Becoming a burden?

[gothiclovemonkey]

Forgive me if I posted this in the wrong area, but it seemed most relevant here.

a quick backstory...
When I first started dialysis, I was alone. I was asked, a few years later, to move back "home" and live with my brother and his family. Well, that went horribly, ended up with my brother getting a divorce (other things caused it, but me being there was the straw) and me ending up moving into my fathers home.
I have been living with my father since june of 2011. He wants us here, probably mostly to have his grandson and I like having my dad finally step up and be there for me, but, As some of you may know, he is married to a psychotic something that sounds like witch. I bite my tongue around her, walking on eggshells constantly. I try to keep the peace in here. She hates that we are here, and constantly says and does things you would not even believe. You have NO idea how nuts this woman is, and some days i honestly worry if shes a danger... She is truly insane, and I made the decision to move out, I am looking into options today!

Now, today, I am disscussing this with my brother, and he points out that, I am, for lack of a better word, a burden on everyone. Actually, his words were somthing to the tune of, "The circumstances surrounding you are a burden that we cant handle"
Yes, I do know it is a pain for anyone to have to take on my dialysis issues, and my son when im there. I can understand that completely. But, it isnt like I caused myself to be sick? I did not ask for this, nor do I want it.
My father seems to understand and care very much, and he has been great. Considering he has to deal with psycho lady, and watch his daughter go thru this, he has done so much for me. I feel like I must leave at this point, because she is making him miserably just because I am here.
I am scared to get on my own, mostly because I have my son to worry about. I want what is best for him, and I dont know what that is. Stay here, where stress is becoming tooo much for me, and she is very obviously insane, and I do have fear of what she may do.
 Or move out, possibly get really ill, and not have anyone there for my son.... Or worse! Some days I can barely stand without my bp dropping out, usually dialysis days im pretty well useless... He is 7, so thankfully he is getting old enough if something were to happen, he could probably call 911, but hes still so young, i dont want him to go thru any of that, ever.

I have no idea what to do. I know that, for my own sanity, I have to get out of this house.... No matter what, I cant be here much longer. But what can I do?
Any suggestions, or know of any 'help' out there for people in this situation?

[bansix]

stress is not good at all, she sounds like my ex wife. i truly believe she was the cause of my hyper-tension (that killed my kidneys)
i think you're just making your health decline even more being there. get out if at all possible. i keep thinking i should move in with my mom or sister, but i just think about all the hassles and think being on my own is the best thing for me

[Traveller1947]

My heart aches for you, goth.  Painful as it is to have your own brother say such a horrible thing to you, more intolerable is for your son to be exposed to the psychotic behavior of your father's wife.  I'd move out without delay and risk the uncertainty of being on my own, rather have him continue to be around such a toxic person.  Perhaps you could find a place nearby enough that your FATHER could help in an emergency.  I wish I had more practical suggestions for you, but I don't know what help is available in your state.  All the best to you, gothiclovemonkey.

[lmunchkin]

This is a horrible situation cause it is not only you but your precious young boy.  You definately need to get out for his sake. You I know can handle yourself.  Are you D in-center?  Ask your SW for some help on this.

I know that me & my daughter lived in Section 8 apartments for many years (16) before I remarried.  It was our home (apt) and I got to tell you, it was rough living there on the outside, but we stayed inside most time and what was inside, was what we made it. Yea, it was in a rough area, but where we resided it was totally safe. People who lived around us at that time, knew not to bother me or my child cause I would not play around when it came to family!

Try looking into a place like that!  It may not be the best in the world, but you wouldnt have to put up with "SHE-EVIL" and expose your little man to her wrath!  If your Dad was smart, he would tell her to hit the road, especially if she is "nasty". Go online too, to see if there is anyone renting cheap homes.  You can get some really good caring owners who rent out their homes for little to nothing.

I hate this GLM. You touch us all with your posts, just wish I could help in some way!

God Bless,
lmunchkin
 

[gothiclovemonkey]

Well, I discussed my idea of moving, with my boyfriend. He said he definitely agrees that I need to move out. I may move closer to him, he said he would be around to help me as much as he can, and eventually he will move in with me, when the time is right. I think that sounds like my best option. Its pretty far away though, and it would be a change of school for my son. So now I wonder if I should wait until the end of the school year, or leave now?

[gothiclovemonkey]

I am in center D... I have mentioned it to my SW but.... she seems a bit too busy or something? I had asked her over a month ago to look into home hemo for me, since they dont offer it at my clinic she was going to find one nearby, it took her over a month to get that... because she "kept forgetting" understandable, yet... frustrating.

I am thinking about looking at low income places, at this point ANYTHING would be better than being here. she is SICK.

[KarenInWA]

Would a temporary roommate situation be feasible? Maybe scan craigslist and see if anyone has a room to rent, or a MIL apartment, something like that? Sometimes it can be easier to get in a rental situation with a private party rather than an apartment complex. Just be sure to do your due diligence before moving in!

KarenInWA

[gothiclovemonkey]

nooo, my experiences say NO! Last few roommates ive had have been horrrrrible!!!
If I didnt have a son, it would be another story, but no lol
im sure everything will work out, especially since my bf is behind me, and i mentioned it to dad as well, and he said if anything went south he could come "rescue" my son lol

[lmunchkin]

Like KIW said be very careful.  But I think you can get in to some low income housing especially with your disability and your child..   They may have a waiting list, but if you put in for it now, who knows, you could be in there in a month to a year! It will all be based on your income.  Most low income housing I know of, you pay monthly and that includes electric , water ect....
Of course that was over 20 years ago, but I don't think it has changed very much since then.  Like you, I tried the room-mate deal and when you have a kid, it never seems to work.

Keep searching, something will come up!  Im praying that it will!

lmunchkin

[MooseMom]

   Good luck with whatever you decide to do.  I'm really glad that your bf is supportive; good for him! 

[gothiclovemonkey]

yes hes been so amazing. hes supportive and said hed help me as much as he can. hes too good to me, im not used to it! i am loving it, but its scary (in a good way!)

I have hope that i can do this, ive been feeling better than i was this time last year, so i think as long as i dont end up having any more surgeries for a while, unless its transplant, ill be fine!

[fearless]

I've had luck with Craigslist.  All kinds of situations there: including reasonable apts. for rent.  A lot of it depends on the town you're in.  Good luck to you!  You are one strong lady.  Your son will be well regardless because of that.  But yeah, you don't want him around that nut.  Best to you.

[Jean]

Call your local Housing Authority. I think it is County. They can use their influence to get you into safer and affordable housing sooner. Your living situation is not good for your son. Far better that he has to grow up a little sooner than you wanted him to than to live with that evil woman.

[Poppylicious]

You have a brilliant boyfriend and a great dad ... with both of them behind you, you'll be fine.  I don't know how housing works in the States (over here I'd suggest you get yourself on a council house waiting list, and because you have a small son and an illness you'd have priority when a place became available) but I think it will be lovely if you and your son can find a lovely little home which is just yours.  No more walking on eggshells, or having to listen to b!tchy comments, or worrying about how this is affecting your little one. 

Good luck!

[lmunchkin]

The ideal thing would be for Dad to rid of her! She is Manic, and that is not a good situation for even your father to be in. Maybe once you and your son get a place, you can offer him (Dad) a way out of his situation, LOL!

Good luck and you can do this GLM!!!

lmunchkin
 

[gothiclovemonkey]

yes that would be ideal, but beinmg that my father is a good man, he believes in "til death do us part" he is miserable... i was mainly staying for him, i dont know i want to leave him alone with the crazy! but i cant do this anymore.

ive called a few places while at dialysis today, but nothing available as of yet.

[looneytunes]

Thnking of you, Gothie.   

[gothiclovemonkey]

I made a crucial decision to move us asap tonight, tomorrow i am going to find a place for us ANYWHERE!
I thought we would be ok to take our time, but when the psycho step mother's OWN DAUGHTER is afraid to go to sleep for fear her mom will do something, then thats when I start to really worry!
I will not put my son at risk to get hurt or worse!
I should have believed my other step sister when she told me all this, but she isnt a very honest person and I thought she was just trying to start drama. But now the other one is telling me basically the same thing... and it is not good. Its still almost too wacko to believe, but trust me when i say this woman is crazy!
 

[MrsFishy]

I take care of my mother-in-law who lives a couple of blocks down the street from us.  When we decided we needed more help taking care of her, we found some AWESOME people on Craigslist.  Maybe you could find a nursing student or a CNA who would like to share a nice apt. where she has her own room at a discounted price in exchange for the peace of mind of having an adult in the house that would know how to handle an emergent situation.  I can totally relate to the bad experiences with roommates though....I have had some real doozies in my life, too!

As far as WHEN to move, I'd actually suggest moving BEFORE the school year ends!  I'm a Realtor and over the years I have seen people do it both ways and ultimately, most people say that if they had it to do over again, they would not have coordinated their move with the end of the school year.  By having your child start at least a month or more before the end of the school year, it gives him an opportunity to meet new friends so you have some resources for him to call for play dates in the summer. Plus, from the sounds of it, the sooner you get away from the Step-Monster, the better!

[gothiclovemonkey]

Thought I would update

I am looking at a place tomorrow. If it isnt too nasty we will be moving on the 1st. Idk, the outside looks a bit questionable, bu that doesnt mean anything...
If nothing else, I know on May 1, there will be a lovely place available, but im really hoping to get away from the crazy before then. This week has been baaaaad..

[Poppylicious]

Try not to make any rash decisions just because you need to get away from your stepmum.  If this place is awful, don't take it and get tied into a rental contract.  Do you have anywhere else you could stay for six weeks before the nice place becomes available?  Friends, other family, neighbours, a tent?  Can you get emergency housing due to the situation (or does she have to do something before they believe you need to get your son away from there?)

Do you have locks on your bedroom doors? 

Take care of yourself and little J. 

*huggles*

[gothiclovemonkey]

i definitely wont get this place if it is too nasty, looks on the outside could be decieving, we are checking it out, because the price is really low, and that will be handy as i am limited income.  We look at it today... so who knows.
I honestly would rather wait but at the same time i am getting to paranoid to evenn eat anything she prepares. (its probably paranoia, but last night she made tacos but she didnt eat them, and made a very bizarre remark about the left overs she chose to eat, so I stopped eating, fearing she may have done something... we all seem fine, but it was very odd)
No locks on bedrooms unfortunately, but im a fairly light sleeper, and i havent been sleeping hardly at all.
Part of me thinks IM being too paranoid, but when your own daughter says something could potentially happen, its a bit scary...

And to top that off, now im also kind of wondering if its a good idea to move so far away, with a man ive only been dating since november... seems too fast... and i fear he doesnt quite grasp that some days i feel like total crap and pretty useless on dialysis days... what if he decides he doesnt want to deal with me? with my son...
he kind of confuses me sometimes, and i cant tell when hes joking or serious. I told him that, we DO communicate really well, im not used to having a bf who is willing to discuss issues LOL but i still have these fears... BAH!
why does life have to be so damn difficult? 

[looneytunes]

Aw Gothie...it just isn't fair!  Life can be a real b#$@h at times.  Paranoid or not...if you don't feel safe where you are, you need to get out of there.  Thinking of you.   

[gothiclovemonkey]

well son of a b....
We went and looked at the apartment, upon walking in, the smell was enough to knock you on ur feet, and the carpet up the steps was all ripped with nails hanging out, but I kept an open mind, that maaaybe the inside of the place wouldnt be so nasty... we waited, and wait, some people who lived there walked by, and they smelled really bad, and they looked like preditors lol and finally the dude comes and says Oh,its on the 4th floor... Well, that wont work because i am not only afraid of regular steps, but these looked deadly and infectious death trap steps, but on dialysis days i wouldnt feel like climing 4 stories, especially a smelly.scary, and potentially dangerous 4 stories.... so we passed.
There is a beautiful place coming available on may 1st... was hoping to be out before then, but my bro said if things get too weird around here, since hes been staying at his ex wifes house, we could go over there.

[fearless]

Goth, sorry about the rat trap apt.!   Hope that next prospect is better.  I've lived in plenty of rat holes myself, and always made the best of it.   But sometimes too much is too much.  Still hoping everything turns around for you.