My brother has a son, but wants to donate to me....

[MomoMcSleepy]

I asked my brother to get my nephew tested because I am worried that someday my nephew will need a kidney, and I don't want to take his if they're a match.  He said puarinia ex-wife has two kidneys, too.  I don't think these problems run in the family but you never know.  I have given him all my worst-case scenarios, and told him about my infection risk (very high) and he said, "that sounds like it's your problem, Mo.  If you need one i have an extra.".

that is sweet, but the idea of them cutting my brother open is awful. At the same time,  if we match, he's my nearest good relative.  My mom has a bum couple of kidneys herself.  That bothers me, too.  Mom actually called to donate, but I told her already, with a gfr of 45, she's way out.  I told her she might want to keep my bro I reserve, incase she needs a transplant.  Mom has swelling and stuff, too.

What if I take a kidney that my mom or nephew needs?  I don't want to be the one the kills our mom...I have a good support network of healthy people, and a bunch have called to donate, but my poor mom is more reserved and her friends are all, obviously, older and less healthy than mine. 

I really want my brother's kidney, and really don't!  He's never had health problems, and I'm just a bag of problems.

what's a girl to do?  Any similar dilemmas or advice?

[MooseMom]

This is not a decision that you can make.  It is the job of the transplant center to decide who is healthy enough to donate and who is healthy enough to be a recipient.  How far along are you in the pre-evaluation process?  I think perhaps you are getting ahead of yourself.

[Deanne]

I understand what you're saying. My younger sister said the same to me. She also has a teenage son who has FSGS and I pointed out that she might need to save her "spare" kidney for him. She said she wouldn't hold onto it for him. She said he has a brother who can donate to him if he needs it in the future, and it's impossible to know the future - she doesn't know if/when her son will progress to EDRD. It took me 40 years to progress to needing a transplant and if her son follows the same course as me, then she'll be too old to donate to him by then anyway. In the end I would have accepted it from her, but it didn't matter. She was ruled out as a donor.

What helpled me decide was in thinking about if the situations were reversed. If my sister needed a kidney and I was able to give it to her, of course I would do it.

You wouldn't be the one who "kills your mom" regardless of your decision.

[Poppylicious]

Perhaps the first thing to do is find out if he is a match. If he is (or isn't but would be happy to do a paired exchange) that will be the time for him to consider all the issues surrounding donation and for you to sit down together to discuss both the pros and the cons.

*huggles*

[Cordelia]

Unfortunately, no one can predict the future.

How old is your brother and your nephew?

I was in a similar situation as my husband was asked by the social worker why isn't he saving one of his kidneys for one of our kids oneday God forbid they need a transplant one day?  (He's my living donor btw)

His doctor suggested not waiting for the what IF down the road one day because they may never develop kidney disease. He was advised to help out now, to help me because if 10-15 years, they may say no to my husband to donate to anyone because he could have some disease that he can't down the road so he was advised to help me, deal with the present situation on hand

[MomoMcSleepy]

My brother is 28, my nephew is 5.  My husband got his blood test done yesterday, and thankfully some other people are doing the same, I am very blessed! Hopefully someone is a match.  My gfr is 15, creatinine 3.5.  Things have been dropping fast because I keep getting infections,  I talked to the donor coordinator (one of them there are about a hundred it seems)and she said that I havent't been approved cause of the infections, so I'll meet with an infectious diseases doctor April 30th, then my urologist I June (first available appointment!) and the. They'll decide if my augmented bladder is the issue, or my ureter that they shortened trying to unblock things.  If it's the ureter/kidney, they'll do a nephrostomy.

gotta get back to work, but thanks, guys.  I guess we should just deal with the immediate problems at hand.. I would give him mine, too....he might flake and forget to get his blood test, anyway....

[Cordelia]

You sound very close to your brother. THat is really cool. I have no siblings to count on.   It's not that I don't have siblings, they just don't care (It's complcated)