Okay, I'll do the fistula thingy!!

[Gerald Lively]

Ya know, I was just laying there, minding my own business, pretending to be asleep when my spouse just had to wake me up.  She had world shaking news: the fistula doctor wanted to see me.  If there was ever a reason to go back to sleep, this was it.  So, I pretended to snore.  ZZZZZZZZZZ!  Didn’t work.  She licked my ear and threatened to lift the dog up on the bed.  Okay, I jumped up and immediately experienced one of those, your blood pressure is too low, dizzy spells.  I wonder if I’ll ever get used to that little hitch, dizziness.  Suppose there was a burglar in the house?  Perhaps I could shout to the guy and say, “Hold on for a minute, I gonna faint.”
Okay, I saw the surgeon.  He surveyed my left arm, looking at it like it was a piece of wood he was about to carve up.  He thumped it.  Twisted my arm a bit.  He got out this “stick it in your ear” thingy-bob that they use to listen to listen to your heart beat, only he was listening to my wrist.  I didn’t know my wrist uttered anything – maybe it was pleading for mercy. 
He rolls across the exam room and calls for something on wheels, which comes through the door as if the nurse was standing there waiting for his beckoning call.  Hmmm!  Showmanship! 
Without delay he slops some clear stuff all over my forearm.  Evidently this made things smoother for the other whiz-bang that he ran up and down my soon to be modified arm.  He points to a screen with waving things on it.  He tells me this was that vein and that was this artery and I can’t wait for a commercial.  He likes what he sees.  Alas, my arm wasn’t pregnant.
“When do you want to do the surgery,” he asks.
I shrug.
“How about now?” he suggests without even looking up from his notes.
I shrug again.  “Let’s go for it.”  I roll up my sleeve and stick my arm out.
“Just kidding,” he chuckles like this was some sort of inside joke. The guy needed a knuckle sandwich but he looked like a football player in the NFL and I am very choosy about mixing it up with big guys.  Hey, this is my arm, I thought, and shrugged to myself.  I ain’t no dummy.  I don’t think so, anyway.
So, this morning we do a repeat; I’m pretending to be asleep and the boss-wife kicks me in the butt.  Evidently we are going somewhere.  Hey, we live in the mountains 30 miles out of town, but before we get there, I ask, “Where are we going?”
“Blood test.”
It seems like I get one of those everyday.
“EKG”.
I don’t get one of those everyday.
You know, I wonder if the Chico medical community is just fascinated by my body and they won’t let me go, or if there is really some wrong behind my belly-button.  Of course I pass these teenie-weenie tests, no problem.  But my blood pressure is 105 over 70 and I’m in a perpetual state of dizziness.  Yes, I had to starve for these essential tests and glimpses inside my bod.  That’s it.  So, we went out for a gigantic breakfast.  Now I don’t feel so good.
This all means that come Monday morning, spouse-emeritus will boot my buns out of bed and I will stop resisting the installation of a fistula.  Yes, if I live through the procedure, I’ll be posting the scoop.

[Wenchie58]

I do love a good story teller.  Best of luck getting your fistula.  If nothing else, perhaps it will get you a "sleep in" day or two!   

[boswife]

Great 'life' storie      and wenchie ya made me laugh too cause thats what i was thinking.... hey, it might get ya a 'pitty' sleep in at least Sooooo,  All the best, i do hope you survive to tell the story ...  fun 

[kevinswife]

Good luck with your surgery.  I'm looking forward to reading "the scoop".  My husband is having his surgery Wednesday.

PS:  My husband would not be happy with me if I licked his ear or kicked him in the butt!

[amanda100wilson]

I love the way you write.  Wenchie, I must admit that I love my surgery sleeps.  Got another onecoming up in a week's time when I have my PD catheyer removed.

[Cordelia]

Best of luck to you.         I get my fistula on Monday too

[Traveller1947]

You definitely have a way with words, Gerald.  Good luck with your surgery!

[Whamo]

I just had fistula surgery last week, and my wife is already nagging me to make another appointment for the second round of surgery.  Why can't they do it all the first time?  I do look forward to the time I can get my catheter removed.

[Poppylicious]

This made me giggle! 

Hope it all goes well.  I know my Blokey was adamant he wasn't EVER getting a fistula, but once he had one and started using it, it became apparent it was the best thing he ever did (he was using a chest line for the eighteen months previous.)

[Cordelia]

What second round of surgery do you mean? Do you mean the cath removal?  They have to make sure the fistula is working good for a few runs at my unit before they move my cath. That's likely what they are waiting for.  Hope all goes well.

[willowtreewren]

Good luck with the surgery.... I'll have you know, that my husband's fistula still gives me a "thrill!"

And you might want to read the thread from Houseofdialysis on his fistula.... Oooooh! http://ihatedialysis.com/forum/index.php?topic=25072.msg404088#msg404088

 

Aleta