Lost in a Void of Nothingness

[MooseMom]

LOL @ "special snowflake."  I'm gonna have to start using that.

[sutphendriver]

Feminist, athiest and pagans OH MY!  We are not frail, God made us strong and gave us free will to deal with lifes problems.  I do not have all the answers but I do believe that personal responsibility and a "man up" or if it suits you better a "woman up" mentality goes a very long way to solving most problems.  I do not go it alone, my wife has been by my side since 1989.  I am no better than any man, woman, athiest, agnostic, muslim or whomever.  We are all created in Gods image and are all equals.  I am a special snowflake, I have no need for people who feel sorry for themselves, and I will be in church Sunday, stones and all.  cariad, you should read all my post before you "take a stand"  a man should always place his wifes needs above his own. How is that "crap"?  You may not be a believer, but much of the bibles moral instruction is just good advice on life.  Attack my beliefs all you want, its actually kinda fun. My origional advice was sound.

[Desert Dancer]

I have no need for people who feel sorry for themselves

Jesus: "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass away from me."

Jesus:  "Lord, Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?"

Sutphendriver: "Oh, Jesus Christ, man up already and do what you have to do."

[okarol]

  Just a friendly reminder to all to stay on topic, and no personal attacks. Have a nice weekend!   

[MooseMom]

We are not frail, God made us strong and gave us free will to deal with lifes problems.  I do not have all the answers but I do believe that personal responsibility and a "man up" or if it suits you better a "woman up" mentality goes a very long way to solving most problems.

I really, really wish that this were true...that God made us strong and that we are not frail. 

I spent some time volunteering as a support person for parents whose child had just been diagnosed with a special need.  Some of these kids had the most horrible, horrible maladies that left me wondering why God would permit such suffering in innocent children.  I saw good, faithful people break under the pressure.  I know for a fact that it is most assuredly not true that God made us all strong.  You may not be frail, but the same cannot be said for everyone else. 

"Personal responsibility" cannot solve all problems all the time.  I wish it could.  Again, going back to these parents, they exercised "personal responsibility" in every way they could, but they still had to battle outside forces like unsupportive families or guilt-ridden spouses or education authorities who didn't want to spend the money on special education.  "Personal responsibility" without "collective social responsibility" leaves one cast adrift, and I for one do not believe that this is worthy behavior in the sight of God.

Sutphendriver, may I ask you how you think you might have handled renal adversity differently without your wife being by your side?  Too many chronically ill people have no one by their side, and this can be psychologically devastating.  I have thrown some of the biggest and best pity parties on this side of the Atlantic, but when it counts, I "man up", take "personal responsibility" and get on with it.  But I have had my dark moments that have been well documented here.  I personally have found that for me, I sometimes have to throw my pity party before I can get to the "man up" stage.  Maybe that's what pagandialysis is doing here.  We each have our way of hacking our way through this "trudgery", and I am not going to fault someone else's GPS system, if you will. 

We are all created equal, but that does not mean we are all created the same.

[cariad]

I do not have all the answers

Well, I'm going to have to agree with you there....

I do not go it alone, my wife has been by my side since 1989.

Great, but that's not what I meant. You sought a support group but now have said that you're sick of the "feel sorry for me bs that comes through here".
You're free to leave, and yet, here you are.

cariad, you should read all my post before you "take a stand"

Uh, let's not flatter ourselves into thinking that I would ever bother reading all of your posts. Although, you've clearly read through some of mine since I never mentioned being an atheist in this discussion.

a man should always place his wifes needs above his own. How is that "crap"? 

Where to begin. If it works for you, carry on! I could not care less what goes on in your marriage. Telling pagandialysis that he essentially has no right to expect his wife to meet him half way is outright bollocks. Bringing the Bible into a discussion with a person who has announced via his screen name that he is not a follower of that particular religion is a waste of everyone's time and shows a lack of respect for other beliefs. You know next to nothing about these people or their relationship and are really in a poor position to tell him how to live his life.
I do not feel sorry for pagan, nor did I ever get the impression that that was what he was looking for. I felt sympathy which is completely different.

You may not be a believer, but much of the bibles moral instruction is just good advice on life.

Much of it may be. Your advice, however, does not fit in that category.

Attack my beliefs all you want, its actually kinda fun. My origional advice was sound.

I never attacked your beliefs but I'm thrilled for you that deluding yourself into believing I did qualifies as fun.

[sutphendriver]

ms dancer, the passages you have chosen from the bible tell me you have no idea the meaning behind them, but this is neither the time or place for bible study.   I did not come to this forum for support, I came to it by a google search on the topic of phosphorous.  Many of you seem very angry, that is a sad way to live life.  I would suggest seeking out your local church for guidance.  I realize that sounds condesending, but I assure you it is not.  I do believe Christ is the way to peace if you choose to seek it.  I don't take anything on the internet seriously, it is very easy to strike out at an unknown person.  My appologies for offending any of you with my posts.  I generally do not post here because I usually get this same reaction to my advice. I know I am a 38 year old dialysis patient, I am a professional firefighter, a christian, and above all a husband.  I have had a transplant and every complication associated with dialysis.  My wife and I have handled every emotional, spititual and physical side effect of  15years of ESRD.  I am more than qualified to give my opiniion and have probably been there done that.  I still stand by my original advice to pagan, be a man and deal with it face to face.

[MooseMom]

Glenn, I've been reading your past posts, and I understand more about how you cope with ESRD, and it is quite impressive.  You certainly have been through the wars, and I am glad that you post here and are willing to share with us your points of view and your experience.  I am grateful to everyone who takes the time to join IHD and posts about their coping mechanisms.  I'm really glad that your wife has been by your side and has dragged you back into the land of the living when you've needed it.  She must be very strong and wise and loving.  I'm hoping that pagan's wife might learn to be the same.

Yes, you are indeed qualified to give your opinion, much more so than me, that's for sure!  LOL!

[Desert Dancer]

ms dancer, the passages you have chosen from the bible tell me you have no idea the meaning behind them

You are incorrect. It does, however, show your lack of imagination. I apologize for being so abstruse.

I did not come to this forum for support

That's great! Others, however, are here for support.

I think you misunderstand the purpose of this support group. Epoman created this site as a safe haven for people to come and dump their raw emotions, whether those emotions be the endpoint or a step in the process. If people no longer feel safe here, if they have to fear they're going to be mocked, ridiculed or attacked for pouring out what is in their hearts, then what's the point? We may as well just appoint you the official greeter, tell every new member to 'man up' when they introduce themselves, and then we can just shut down the site and be done with it.

Many of you seem very angry, that is a sad way to live life.  I would suggest seeking out your local church for guidance.  I realize that sounds condesending, but I assure you it is not.  I do believe Christ is the way to peace if you choose to seek it.

If it sounds condescending, it probably is. It's a good rule of thumb. That's all the response with which I'll dignify both your presumption and your suggestion.

I generally do not post here because I usually get this same reaction to my advice.

So, let me ask you: what is the one common denominator in all those interactions? Hint: it's not the other 6,000+ members of this site. By your fruits you shall be known, and the fruits of the Spirit are: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I find none of those attributes in your post to pagandialysis. If you always get a bad reaction to your posts I would invite you to ask yourself why, and exactly what fruits you are putting forth.

I'm a great big fan of tough love, but you know what? There's a time and a place. Here's a little test: walk a couple doors down and try practicing 'tough love' on your neighbors kids and see how far it gets you. It's inappropriate in this forum. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." That's just plain old good manners, no religion required.

I am more than qualified to give my opinion and have probably been there done that.

You are an authority on your own life. That does not make you an authority on anyone else's, nor does it give you the right to tell another man how to conduct his marriage.

I still stand by my original advice to pagan

Ah, a humble spirit and a willingness to be corrected. Oh, wait.

Does 'The Lord' know you've one-upped him in the omniscience department? I hope he doesn't have a problem with that.

[sutphendriver]

thank you mooosemom, and ms dancer i do appologize for upsetting you.

[Whamo]

My wife only criticizes me for two things: (1) everything I say, and (2) everything I do.   

[Razman]

  I don't know if pagandialysis is reading all of this but I will give my advice and in a way I will agree with sutphendriver.   I've been through all the situations and I have been told by doctors that I could die three times.  My number one concern was my wife.  How she was feeling , would she be OK without me and how can she have things to do instead of hanging around me in the hospital.  Put her first and the return is fantastic.  We have been through it all and we are still the best of friends.    Think how you would feel if it was her.   Go together and get some marital advice. Think about her feelings first.