Gerald Slept Here!

[willowtreewren]

Thoughts on the VS? Why go through another surgery that could affect your improving kidney function at this time? I would nix it.

And for all the other news....

 

Aleta

[del]

    Great news Gerald!!!  Now if hubby could get off dialysis after 16 years......  Don't think that is going to happen!!   He does do home hem though.

[cassandra]

congrats GL, truly marvelous

love Cas

[boswife]

   couldnt be happier for you gl....  almost hard to speak it's kinda overwhelmingly ....hum,,,, no words... Just know im delighted head to toe 

[Gerald Lively]

I hadn’t slept the night before seeing the Nephrologist this last time.  I worried about returning to dialysis and had decided to resist returning to that chair of horrors.  My wife and I had a six hour discussion on my options the night before and I was still procrastinating at 6 AM when I finally decided that I wasn’t going to get any rest.  Yes, I was considering suicide by just boycotting something that was the ruin of my life, dialysis.

I had all of my blood work sheets trended out and was prepared to argue my case.  I have never trusted doctors who only gave me passive attention, or had to look at the file to recall my name; one must fend for themselves.  In this situation, I had been handed off from my original Nephrologist to another Doctor. 

To bolster my case, I had a favorable blood test from the Cancer Center the day before the meeting.  Alas, none of that was necessary.

How did that feel?  To be frank, I don’t know.  I was and am, so tired I just want to sleep.  I did get in twelve hours last night but today I can hardly keep my eyes open.  I fell asleep for a half hour just sitting in a chair while starring out the window.  Perhaps that is relief or I am just catching up after eight months of undetected stress.  And yes, this morning we talked about the first day of the rest of my life.

Outside it is overcast with a light drizzle and a slight wind.  I took Auggie and Mama-kitty out for a long walk in the woods.  Those two played hide and seek and seemed at peace with one another.  I watched an engineering crew set up a GPS (temporary) station on our property as a part of a major highway revamp nearby.  We have the only clear view of the valley below.

Perhaps I am jaded, having been through various cancers so often before.  Maybe I am hardened by the abuse sustained as a youth from a pair of violent alcoholic parents.  Or this may have something to do with fighting my way to success in my profession after starting out with the clothes on my back and nothing else.  Or it might be that after all of my assertiveness with the dialysis people, it turns out that I was right and they were wrong.  Or, as my dying friend, Duane said in an e-mail yesterday, “We prayed for a miracle and you got one, now go to see a priest and return the favor.”

I see myself as a compassionate and emotional person.  That much should be evident in my politics.  So, I say to all of you, this isn’t about me, it is all about you.  I have seen and felt the suffering of a creatinine so high that it would cripple most people, the pain and tedium of dialysis as it becomes the dominate feature in ones life, and the absolute despair when there seems to be no way out.  Remember Beachbum, but remember those who don’t complain and live and endure in quiet desperate agony.  And never forget those who give up their lives to aid others as do the legions of caregivers. 

Now I have good fortune to be free from all of this.  What does it feel like?  It feels like I owe somebody.  So, after the doctor’s appointment yesterday, I went next door and made the rounds and talked with those who were hooked up to that damned machine. And I thanked the staff.

Next week I have to see the Vascular Surgeon about a fistula.  Maybe, maybe not.  Then there are cancer follow-ups.

gerald

[Gerald Lively]

A Texas jury on Monday sentenced a former nurse to life in prison after finding her guilty of killing five patients by injecting bleach into their kidney dialysis lines, the Lufkin Daily News reported.

Kimberly Saenz, 38, was found guilty of capital murder in the case last week. Jurors could have recommended that she be sentenced to death.

[cassandra]

truly unbelievable

[willowtreewren]

Keep writing, Gerald. I so enjoy your thoughts.

The clear view of the valley sounds lovely....pictures?? 

 

Aleta

[Gerald Lively]

The breeze was slight on that cold and overcast day. It was the sort of cold that penetrated, sending chills into your bones.  I had a mission that day and that was chilling enough, I didn’t need the weather.  Yes, I was on my way to see my Vascular Surgeon.  With three weeks of no dialysis, this Doctor had to answer some questions: Shall we do a seventh surgery for a fistula, and what about that chest catheter?

As soon as we arrived, I headed for the restrooms. I pushed on the door, then crashed into it.  The restroom door was locked. I gazed around and discovered a sign that instructed one to ask for a key.  With my knees together, I walked across the hall to the office and asked for the “P Key”. The Receptionist was quick and obviously experienced; she didn’t want some whiskered guy draining his tank in front of her window.  I crawled back across the hallway and fumbled with the lock, wishing I had brought a large clothespin for pecker-control purposes.  I hear it works.  Uh huh, and the World is flat.

Once inside that sterile and tiled room, I hung it out and it, well, uh . . . . . went a little bit.  Hmmmmm! Underperforming, not the first time.  But that was different, it was for  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Oh, never mind.  I put it away and went back to the office, and they called me in right away.

The Vascular Surgeon is a big fellow, about 6’2” with a big sense of humor.  He already knows I am off dialysis.  The doctor grapevine seems to function very well. He says my Nephrologist thinks I am off dialysis for good, so we will be taking the chest catheter out.

I see the big needle on a tray and ask when we should do this.  He says we should do it in about three minutes.  Before I can says, “Holy Moly Needle-man,” he says take off your sweater as he lifts my feet up on the exam table that is already going up like an elevator. 

Consider this; I remember some doctor pounding that catheter IN and I recall fighting back.  Wife said I was hallucinating but my VS wasn’t denying anything.  He has this huge horse needle in his hand. “This might sting a little,” he says. Then he aims that missile at my collar bone.  He understated the sting by considerable.  Then he does it a second time, and a third, then I don’t know what he did.  By now he had a cutting tool in his hand and was sculpting, cutting, or something.  I closed my eyes for a minute - - and he was finished and was telling me to press on a hunk of gauze for ten minutes or until the nurse came in.  I felt for the two dingle-dangles, they weren’t there.

As he was leaving he said, “No need to do anymore fistula surgery, unless you get sick again,” and he was gone.

I ask the nurse to make the gauze and bandages large so I could claim I got shot or some other heroic act.  No way, she slaps up a hunk of something and two strips of scotch tape. 

Okay, across the parking lot to the blood lab.  My Neph wants yet another blood test.  Easy.  I do the unnecessary paperwork going in and am soon sitting in the vampire chair.  This is routine; use right arm, vein is hard to find, rubber band, squeeze, don’t squeeze.  She pokes me right at the bend of the elbow.  A sharp pain shoots to my hand and my thumb is pointed rigidly upright and it is in great pain. I try to make light of it by telling my wife that my thumb has an erection.  She says it’s bigger than my penis.  I look back at my thumb and wonder.

The nurse, in her infinite wisdom, asks, “does it hurt?”, and concludes she must have hit a nerve.  She doesn’t take the needle out and try again, she continues to draw blood.  Did I miss something in the common-sense class?  She finishes. I’m holding a gauze on the newly acquired hole in my arm, my thumb has taken to shaking. Fingers, same thing. 

Out comes the scotch tape and I am sent on my way.

By now I have to pee, this time for real.

gerald

[del]

I love your writing , Gerald!!  It is wonderful that the neph thinks you are off dialysis for good!!!   

[willowtreewren]

I agree with Del. 

But I'm surprised at the difficulty in getting that cath out! 

When Carl had his TX, they had trouble getting his in and had to switch sides. It delayed his surgery by an hour and certainly put me on edge, as I was waiting outside his room for what was supposed to be a 5 minute procedure....

Gerald, I'm still thrilled with your good fortune. 

Aleta

[amanda100wilson]

Great news, Gerald, as you have enough on your plate with your other health issues.  Maybe you should celebrate by buying another Harley.  Hope you won't disappear from this Forum though?

[Gerald Lively]

Oncologist called.  Cancer has returned.

[boswife]

I just said a very bad word and in tears. I'm  sad. Prayerful is all I can offer.  Be the strong man you at gl. A hug and a prayer for strength and healing.

[Traveller1947]

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Gerald.

[Gerald Lively]

I realize that this isn’t dialysis but what the heck.  My Oncologist reported three tumors of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma per a CT scan I had last week. This will be my third bout with this particular health problem.  These tumors are in the upper abdomen.  The good doctor offered some options;  go to a large hospital and seek some treatment that he isn’t aware of, radiation, or a harsher chemotherapy.

I have no intention of going to UC Davis or UCLA where I know no one.

Radiation may overlap an area previously radiated for prostate cancer.  If they do overlap, that option is out.

I have undergone a chemotherapy protocol ABVD, where your hair falls out, eyes turn red and you absolutely cannot expose your skin to the Sun.  Or suffer almost immediate blistering.  I can do this one if I must.  The chemo is spread over six to seven months.  The stuff is brutal.

I feel that this one is the final show since the options are dwindling.  I will get better or I will croak.  Now, if you will all gather around my bed I will reveal all of the secret military, currently irrelevant stuff I know.  And, no, Sputnik did not carry a secret code.  I checked personally.

gerald

 

[cassandra]

oh for crying out loud! Don't know what to say. I'll ask my dad for prayers.  I' sorry GL. Keep strong.

love Cas

[galvo]

Cheers, mate.

[Whamo]

I'm sorry to hear about your health problems getting worse.  My sister got a hip replacement at U.C. Davis, and they did a good job.  You might want to consider giving them a shot.   

[big777bill]

 Sorry to hear about this Gerald. I know you're not a religious man but I am so prayers will be said for you immediately. This health roller coaster sucks! It's like you beat one thing and then another is right there to take it's place. God bless you and heal your body, Bill S.

[del]

   Stay strong!!

[willowtreewren]

Cr@p! I am very upset by this news. I will respect whatever choice you make, but I personally would hate to lose you.

  

If you have fight left in you, please fight. Do not go quietly into that dark night.

 

Aleta

[Grumpy-1]

GL  I echo willowtreewren - if possible - fight.  Don't want to see give up.  Grumpy

[glitter]

I enjoy your wit, your writings. Whatever you decide, I wish you well.   

[brenda seal]

Gerald , I only know you through your writing but much of your situation is similar to Laurie's . Through your writing you have made me both laugh out loud and cry . I think you should spend your retirement writing a book - I guarantee it will be a bestseller. An autobiography or at least a novel based on your own life experience . Our house did not burn down and at least Laurie had a happy childhood . He had to share his training to use the machine with a 17 year old boy - like Laurie said at least he was healthy in his youth - and here was this boy on dialysis already . I feel a bit like Pollyanna but you get the gist !
 I really hope your news improves . Good Luck !