Depression

[stuman413]

The past couple of days I've been really depressed.  I'm trying my hardest to save up money to move out of my living situation and into something more affordable and most of all, mine, all mine.  It just seems like its a never ending struggle of this and that and just when I think that this and that are taken care of, something else gets in the way.  Sometimes I feel like I could start doing something illegal to make more money, but I don't think i would last long in jail.  My living situation is this:

I live with my ex(wife).  She has a child by another man.  Now I adore the child as if he was my own, I'm even his Godfather.  The real father is someone who lives about 30 minutes from here and he only comes over on the weekends and once during the week in the evening.  My ex(wife) also allows one of my old acquaintances who is her now on-again-off-again boyfriend.  So the bottom line is that we got one chick, who I don't wanna be with anymore and three dudes.  I'm just trying to do my own thing, but sometimes I just feel that it will be impossible until I can move out. 

This is a screwed up situation in more than one way.  What I would like to know from you wonderful people is, what would you suggest that I do to get out of this situation?  I still want to be a part of the baby's life, but I don't want to have to deal with the other two males as often as I am now.

[lmunchkin]

Get out!  You have no connections to this X  and the child is not yours, move on with your life!  When you are established in to your own place, and you want to see this child, then have it over without the X.

Do you have family or friends that you can stay with till you get your own place? Stulman, you just don't need all this extra baggage with what you are going through health wise.  My advise, 'GET OUT OF THERE" and concentrate on your feeling better!

Probably not what you want to hear, but I think in the long run, you will be better off!  Just saying.

lmunchkin
 

[stuman413]

Thanks for the advice.   

I'm actually feeling a little better today. 

I know that I need to get out of there, unfortunately there is no fam that I can stay with for the time being.  On a positive note, I am trying to go back to school so that I can get a job that will work with my health, maybe computer programming.  So for the time being I just try to deal with the situation, meditate when I can (it helps) and make the most of the time on dialysis (writing this while on the machine)

I'm hoping that this is a sound and reasonable plan to getting out on my own.  What are your thoughts?

[lmunchkin]

Yea, I read on another post about looking for a job.  They are definately hard to find now days!  Yea, I bet it is hard with your living situation, but you are young and apparently bright, so that may take you far in this life!  I do like your go get it attitude, even though you have bouts of depression!  Stuman, just take it one moment at a time, that is all anyone can do!

I hope you get things your way for a change, cause you really been through alot!

God Bless,
lmunchkin

 

[texasstyle]

My thoughts are that just being on dialysis is a "not normal situation". (I can say that because I'm involved in all this stuff too lol)  And with that, the more "normalcy" we can get in our not so normal lives just makes it that much easier. Stressful situations are not good not only mentally/emotionally, but they take a toll on our physical health as well.  I long for for a normal life everyday.......... I hope you can make the changes you need soon and they end up being the best for you.

[Ladystardust24]

I would like to say,

This living situation sucks. I hope you get out as soon as you can. And you can continue to be in the baby's life. I mean, considering you are the Godfather, I'm sure you and your ex are still friendly.

Depression is a awful thing.

[stuman413]

Thanks again to everyone.  It's really nice to have someplace that I can come to where everyone understands exactly what I'm going through. 

To let everyone know what I'm doing/thinking about doing about my situation:  I'm gonna talk to the social worker about getting some help to move out and into my own place, I'm also going to seek out help from the state to see if they can help at all.  If there is any suggestions beyond these that anyone can think of or you have used personally I would be most appreciative.

On a positive note, I spoke to my social worker last month about trying to volunteer to be kind of a new patient support person, someone who helps new patients adjust to dialysis and all the fun things we have to deal with in our lives.  I feel that as a kidney patient for 12 years, I am in a position to help others who are new to this to get adjusted to the diet, the treatment routine and other things that I have been through that might be helpful.  I hope that I am doing the right thing here, I don't want to be a stumbling block to someone who is new.  Is there any advice that you might give someone in my position?  Thanks