enabling this to go on, but like others have said, he probably doesn't/wouldn't do it up to my standards but I'd at least like to see an effort (and I do say thank you and offer praise when he does do things). I acknowledge the little things he does. I was hoping the positive reinforcement (don't they say a happy wife means a happy life?) would encourage him to keep it up, but no such luck.

[MooseMom]

smcd, I'm sure it's not just ONE thing that is causing his inactivity.  Illness, maybe some depression and then a general "If I don't do it, she'll come along and do it, anyway" sort of mindset all combine to make one inert SO!  But you are absolutely right...inactivity leads to more inactivity.  A body at rest tends to stay at rest.

As for enabling, well, you care about your SO, you realize he is unwell and you want to make life easier for him.  That's only natural.  It is a very hard habit to break.  But like everyone else has said, you do need to look after yourself.  I am the spouse with kidney disease, and I don't know what I would do if my husband became ill.  He works hard, and I am always mindful of that fact, and I do everything here in the house and yard because I need to look after him, too.  Just because you are sick doesn't mean that you get to stop looking after your spouse.  When you are the one who is ill, the health and wellbeing of your spouse becomes even more important, in my view.

Anyway, maybe just keep patiently suggesting he do the things on your honey-do list.  Maybe wait until after he recovers from surgery before you start stepping up your efforts.  It must be really difficult for you both, and I hope your SO knows how lucky he is.

[smcd23]

I guess I end up just thinking it's easier to do things myself than wait for him. Which is bad, I know. But he comes from a background of enabling. When he found out that he had kidney problems, he went to his sister. And from the time he found out until we started the donor process at Mass General his sister did EVERYTHING for him. In fact,it was a point of contention between us because I felt like he was more intimate with her than me at the beginning because he wouldn't tell me what was going on, and I'd end up getting info 2nd hand from her. But I lived about 20 minutes from the hospital, and he started staying with me more and more because he worked and went to school in the area. We went to a lot of the early appointments together with his family, which included his sister. But when she was told she couldn't donate and I started the process he started coming to my appointments, and it began just being him and I at his appointments. I didn't feel comfortable with him sharing the details about me and my testing with her, and I asked (okay told) him to stop talking to her about everything, and including her in everything because I didn't feel like my health was her business, and if I wanted to talk to her about it I would. I didn't need her to find out from him. So at that point, he started asking me to coordinate the appointments, call in the medication refills etc. At first it seemed reasonable enough, like he had school until 9 and would I mind refilling and picking up his meds, but now I realize that he doesn't even try to do those things anymore. Over the weekend he handed me 2 empty bottles and asked if I could refill them. He could call them in himself! It's easy enough! And he's home all day, he can run out to the pharmacy 5 minutes away and grab them, but of course he waits until I get home and asks me to go out and get them, or I have to remind him to do it.

It's just so hard to stop, because it's quicker and easier if I just do it and not have to ask 20x or argue with him to do it. I guess that's a bad thing.

Okay, vent over haha. Didn't realize I had such a built up frustration and such an opinion on this.

But tomorrow is another day. I am going to ask him and write on the white board that we hang on the back of our kitchen door to do the draino and finish washing the dishes that are in the sink tomorrow. I hope he does it. I try not to ask too many times or send him a reminder text message during the day, because he tells me I nag when I do, and it starts a fight. But I also have learned not to get my expectations up, because if I expect nothing, I can't be disappointed. I prefer pleasant surprises

[MooseMom]

Well, smcd, as usual, the problem isn't really just dialysis, is it.  Something like ESRD often serves to exacerbate pre-existing problems, and it sounds like that's what is happening here.  If he wasn't on dialysis, there'd be some other reason why he couldn't mow the lawn or refill prescriptions or God knows what else.  And if you weren't doing all of these things for him, I have a feeling he'd toddle off and find someone who would.

Goodness, what would happen if you were in an accident or got ill, god forbid, and you couldn't do all of these things?  Seriously, what would you do?  What would HE do?  Would he just collapse in a corner somewhere?  Would he let you and your son just get on with it somehow?  Ask yourself that...it's a very important question.

Believe me, I know what it is like to struggle with this disease.  It's hard, and I'm not even on dialysis yet (although maybe I would feel better if I were, but I'm not going there...), but I still have responsibilities to my family.

You're right...it is easier to do things yourself, I understand that.     I hope you and he can work this out.

[smcd23]

MooseMom, you brought up a good point. I know for a fact if something did happen to me, he'd ship our son off to my parents. My parents are still married 30+ years later. His parents have been happily divorced for nearly the same amount of time and can't stand to be in the same room as each other. His dad is, um, a real jerk to put it mildly and his mom is just  so I know after a few weeks, our son would be living with my parents.

I know for a fact he has some underlying "issues" from being raised by a single dad who worked non stop. He spent a lot of time home alone with his brother, or with his sister watching them. And his dad ruled with an iron fist too, so my SO never learned how to express emotions, hid feelings and basically relied on those who would do things for him because I think he missed having a parent figure to take care of him, whether he wants to admit it or not.

And I found out what happens when I can't do things the hard way. I got really sick, like a flu type illness where I really couldn't get out of bed and slept 20 hours out of the day a few months back. I came down with it after dinner one night and didn't do the dishes before bed. The next 2 days I could hardly get out of bed. On the 2nd day I got up and started doing the dishes, and I forget what was said, but he essentially told me it was *my* fault for getting sick and not doing the dishes (I think I had commented on how the house was such a mess). Let's just say I haven't been sick since.

I think a LOT of his issues are made worse by the ESRD, because not only is he damaged if you will mentally from his less than stellar childhood, he now has a damaged body and can't do the things that used to make him feel "worth it" which for him was working. Believe me, when he was working I didn't have to work half as hard.

I swear this disease is more than just kidney failure. It just beats you up and everything around you both physically and mentally. I'm surprised any of us are still sane.

[Grumpy-1]

smcd23, you wrote "But tomorrow is another day. I am going to ask him and write on the white board that we hang on the back of our kitchen door to do the draino and finish washing the dishes that are in the sink tomorrow. I hope he does it. "    Move the white board from the back of the kitchen door to somewhere it can be seen everytime he walks into that room.  Otherwise, he won't look behind the door to read it.   

You also wrote "He's lost so much weight, a LOT of it muscle, and he feels like he has no stamina. And it's probably the Y chromosome, but he doesn't listen to me when I say you have to *do* things to keep that stamina and build it up. Yeah, it sucks that climbing a few flights of stairs tires you out, but the more you do it, the easier it will be come. But what do I know, I'm just a silly, relatively healthy woman."    This has happend to me. (I'm the one on PD) and my wife and girls still haven't figured out that I physically can not do the things I used to do.  I have lost about 70% of my leg strength so climbing stairs, trimming the yard, walking the block are hard for me.  And doing them DOESN'T seem to help (increase the leg strength).   I've also figured out that some of the lost is due to the dialysis (or kidney failure) and part is due to the meds the Dr have been giving me.  I found out the second when I forgot to take my meds for a couple days and found I felt better. That was a about 4 months ago and I have not been talking any of the meds since.  To All no flames please - I'm watching my blood work results and everything is holding steady or improving.    So, in your hubby's case, there might be a number of reasons for his lack of stamina.  And not just one fix. 

Go back and read all the post Moosemom has written here.  DARN that lady is smart and full of logic.  Love her thoughts and wisdom....  Grumpy

[amanda100wilson]

How well is he doing on PD?  Could inadequate clearance be a problem?  Hard to motivate yourself if that is the issue.  Towards the end of the time that I was on PD I just felt so sluggish all the time and it was very hard to motivate myself to do everything. Walking up and downstairs was difficult.  That being said, I think that you are right that you are enabling him to not do anything.  I know that is a bit deceitful but could you not fake some really severe headaches, say that you have been to the doctor about them and then say that they are due to exhaustion and that he has told you that you need to cut yourself some slack?  Might be a way of shaking him into realizing that there is so much you can do, and that you have limitations too.  Certainly sounds like you have a lot to deal with especially as you have. The little one too.

[MooseMom]

Thanks for the kind words, Grumpy, but YOU are the smart one to remind us about the muscle wastage that comes with CKD and dialysis.

It is very hard to find the words to describe the fatigue that comes from ill health.  My husband, who is loving and caring and supportive, doesn't seem to be able to understand that taking a nap or sleeping in is going to banish that sort of fatigue.  It is hard to imagine what it feels like if you are not experiencing it yourself.  I know that I have always believed that exercise will gradually build up your stamina despite CKD and dialysis, and while that is true to some extent, Grumpy reminds us that it is not that easy.

I asked Dr. Agar about this very issue over on Home Dialysis Central, and I want to post the link here to that conversation.  Most of the posts from me are just blather, so skip those and go right to the posts by Dr. Agar himself.  He is very, very good at explaining opaque biological systems in a way that is easy for the rest of us to understand, but it is still complicated.  He explains clearly exactly WHY reduced kidney function and dialysis results in less energy and muscle wastage, and if you can understand the WHY, then as a healthy person, that may help you to see your renally-impaired spouse as not just being a lazy toad.  (My apologies if I have posted this before; I did do a search but came up with no results.)

http://forums.homedialysis.org/threads/2790-Muscle-wastage

That said, though, if you have always succeeded in manipulating others into pulling your weight AND you are dealing with depression brought on by something like dialysis, gosh...that's just a lot to have working against you.

And amanda100wilson also brings up a very important and fundamental point...is his dialysis adequate?

[smcd23]

Well, he is having an adequacy test again on the 14th. He had not done one in awhile. For awhile he was less than compliant - he did his treatment but he cut them short on occasion, or would skip parts of dwells etc. He's worked out a system now where he is on early enough that he's off by 730 when I need to leave for work, or he disconnects at the start of a dwell, takes the baby to daycare and then comes home and finishes the treatment. On occasion when the machine is being particular and keeps alarming, he has been known to turn it off in his sleep. This happened a few weeks ago and I remember because I can usually sleep through an alarm or two, but the thing kept going off so many times that it actually woke me up. And I asked what was wrong and he said the darn thing wouldn't work right and he shut it off. So to answer the question, we're not entirely sure, but he is having it checked, and compared to say, 3 months ago, he is doing A LOT better.

I am going to check out the muscle wastage link that was posted. I've never heard of it, and it's never been mentioned in conversation with any of his providers. His PCP and renal dietician believes it's due to low testosterone (he has the testosterone level of a 85 year old man - and I don't mean that to be offensive to any 85 year old men, but that's what the PCP compared it to). The endocrinologist we saw was a quack.

I just skimmed the thread - his phosphorus is out of whack, as is his calcium and PTH (actually having the consult for parathyroid removal tomorrow) So maybe that is part of the problem. I know it's harder for him to get any exercise at this point in time because he is constantly battling joint pain in one joint or another, and the doctors are starting to think it's from calcium deposits because his calcium is ridiculously high, even when his phosphorus is under control.

Again, thank you all for your kind words and suggestions. I came home from work early today (had a physical therapy appointment for myself) and I dragged him shopping for shoes for a wedding we're supposed to go to at the end of the month. He was hurting, and when we got to his dads house he passed out in the chair for 30 minutes or so. But he helped me cook dinner and while I was out with the dog he started vacuuming the rugs in the living room and childs room. I didn't ask him to do that, so that was a nice surprise.

[big777bill]

Sounds like you may be getting through to him.

[smcd23]

I hope. But he does occasionally have these fleeting moments of motivation as I call them. I think our kid was making him nuts, so he was trying to drown out the constant chatter from the 2 year old with the vacuum haha. It's been raining here for DAYS and my poor kid has been couped up inside. He needs outdoor time like yesterday.

[Grumpy-1]

I extracted a little bit from Dr. Agar  comments (thanks again MooseMom) 
"Alterations in the delivery of the ‘goodies’ that muscle needs to function well … as might occur with anaemia (a feature of most CKD and itself with many causes) ... among which effects are (but which are not restricted to) ...

a lack of EPO production,
subtle changes in iron transport and storage due to the up-regulation (the turning-on) of a hormone called hepcidin,
low level chronic blood loss
and possibly vitamin deficiencies in under-replaced dialysis"

This is me to the tea.  I tested anaemic and now on iron shots as well as taking an iron tablet daily.  I'm also getting EPO shots weekly.  While the exercise part isn't do too well.  I'm still very lazy on that. (always have been, so that is a big change for me)  I need to get my butt in gear and start riding the stationary bike again.

To all that are in this boat of muscle lose, read the article MooseMom posted from the Dr.  Just might motivate you to start MOVING instead of sitting.  Do want you can do, but do something.    I'll even put out a challenge to everyone.  Take the Dr advice, ex cerise and see if it helps.  Go for a week, and report back.  Let's see who can make the most gains in their strength.  Grumpy

[smcd23]

I'm going to show him the doctors post. I know he's not anemic right now. I really think its that he's become so sedentary that exercising seems hard, but if he'd do it slowly he'd feel better. I should try encouraging to come on evening walks with me. It would benefit us both!

[MooseMom]

Grumpy, what a great idea.

I've always liked exercising.  I used to go to a gym, but that got boring, and I prefer to be outside, anyway.  So, I am a big walker.  I like poking my nose into people's gardens.  I like swimming and biking, but I am not an "athlete" by any means.

Now, I have to say that in the past month or so, my energy has waned (I think it's psychosomatic), and I have become a bit down, and as a consequence, I have not been having my daily walks.  I just couldn't motivate myself.  And you know what?  I felt dreadful.  I really felt awful.  So, I've MADE myself get back into my old routine, and I've been back walking daily and just getting outside.  I feel so much better in so many ways.

Grumpy, do you ever feel that ESRD has kind of taking away your control over your own life?  I know I've felt that way, and I know others here have expressed that same sentiment.  Now, in my mind, avoiding dangerous foods, taking meds and getting exercise to strengthen your body are all ways of taking back control.  They are things I can do to help my body in it's fight against kidney disease.  So, find something you enjoy!  Is there a park close by where you can walk?  Walking is great weightbearing exercise that isn't too hard on joints.  I have some hand weights that I use a couple of times a day.  I like to garden, and just walking around and lugging about pots and soil exercises my muscles.  Bending over and pulling weeds stretches my calf muscles and shoulder muscles.  AND I get my yard work done!  There are all kinds of ways to insert more motion into our daily lives.

Ooooh, I'm sorry...I'm sounding rather preachy.  I guess I'm such an advocate of even just gentle exercise because I know from experience that it is the one thing that I have control over, and even more importantly for me, it elevates my mood. 

I'm off to pot up some geraniums, now!

Oh, smcd, yes, I think you are right...if he'd start exercising a bit, he'll find it easier as time goes on.  Can he take your son for a walk?  Is there a park he can take your son to?  I get my husband to take evening walks with me during the summer, and it's a really nice time we have together.  Maybe the three of you could do the same?  Have some light exercise AND some family time together?  Sometimes my husband and I will talk a midnight walk, and it's just so calm and lovely.