The Old Bloke from Oz and his Strange Attitude

[Henry P Snicklesnorter]

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[willowtreewren]

 

Henry, I'm married to an irrepressible optimist and I have to say that it is the best thing that ever happened to me. 

Carl's attitude has always been that when bad things happen, they are opportunities to grow stronger and better. I tell you, this attitude goes a long, long way when getting through some of those tough times.

And he only felt 10 years younger when he started dialysis...but it only took him a week to feel that much better. 

 

Aleta

[monrein]

As an optimist myself (without feeling the need to impose this necessarily on anyone else, provided they reciprocate with regard to persistent pessimism) I enjoyed reading your thoughts on this.  Life throws many things at people and working around the obstacles is far preferable to sitting down and staying down.  I've not always been sunny and bright and still have moments of course when I feel deflated but the work goes on and I don't ever want people to avoid me because of whinging. 

You're a real asset to yourself and to this forum H. P. S.

[MooseMom]

This is great reading, so thanks for posting this.  There are three things that spring to my mind...

1.  I really appreciate your acknowledgment that oftentimes optimism takes work.  I think there are a lot of people in our shoes who feel guilty for feeling frightened and sad about their ESRD, that there is something wrong with them for not being little rays of sunshine all the time.  I think it is important that people understand that cultivating that optimistic attitude takes effort and energy.  So, thank you for that.

2.  I am particularly interested in someone's definition of "accomodation" and what that means.  I am trying to understand the mindset that defines "accomodation" as being synonymous to being "less".  I suspect that it could be confused with false pride.  What I find particularly interesting is that your one-armed employee DID accept an "accomodation" of sorts in the modification of his prosthesis.  I'm sure neither you nor he would define it as an "accomodation", but whatever you call it isn't important, really.  What counts is that the two of you searched for a way to make this employee more efficient, and you thought creatively to make that happen.

3.  I agree that there is a cultural difference when it comes to dialysis.  In the rural parts of Australia, I suspect that profit isn't the motivating factor in providing dialysis care.  Here in the US, dialysis for most people means disability; this is the inherent flaw in our system.  There is no real motivation to rehabilitate patients and get them back to work.  Considering our current political chaos, I don't know how that will change.

Thanks so much for explaining the thought processes behind your optimism.  I know I am a work in progress, but I will say that I am in a much better place today than I was, say, three years ago.  The progress I have made has been the result of a LOT of hard work, and that work won't diminish, I'm sure.

[monrein]

With regard to accommodation, when I was teaching at a large university with a spread out campus, I never gave in to the idea of disabled parking since I didn't want anyone to know that I was on D.  I didn't want to be treated differently in any way and felt that this was most possible if no one knew.  I walked quite a distance from a peripheral parking lot and also took the 5 flights of stairs all of which I regarded as daily exercise.  I built in a half hour recovery period before any of my classes.  What was annoying was the perfectly healthy prof who often walked out with me, all the while complaining of minor aches and pains.  I was younger so I often carried her bags and no one was aware until of course I had to take 6 weeks off to have a transplant.  Surprise and shock and awe all around.  As it turned out I was back at work in 5 weeks.

We can only do this to a point though and ought not to harm ourselves in order to maintain our denial, as functional as it can sometimes be.  If it becomes dysfunctional then it's mere stupidity I think.

[Henry P Snicklesnorter]

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[MooseMom]

... I never gave in to the idea of disabled parking since I didn't want anyone to know that I was on D.  I didn't want to be treated differently in any way and felt that this was most possible if no one knew.

I probably would have felt the same way and would have done the same thing when I was younger.  However, one of the advantages of being older is that now I don't much care what anyone knows or doesn't know about me.  It would never occur to me to make my life more difficult because of other people's perceptions.  And I know that's not what you're saying, but I guess that at this point in my life, I see myself as sort of flying under the radar.  I see myself as largely invisible, and I find it hard to believe that anyone would really spend that much time thinking about where I am parked.

(An American comedienne once commented, jokingly, that women become invisible after they reach 40.  Everyone laughed, but I think there is a certain amount of truth in that.  I personally feel a sense of freedom in this "invisibility.")

I have a pretty healthy self-image, and this enables me to put much less emphasis on other people's judgments of me, if they have any at all.  I have felt a lot of turbulent emotions due to my CKD, but the perception of me being "less than" simply because I have a chronic illness is certainly not one of them.

[MooseMom]

HPS, good on ya for not bowing to such low expectations.  Here, too, all too many medicos just assume that ESRD means no more employment for you, mate!  But to be fair, you were right in your original post to point out that a dialysis patient's co-morbidities fundamentally changes those expectations and prognoses.  Like you, I have no co-morbidities and can picture for myself a happier future than a lot of people.  I can't believe I just wrote that.  I would NOT have been able to write that three years ago.

[Henry P Snicklesnorter]

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