Everything has changed

[RichardMEL]

SO AWEsome.

See... Karma pays back in odd ways and this change is well a blessing in disguise. I know it is upheaval for everyone, but I think this will be a Good Thing(tm) for all.

I am just so glad all is settled for you guys so you can finally put that stress to rest and start on the rest of the stresses of moving, handling the kids fears and angst, and all of that stuff.

I'm so glad for you both... xoxoxox

oh and btw the boys clearly get their good looks from their mother..... *snicker*

[okarol]

OMG I am so happy that Gwyn has found a job, the job market is still really tough so this is fabulous news!
  AND it's in Calif.   Well, it's not the worst place in the world! 
I am thrilled at the idea of being able to see you again! 

[cariad]

YAY!!! We're gonna be neighbors, we're gonna be neighbors! 

Oh, yeah! I am really excited about this. Plus, when you move to Italy and we move to the UK, we can connect on the European side of the globe. Squeeeeee!!!

               Hurrah! Someone else to visit (and an excuse to extend my trip!) when I go home next summer! Best of luck to you all!

Cool! Oh, except I may be spending summer back in Milwaukee. This is in a best case scenario situation which I will explain in a moment. But then, there's always the chance to meet in the midwest!

OK, I'll admit it now....I've been holding my breath waiting for good news on the Gwyn job front and while I love the colour blue, as a complexion shade it's not the greatest.

monrein, I think you could pull off the blue complexion and make it look chic, but I do find oxygen to be too appealing to do without for long. Thanks for the support. In the end, we are so very grateful for this. Too many people have it rough in manufacturing at the moment.

The city of Angels!!! 
Around the weekend of April 20th next year Gwyn and the boys are welcome to come with me and my boys to a campout at Diaz Lake.  It will be about 100 fathers and sons catching fresh trout, riding quads and shooting guns in the desert. 

OH, Marc, THANK YOU - they would love this. Gwyn has already told Aidan, and it has softened much of the blow of moving. Aidan has never handled a gun before and is over the moon at the idea! Not sure we want to arm the five-year-old, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Gwyn was so happy to hear of this invitation, thank you so much for offering to include him. We will be in touch and hopefully can get together with you before then, too.

Oh, Cariad! I'm so very glad for all of you!

So you HAVE been able to rip the disguise off of this opportunity. 

I'm still trying to find the opportunity in this torn rotator cuff! LOL! 

  Aleta

Oh, man, Aleta. Torn rotator cuff, I'm not sure I could find the positives in that one, either. I am so sorry. Thanks so much for the support, and I expect a visit if you ever find yourself in the neighbourhood.

SO AWEsome.

See... Karma pays back in odd ways and this change is well a blessing in disguise. I know it is upheaval for everyone, but I think this will be a Good Thing(tm) for all.

I am just so glad all is settled for you guys so you can finally put that stress to rest and start on the rest of the stresses of moving, handling the kids fears and angst, and all of that stuff.

Thanks, Richard! And we will be that little bit closer, so if you find yourself traveling through LAX, say on your way to Washington State, do drop by and give us a

I'm so glad for you both... xoxoxox

oh and btw the boys clearly get their good looks from their mother..... *snicker*

How sweet of you to say so. Flattery will certainly get you everywhere with me!
We actually have no idea where Aidan gets his looks from, it's a little insane how the girls have been after him from birth. Liot is a straight copy of Gwyn, as MM pointed out. Obviously I find Gwyn to be a looker in his own right, so I think they are both in for loads of attention from the girlies.

OMG I am so happy that Gwyn has found a job, the job market is still really tough so this is fabulous news!
  AND it's in Calif.   Well, it's not the worst place in the world! 

True enough, me with my Seasonal Affective Disorder, it's probably the best place for me right now. In my defense, though, LA did try rather relentlessly to kill me. I hesitate to give that city a second crack at finishing the job. It's a great incentive to jump on getting my re-vaccination scheduled.

I am thrilled at the idea of being able to see you again! 

I cannot wait, Karol. We are investigating houses to rent and will probably be living very, very close to your area if we have our way. I'd love to get together when your schedule allows.

So, Gwyn and I have talked this to death. We are meeting the estate agent tomorrow and will hopefully get some decent estimates on how we need to price the house and how long we can expect it to take to sell.

I have told Aidan that if all goes perfectly (which seems unlikely, but it could happen) I will fly back with him and his brother to spend the summer in Milwaukee so he can go to his summer program with all of his friends. That is assuming that some of his friends are still in Milwaukee since his very best friend's family has been trying to leave Milwaukee almost as long as we have.

Before Gwyn signed the offer we had a family meeting (never had one of those before, it felt very cheesy, like the Brady Bunch or something). This was when he was looking at offers from LA and the UK. We all decided that we wanted to go to Britain. The boys were all excited about it. Aidan chose the UK because we told him that they take soccer very seriously there (he even started training himself to call it football.) Liot wanted Britain because my brother-in-law is a veterinarian and so we promised him that if we move there he can get a dog. I chose it because I have wanted to leave America since long before I met Gwyn (although I had someplace a bit more exotic in mind before I had kids). Gwyn misses the more relaxed work environment, the loads of holiday, and his family.
So, once we had that settled naturally LA rushed an offer to Gwyn and gave him a week to accept. Fair enough, we cannot expect them to hold it open forever. Gwyn called Britain and they wanted to counter but they just did not have the time. The people that he talked to all agreed that the experience he gets in LA working on alternative fuel vehicles will be extremely valuable in the UK. Also fits perfectly with Gwyn's interests and politics. We have set a deadline of 18 months in LA and then we move. Of course, we've set loads of deadlines in the past and it never seems to go quite to plan, but we will try to meet this one. Aidan will be eleven, just when secondary school starts, so it will be a good time to transition. I have told Aidan to try to view the LA move as a sabbatical.

Now when I see snow in the air I just laugh. Six more weeks of this freezing cold silliness and then I'm free!!!

[YLGuy]

Did you tell the boys about Knott's Berry Farm, Six Flags, Universal Studios, Legoland and of course...The Happiest Place on Earth, Disneyland?  Not too far away is The San Diego Zoo and Sea World. 

A 5 year old can use a 22 rifle.  I do not own guns and was very apprehensive about my boys firing them.  The fathers who set up the firing range are EXTREMELY diligent about safety.  It is also good for the boys to learn about gun safety.

[CebuShan]

So glad to hear that everything seems to be working out. Will keep you in prayer that your 18 month plan works also.

[Whamo]

America needs a third party.   The Republicans and Democrats have sold their souls to the rich.  They're taking money out of the U.S. and investing it in Africa and Asia.  The tax breaks to the rich cost more than social security, Medicare and Medicaid, or the wars.  And it's all so the top 1% can enjoy their ten houses, private jets, and private helicopters.

[cariad]

Our talk with the estate agent did not go well. I think we are going to cancel the move if he does not come back with more encouraging news. He is talking ludicrous prices for our home. I am only willing to take so much of a loss before I'd rather stay here with the boys and face the winter on my own. Yes, I know, the market may fall further, but I don't see that it has anywhere to go. They are talking about prices rising slightly in 2012 in this area. It might be different if we were moving someplace where I wanted the kids to finish out their childhood, but we're not. I cannot justify losing that much on this place and then not being able to buy again until we find our way to where we ultimately want to stay. It's only by buying with the market so low that we are going to be able to make up for whatever we might lose here.

Gwyn only needs to stay 6 months and then they will not be able to sue him for the relo back. He could get a cheap place close to work, fly back here frequently. If I can get snow removal sorted, I think I could manage. Won't be happy about it, but would do it. Apparently, there are quite a few engineers in from Detroit who live apart from their families, and I would wager they are in an even worse situation - cannot sell for enough to allow them to move. We could sell for more than we owe, but not enough for me to see it as a good decision unless we literally have NO other choice.

The up side to it is that I would not have to take my boys out of a good situation. We have not canceled anything yet, so they are still enrolled in school, all their sport teams, all their activities, they can see their friends all the time. Gwyn is up for learning everything he can in as short a time span as possible, then coming to them in 6 months and telling them it just did not work out. They always have the option to offer him more to stay, though I cannot imagine that actually happening. I could put the house on the market in the meanwhile, see if we get lucky, but not commit to leaving.

Anyhow, that is my plan at the moment. Sad, but in a weird way, OK with it.

[MooseMom]

At least having a plan can make you feel less out of control!  It sounds like you've thought through this quite carefully.  So many competing interests...a job for Gwyn, leaving the boys in the good situation they are in now...oh, so much to consider.

I may be wrong, but it seems to me that having money coming in has to be the first priority.  Get that sorted and other things will more easily fall into place.

[ToddB0130]

Sounds like your latest plan is do-able (if not more than a little annoying and requiring some sacrifice).   Probably best for you to plan for Gwyn to (as cheaply as possible with regards to living expenses) take the CA position for 6 months to both get the experience (for that UK opportunity) and bring in the income for awhile.  In the meantime you and the boys can stay put while you try to get that house sold if possible so that you don't take too great a loss/less than you want to.  Did you mention earlier that Gwyn might have some wiggle room to 'commute' for a bit ?  If they're going to allow him to travel back and forth a bit,  that might help (although it will be pretty tiring for him).   GOOD LUCK WITH THE TRANSITION.

[willowtreewren]

Man, I was dancing the "get away from snow" dance with you! 

Well, this may not be exactly what you wanted, BUT, it sounds like you have found some silver lining!

Thinking of you. 

Aleta

[RichardMEL]

OT but I wonder if Gwyn knows that the aussies belted Wales in another big Rugby (League) game the other day?! 

[cariad]

OT but I wonder if Gwyn knows that the aussies belted Wales in another big Rugby (League) game the other day?! 

I don't know. Let me go ask him for comment on the situation.....

[cariad]

OK! That went as expected.

Gwyn said he knew they were set up to play one another, but had not heard the results. Then he said "Be sure to thank him for me!" with a withering look that seemed to mutter "He's lucky there are at least a couple of oceans between us!"

[CebuShan]

If Gwyn is going to try the "commute" thing, I would suggest looking at Spirit Airlines. They have a lot of fares that are only $9 each way. Hoping things transition smoothly.

[RichardMEL]

Dude!! I would *not* wish Spirit on my worst enemy let alone my good mate Gwyn (withering thugby induced stares notwithstanding!). The pitch is terrible, and I am not even certain that they fly between MKE and LAX(or wherever G-man needs to be).

Indeed if it was a regular commute I would suggest either Southwest for the fares, but honestly given it's a 4+ hour flight each way, my personal preference would be to go with one of the bigger legacy carriers like American or United - the more miles racked up will get some elite status, and potentially ability to upgrade for more comfort on those sectores.

Actually if it's out of MKE, Frontier might also be a reasonable option going through Denver....

ok I'll take my airline geek hat off and go back to cheering for the aussies  

[cariad]

Whoa, Richard, you've got more American airport codes memorized than I do! I will pass along your considerate advice to Gwyn. We have a Visa card that gives us airline miles, but Southwest has the advantage of not charging any change fees and giving the once-customary two checked bags for free. Since we can use the relo for this far as I know, he could go with the higher priced carriers with a view to reap more benefits down the line.

Thanks all for the support. We are meeting with another real estate agent tomorrow. I am feeling really achy and am having minor anxiety attacks over this. This seems to keep happening to us, where we can never just live like normal people. It is so incredibly wearing. Gwyn and I have lived separately for probably over a year of our 11 year marriage. It's bonkers! I lit into my father over the phone. I am told that he really wants us to move to LA, which annoys me because he knows perfectly well that it is not what I want for me or my kids. So, when I told him that we were thinking of passing on the job he told Gwyn "You have to go where the job is!" and I shouted back at him "Wow, I don't think those words have been spoken in that house for quite some time!" We all know that my brother lives in their little guest flat. OK, yes, he is mentally ill, but everyone just seems to accept that and not really do anything to try to address it. He cannot be expected to take meds because he doesn't want to (uh, who do you think you're talking to?) Then there is my older sister, her husband, and their two kids. My father has been supporting them for who knows how long. They have a house that he bought for them in one of the most expensive areas of California (and therefore the world!) and my loser brother-in-law has not been fully employed since 2004. (Odd jobs here and there because he fancied himself some sort of big shot photographer when the only photo experience he had was working for my dad.) Those two so completely give me a screaming case of the willies.

My other older sister also with the house in the crazy-expensive area of CA bought lock stock and barrel by Dad, at least she and her husband are employed, although my father still pays for many things in their lives. I don't even want to know about the other two. My father once said that my one brother is such a saver, and my brother even had the cheek to say this to me. Uh, how hard is it to save when you never are expected to pay for anything?! He just spent six months in, I don't know, let's say Brazil, because he lost his job (in a very tough field, I have no doubt that that was not his fault) but he had the money because everything in his life was paid for. He was bragging to me (which is not like him so I don't mind it as much as most people) about how many euros he has in the bank or something, meanwhile he was crashing in our guest room after a plane ride over here that my parents paid for. B, you're too smart for this! Off the milk train already!

All of this to say I am beyond frustrated and really don't see it as too good for my health to be around these people, and I think all of them live somewhere in CA. We seem to be the only ones in this family that are expected to make the tough choices, force those tough choices on our kids, and actually afford our own life. Of course I want to be able to afford our own life, but what I don't need is to have it shoved in my face how no one else has to drag their kids all over the world or make their kids live apart from their father or sacrifice in any way that I can see. The saddest most gobsmacking part is that my father cannot afford this, I know, I've talked to his financial people. And this is not some shrinking violet of a person, he's actually quite mean when something rubs him the wrong way. I do not know why he tolerates any of it.

This, however, kind of made my day. My son is in this video that a friend of ours shot for a friend of his. I think A feels really famous now - he's in a YouTube video!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7Pdhn-rPFY

[RichardMEL]

oh you have NO idea just how much of an airline geek I am

[YLGuy]

VERY cool! Tell your son I want his autograph. 

[willowtreewren]

Ooooh! Very nice video of A! 

Tell him I loved seeing him on TV! 

And as for all the emotional "cr@p" associated with CA....well, that's your dad's problem. If possible, try to keep your family outside it. 

Aleta

[cariad]

Aidan was so very flattered - thank you Marc and Aleta! I am proud of how calm and well-spoken he was. I cannot tell if the bit of flushing has to do with being a bit shy, or if he had just taken time out of a basketball game with his teacher. Of course, I know those rooms where the kids were so well that it was obvious to me that Paul (star of the video) was asking a question to a group of kids in a different room (actually a different school), then Aidan's answer was spliced in as a reply. He was answering a completely different question, and I think it was interesting to him to see how editing works.

Gwyn interviewed with the problem company here in town. They had already given the job to someone else (internal promotion - that is fair enough) but I have no idea why they wasted his time and theirs interviewing him for a contract position that is so far beneath him that he could probably fulfill the job duties while working somewhere else.

I guess the stress is wearing both of us down. We are arguing every time we speak to one another, which is not that often. This is not a good issue for us since there is a load of resentment that goes back to when we first moved back to America.

My father rang the other day and asked about the realtor that we found via a good friend of my widowed aunt. I told him that this guy did not seem to understand that this was a job interview and he failed it. We met with another estate agent and he said that the first person wanted to "fire sale" our property because "he wants someone else to sell the house for him". Then the new estate agent said "this is a full time job, I put in full time hours, and I want to be the one who sells your house, I don't want someone else to do the work for me." Yes, he had a salesman approach to our talk, but I think we need a salesman for this. His opening price suggestion was 25% above what the first realtor suggested, and the first realtor seemed to think we would end up another 10 to 15% below that. This made no sense to me. The first realtor was talking solely in terms of numbers - you have this square footage, your assessment is this, this is what you should get. I suggested that most of the information about our house is not in the square footage, and I also told him that no assessor has been in our house since it was gutted and rebuilt, so that number is just a blind guess. We went over this with the second realtor, who described how assessments are done, and that usually assessors will knock on a door after a house is sold and try to gain entry. He said they have no legal right to do this, and if you turn them away, as you should, they will say 'then I'm going to have to guess' and a good reply would be 'then go ahead and guess'. In other words, the first person seems to have no interest in telling this story of how the assessment is arguably way off, but the second person does. I am really angry, because even in a town as inconsequential as Milwaukee, there are the social climbers who have no interest in us as people because we are not wealthy. I feel like the first estate agent was just such a person. My aunt IS wealthy, so she does attract these people and she would never notice because they would never treat her this way.

We want to go with the second estate agent. My problem is, if the house does not sell, I'll probably be subjected to all sorts of 'I told you so' remarks. The only way we can prove that we do actually know a thing or two about our own home is to sell the property at a higher price. I also have a slight worry that we are going with the second realtor because he told us what we want to hear. Still, as important as correct initial pricing is to a house, the last thing we can afford to do is underestimate our home's value and give away tens of thousands of dollars. Once we set the price, we cannot raise it, so I think it would be stupid to hire someone who does not even seem to believe in the value of the product he would be trying to sell.

Sorry, this has been very much on my mind. My husband leaves in two weeks, we're barely on speaking terms, and my kids are going to be living without their father. My parents are threatening to visit which is always a nightmare, and I don't want to discuss Christmas presents for the kids when what they really want is to have their dad around.

[ToddB0130]

If you feel going with the second realtor is the right thing to do in order to get the price you feel you deserve,  you need to say 'F.... off' to anyone who tells you 'Told you so'.

It is your house,  your decision and you want to get your best price possible.

This is all too traumatic on all of you already,  so anyone who isn't supportive of you in trying to sell the house deserves a big ol'  "BITE ME" as far as I'm concerned !!!

[MooseMom]

Yes, I think it is highly probable that you will hear a torrent of "I told you so"s, even if they are unwarranted.  That just seems to be the nature of your relationship with the rest of your family.

Cariad, you and Gwyn are smart people.  I know that this is an extremely distressing time for you both and that the strain is affecting your relationship, but underneath all of that, you are both intelligent and have a burning desire to do the right thing and make the right choices.  You are both smart enough to trust your instincts.  You are smart enough to wonder whether or not your choice might be unintentionally molded by "hearing what you want to hear"; you are already wary of making a choice of estate agents on something other than sound information.  I would caution you against the equally tempting desire to make a decision based on this idea that you have to prove something.  You don't have to prove anything to anybody.  What you have to do is get the best price for your home in a very dicey market, and that is no easy task.

I guess it comes down to who you trust the most.

Of course your kids want their dad around, but hopefully in this age of instant telecommunication and video conferencing, you and the boys can figure out a way to make Gwyn's absence a bit more bearable.

[cariad]

If you feel going with the second realtor is the right thing to do in order to get the price you feel you deserve,  you need to say 'F.... off' to anyone who tells you 'Told you so'.

It is your house,  your decision and you want to get your best price possible.

This is all too traumatic on all of you already,  so anyone who isn't supportive of you in trying to sell the house deserves a big ol'  "BITE ME" as far as I'm concerned !!!

Todd, that is so sweet. You got me to laugh, which I did not think was possible these days. Thank you.

Thanks, MM. You're right and I should really stop worrying about what others might think or say. Cannot control the thinking, and the saying I can certainly address as the issue arises. They know that I am not afraid to speak my mind, so that stops most of them. The last thing they want to do is give me an opening to let them know what I really think of them.

Gwyn and I are having our blow-ups, but I think are coming closer to making progress on this. I have decided that we can do this with frequent flier miles and an attitude that the kids can miss school and it won't damage them considerably.

Gwyn goes to CA for three week initially, then will be coming home for the Christmas holiday (they said that he could, although he may not be paid for the entire time). Then he will leave just after New Year, and I intend to fly out to CA with the boys for two weeks (roughly) in January. Then we will wait a month or so and try to return in February. March I think I can survive. I want to bring them out in April because Gwyn and the boys are set on trying to go on this camping trip that Marc invited them on, so long as we can manage and it does not interfere with their spring break where they get to spend 5 glorious days at their aftercare program, then the males are still planning on attending.

Anyhow, this basically comes down to, we are going to try to not go more than a month or so without another trip to look forward to. If the house sells (I hope!), then everything changes again.

Happy Thanksgiving, Americans

[YLGuy]

 
If there is anything I can do for you guys on this end that would help please do not hesitate to ask. Really, I would be more than happy to do anything that might help out.  What city will Gwyn be working in?

[okarol]

I missed the video