Had to move on over here

[Vicky]

When Dave goes to his monthly appointments he normally goes alone because I won't get in the vehicle for a three hour trip because of the past temper tantrums.  There have been times that his nurses have called me and I've been walking through a store or at work and I can rattle off what meds he is on, not always the dose, but I know all the meds.  The only thing he can come up with is his diabetes med and high blood pressure med.  He should know them all and keep track of them all, it's his responsibility and need to know issue. 

If I knew how to help someone who doesn't seem to want to help themselves maybe I could do this longer, but I'm out of options. 

It's nice to come here and spew all my concerns, I can't do it at home and I don't want to burden my family more than I have already. 

This past April we almost lost my mother from septic shock from a kidney stone blocked in her ureter.  My sister and I spent 22 days out of town with her.  She knows all the meds, she knows what she is supposed to do to get back to where she was before all of this.  She has managed to lose 77 pounds and is feeling better and looking better than she has in a very long time.  I know it was a fluke that the stone got stuck and caused so many problems, but she has other health issues, COPD, CHF, type II diabetes, chronic obesity, but at 66-years-old she is taking control of her life not just sitting around waiting to die.  She wants to be active.  She has gone from barely being able to get around to actually wanting to get up and do something, make a meal, get outside and do things, she's not ready to drive yet, but I'm sure that will come soon.  She tires still, and takes a nap and is right back up at it again.  I know it's not right to compare.  she came far closer to death then I even want to accept.  I've seen people be so sick it was day by day, with her it was second by second situation, sitting in the room seeing her hooked at a ventilator, 9 IV's, feeding tubes, being restrained because she was pulling out IV's, seeing her open her eyes and fight the restraints and one eye was aimed at the ceiling and one eye off to the right.  We got her through it and she is fighting for her life back, so it's hard to see Dave no where near as bad as she was and just letting life pass him by. 

[MooseMom]

I think part of it is how are the people in my community going to judge me for walking away from a chronically ill person.  Most in society feel someone has to take care of the chronically ill, as long as it's not them, and shame on anyone who doesn't have the compassion to stay and do that for them so they don't have to.

Of course the truth is not that you would be walking away from a chronically ill person, rather, that you would be walking away from a self-destructive, self-abusing person, but you are right in that the people in your community won't see that particular truth.  You have to decide whether or not the opinions of those people mean so much to you that that's enough to make you stay.  We live in a very judgmental and even punitive society, and we seem to be very quick to tell people what they should be doing, especially if it has nothing to do with ME! 

There is no reason why a person on dialysis cannot be affectionate and considerate and tell you that he loves you.  There are MILLIONS of people in this country who have terrible illnesses...ALS, cancer, depression, autism...all sorts of awful maladies, but I would bet the north forty that all of them are not therefore rendered completely unable to ever show a modicum of love and affection and gratitude for being supportive.

[looneytunes]

I'll be thinking of you Vicky.   

[cariad]

I don't look at weight loss as a discrimination against a transplant I see it as, if you are willing to lose the weight then it shows that you are capable of taking care of yourself physically so you are capable of handling all the issues involved with a transplant.  It's like a person who suffers from chronic obesity, sometimes there are underlying issues as to why they can't lose the weight, back issues, leg issues, thyroid issues, sometimes it's just love for food and total disregard of their bodies.  I know I'm big and I know I need to lose weight and I'm working on it, not just sitting sedentary thinking oh well I'll just keep doing what I want until I'm disabled because of the weight and can get SSI, and unfortuantely that is how some people look at it.  There are a lot of reasons why people are on SSI and I don't think that chronic depression, chronic obesity because a person doesn't know how to stop opening their mouth everytime their elbow bends, anxiety attacks which I know can be bad been there done that they can be debilitation but not long term enough for SSI, and I'm sure there are those that will disagree with me. 

How does weight loss show that you are capable of taking care of yourself physically, and therefore somehow show that you can handle everything else associated with transplant?? I was anorexic for around 25 years, that is hardly taking care of oneself physically. How do people who are under 30 BMI prove their capability to handle a transplant? We don't, it is just assumed that we have superior diets. My brother ate nothing but chocolate through his teenage years - it was kind of revolting, but he was always thin and continues to be so, and therefore he would not have to prove a thing should he (heaven forbid) need a transplant. With the lack of scientific evidence, what right does a transplant centre have to force us to perform like trained seals? Some of these transplant doctors could never meet this weight criteria themselves - why are they allowed to be such gigantic (literally) hypocrites? People in the overweight category (25-30 BMI) survive longer on dialysis and also survive longer within the general population, but 18-25 is the so-called 'healthy' category? It makes no sense. What you call chronic obesity I would call genetics. I could not weigh as much as your husband weighs no matter how hard I tried or wanted to, so why would we think that anyone, if they just want it badly enough, can lose large amounts of weight? The studies that have been done on this have shown two things: people, when left to their own devices, eat almost exactly the same number of calories every single day, and that it takes constant, often Herculean effort to vary ones weight beyond 10% of your natural set point. So many dieters regain the weight eventually while wreaking havoc with their natural metabolism that they are now realising that diets are more likely to cause weight gain than loss. It is not uncommon for people to talk about "dieting up" to a weight they have never achieved before, not because they are lazy out-of-control pigs, but because tampering with metabolism is not a wise thing to undertake lightly.

This has little to do with your husband, of course, but I do fundamentally disagree with you that transplant patients should be forced to lose weight, , that this is not weight discrimination, and that that says anything about their future ability to maintain a transplant, (which, to be honest, is really not that hard, especially not after the first year, unless you encounter complications, and even the most compliant patient on earth is at risk for those). Doctors have been programmed to say fat=unhealthy, and that is a lie perpetrated in large part by the 50 BILLION DOLLAR diet industry. I have absolutely no idea why many people are more than happy to look into how big pharma is so evil, big tobacco, big this, big that, but so few people look at the diet industry and say "they have a vested interest in encouraging everyone to obsess about their weight, and they have the backing of the medical establishment - perhaps this warrants further investigation."

I hope if you want counseling you will get it. The way I see it, you've already said this is no kind of life for either of you. By leaving him, he will then be free to make his life into something different. Your guilt won't help him, and it will harm you, so let it go. I know it's easier said than done, though!

[Vicky]

If a person doesn't have enough ambition to lose the weight to get a transplant, for many reasons like obese people do not do as well as more healthy people in surgery, they tend to have more underlying medical problems then the healthier and thinner population, how are they going to have enough ambition to take care of themselves after a transplant? 

Should someone who is healthy all their life, maintained an active and healthy weight be denied a transplant because someone who doesn't give a hoot about their life needs one and gets it first?

[cariad]

If a person doesn't have enough ambition to lose the weight to get a transplant, for many reasons like obese people do not do as well as more healthy people in surgery, they tend to have more underlying medical problems then the healthier and thinner population, how are they going to have enough ambition to take care of themselves after a transplant? 

Should someone who is healthy all their life, maintained an active and healthy weight be denied a transplant because someone who doesn't give a hoot about their life needs one and gets it first?

Well, I'll try to make this as brief as possible, but I feel like I am being asked to explain all of FA or Fat Advocacy (which is GREAT - I appreciate the questions) but I am probably not the best person to do that. I shall try.

If a person doesn't have enough ambition to lose the weight to get a transplant, for many reasons like obese people do not do as well as more healthy people in surgery,

Not true. Show me the peer reviewed evidence. I have searched and searched and searched.

they tend to have more underlying medical problems then the healthier and thinner population,

I am not comparing numbers of underlying conditions, as those would be screened for. A thin person with uncontrolled diabetes or a severe heart condition is not getting a transplant any more than a fat person with the same condition would. I am saying that if the ONLY barrier to transplant is an arbitrary range on a chart, that is BAD science, size discrimination, and just plain WRONG.

how are they going to have enough ambition to take care of themselves after a transplant?

I have no idea what you are talking about. Enough ambition? If you can make it through dialysis, transplant is going to seem like a holiday. The ambition may very well come from feeling better and having freedom from dialysis. Or it won't. Some people take horrible care of themselves after transplant and they do not reject, and the reverse happens as well. In the end, transplants do not currently last forever and it is absolute nonsense for doctors to insinuate that transplant outcomes are entirely down to the patient. That might be nice - it would be great to know that if I just did everything the doctors said, I would be fine and live on in good health for ever after, but that is not how it works. When people talk about "Oh, this isn't fair! I take such good care of myself!" well, that would take a heck of a lot of defining for me to be able to enter into that conversation. My mental health is important, and I am convinced if I had continued to listen to these doctors I would be either dead today, or loaded up on immunosuppressants, hating myself for weighing too much on massive doses of prednisone.

Should someone who is healthy all their life, maintained an active and healthy weight be denied a transplant because someone who doesn't give a hoot about their life needs one and gets it first?

You are equating weight with the ability to judge who gives "a hoot" about their lives. Doctors should never, never be judges of who cares enough to get a transplant. I was not healthy all my life - I went into kidney failure, that is grossly unfair to say that you can now tell how much I care about my life just by looking at me. Getting a transplant first is not denying someone else. If we all start thinking that way, we could all collapse into a mess of "I'm not worthy! I stole a transplant from someone else" and I refuse to do that to myself or another recipient. Weight is not a moral issue. If doctors are presented with someone who appears to not "give a hoot" about their lives, the onus should be on them to say "you seem not to care about your life, can we help?" Someone who does not care about their lives would not get a transplant anyhow, nor would they stay on dialysis. The option to quit dialysis is always there for almost every patient, so if they truly do not care they will say so by stopping dialysis.

The shorter answer is yes, a person who is ill and has faced more challenges than someone else on the list, and happens to be fat either as a symptom of something else, genetics, environment, laziness, whatever, should have the same chance at a transplant as anyone else. Full stop.

[Vicky]

Those that don't give a hoot, for me, fall into the category of those who can't seem to stop opening their mouths every time their elbow bends.  A person may not feel good enough to be up and really active, but they can control their eating habits. 

If a person is going in to have gastric bypass they have to prove they can lose some of the weight on their own before the doctor will touch them, because otherwise it's not worth it, they will eat right through it. 

If a person isn't willing to try to make their body healthier before a transplant, does the doctor think they will miracously take care of themselves afterwards?

If I need a lung transplant is the doctor going to give me one if I don't quit smoking?

[okarol]

There are some centers who require a BMI number range to qualify for transplant.
Dealing with a chronic illness can be very depressing, and some people use food as comfort (I know that feeling.)

[Vicky]

To add to the obesity issue.  Go to any orthopedist and be 300 lbs + and see if they will replace your knees or hips without losing some weight first so you dont' destroy the replacement.

[cariad]

I am not sure what orthopedics has to do with this discussion, but just because a doctor makes a person do something does NOT make it right. It is all about evidence. Since no doctor nor layperson has ever figured out how to make a fat person permanently thin, nor a thin person permanently fat, I would say that they have no right to demand that either. My husband has been to the top orthopedic surgeon in our city - there was no mention of weight.

There are some centers who require a BMI number range to qualify for transplant.
Dealing with a chronic illness can be very depressing, and some people use food as comfort (I know that feeling.)

Thank you, Karol. I also know this is true. When you say some centers, do you know of a hospital that does not consider BMI range?

Vicky, you don't seem to be addressing what I am saying. First of all, ask any Fat Activist and they will tell you that gastric bypass is legalized dismemberment of fat people. I am not talking about some high flown symbolism here, I am talking about a perfectly healthy organ being mutilated, leaving people who have had the procedure fighting for their lives, unable to get adequate nutrition, and often regaining the weight. They just lowered the BMI minimum to qualify for gastric bands, my husband my even be able to qualify (I think his BMI is around 26) This person passed the intensive scrutiny to be my donor, but if he wants to pay tens of thousands for gastric bypass, apparently no one will stand in his way. It is the worst kind of quackery, so I could not care less about the requirements to have it done. I have followed the stories of a number of individuals who have gone through with it, and the troubles some of them face are worse than anything kidney failure has to offer. One watched her best friend die from the procedure.

Smoking comes with a mountain of evidence that by itself it causes all manner of health problems. Not so obesity. If you can provide peer reviewed scientific studies, show me. Medicine is a science, and should not allow for what you believe to be true or wish were true or whatever. We also have a number of smokers on here - are you ready to say that they do not care about their lives? Last I checked, smoking was considered the most difficult addiction to overcome, rivaled perhaps only by meth.

Weight loss diets do not make your body healthier. That is myth. It is well-funded myth, and a myth that people have been trying to support for generations, but the evidence is not there. You are once again saying fat=sick, thin=healthy. Neither of these is an accurate predictor of health. Fat can be a symptom of disease, but so can thin. You can take excellent care of your body and be fat, abuse your body and be thin, and so this conversation sits on a faulty premise. Since we do not agree on these basic premises, I think it's safe to say we will not see eye to eye on this issue. 

I find it ironic that you state you are worried that the community will judge you for your actions, then proceed to judge those of us who have faced kidney failure by stating that you know by appearance (or more accurately, a number on a scale) who does and does not deserve a transplant. If you are just frustrated and angry by your husband's behaviour, fine, but don't generalize to the rest of us. Since you have stated that you feel you need to lose weight yourself, and are actively trying, let's hope that you never are in a position where you will be judged by this criteria. Trying does not cut it with transplant, you either succeed or they keep you off the list.

[The Noob]

had another quick minute to stop for a drive-by post..

received a letter from toledo transplant today stating all thats left for DH to be cleared is for them to read the kidney scans..uh yea..we are all waiting..they worded it like its something we've left undone. whats the hold up? all criteria completed, matched healthy living donor cleared/ready/waiting..come on already.
the letter did say when they clear him he will be put on UNOS as well. sometimes i feel like yelling at them "you want yer money or what?!" 
                        *****************************************************************
i met a lady way back when this all started for us. her husband (they were both in late 20's with 2 children) was dx with ESRF due to genetic condition. they had tons of help, tons, not just with his care but the house, kids, everything. she stepped up and was tested, (he was clean and sober by then out of necessity, not desire), well she was a match for him. they did the surgery. within 6 months of the transplant, he was drinking heavily and doing drugs and all the crazy behavior that goes with it. she was calling cops and trying to have him committed.
she was angry as hell, and terrified too.

this is the thanks he gave his wife for a year of her killing herself for him. to make matters worse, their son was later dx with the same genetic condition and was showing signs of renal failure at the age of 8.

now neither parent could donate. last i heard from her few months ago, the child is holding his own thank God.
but, after a year of her husband blatantly abusing the gift of life she gave him, and her trying to understand, analyze, get help, blah blah woof woof..she left and filed for divorce.

she is very happy these days. going to college, working at a job she loves, the kids are happy.
the butt head X is still doing all he can to destroy the best efforts of everyone who put their lives on hold to save his.

now not saying Vickys case is like this. and yea, the man is depressed, dehumanized and degraded because of what he has to endure and is not who he used to be. and Vicky has been a loving wife. and everyone cares and feels for him.

even so, what this man needs is another man who is going through/gone through all this, to befriend him. to relate as none other can, and maybe kick his butt into action if it can be done.

what is not needed is for Vicky to continue in a nasty situation that isn't helping anyone. i will keep repeating this: this is the Mans Problem. No one can help him until he is ready to help himself.

i am at our other places doing last minute work and son and i moving rest of small things over for the winter.
my DH is now making noises that he will stay where he is. to this is i said COOL. i'll be happy to sit over here and enjoy the peace and quiet, low maint., friendly neighbors, all the comforts of home i've created here.
i am not going to debate this as i have for the last almost 2 years. i'm done. and i know he's bluffing.
either way, after almost 2 years of this, i am now taking care of myself and my son. we went today and signed him up for a cheap gym membership. his math tutor starts next week. we have all his academics and kits ready. this is his Senior Homeschool year. We are both excited and ready to get this ball rolling!

for the first time in a long time, he and i are going places (that aren't medically related) and having some fun and laughing and getting a little more positive about life.
when i took him back after we were done, DH makes pitiful noises about himself. what will he eat? who will pick up his meds? who will clean up after him?
 To which i respond: PPLLEEAASSEE..Homie Don't Play That..(he starts laughing at this point as he knows its inevitable).
i figure as it gets colder, or he gets hungry, he'll come driving up. no worries mate.

Vicky, my heartfelt suggestion to you is do as you planned and stay at the familys home for the winter.
it may be that the ole man will get a dose of reality, maybe a burning bush in the front yard as a sign, who can say? if your still analyzing all this, to me that says your not quite ready to quit just yet. at this rate, you'll still be in the immediate area and should it get to you, you can always go check or change your mind. 

[The Noob]

well what'd i say? just after i hit the post button, son calls and asks "what time is dinner, me and Pa coming over"..

[Vicky]

I did not say that someone who is over the required BMI for transplant is not deserving of one.  I said that if you know you have to get to a certain BMI and you keep putting food in your mouth all the time you won't get one.  The transplant team can deem you noncompliant andyou won't get a transplant either, is that discrimination??? 

There are a lot of programs out there that will help a person lose weight and maintain a "Healthier" weight that will help get them qualified for a transplant and less likely to have diabetes, heart disease, and many other diseases associated with obesity. 

It's a persons choice whether they want to comply or not and that is the situation I am in right now.  He does not want to comply, he would rather sit and do what he wants and watch life pass him by. 

[cariad]

I did not say that someone who is over the required BMI for transplant is not deserving of one.  I said that if you know you have to get to a certain BMI and you keep putting food in your mouth all the time you won't get one.  The transplant team can deem you noncompliant andyou won't get a transplant either, is that discrimination??? 

Absolutely! For all the reasons I've mentioned, and most likely for reasons I have not thought to mention. Failure to comply with medically necessary issues - for example, the smoking you mentioned, is totally different from what I am saying. I am saying that weight should NOT be a contraindication for transplant in the absence of other issues. If your husband or anyone else are controlling lab numbers and don't have any other medical issues, then the BMI is just a number.

There are a lot of programs out there that will help a person lose weight and maintain a "Healthier" weight that will help get them qualified for a transplant and less likely to have diabetes, heart disease, and many other diseases associated with obesity. 

Show me one with a long term (5 years or more) success rate over 5%. Just one. Fat has actually been found to be correlated with positive cardiac outcomes, it is theorized that it may be cardiac protective. As I've said, overweight people outlive those of us in the normal range, and they blow the underweight range straight out of the water. It's called the Obesity Paradox, because when scientists convince themselves that fat is in and of itself a health hazard, then yeah, that would be a paradox. It's no kind of paradox when you begin to challenge the notion that fat is actually the culprit in every health crisis.

It's a persons choice whether they want to comply or not and that is the situation I am in right now.  He does not want to comply, he would rather sit and do what he wants and watch life pass him by.

Well if someone with your choice of treatment in their hands makes unreasonable rules, then it may be his choice (sort of, it's not that easy to lose weight, nor is it healthy to fiddle with metabolism), but sick people should not be forced to give up their right to challenge bad science. I tell my doctors what I will and won't do, they do not tell me (with one exception, and only because I trust him to the ends of the earth). I stand up for myself in the face of what I know is wrong - I don't always win and I've had to pick my battles like everyone else. I can tell you that after my last renal biopsy where I warned everyone that I did not react well to those and did not want one, they will completely understand when I say no to the next one. I may not have lost two months of my life and hundreds of dollars had I advocated for myself more aggressively. Patients REALLY REALLY do know their bodies best.

[Vicky]

There is an issue with the lab work, because he won't take his meds right his lab work comes back whacked every month!  The Renvela he was prescribed 2-3 weeks ago three times a day is still sitting on his desk unopened.  He was having to take iron shots for a while every two weeks and likely will have to go back on them again because he won't take his iron pills when he's supposed to.  I can't hold his hand, I can't make him take the meds, I can't make him get out of bed, I can't run his life for him, he has to do that himself and he refuses too so I have two choices, sit here and watch him die because he doesn't seem to give a crap about himself or having a longer life with me or leave.  I've banged my head against the wall for two years now, I've talked to the walls because at least they listen.  So obesity because he is noncompliant, iron drips because he is noncompliant.  So if he doesn't want to do what he knows he has to do to get a transplant there is nothing more I can do but cut the ties before I'm the one my family is having a funeral for.

[cariad]

Vicky, no one is saying that you have to stay in a marriage where you are not happy, it would not matter if he were the most compliant patient in the world, that is a decision between you and Dave. My husband doesn't always look out for his own best interests either, so if it were a matter of life and death I would be scared and horrified. But it is the kidney failure that is killing him, the kidney failure that has him too depressed to care anymore and it sounds like he is turning to food, but without knowing either of you, I don't really know what is going on.

Not taking Renvela if his labs are out of whack most certainly IS noncompliance. Does he understand that if his phos goes too high his bones will deteriorate rapidly and he could end up in a wheelchair? (Read Epoman's story if you haven't already.) I did not take iron pills regularly either, although I probably should have. I was lectured by a receptionist over them: this is what you have to do if you want to be on the list. I told her I was already on the list and that I had a right to refuse any treatment or any part of any treatment that I chose and would take it up with the doctor if he wanted to discuss it. The obesity shouldn't be classified as non-compliance, as I've said, but that is the thing about transplant - they feel they can get you to do anything they want. People are told they need to get all manner of unnecessary tests, and most do it without argument because it is the path of least resistance. There are transplant patients who have refused to get tests and found centres that will list them anyway, and one patient I knew who refused to get her gall bladder out and switched hospitals to have her transplant with gall bladder in tact. 

I have heard from a doctor why surgeons prefer not to operate on fat patients - the fat makes it more difficult for them to see, and this particular doctor recalled in medical school how the resident's job is to hold open the abdomen with a set of paddles, and it was just so back breaking for him.  Poor guy! A patient had the nerve to make his job a bit harder by not conforming to society's standards. Now with laproscopy, it is easier to operate on people of all sizes IF they know what they're doing.

As others have said, your husband may not even want a transplant, and that is a perfectly legitimate choice and one that a few members of this site have made for themselves.

[Vicky]

Even when Dave is feeling "his best" he still won't take his meds correctly.  he will sit in the clinic and lie right to their faces and I've corrected it and boy does that start a fight. 

If his meds were all in a cabinet in the bathroom I could understand forgetting to take them sometimes, but I put the ones he needs to take more than once a day right on his desk in front of his monitor, so there is no excuse other than he doesn't want to be bothered.  I can't open the bottles and make him take them when I have to work outside the home.  I can say at suppertime, did you take your Renvela and he'll say I will right now and never reachs for the bottles, it's frustrating as hell!

As far as depression goes, I know the Wellbutrin helps him a lot, he has the ability to get out and go fishing and riding around and spending money.  We all have days where we are depressed and feeling blue and don't want to do much of anything, but we don't make it an everyday event and we pull ourselves up by the boot straps and keep going.  It's more feeling sorry for himself.  I hear how he answers people when they ask how he is feeling and it's always the same, oh not so good but I'll live, then sits up to see how people will react to him. 

So it's very hard to stay somewhere where I feel the other person in the relationship doesn't care about themselves or me enough to want to get better to live. 

[Vicky]

I'm feeling rather low tonight.  I've been staying with my mother this week to help take care of her since staying alone is not a good thing for her yet while my sister and brother-in-law have been on a much needed vacation.  As the end of the week comes closer I know it's time to leave for good.  Dave has barely spoke to me all week and when he has it's been mean and hateful.  I know leaving is inevitable and that is hard.  I finally realized tonight why I feel so hurt in all this.  Last summer when I spent 24/7 with him in the hospital for five days every time a nurse came in the room to do anything he was all over them with thank yous, not once in the last four years has he said thank you to me.  I'm not hurt because I love him, because that has been gone for a very long time, I'm hurt because he hasn't even appreciate what I have done for him.  Maybe that sounds childish, but I have given up a lot for him and he doesn't even appreciate it.

So when sister gets home, I'll start packing and leave while I still have a thread of sanity left.

[MooseMom]

I am so, so sorry that this has happened to you.  It must be just soul-destroying to have done so much for someone only to be disregarded and unthanked.  I hope you will finally be able to find some peace and joy, and I also hope that you won't leave our community altogether.  Your experience will be invaluable to the next caregiver who comes along and finds herself in the same situation from which you've dislodged yourself.  You may be able to give a lot of support to a lot of people, so please don't leave us!

[Desert Dancer]

Vicky, I haven't chimed in because I don't feel I have very much to add to the conversation. But I do want you to know that I am so glad you are extricating yourself from an impossible situation - that's something I do have experience with. I am wishing you all the strength you need and all the peace you deserve.

Don't look back! 

[Steve-0]

I was lucky enough to have a transplant in July.   4 years ago when I was being evaluated, I was told I needed lose about 50 lbs.

My wife was kind enough to learn how to do NxStage for me.  Sure, I had days where I was a whiny, argumentative dialysis patient - but I often held myself in check because I knew how much she sacraficed to keep me alive and that I was doing all of this for both of us.

I knew that losing the weight would be good for my health, and that it would make the surgery not only easier, but leave less risk of complications.

I'm doing awesome now.  My creatinine has gotten as low as 0.6.  It's stable now at around 0.9.  I ran at about a 12-17 creatinine on dialysis.

My doctor said lose the weight.  I wanted a transplant.  You know what I did?  I effin' lost the weight.

Sitting around and pontificating why you shouldn't loose the weight doesn't get you off dialysis.  Some hills you just don't want to die on.  I certainly didn't.  I wanted the transplant for me AND for my wife - she gave her all to be my caregiver, I would be damned if I didn't give my all to make it so she didn't have to.


~Steve

[The Noob]

well said my man. you go! 

[Vicky]

Thank you Steve!!!!!  You made me feel like i haven't been imagining this and it's not all me.  It takes two to tango and I sure don't know how to do it alone.  You validated every feeling I have been going through and in a strange way helped me to just lift some of the guilt I've been feeling. 

[Deanne]

 

I'm glad you found an answer for yourself. It sounds like leaving is really the best thing you can do. I hope you're able to find happiness soon.  to your STBX (soon-to-be-X) for being a total  to you for the past several years.

[monrein]

Going down the tube with someone isn't love...I wish you peace with your decision and I hope your husband can come to grips with what he needs to do for himself.  Guilt helps no one here as I see it.